CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Aftermath

Jessica was eating sesame chicken and tteokbokki for lunch. Sooyoung had brought it to her in the morning before going to open Shikshin. Hayeon was going to visit in the evening, after school. Taeyeon finally woke up, and a nurse came and left after checking her vitals.

"Good morning, Sica Jung."

Jessica looked up from her food to the person who had whispered at her. Taeyeon scrunched her face into a grin. With her bandaged head and papery hospital clothes, Jessica could see the resemblence to her kid girlfriend though Taeyeon's sunken face was marred with red and purple bruises. 

"Morning, Kim Taengoo." Jessica had been waiting all night and day to speak to Taeyeon again, but now that Taeyeon was awake, she didn't know what to say. "You look cute."

"And you're so hot. I wuv you."

"I..." Jessica's face dropped. "You shouldn't."

Taeyeon faltered. "You saved me."

"I'm so sorry for all of this. I'm sorry for not coming earlier, for getting you into this situation."

"It wasn't your fault." Taeyeon's hoarse voice only made Jessica's stomach clench.

"It is. They took you because of me and did all that sick to you. And you don't have to pretend like you aren't hurting right now. It's not like you just came back from a school excursion."

"Ah, shut up, Sica."

"You shut up," Jessica said before she could stop herself.

Taeyeon smiled. "You did the right thing getting Tiffany's murderer."

Jessica said nothing.

"Just be a good girlfriend and take care of me."

"Giving orders now, are you? You're starting to sound like me."

"Not possible. My voice all y right now, and yours has always been like Barbie's."

"Oh my god shut up. I'm glad your throat is screwed up. Just become a dumb mute for the rest of your life."

Taeyeon just smirked stupidly at her. "I need to pee."

Taeyeon pushed the button that lowered the railings beside the bed and got off. Jessica rolled the IV drip stand after her while she hobbled to the in-ward bathroom. 

Jessica went back to eating her lunch. It was her first proper meal in three days and she was hungry. The nurse returned with a tray of bland, soft solids for Taeyeon. Then Jessica realized that Taeyeon was taking a long time. She walked up to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Hey, you okay in there?"

"Yeah," Taeyeon called back, voice straining. "It's slow doing things with half a hand."

Of course. Her right hand was broken and her left hand was missing a finger. "Want me to come in?"

"No, I'm good. Just hold on a minute."

Jessica went back to her food. A while later, Jessica heard Taeyeon start brushing her teeth. Then Taeyeon emerged from the bathroom and walked over, IV drip stand in tow. She clambered back onto her bed, raised the incline and sat back gingerly. She just stared at her porridge.

Jessica gnawed on a chicken bone. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?"

"It hurts everywhere, but the painkillers numb... stuff," Taeyeon said. Jessica had to lean closer to hear what she was saying.

"Are you okay?"

Taeyeon shook her head slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Did you... I know they made a video... You said,"  Taeyeon was being unusually inarticulate, "they did some 'sick '. What... I mean, did you- I dunno. Nevermind. How's the chicken?"

Jessica ignored the redirecting question. She studied Taeyeon's expression. "Were you asking if I watched the video? They delivered it to my apartment."

Taeyeon stared at her lap. "Did you maybe see... what did you see?"

Jessica put her food down on the table. "It's only me, Detective Kang, and whoever else in his department that needed to. Hayeon and Sooyoung didn't get to look at it. They don't even know about it, actually."

"Okay. Don't ever tell Hayeon or Soo about it."

"I won't," Jessica said. 

"Thanks."

"And you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Besides, the camera only captured you from the chest up. I couldn't see whatever was happening."

"I'm not... ashamed," Taeyeon said, still avoiding eye contact. She picked up the spoon on her tray and scooped a bit of porridge into . "Mm. This is surprisingly okay."

Jessica wasn't going to let it go. "Don't let it get to you."

"...You're right. I shouldn't be feeling bad about it."

Jessica sighed. "You don't have to pretend and smile like that in front of me, you know."

To Jessica's surprise, Taeyeon's expression hardened. Her smile lowered into a bitter smirk. "Yeah, not after you've seen everything already."

"I didn't mean that."

"I'm sorry," Taeyeon said. "I don't know why I said that."

"It's fine. I would probably think that too if I were in your position. Taeyeon, look at me. It's fine."

"It's not. I'm sorry."

They went back to eating their lunch. Jessica internally kicked herself for being so insensitive. 

[Taeyeon's POV]

Taeyeon's hand tightened around her spoon, and the sharp pain that followed made her wince, but luckily she didn't drop it. She wanted to see the video that Jessica had seen. She didn't know what it had captured, and not knowing made her feel . When Detective Kang came to take her statement, she would bring it up. She didn't think he would be able to deny her; the footage was hers. 

