Kyuhyun sat in the living room of his parent‭’‬s house,‭ ‬his mother seated on the sofa across him,‭ ‬eyeing him with curiosity and worry as he slowly breathed in before looking back at her nervously.‭ ‬“I-I have something to tell you,‭”‬ he mumbled,‭ ‬fumbling with his hands on his lap,‭ ‬self-consciousness pouring over him when the woman nodded,‭ ‬silently telling him to continue.‭ ‬“I don‭’‬t think you will like it but...‭ ‬it‭’‬s just...‭ ‬just try to understand me,‭ ‬please.‭”

She frowned in concern,‭ ‬leaning forward to her son.‭ ‬“Kyuhyun-ah,‭ ‬what‭’‬s going on‭? ‬Did something bad happen‭?‬”

There was a moment of silence as Kyuhyun searched for the words frantically.‭ ‬He was determined to tell his mom about his relationship with Sungmin,‭ ‬the support the bunny guy gave him helping him a lot in his decision,‭ ‬but now that she was there,‭ ‬waiting for him to say whatever he needed,‭ ‬he just couldn‭’‬t find the right way to explain.‭ ‬How could one say to his parents that he was gay when they were almost searching for a bride for him‭? ‬He sighed lightly,‭ ‬opting to tell her straight,‭ ‬when his phone buzzed in his pants pocket,‭ ‬making him growl in frustration as he pulled it out,‭ ‬shooting his mom an apologizing look.‭ ‬He wanted to ignore it and call back to whoever was that later,‭ ‬having more important things to do now,‭ ‬but something stopped him when he saw the name on the display.‭ ‬‘Yoong‭’‬.‭ ‬His eyebrows furrowed in worry as he quickly excused himself,‭ ‬shutting the door of his old room behind him.‭ ‬There had to be something really bad happening if Yoona called him‭ ‬-‭ ‬they never called each other if it wasn‭’‬t something urgent.

“Yoong,‭ ‬what do you need‭?‬” he mumbled into the phone hurriedly.‭ ‬“I have something I have to-‭”

“Kyu...”

The boy froze when Yoona‭’‬s crying voice sounded from the other side of the line.‭ ‬“Y-Yoong‭?‬”

“W-We..,” he heard her sob before she continued it a weak,‭ ‬shaky voice.‭ ‬“T-There was something odd‭ ‬,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬so I went to...‭ ‬We s-screwed up,‭ ‬Kyu.‭ ‬W-What can I d-do‭? ‬My mom...”

Kyuhyun panicked as the girl choked on her tears.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t understand.‭ ‬What was it that happened to her‭? ‬Where was she‭? ‬Why was she talking about her mother‭? ‬“What are you talking about‭? ‬What happened‭?‬”

“I-I...‭ ‬I‭’‬m pregnant,‭ ‬Kyu.‭ ‬W-We...”

Kyuhyun didn‭’‬t hear whatever she said after that,‭ ‬the three words repeating in his mind endlessly.‭ ‬He felt his throat shut‭; ‬he couldn‭’‬t breath,‭ ‬dizziness taking over him as it slowly sunk in what it meant‭; ‬and he had to sit on the bed not to faint right away.‭ ‬Yoona was having a child‭ ‬-‭ ‬his child‭ ‬-‭ ‬and he had been just about to confess to his mom that he loves a man and now it was all gone.‭ ‬All he had with Sungmin suddenly seemed so unreal and impossible and he felt his eyes watering as he stared blindly at the‭ ‬wooden floor of his room,‭ ‬trying to find something,‭ ‬anything to say or do about it.‭ ‬“H-How‭?" ‬he whispered,‭ ‬clutching on his chest,‭ ‬his heart slowly breaking with every tear that rolled down his cheeks.‭ ‬It couldn‭’‬t be true.‭ ‬Why did it have to happen now when he finally found his happiness‭; ‬when he was ready to throw everything away for one man‭? ‬He didn‭’‬t want to believe it,‭ ‬yet in his messed up mind,‭ ‬he found only one conclusion and he wanted to shout and punch everything he could for being so hopeless but there was nothing else to do.‭ ‬It was his fault,‭ ‬he had to take responsibility and couldn‭’‬t let Sungmin get involved.‭ ‬No matter how he refused to‭; ‬no matter how it hurt him to only imagine it,‭ ‬the last thing he could do to make him happy was to let him go.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t know what his and Yoona‭’‬s parents would be able to do to him if he stayed with him but he had to keep him clear form that.‭ ‬“Yoong,‭ ‬I-I...‭”

“I‭’‬m sorry,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬I‭’‬m so sorry.‭ ‬T-They said it‭’‬s already too late to give it away...‭”



Kyuhyun couldn‭’‬t help‭ ‬his heart hurting every time he watched Sungmin with the other boy.‭ ‬He was smiling at him but his eyes were the same dead as ever since Kyuhyun had broken up with him and he knew the boy saw it too but never said anything,‭ ‬smiling back warmly,‭ ‬reaching out his hand and waiting if the pink man will take it this time,‭ ‬letting it fall down with sympathetic look when Sungmin didn‭’‬t,‭ ‬as always.‭ ‬Kyuhyun watched them exchanging greetings and‭ ‬‘How was you day‭’‬s before leaving together in slightly awkward silence,‭ ‬for too long to pretend nothing was wrong any longer.‭ ‬This wasn‭’‬t what he‭’‬d wanted for Sungmin when he‭’‬d left him back than,‭ ‬choosing to stand against his parents alone,‭ ‬protecting him and Yoona.‭ ‬He‭’‬d wanted him to be happy with someone who would be able to fully appreciate him‭; ‬he‭’‬d wanted him to be loved,‭ ‬taken care of‭; ‬not to have to worry about his future because he was who he was‭; ‬he‭’‬d wanted him to be safe,‭ ‬but instead he‭’‬d made him numb,‭ ‬empty and frightened.‭ ‬He hated himself for it but couldn‭’‬t take‭ ‬it back anymore.‭ ‬He wished countless times he could just turn the time and change the things but it was impossible‭; ‬the only thing he could do now was to explain.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t know if Sungmin will be willing to listen to him but he had to try.‭ ‬Jongwoon was right,‭ ‬he deserved to know.