Jessica was being awfully silent. Taeyeon could understand. What Taeyeon had gone through, if she could say so herself, was pretty bad. Yesterday night, Jessica said that she was guilty about everything that happened, and she hadn't said that she loved Taeyeon back. Taeyeon didn't know what she would do if they swapped positions. Screwed up situations were always awkward. What do you say when your friend's parent dies? What do you say when your friend gets ? What do you say when your friend attempts suicide? Things just get weird and you wish your friend didn't go through something so dramatic. If Hayeon hadn't been her sister, their relationship wouldn't have survived.

Her back was itchy, and Taeyeon's mind focused on what she had seen when she looked in the mirror in the restroom. She had made a special effort to lift up her shirt at the back to see what Kim Jiwon had written. During the video recording, he had spent what felt like forever carving something into her back with a scalpel. She saw it then, in the bathroom mirror: the words "jung sooyeon's " permanent, the incisions red and stitched up. And then Taeyeon had sank into the furthest corner of the bathroom and had cried noiselessly. But her ribs had hurt like hell, which made it too much of a pain to emote for long. So she had brushed her teeth until the crying wasn't obvious.

Taeyeon didn't know why Jessica had said nothing about the writing on her back. It was unfair.

"Hayeon said she'd be here at dinner time," Jessica said. "Sooyoung came earlier today, but you were still sleeping."

"Okay," Taeyeon said with a smile. Maybe if she pretended that everything was fine, Jessica would relax, and then she'd get some real answers. She finished as much of her porridge as she could. It was uncomfortable, painful even, to move the spoon and swallow anything, but the bowl eventually emptied out.

"I'm sick of sitting," Taeyeon said. She really was. Being tied to a chair for more than forty-eight hours had made everything ache all over. "Could we go outside and walk for a bit?"

"If the nurse says it's okay," Jessica said.

The nurse did, so long as they came back in half an hour. The doctor wouldn't be in until late afternoon anyway. The nurse pulled out the IV drip tube from the catheter inserted into Taeyeon's wrist and capped the opening. Jessica took Taeyeon by the arm and they walked out of the ward for the elevators. Taeyeon was exhausted by the time they stepped onto the rooftop garden, but she didn't want to sit, so they just stood near a row of bougainvilleas. 

It was odd, standing like this next to flowers in the open air under the sun. There were other patients with caregivers or families milling about. It was so strange being here, as if she hadn't just spent two days being killed slowly by a sadist and his henchmen. The hospital ward had at least felt like a natural extension of the warehouse, with its clinical smell, the numbing painkillers and the sharp twinge from the catheter needle stuck in her vein whenever the IV tube tugged on it. Up here, in the garden, normal life felt surreal and dismissive.

"It's weirdly peaceful up here," Jessica said.

"I was just thinking the same thing." Taeyeon slipped her hand into Jessica's. 

Jessica tried to peck her on the cheek, but Taeyeon shied away. Holding hands was okay outside, but not non-platonic PDA. It just seemed like a needless hassle to force affectionate actions onto other people.

Jessica leaned over and whispered into Taeyeon's ear. "I want to kiss the out of you. You're alive and standing in front of me and it scared me so much that we'd never see each other again."

"Oh yeah?" Taeyeon grinned.

"Yeah."

"Later, when we get back to the room."

"Why wait?" Jessica continued whispering into her ear. Her dark eyes made Taeyeon all shivery inside. 

"There are other people."

Jessica gestured at a skinny tree. "Let's just go behind that."

"No. Later."

"Okay, fine." Jessica sighed. 

Maybe Taeyeon should just let her. Jessica saved her and, after everything, still wanted her. Jessica didn't push the matter, but of course she was going to be respectful and delicate, because Kim Taeyeon was now her and Jessica felt sorry for that.

All these bitter, ridiculous thoughts were flying through her head and Taeyeon hated the resentment. She had no right to be so ungrateful.

Jessica misread her grimace. "Do you want to sit?"

"No, I'm fine. Sica... it's boring here. I wanna go home."

"I'll bring my laptop tomorrow and you can read manga or watch funny videos."

"Yay."

Taeyeon looked at Jessica carefully and scrutinized her face. She looked all worn out. "You look dead beat tired, Sica. Let's go down. You should go home and rest. I'll be fine here. Hayeon and Soo's gonna come later anyway."

"Okay, let's go back to the ward, we make out, and then I go home."

Taeyeon sighed inwardly, but to Jessica, she grinned. "Let's go now and you can do whatever you want to me."

Jessica smiled and they went back down to the ward. The journey wore Taeyeon out again. Jessica locked the door, and Taeyeon let Jessica take her by the mouth. Jessica was being exceedingly gentle, and pretty soon, Taeyeon found herself getting into it too. They were just standing, only connected at the lips, so Taeyeon took Jessica's hands and placed them around her waist, before putting a hand behind Jessica's neck to pull them closer together.

Out of air, Taeyeon drew a deep breath. A sharp pain shot through her side and she hissed. She broke away from Jessica, hunched over. 

"Taeyeon, what's wrong?" Jessica was frantic. 

"My ribs hurt."

"The doctor said some of them were bruised, so heavy breathing might be a bit painful."

"'A bit' is putting it lightly," Taeyeon said, gritting her teeth.

Jessica brought her to the bed and sat her down. Jessica pressed the button calling for a nurse and unlocked the ward door. After determining that Taeyeon was essentially fine, the nurse hooked her up to the IV again and gave her a fresh dose of painkillers. 

Some time later, Jessica went home. Detective Kang came to take Taeyeon's statement, and Taeyeon was glad that she didn't have to talk about her ordeal in front of Jessica. Detective Kang did agree to let her see the video that Goldmoon had sent to Jessica, and Taeyeon was relieved to find that Jessica really hadn't seen anything. It put her in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Staying at the hospital was boring. Four times a day, a nurse would come in to check her vitals, give her painkillers, and ice her bruised ribs and other injuries. In the afternoon, another nurse would come to help her shower in the adjacent bathroom and change her bandages. In the evening, the doctor would come to give her his daily assessment. 

Taeyeon couldn't draw yet. It hurt too much to hold a pen firmly enough to mark paper, so she could not tell how much losing a finger was going to affect her drawing. Taeyeon was glad that Kim Jiwon had been homophobic enough to deliberately choose her ring finger instead of the pinky or index finger, which were more useful. If she couldn't draw... the thought scared Taeyeon. The doctor told her not to worry, but she became agitated whenever she thought about it.

Starting up Jessica's laptop was literally a real pain so she didn't get to watch anime or read manga until Hayeon, Sooyoung or Jessica came to visit. Just before they left, Taeyeon would ask them to set things up, but then not long after the nurse would tell her to sleep and keep the laptop. The hospital staff, Taeyeon decided, would fit right in with Goldmoon.

The only silver lining was that Hayeon and Sooyoung seemed to be getting along with Jessica now.

Five long days passed before the doctor was willing to release her. He removed her stitches, replacing the sutures with adhesive tape that could be soaked with water and easily peeled away in another five days. She was discharged plastered with tape, with her right hand in a brace and her left hand bandaged.

Sooyoung and Jessica discussed it, and decided that the goshiwon was not a good place for Taeyeon to recover. So Sooyoung and Taeyeon would move in with Jessica, and share rent of the apartment. Hayeon would temporarily sleep on the living room couch to take care of her sister.

Jessica said nothing about giving up Tiffany's room so abruptly. The day before Taeyeon and Sooyoung moved in, Jessica swept the floor, aired the room by opening the window, took down the motivational posters, changed the sheets and cleared out Tiffany's closet. 

Hayeon and Sooyoung took turns helping Taeyeon shower; the gaping hole in her left hand couldn't touch water, and her broken right hand obviously wasn't going to be washing anything properly soon. Taeyeon was fine with letting them help her because the adhesive tape on her back was one large rectangle so nobody could tell that there were words underneath it.

In no shape to do waitressing, Taeyeon stayed in her room and tried to draw again. It was hard sketching and inking and erasing with one hand, especially one that was missing a finger, but she was stuck at home with a lot of time and no money. Drawing was an all-consuming process that helped her forget and feel productive. Hayeon scanned Taeyeon's comics at the university computer lab and stored them in a shared folder on the cloud, whatever that meant. Taeyeon downloaded the scans to Jessica's laptop and adjusted the black levels before posting them online. 

On the fifth day, Sooyoung woke her up. "The doctor said you should take off the tape for the stitches today. I'll help you before going to work."

Taeyeon rubbed her eyes blearily and pretended to be less awake. "No, I want to sleep."

Sooyoung patted her . "Wake up... don't be such a bum."

"I can do it by myself later," Taeyeon whined. If she could help it, nobody was ever going to find out about the words carved into her back. Taeyeon was so ashamed of it that she constantly worried that someone might be able to read them through her shirt.

"Don't be silly, you know you can't."

Taeyeon lay on her stomach, glum. Sooyoung was right. And if there was anyone who had to know, Taeyeon would rather it be Sooyoung.