He slowly took the steps that separated him from the two men,‭ ‬standing in the entrance gate,‭ ‬his heartbeat painful against his ribs,‭ ‬hands trembling.‭ ‬He suddenly didn‭’‬t know where to start.‭ ‬“Sungmin-hyung..,‭”‬ he called quietly as‭ ‬he stopped few meters from them.‭ ‬He saw the latter‭’‬s body tense.‭ ‬“Hyung,‭ ‬I...‭ ‬Back then,‭ ‬I-I...‭ ‬I messed up so much in the past and I couldn‭’‬t let you into in,‭ ‬that‭’‬s why I broke up with you.‭ ‬I didn‭’‬t want to hurt you,‭ ‬I‭’‬m sorry.‭ ‬I‭’‬m sorry for everything,‭ ‬it‭’‬s just...‭ ‬I can‭’‬t see you like this anymore.‭”

“You broke up with me‭?”‬ Sungmin whispered,‭ ‬disbelief and scorn dripping from his voice as he gripped Henry‭’‬s hand for support,‭ ‬squeezing it hard as he turned around to Kyuhyun,‭ ‬head bent.‭ ‬“You‭’‬ve‭ ‬thrown me away‭! ‬Right there in the middle of the damn school,‭ ‬you‭’‬ve thrown me away,‭ ‬telling me I was nothing to you after I gave you everything‭! ‬What do you want from me now,‭ ‬Cho Kyuhyun‭? ‬Why do you care how I am now‭?‬”

Kyuhyun backed away,‭ ‬uneasy with Sungmin‭’‬s acusing tone.‭ ‬He knew he didn‭’‬t have right to defend himself‭ ‬-‭ ‬what he was saying was only true‭ ‬-‭ ‬still it hurt to hear it from him‭; ‬feeling the hate,‭ ‬pain and despair behind the words.‭ ‬“I-I-‭”

“I don‭’‬t want your explanations,” he was weak.‭ ‬Despite his strong voice he felt incredibly vulnerable and he silently admired himself for not breaking down yet.‭ ‬His mind was going crazy,‭ ‬his heart racing and he hated it.‭ ‬He hated that only a look at Cho Kyuhyun still did this to him.‭ ‬He hated clutching on Henry‭’‬s hand for dear life but still dying from desire to touch the man in front of him.‭ ‬He hated that he still remembered the feeling of Kyuhyun‭’‬s lips on his‭; ‬his gentle fingers on his body and couldn‭’‬t stop a shiver to shoot up his spine while his stomach clenched,‭ ‬making him feel like throwing up.‭ ‬He hated the tears that flowed from his eyes when he looked up at him to see his perfect face aged with whatever had happened to him,‭ ‬tired and pale‭; ‬and that he wondered what was it that made him look so old.‭ ‬He hated the fluttering he felt when Kyuhyun called his name.‭ ‬He hated that no matter how much he tried to give Henry a chance,‭ ‬he couldn‭’‬t stop loving the ing bastard.‭

Kyuhyun bit his lip in despair.‭ ‬He needed him to listen.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t run away from it anymore.‭ ‬“Hyung,‭ ‬she wa-”

“No‭!‬”

“She was pregnant‭!‬” he cried out,‭ ‬not caring about the people around,‭ ‬startling Sungmin and the boy behind him who watched them with saddened,‭ ‬broken expression,‭ ‬tightening his grip on Sungmin‭’‬s hand unconsciously like he was afraid he would fade if he let go of him.‭ ‬Kyuhyun sighed before he continued in calmer tone.‭ ‬“She was pregnant and it was my fault.‭ ‬I had to help her.‭ ‬I told you how my parents are‭ ‬-‭ ‬her are the same.‭ ‬They threw me out from home,‭ ‬they wanted to get me kicked out of school‭; ‬what do you think they would do if they found out about you‭?! ‬I-I...‭ ‬I just couldn‭’‬t let them hurt you.‭”

Sungmin‭’‬s eyes widened in shock at the confession for a second,‭ ‬before he chuckled deeply.‭ ‬“How can a child have a child‭? ‬You could have told‭ ‬me,‭ ‬you know‭? ‬I would have done it for you.‭ ‬I would have been with you through it.‭ ‬I wasn‭’‬t ashamed of being with you.‭ ‬You are half a year too late,‭ ‬Kyuhyun.‭ ‬You‭’‬ve already took everything from me,‭ ‬what more do you want‭? ‬Just let me be,‭”‬ he turned back to Henry,‭ ‬giving him a short reassuring smile as he pulled him out the gate.

‭“Hyung,” Kyuhyun called after him, not expecting Sungmin to stop or look back at all. He didn’t care if the latter really heard him, he just had to say it loud. He needed to feel that he’d made everything between them clear; that Sungmin knew. “I was talking to my mom. When I found out about the kid, I’d been with her. I wanted to tell her about us,” he couldn’t help a little smile crossing his lips, as he watched the man he loved walk out on him the same he’d done to him, feeling oddly heartbroken and relieved at the same time. “I did love you..,” he whispered for himself, maybe just a bit regretting not telling him before.



Henry stumbled behind his boyfriend,‭ ‬feeling his heart cracking as he replayed what had just happened,‭ ‬in his mind.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t have to be extra smart to understand,‭ ‬he could see it in Sungmin‭’‬s expression right before the turned to face the other guy,‭ ‬that this was the man who‭’‬d made him like this,‭ ‬and Henry felt a childish disgust towards him to fill him for a second before his hyung‭’‬s face changed and he just knew.‭ ‬The split of second when there‭’‬d been a concern and love in his eyes was enough for Henry‭’‬s heart to shatter into million pieces and for him to get what had Sungjin meant when he’d talked with him back then at the school festival.‭ ‬He‭’‬d warned him he‭’‬ll get hurt‭; ‬that there was something in Sungmin‭’‬s past that he won‭’‬t get over so soon and if he‭’‬d be to give up on him half the way,‭ ‬it would be better if he never started anything with him.‭ ‬Sungjin had told him but Henry hadn‭’‬t really listened,‭ ‬being too occupied with his older brother.‭ ‬No,‭ ‬he wouldn‭’‬t leave him even now that he knew what was in his past,‭ ‬it only made him want to help him more,‭ ‬it just hurt so much to be with him,‭ ‬hold his hand,‭ ‬pretend not to see and feel but be sure‭; ‬to the hell be sure that he won‭’‬t ever mean so much for Sungmin as the other man did.

‭“Min,” he tugged on the guy’s hand, feeling it shake in his, loosing the grip as he slowed down in front his house. Henry only now noticed where they were going all the time, being too immersed in his thoughts to pay attention before. “Sungmin-ah...”

A muffled sob came up Sungmin‭’‬s throat as the last words Kyuhyun said finally sunk in his mind.‭ ‬He‭’‬d wanted to tell his parents.‭ ‬He‭’‬d been ready to risk everything for him‭; ‬he‭’‬d really decided to do it.‭ ‬Sungmin‭’‬s chest clenched at the memory of the day they‭’‬d talked about it in Kyuhyun‭’‬s dorm,‭ ‬their sweet words,‭ ‬their love for each other,‭ ‬worries for their friends,‭ ‬gentle caring touches,‭ ‬their first really intimate time,‭ ‬the kisses,‭ ‬the moans,‭ ‬the little talk when it‭’‬d been over,‭ ‬the happiness they had shared‭ ‬-‭ ‬all the things he‭’‬d come to believe were just an act were suddenly back,‭ ‬too real and true for him to be able to stand it and he felt his body falling,‭ ‬crashing into arms of the boy he‭’‬d decided to love just to forget who truly owned his heart.‭ ‬And whose heart he still maybe held in return.