Sooyoung helped her out of her pyjamas and Taeyeon stood in the shower, hands on the wall, away from getting wet. Taeyeon alternately let the warm water run down her face and back. 

Meanwhile, Sooyoung brushed her teeth, washed her face and changed into a white blouse and jeans for work. When she was done, it was about enough time to soak the tape. She went to Taeyeon and carefully lifted the adhesive tape over Taeyeon's brow. There was a pink scar, as the doctor said there would be. "Looks fine. Turn around."

Taeyeon paused. "Soo, you know... there's something... I kind of want you to prepare yourself and not freak out."

"Uh. Okay?"

"I mean, it's not a big deal," Taeyeon said. "Like, it really isn't, to me anyway. But I'm worried that it might seem like a big deal."

"Well good job making it seem otherwise."

"Okay, well, uh, okay." Taeyeon turned around and waited with bated breath. She felt Sooyoung gently peel off the large rectangular tape that covered her whole back. As she hoped, Sooyoung did not make any remarks, but when she turned around, Sooyoung's eyes were watery. 

Sooyoung folded up the adhesive tape and placed it in the wastepaper basket. She cried the whole time she soaped and rinsed off Taeyeon. Before leaving the bathroom, she said, "I'mma make breakfast."

Taeyeon dried herself down and put on a fresh set of PJs. She brushed her teeth slowly, before going out to the kitchen. She stood behind Sooyoung, who was making coffee. "Hey."

Sooyoung sniffed and turned around.

Taeyeon opened her arms and wrapped Sooyoung in a big hug. Sooyoung squeezed back. Taeyeon felt a throb from her ribs, but she kept still. She was relieved to have someone else in the loop, but at the same time she felt sorry for Sooyoung.

"Are you really okay with it?" Sooyoung asked.

"Yeah." She had to be. 

"Good. Try to continue being that way," Sooyoung said. 

"Don't tell Jessica yet. I don't want her to find out about it yet."

"She will though, one day. And besides," Sooyoung forced a laugh, "it's not actually a lie."

"Too early, Soo." Taeyeon didn't smile. Joke or not, she hated being labeled as Jessica's .

"Right. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. An evergreen like you can't always be expected to know the appropriate level of humor when it comes to relationships anyway."

"Hey, short stuff. How many times must I say this? It's better to stay a spinster than ever be a lesbian."

"Says the woman who just gave me a shower. I know you enjoyed it."

The weeks passed, and Taeyeon no longer needed braces or bandages. Hayeon went back to the goshiwon. Taeyeon decided to focus even more on her webtoons even though she was earning peanuts with it. She cut her Shikshin split down to 25% and only clocked four days a week at the Hongdae restaurant. 

For her comics, she started earning a few tens of thousands of won in advertising royalties from Daum and Naver. Her slice-of-life humor webtoon took off. Ten chapters, it stayed solidly in the second page and Naver offered her an exclusive contract, so she stopped posting updates to Daum. The Naver contract gave her eighty thousand won per chapter and ten thousand every one hundred likes or comments. It was meagre earnings, but she felt good. She directed the money into Sooyoung's savings account and recorded the earnings in a notebook. Hopefully, she would need her own bank account one day.

At night, Taeyeon mostly dreamed about her comics. Very, very occassionally, she would have her old nightmare, except her home was in a warehouse and Kim Jiwon was the killer. Those dreams messed her up, but it was the comic dreams that annoyed Sooyoung, who would pummel her with a pillow until she shut up.

Luckily, Sooyoung was an angel. One fine day, she found an injured cat curled under the truck as she was about to drive home. She called animal shelter services, and the volunteer vet on duty, Jung Kyungho, came to the rescue. Sooyoung recognized him as a Shikshin regular. They hit it off in conversation, and in three months, like a match made in heaven, he proposed to her. Taeyeon tried to channel her inner Tiffany but couldn't find any reason to disapprove of Kyungho. He was an angel too.

So, now that Sooyoung was engaged, she moved in with Kyungho, glad to ditch Taeyeon's sleeptalking. 

A/N: Yay we're back in Taeyeon's POV. Happy belated new year=X Thank you for the comments/subscriptions for the last chapter! They're a big help when real life . And the story would be so much crappier than it already is without you guys. Let me know what you thought about this chapter:)

And... I can't wait for SNSD's next single! Was just thinking that it must've really hurt for them to have seven years of songs with Jessica in all of them. So am looking forward to what they come out with next. And for Taengsic's solo albums. To be honest, I hope Taeyeon's album will be more like YG solo albums, highly personalized with no filler songs, because SM solos sound good but they just don't change up the industry. Taeyeon is probably technically the best kpop singer dammit... is it so wrong to want her to get stages like GD/Taeyang do?