Kyuhyun smiled lightly,‭ ‬tracing Sungmin‭‘‬s‭ ‬ body with his fingers,‭ ‬taking in every inch of his smooth white skin.‭ ‬He still couldn‭’‬t believe it happened.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t care they hadn‭’‬t really had ,‭ ‬it was the fact that Sungmin trusted him enough to give himself in his hands,‭ ‬what made Kyuhyun‭’‬s‭ ‬heart flutter.‭ ‬He felt himself falling more in love with the guy with every breathed whisper of his name‭; ‬with every time their lips connected and he knew he was the luckiest person in the world to have someone like Sungmin to love him.‭ ‬There was no-one as perfect as him.‭ ‬His eyes darkened a bit at the thought of what he‭’‬d put this precious person through.‭ ‬“Hyung,‭”‬ he murmured into Sungmin‭’‬s neck as he hugged him tightly,‭ ‬trying to hide the sadness that suddenly filled him.‭ ‬“Why do you still love me after all I‭’‬ve done to you‭?‬”

“You don‭’‬t ask people why they love you,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬if you do it means you doubt the relationship,‭”‬ he scolded but couldn‭’‬t help his lips to twitch a bit with smile.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t explain it,‭ ‬there was no logical reason for his heart swelling in happiness just from a sight of his evil lover.‭ ‬He knew people would had already given up,‭ ‬being in his position,‭ ‬but he just couldn‭’‬t.‭ ‬As much as Kyuhyun had hurt him in the past,‭ ‬he‭’‬d made up for it thousands times since they had started dating and Sungmin just loved him how he was with the mocking,‭ ‬ever present smirk on his face and over-the-top game addiction.‭ ‬He wouldn‭‘‬t want him any other way.‭ ‬“I‭’‬ve forgiven you,‭ ‬so don‭’‬t think about it so much.‭ ‬It‭’‬s in the past.”

Kyuhyun nodded silently,‭ ‬bringing‭ ‬his eyes to the boy in his arms.‭ ‬He still wasn‭’‬t sure what he had done to deserve someone so amazing but he never wanted to let him go.‭ ‬Never in his life.‭ ‬I love you,‭ ‬he thought as he captured Sungmin‭’‬s lips in another gentle,‭ ‬loving kiss.



“Min...‭”

He looked up at Henry,‭ ‬his eyes watering again when he saw worry written on the younger boy‭’‬s face.‭ ‬Henry didn‭’‬t deserve him.‭ ‬How could he still be with him after how Sungmin treated him‭? ‬How could he still care when Sungmin never let him in‭; ‬when he never stopped thinking about Kyuhyun even while with him‭? ‬How could he be so good to him‭? ‬He couldn‭’‬t understand,‭ ‬his heart hurting from the image of how much pain he had to cause him,‭ ‬yet he still stuck to him,‭ ‬trying to help him overcome things he didn‭’‬t even know what they were.‭ ‬Sungmin tried‭; ‬he wanted to open up to him but just couldn‭’‬t.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t give his heart to him when he didn‭’‬t have in the first place.‭ ‬He slowly pulled away from the embrace Henry held him in,‭ ‬darting his eyes to the side,‭ ‬bitting on his lip as he made his best to gather all the courage he had.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t stand hurting him anymore,‭ ‬Henry should be with someone who would love him back,‭ ‬not wasting his feelings on him,‭ ‬who could never fully return them.‭ ‬“W-Why are you still here‭?”‬ he asked,‭ ‬voice shaking.‭ ‬He knew too well what he was doing and how will Henry feel and it was killing him to see confusion in his eyes when he dared to look back at him,‭ ‬but he had to.‭ ‬“I don‭’‬t love you,‭ ‬I-I‭’‬m only using you‭!”

“I know.‭" ‬It came out so silently that Sungmin wasn‭’‬t sure if he heard right.‭ ‬“I know,‭ ‬but...‭”

“B-But‭?”

“I love you,‭”‬ Henry mumbled,‭ ‬his voice sounding awfully pained to Sungmin‭’‬s ears as his sad eyes roved around,‭ ‬trying to find anything to focus on other than his boyfriend‭’‬s face.‭ ‬“I don‭’‬t mind you using me.‭ ‬As long as I can be with you...‭”

Sungmin stood stunned,‭ ‬staring at the boy in front of him blankly,‭ ‬his heart breaking at how weak and vulnerable Henry suddenly seemed.‭ ‬Idiot‭! ‬You can‭’‬t sacrifice yourself for others,‭ ‬it will ruin you‭!‬ one part of his messed up mind yelled,‭ ‬making him bring his hand back to slap him for his too kind-hearted,‭ ‬naive stupidity‭; ‬but then there was the other,‭ ‬stronger part of him that didn‭’‬t care about the boy,‭ ‬wanting to heal the old wounds‭; ‬longing to forget the pain if only for a moment‭; ‬and he let it take over him as he grabbed Henry by his shirt‭’‬s collar,‭ ‬crashing their lips together in rough bruising kiss.‭ ‬He felt the latter‭’‬s body stiffen against him when he pushed him through the front door of the apartment building he lived in.

‭“Min..,” Henry cried out, trying with all his strength to push Sungmin away but with no effect. He didn’t want this, he didn’t even know what the hell was going on with the man as he was forced up the stairs and against the door as Sungmin fumbled with key in the lock. He didn’t have an idea why was this happening, but was more than sure it wasn’t right. Sungmin couldn’t be in his right mind. After their one kiss three weeks ago, he went back into the unaffectionate coldness, never letting Henry to touch him again, so why was he like this now? He had to stop it; he couldn’t loose himself again and do something they both would regret later. “Sungm-”

“Just let me do it,‭”‬ Sungmin whispered into his ear in husky voice,‭ ‬pressing himself against his front as he started ing Henry‭’‬s shirt once they were inside.

The younger‭’‬s eyes widened.‭ ‬“Min,‭ ‬stop‭!‬” He pushed helplessly into Sungmin‭’‬s shoulders again‭ ‬only to get his wrists pinned to the wall above his head with one hand,‭ ‬the other trailing down to his pants as Sungmin leaned down to on his chest.‭ ‬A moan left Henry‭’‬s mouth and he bit on his bottom lip hard to suppress the others he knew were coming.‭ ‬As wrong as he thought this was,‭ ‬his body enjoyed it to the fullest and he hated it.‭ ‬He felt tears in his eyes as he tried to untangle from Sungmin‭’‬s hold,‭ ‬failing hard.‭ ‬“Hyung,‭ ‬please,‭ ‬please stop,‭”‬ he begged,‭ ‬his voice shaking with cries.‭ ‬“Please,‭ ‬I don‭’‬t want this.”

Sungmin froze,‭ ‬eyes wide in horror when hot tears hit his face and he let go of the whimpering boy instantly,‭ ‬stepping back from him until his back collided with the opposite wall.‭ ‬“Henry..,‭”‬ he gasped in shock,‭ ‬watching him slowly drop to‭ ‬the floor and curl up into ball,‭ ‬hugging his knees close,‭ ‬rocking his body in desperate attempt to stop crying.‭ ‬Sungmin‭’‬s breath hitched in his throat at the sight and he brought a palm to his mouth,‭ ‬feeling his insides clutching,‭ ‬making him want to throw‭ ‬up.‭ ‬What had he done‭? ‬He couldn‭’‬t control himself when Henry said he didn‭’‬t mind being used,‭ ‬the fear and need to give him a reason to stop loving him, clouding his mind but he never wanted to hurt him.‭ ‬He never wanted to force him into it‭; ‬to know how it is to feel .‭ ‬He was still a child,‭ ‬he shouldn‭‘‬t experience something like that.‭ ‬Sungmin felt a familiar self-hate filling him again and he couldn‭’‬t help his own tears well up in his eyes as he mentally punched himself to death.‭ ‬“Henry,‭ ‬I-I-”

“I-I know,” he mumbled,‭ ‬the sobs slowly subsiding into small hiccups.‭ ‬“It‭’‬s okay.”

Sungmin gaped at him.‭ ‬“I was just about to ing you‭! ‬How can that be okay‭?!‬”

Henry‭’‬s lips turned into a little smile as he uncurled from his ball and crawled to Sungmin,‭ ‬grabbing his hand and tugging on it lightly to make the latter sit down.‭ ‬He knew what could had happened and it had scared him for a moment,‭ ‬but he was sure Sungmin wouldn‭’‬t had really done it.‭ ‬He‭’‬d been just broken and overhelmed by meeting his ex-boyfriend and wanted‭ ‬to feel better.‭ ‬Henry couldn‭’‬t blame him for it‭; ‬he would had been the same,‭ ‬being through as much as his hyung were,‭ ‬and he loved him too honestly to let this change his feelings for him.‭ ‬“Come here,‭”‬ he nudged,‭ ‬chuckling when Sungmin shook his head violently,‭ ‬eyes still wide,‭ ‬pulling his hand away as if he touched something burning.‭ ‬“It‭’‬s okay,‭ ‬come,‭”‬ he repeated gently,‭ ‬opening his arms for him.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m not angry,‭ ‬I was just surprised and worried,‭ ‬that‭’‬s all.‭ ‬Come.‭”

Sungmin silently forced his body into the boy‭’‬s embrace,‭ ‬nuzzling into him once he was pulled close,‭ ‬hands wrapping around him securely,‭ ‬drawing comforting line on his back.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m sorry..,‭”‬ he said as Henry kissed him into hair lovingly.‭ ‬Sungmin was stunned when the boy didn‭’‬t run away and instead still cared about him‭; ‬he couldn‭’‬t understand how could he be so much concerned about someone like him,‭ ‬but felt grateful for it,‭ ‬knowing he will be there for him always,‭ ‬waiting and willing to help him get over his past.‭ ‬He wanted to try harder for him.

‭“It’s okay.”





**





Ryeowook lied on the bed in his little apartment,‭ ‬staring into the ceiling,‭ ‬phone on his stomach,‭ ‬the paper Kyuhyun had given him in his hand.‭ ‬He‭’‬s been keeping it like the biggest treasure,‭ ‬having it with him wherever he went even though he never once thought about calling the number.‭ ‬He just couldn‭’‬t.‭ ‬He was sure talking with Jongwoon would bring everything back for both of them and he couldn‭’‬t afford it.‭ ‬If what Kyuhyun had said was true and Jongwoon was really such a mess,‭ ‬reminding‭ ‬him of what had happened would only hurt him more and Ryeowook wouldn‭’‬t stand it.‭ ‬It would break him seeing the man down because of him again.‭ ‬He still couldn‭’‬t accept him.‭ ‬Even after all the time of missing him,‭ ‬he was sure what he felt for him wasn‭’‬t love.‭ ‬It wasn‭’‬t same as with Donghae‭ ‬-‭ ‬Jongwoon didn‭’‬t make him blush just by being near,‭ ‬his heart didn‭’‬t race when they touched‭; ‬he was more of a friend than someone who he would want to be in a relationship with.‭ ‬Ryeowook didn‭’‬t fall in love so easily.‭ ‬But then again,‭ ‬Jongwoon wasn‭’‬t even a friend anymore.‭ ‬He‭’‬d lost everything they had had far back then in the restaurant when he‭’‬d cried the words he never stopped regretting saying.‭ ‬Yeah,‭ ‬maybe he didn‭’‬t love him but the man was important for him.

Ryeowook growled quietly at his confusing thoughts.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t know what to do.‭ ‬He had Jongwoon‭’‬s number‭; ‬he had a chance to talk again with the man who had helped him to get over his break-up the most,‭ ‬but was afraid to do so,‭ ‬the image of Jongwoon being down and depressed because of him or maybe hating him,‭ ‬making him abandon the idea right away.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t want to cause him more pain than he‭’‬d already done.

‭ “Just call him,” Hangeng said from the door in his typical accented Korean. He’d been watching his friend’s mental struggle unnoticed for last few minutes and couldn’t take it anymore. Seriously, who was he kidding? He had even admitted to him that he had feelings for the guy, so why didn’t he grab the chance when he’d got it? What did he have to lose? Hangeng didn’t particularly agree with what had Ryeowook done to the poor boy but seeing him dwelling in hopes to meet him at least for a moment at school but being scared to look for him and then regret it all the time since the guy graduated, for past half a year, he knew he’d punished himself enough for Hangeng to add to it. He wanted him to be happy now; either with or without the guy.

Ryeowook jerked,‭ ‬jumping from the bed,‭ ‬sending the phone to the floor with a loud crash as his hyung‭’‬s voice interrupted his thoughts.‭ ‬“Hangeng,‭ ‬what are you doing here‭?‬” he asked,‭ ‬forcing his startled heart to slow down as he grabbed for the gadget and carefully placed it on the bedside table.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t surprised the Chinaman hadn‭’‬t knocked‭ ‬-‭ ‬he had keys from his apartment‭ ‬-‭ ‬Ryeowook just didn‭’‬t expect him to show up so suddenly and without him noticing.

“I came with the papers about the flat,‭ ‬I told you I‭’‬ll be coming,‭”‬ he rolled his eyes at his dongsaeng whose mouth formed a little‭ ‬‘O‭’‬ as it registered in his mind what he was talking about.‭ ‬The new rent,‭ ‬right.‭ ‬“So are you going to call him‭?‬”

He shook his head weakly.‭ ‬“I can‭’‬t.‭”

“Why not‭? ‬The friend of his told you he wants you,‭ ‬you want him too,‭ ‬what‭’‬s the problem‭? ‬You even saved the number in your phone,‭”‬ he looked at Ryeowook questioningly as the guy passed him,‭ ‬heading to the kitchen to retrieve them something to drink when they‭’‬ll talk about the papers.

He sighed sadly.‭ ‬“He can‭’‬t want me,‭ ‬Hannie.‭ ‬I‭’‬ll only hurt him more.‭ ‬I‭’‬ve met with Donghae,‭ ‬you know.‭”

“I know,‭ ‬you‭’‬ve told me.‭”

“It was still there.‭ ‬When I saw him...‭ ‬I still love him,‭ ‬hyung.‭ ‬Maybe not like before but I do,‭”‬ he whispered,‭ ‬his back turned to the other man as he stared blankly at a glass filling with water in the sink.‭ ‬Ever since their break-up,‭ ‬no matter how much‭ ‬he‭’‬d been thinking about,‭ ‬missed and longed to see Jongwoon,‭ ‬he‭’‬d always unconsciously held a little place in his heart reserved only for Donghae,‭ ‬but that time,‭ ‬when they had met,‭ ‬he‭’‬d finally noticed and it hurt and confused him.‭ ‬He‭’‬d thought he‭’‬d been already over him.‭ ‬“He stopped seeing the red haired guy.‭ ‬He said he wanted Donghae and me to be back together.‭”

“It‭’‬s been a year,‭ ‬Ryeowook,‭ ‬don‭’‬t you think it‭’‬s a time to let him go‭?‬” Hangeng frowned,‭ ‬sitting on the chair by the kitchen table.‭ ‬He honestly wanted to kick his friend right then and there for being such a stubborn love-struck idiot,‭ ‬but knew him too well not to understand he had to figure his feelings out in his own pace.

The younger smiled lightly.‭ ‬“I told him to take him back.‭ ‬He‭ ‬really loves him and I...‭”

“You‭?”

“Donghae told me to take Jongwoon back too.‭”‬ He didn‭’‬t know where the sudden feeling of being free came from as he placed the glass of water in front of his worried,‭ ‬slightly annoyed hyung‭; ‬he still didn‭’‬t think it was right‭; ‬he was still positive it‭’‬d only break the man more,‭ ‬but something deep in his heart told him he‭’‬d been lying himself all this time‭; ‬that he just didn‭’‬t want to see.‭ ‬“I like him,‭”‬ he mumbled,‭ ‬faint blush coloring his cheeks when he said loud for the first time what he‭’‬d been trying to deny a way too long.‭ ‬He still wasn‭’‬t confident to confess it to the one certain person,‭ ‬though.‭ ‬But later,‭ ‬when he‭’‬s ready to face the consequences,‭ ‬he could after all give it a try..‭? ‬Right,‭ ‬he thought as he sat across Hangeng,‭ ‬the paper with Jongwoon‭’‬s number stuffed safely in his pocket,‭ ‬later.





‭**





Hyukjae felt like idiot as he stared absentmindedly into his Chinese textbook,‭ ‬his mind far away from his homework,‭ ‬stuck on what had Sungmin told him before.‭ ‬He had new boyfriend.‭ ‬His awfully hurt hyung,‭ ‬who‭’‬d claimed that he would never fall in love again,‭ ‬was going out with his brother‭’‬s best friend,‭ ‬who hadn‭’‬t even graduated from high school yet.‭ ‬Hyukjae couldn‭’‬t make his mind to wrap around it‭; ‬it didn‭’‬t make sense to him and worried him at the same time.‭ ‬Sungmin wasn‭’‬t even close to being over Kyuhyun,‭ ‬yet he had decided to be with someone new‭? ‬What was he aiming for‭? ‬Was he really able to fall in love with the boy in such a short time‭? ‬Hyukjae doubted‭ ‬it and that made him only more uneasy.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t want his hyung to do something stupid just to have a false momentary feeling of being better.

But the reason why he felt like idiot was something completely different.‭ ‬It was the little,‭ ‬simple fact that his friend,‭ ‬who‭’‬d been suffering for and cruelly dumped by the first person except his family and friends he‭’‬d ever loved‭; ‬his friend,‭ ‬who‭’‬d almost gone mental after that,‭ ‬was now in new relationship while Hyukjae,‭ ‬who hadn‭’‬t experienced half of the pain Sungmin did,‭ ‬was still naively waiting for Donghae to call him and take him back.

Hyukjae hadn‭’‬t heard a single word from him for last five months.‭ ‬He‭’‬d abandoned any hope for it a long ago,‭ ‬still couldn‭’‬t bring himself to go and look for someone else.‭ ‬It seemed impossible to him to love other man.‭ ‬Donghae had been his everything for too long‭; ‬they‭’‬d gone through too much together for him to just throw it away and as much as he forbid himself from thinking about the past,‭ ‬locking his heart away from any feelings for the guy,‭ ‬he knew it was a very fragile barrier he‭’‬d built around himself.‭ ‬He just couldn‭’‬t forget him.‭ ‬He just couldn‭’‬t erase him from his heart and partly even didn‭’‬t want to,‭ ‬a bit of him still believing they do have a chance.

He sighed tiredly,‭ ‬closing the book as he ran a hand through his faded red hair,‭ ‬giving up on any attempt to study.‭ ‬He knew too well that when the thoughts like this come,‭ ‬he can‭’‬t concentrate on anything else.‭ ‬What was he supposed to do‭? ‬No matter how much he wanted,‭ ‬he couldn‭’‬t get over him.‭ ‬Maybe what he‭’‬d done wasn‭’‬t right but he‭’‬d done it for Donghae‭; ‬for him to be happy.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t help wondering if it all had been for something‭; ‬if he was really happy now‭; ‬if he‭’‬d made up with Ryeowook or was with someone else.‭ ‬After‭ ‬all,‭ ‬Sungmin hadn‭’‬t been right‭ ‬-‭ ‬it had been too late to get Donghae back.‭ ‬What had he been thinking when he‭’‬d ran to him to explain‭? ‬How could had he even hoped they would be okay‭? ‬He‭’‬d been idiot back then and he was now too.‭ ‬Donghae had surely moved on.‭ ‬He hated him,‭ ‬right‭? ‬Why would he call someone he hated‭? ‬Hyukjae was just trying to deny what was obvious.‭ ‬It was time for him to stop living in a delusion too.



Hyukjae‭’‬s lips formed a little smile as he turned his look from a window back to a teacher.‭ ‬He had never really accomplished what he‭’‬d decided to do back then‭; ‬he‭’‬d never truly moved on,‭ ‬just made himself believe he did for him to survive the time he‭’‬d been waiting,‭ ‬and now with his little barrier shattered,‭ ‬he saw.‭ ‬He felt again.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t pretend there was nothing anymore,‭ ‬thinking about Donghae all the time since they had met.‭ ‬Yeah,‭ ‬he couldn‭’‬t stand hurting him again‭; ‬he couldn‭’‬t let him ruin his life again by accepting him,‭ ‬but it was him,‭ ‬right‭? ‬It was Donghae who came back to him.‭ ‬It was him who chose him even though he could surely have plenty better man,‭ ‬who would appreciate him more,‭ ‬to be with‭; ‬he could had just threw him away but he didn‭’‬t and realizing this,‭ ‬Hyukjae was grateful for always keeping the love for him hidden deep in his heart,‭ ‬waiting no matter how hopeless it all seemed.‭ ‬Because Donghae wouldn‭’‬t had been so hurt if his confessions hadn‭’‬t been true,‭ ‬right‭? ‬Hyukjae‭’‬d been idiot thinking opposite.

He glanced at the pictures Donghae‭’‬d left behind,‭ ‬he still had stuffed in his‭ ‬school bag,‭ ‬once again loving the familiar fluttering of his heart it gave him.‭ ‬Yeah,‭ ‬he could be stupid and sentimental,‭ ‬but Donghae was going to make him fall for him and as odd as it was,‭ ‬he found himself not minding all that much.‭ ‬He wanted to believe‭ ‬-‭ ‬even after all that happened to them‭ ‬-‭ ‬that his happiness was with him.





‭**





Sungmin held on his stinging cheek,‭ ‬eyes wide as he stumbled backwards,‭ ‬Sungjin fuming in front of him,‭ ‬hand still raised from the slap he‭’‬d given him.‭ ‬“W-What was that for‭?‬” he stuttered,‭ ‬shocked with his usually lovely,‭ ‬calm dongsaeng being deathly mad at him suddenly.

‭“Do you think I didn’t hear you?! When you’re the hell gonna my best friend against his will, at least try to do it when I’m not home! I’ve warned him! This is exactly what I warned him about! If you’re still so much into Kyuhyun let Henry be! He doesn’t deserve this!”

Sungmin stood speechless for a while,‭ ‬look darted to the floor.‭ ‬He knew it too.‭ ‬He the damn knew Henry didn‭‘‬t deserve him‭; ‬that he wasn‭’‬t good enough for him but this was the first time someone actually confirmed it and it hurt.‭ ‬His heart was breaking from the memory of what he‭’‬d done to the boy,‭ ‬almost forcing him into even though he knew it would had most probably been his first time and that‭’‬s the thing you don‭’‬t want to give away like that.‭ ‬Sungmin knew.‭ ‬He knew too well.‭ ‬It would had been his own first time too and he felt like recalling how it could had been if it hadn‭’‬t been for Henry stopping him.‭ ‬He was messed up,‭ ‬he was going crazy‭; ‬there was no other explanation for this.‭ ‬“Sungjin..,‭”‬ he whispered,‭ ‬sitting on his bed and hiding his face in his palms.‭ ‬“What should I do‭? ‬I‭’‬m so sorry,‭ ‬Jin,‭ ‬I-I...‭”

“Me too,‭”‬ the younger said in calmer voice,‭ ‬sitting next to his miserable brother and taking him into his arms,‭ ‬“I shouldn‭’‬t have snapped,‭ ‬it‭’‬s just...‭ ‬he really loves you,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬and you hurt him so much.‭ ‬He can‭’‬t take it much longer,‭ ‬I can tell.‭”

He forced a whimper back at the words.‭ ‬He‭‭’d broken the boy and he still hadn‭‭’t ever complained once.‭ ‬Just how much had he truly endured for him,‭ ‬always smiling and happy outside while he was pained so much in his heart‭? ‬Sungmin felt like crying.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m trying.‭ ‬I want to love him but Kyuhyun-‭”

“How can you still care about him after what he‭’‬d done to you‭?!‬”

“He didn‭’‬t want to‭! ‬He had his reason‭! ‬H-He...‭ ‬he had a child,‭”‬ and it all fell on him.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t bear it alone anymore and when he‭’‬d finally let it out it became so painfully clear.‭ ‬He hadn‭’‬t wanted to.‭ ‬Kyuhyun hadn‭’‬t wanted to leave him.‭ ‬He‭’‬d loved him but because of the girl...‭ ‬Sungmin knew it had to happen when they hadn‭’‬t been together yet,‭ ‬still there was a little pang in his heart with the image of his beloved person sleeping with someone else and he childishly hated her for touching Kyuhyun.‭ ‬He felt his head throbbing‭; ‬too many different thoughts and feelings running in his mind for him to be able to process them.‭ ‬“He didn‭’‬t want to...‭”

“Sungmin,‭”‬ Sungjin called,‭ ‬seriousness on his face as he pulled away a bit to look at the latter,‭ ‬“you really still love him,‭ ‬don‭’‬t you‭?‬” He growled quietly when Sungmin slowly nodded,‭ ‬head bent,‭ ‬a single tear falling from the eyelashes of his closed eyes.‭ ‬“So let Henry go.‭ ‬It‭’‬ll be only more difficult for both of you if you keep him.‭ ‬He can‭’‬t be your Kyuhyun and you can‭’‬t give him what he needs‭; ‬let him go,‭ ‬hyung.‭”

Sungmin‭’‬s chest clenched at the image of him not being with Henry anymore‭; ‬of breaking his heart again,‭ ‬but he got what was Sungjin talking about.‭ ‬He was right.‭ ‬Henry will get over him eventually.‭ ‬Maybe it would take some time but he will,‭ ‬Sungmin was sure of it,‭ ‬he was a strong kid.‭ ‬Being with him would only hurt him more if he couldn‭’‬t return his feelings and Sungmin couldn‭’‬t do it to him anymore.‭ ‬He felt he couldn‭’‬t look in his eyes without hating himself for how he‭’‬d been to him.‭ ‬Right,‭ ‬he should let him go.‭ ‬But why did it hurt so much‭? ‬Why did the idea of being without the boy made him so sad‭? ‬He couldn‭’‬t have Kyuhyun anymore no matter how much he loved and wanted him‭; ‬he was going to loose Henry too...‭ ‬He felt like drowning.‭ ‬But it was for the best,‭ ‬right‭?

“Think about it,‭ ‬Sungmin,‭ ‬he won‭’‬t wait for you forever,‭”‬ Sungjin said gently,‭ ‬leaving Sungmin alone with his shattered world to pick it back up alone.‭ ‬It was his decision and he needed to make it soon but he was so confused and tired and stupid for thinking‭ ‬Henry would‭; ‬he‭ ‬would wait for him.‭ ‬He needed to get his head straight and there was only one person who could help him now as he pulled his phone from his pants‭’‬ pocket,‭ ‬dialing the number he pretty much knew by heart.

“Hyukjae..,‭”‬ he whispered in pleading voice as soon as the call got connected.‭ ‬It felt like forever since he‭’‬d last talked with his best friend and only the fact that he had someone like him made him feel a very welcomed calmness filling his body and little,‭ ‬almost invisible smile to tug on‭ ‬his lips.‭ ‬“Let‭’‬s go out tonight.‭”



Hyukjae didn't ask why he'd wanted to meet so suddenly as they sat in their favorite‭ ‬24hours-coffé-shop and Sungmin was thankful for it.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t going to run from his problems,‭ ‬just needed something nice to distract him for a while to clear his head to be able to think reasonably later‭; ‬and as he took in his friend‭’‬s appearance,‭ ‬he knew Hyukjae could provide it to him.‭ ‬He looked much brighter,‭ ‬younger,‭ ‬happier than last time they‭’‬d seen each other‭ ‬-‭ ‬like the boy who‭’‬d been coming to him bouncing up and down with tons of new things he‭’‬d found out about his English course classmate to share before everything became a mess.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t help to chuckle at the memory.‭ ‬“Did something good happen‭?‬” he asked,‭ ‬smile growing when he saw the latter bit his bottom lip shyly.

“I‭’‬m going to go out with Donghae...‭ ‬it seems,‭”‬ he whispered,‭ ‬eyes pinned on his fingers playing with a cup of tea on the table in front of him.

‭“What do you mean ‘seems’?” Sungmin frowned at him for a second before it sunk in and his jaw fell. “Wait, you mean he called you?!” He felt warmness pouring over him when Hyukjae nodded a bit, a huge, gummy smile he hadn’t showed for oh so long back on his face, and Sungmin didn’t even try to stop himself as he literally jumped over the table and encircled his arms around him in crushing hug. “Took you both idiots long enough,” he laughed, relieved that Hyukjae was finally going to be happy after such a long time, the sound almost unfamiliar to him. He missed it. He missed their little happy, careless moments just the two of them. He missed his best friend and their talks about nothing until late at night they used to have in high school and even though it’d been only less then month they’d last met, Sungmin felt like he hadn’t seen him in years.

“Hyung‭?‬” Hyukjae raised his eyebrows as Sungmin tightened the embrace,‭ ‬cuddling him with strange mixture of delight and deep sadness in his expression.

‭“I missed you, Hyuk.”

He smiled lightly,‭ ‬ruffling Sungmin‭’‬s hair.‭ ‬“I missed you‭ ‬too,‭ ‬Min.‭ ‬I still miss you..,‭”‬ he mumbled,‭ ‬knowing the latter understood.‭ ‬He got what he was thinking about when he said the words and he meant the same.‭ ‬He wished he would solve his issues and be happy again too but there wasn‭’‬t much he could do to help him.‭ ‬He could only be there for him at times like this when he needed him.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t blind,‭ ‬he could see something had happened to him and had been his best friend long enough to know that if he‭’‬d wanted to talk about it,‭ ‬he would had told him already.‭ ‬Hyukjae wasn‭’‬t going to push him into it when Sungmin obviously longed to forget and have fun for the moment.‭ ‬“Wanna come to my place‭?‬” he didn‭’‬t wait for an answer,‭ ‬untangling himself from the other man and standing up.

‭“Lee Hyukjae, do you remember last year?” Sungmin pouted, a glint of playful evilness in his eyes when Hyukjae shrugged confusedly. “I promised I’m gonna make you pay next time.” He jumped in victory as his best friend sighed resignedly and pulled his wallet from his bag. It felt so good to be with Hyukjae again, spending the evening just laughing and doing nothing. He felt light and happy, throwing all the problems away as they walked back to Hyukjae’s school dorm, teasing and bickering about what to do in the next hours and he enjoyed it to the last. He could always think about bad things later, right? Even though there wasn’t much for him to think about.





‭**





Jongwoon groaned tiredly,‭ ‬turning the shower on stronger as the muffled sound of his phone ringing sounded through his apartment for about tenth time that morning.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t even wonder who it was anymore,‭ ‬choosing to ignore it this time too.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t in mood to talk with Kyuhyun now anyway -‭ h‬e still hadn‭’‬t forgiven him for messing up with his stuffs when he had too many of his own problems to deal with.‭ ‬Even though things were getting better with the child adopted by nice young couple and Yoona going to come back to school,‭ ‬he still had to work two part-time jobs to pay for his everything alone,‭ ‬and the last thing Jongwoon wanted was to add to it.‭ ‬But the stupid Cho Kyuhyun just had to be stubborn and go to look for Ryeowook and talk with him and give him his number and then come back and tell him and make Jongwoon all angry,‭ ‬upset,‭ ‬anxious and hopeful at the same time.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t‭ ‬even know why‭ ‬was he expecting Ryeowook to truly call.‭ ‬They hadn‭’‬t seen each other since the day he‭’‬d rejected him,‭ ‬how could had anything changed‭? ‬Yet his heartbeat quickened at the memory of the cute,‭ ‬sweet guy laughing at him the first day he‭’‬d dared to approach him in the library,‭ ‬and couldn‭’‬t help a wish to see him again to cross his mind.

He leaned on the wall of the bathroom,‭ ‬letting the hot water pour on him,‭ ‬his eyes closed,‭ ‬cold tiles making his back freeze while his front was almost burning.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t know how‭ ‬should he feel.‭ ‬He‭’‬d let go of Ryeowook in his heart,‭ ‬or at least he‭’‬d thought he did,‭ ‬and now...‭ ‬what if he really called‭? ‬Would he be willing to take him back‭? ‬He wasn‭’‬t in love with him‭; ‬Kim Jongwoon wasn‭’‬t gay,‭ ‬but he definitely was affected by him and he hated it.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t be heartbroken when he didn‭’‬t love him but what was he then,‭ ‬spending all days closed in his flat only with his designs,‭ ‬turtles and odd thoughts‭? ‬He hadn‭’‬t been like this before.‭ ‬He‭’‬d known how to have fun and make people laugh.‭ ‬He‭’‬d made Ryeowook giggle many times,‭ ‬so why wasn‭’‬t he able to do it anymore‭?

He sighed at the ringing coming from his living room again,‭ ‬stepping out of the shower to get it over with.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t stand the thing buzzing any longer and knew Kyuhyun would probably start to freak out any time soon if he hadn‭’‬t answered even this time.‭ ‬He really wondered how‭ ‬could the guy have so much free time to be so annoying.‭ ‬“What is it,‭ ‬Kyuhyun‭?‬” he asked,‭ ‬accepting the call without checking the caller‭’‬s ID as he bounced on his couch clad only in old baggy sweatpants,‭ ‬drying his dripping hair with a towel.

“Hyung,‭”‬ the latter said quietly and Jongwoon‭’‬s face fell.‭ ‬If he went so far as to talk formally it had to be something serious he wanted to tell him.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m going to‭ ‬China next month.‭”‬ There was a little pause and Jongwoon knew Kyuhyun was searching for the next words.‭ ‬“I‭’‬m gonna finish school there.‭ ‬I‭’‬ll probably be too busy with‭ ‬the packing and stuff to come visit you so I wanted to tell you at least somehow...‭”

Jongwoon nodded silently,‭ ‬tossing the towel on the couch next to him,‭ ‬leaning backwards as he listened,‭ ‬not liking the too-calm-to-be-okay tone at least.‭ ‬“But‭?‬” he nibbled on his bottom lip nervously,‭ ‬mentally‭ ‬preparing himself for the blow that he was sure will come.

“I won‭’‬t be back,‭ ‬hyung.‭ ‬Ever,‭ ‬most probably.‭ ‬I‭’‬m sorry.‭”

“Oh..,‭”‬ was all Jongwoon could tell as it slowly registered in his brain that his cheeky,‭ ‬idiotic,‭ ‬irresponsible but lovely and caring best friend,‭ ‬who he‭’‬d wanted to just kick in his stupid‭ ‬ so many times and then hug and never let go‭; ‬the guy who‭’‬d taken care of him even when he himself was in messed up situation,‭ ‬was going to be gone.‭ ‬He chuckled lowly at the tears rolling down his cheeks.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t going to really loose him,‭ ‬what was here to cry for‭? ‬“Why‭?‬”

He heard Kyuhyun‭’‬s voice shaking as he spoke.‭ ‬“The things with Yoona.‭ ‬My parents and I agreed it would be better if I just...‭ ‬disappeared.‭ ‬I can‭’‬t do anything about it,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬I‭’‬m sorry,‭”‬ and then there was a beeping sound as Jongwoon‭’‬s trembling fingers pressed the end-call button,‭ ‬not wanting the latter to hear him sob.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t believe it.‭ ‬His dongsaeng‭; ‬his best friend‭; ‬the too-cool-for-everyone Cho Kyuhyun was leaving him behind.‭ ‬He knew he wasn‭’‬t dying or anything,‭ ‬they could‭ ‬still call each other but in Jongwoon‭’‬s over-dramatic mind,‭ ‬it was almost the same.‭ ‬He was going to be so far away and he suddenly didn‭’‬t know what to do‭; ‬how to deal with his life anymore.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t have anyone.‭ ‬He was left alone.‭ ‬Just him,‭ ‬his boring pets,‭ ‬his work,‭ ‬his flat,‭ ‬his depressions...‭ ‬just him and no-one else.

He looked up in surprise as his phone buzzed again with a coming message,‭ ‬a sad smile on his lips at Kyuhyun‭’‬s name written on the display as he made to open it.

“He will call,‭ ‬hyung.‭ ‬Don‭’‬t give up on him.‭ ‬-Kyuhyun”

And‭ ‬yet,‭ ‬Jongwoon‭ ‬didn‭’‬t‭ ‬believe‭ ‬him.





‭**





‭Henry’s body trembled in a coldness of middle October’s evening, drenched clothes sticking to his freezing skin as he sat on a bench in a park, hugging his knees close, blank stare pinned on the ground. He didn’t feel like going home to his parents who waited for him, eager to throw him a birthday party as soon as he comes back. He wasn’t in mood for any of that crap; he just wanted to sit there in the damn rain and cry his eyes out wandering what he’d done so wrong to be dumped like that by the man he’d do anything for.

‭He hadn’t heard from Sungmin since the day they had met the Cho Kyuhyun-guy and didn’t even try to contact him, thinking he’d maybe want some time alone to think about stuffs, but honestly believed he’d remember the date and celebration of his birthday they’d planned for the day. He’d been so excited to see him, looking forward to it like a kid as he waited for him in front of his school for hours but the guy never came; never replied his texts; never answered his calls. Henry reassured himself over and over that Sungmin was surely busy and it just slipped out of his mind, yet couldn’t help to feel disappointed as he slowly gave up, going to the park to get rid of the sadness a bit before he’d return home. He didn’t blame his boyfriend from anything, he was just tired of hoping for things he wouldn’t have and that made him more aware of the times Sungmin had hurt him. He was hurting a lot for him, pushing his needs aside, never showing him how he truly felt not to let him down even more when he was supposed to help him, but he had enough of it. He was hell tired of pretending everything was okay when he’d spent countless nights praying Sungmin would finally acknowledge him, trying to find a way to support him better only to be showed away the moment they’d meet next time without even a chance to do anything first. He was tired of being treated like something temporary, not sure if Sungmin even cared about him in any way if not as a lover. He was tired of trying to forget how heartbroken he’d been when Sungmin told him he was only using him; when he’d finally admitted to himself that he meant nothing to him, seeing he still loved his ex-boyfriend; when he’d almost him. No, Henry wasn’t okay no matter how he tried to seem like that and he knew it was slowly showing on him from the worried looks Sungjin’d been giving him lately; still he’d decided not to give up; to work a bit harder to gain Sungmin’s heart even though he knew it’ll ruin him sooner or later. He just loved him too much to be able to afford to lose him.

‭He sighed when his phone buzzed quietly in his school bag. His parents had to be dead worried when he hadn’t come home in a weather like that; he felt bad for not at least sending a message. He grabbed for the gadget, thinking about a good excuse to tell them as he pulled it out, but his jaw dropped in surprise and disbelief when his boyfriend’s name stared at him from the display. “Min?”

‭“I’m sorry, there were things I had to take care of. It’s okay now. Let’s do the celebration later. Enjoy your birthday. -Sungmin”

‭He couldn’t help a smile to spread on his lips as he typed a quick “It’s okay, thank you ^^ -Henry” and another text to his mom before he hopped off the bench, taking his bag to finally go home. He didn’t know why the sulking left him so suddenly with the one message but something about it made him believe that while he’d been sitting there, the problems had already solved on their own. Something about the way Sungmin had written it told him he really did care about him and as much as he was still hurt and doubting in his heart, he felt oddly accomplished, knowing only that much. At the moment, he couldn’t wish for more.





‭**





‭Sena chuckled lightly when a deep groan sounded through the kindergarden classroom again, followed by high pitched squeaks and stomping of many feet on a carpet as the children ran away form her enthusiastic trainee, threatened to be eaten by a monster if they don’t run fast enough. She found it sweet that Donghae insisted on coming even though his mandatory practice had ended long ago, and partly was grateful for it. The children loved him, always asking her when he’d come next time, making him play with them whole day when he did, and he never refused any kind of game they’d come up with, giving them his huge, bright smile as he was dragged wherever they wanted him to be. He was more of a playmate than a teacher to them. “Let him rest for a minute too,” she laughed when Donghae slid to the floor after countless rounds of the game, acting exhausted, only to jump back on his feet with a grin when the kids approached him, pouting. “You can’t make him all tired on his birthday."

‭“It’s okay, it’s not like I have anything to save the energy for anyway,” he replied, holding up a little girl he’d caught before, and turning around with her, making her giggle cutely, before putting her back down.

‭“Is teacher going to celebrate with the blonde madam?” she tilted her head to the side, looking at him curiously, and Donghae felt his heart sinking. Sure he’d wanted to be with Hyukjae on his birthday; he’d wanted it to be just the two of them; to finally prove him he did love him and wanted him back in his life, but the memory of the rejection Hyukjae had offered him when they’d met, made him so stunned every time he’d thought about asking him out for the day, that he’d never dared to do so. He wasn’t ready for another heartbreak yet.

‭He shook his head sadly as he crouched down to the girl and pinched her cheek lightly. “The blonde madam doesn’t want to be with teacher today. But we can celebrate together, hmm?” He smiled when she nodded keenly, shooting Sena a short reassuring glance before letting himself get immersed into the playing again. He knew was making her worried about him again and felt sorry for it. He just couldn’t control his emotions when it came to Hyukjae. The man meant the world to him but he was nothing for Hyukjae and it hurt to admit it. It hurt to see he didn’t need him anymore.

‭Sena’s eyebrows formed a little frown as she watched Donghae pretending to eat a plastic birthday cake, his eyes just a slightly darker and more hurt than before. She noticed how much happier he’d seemed lately and couldn’t help a relief to fill her at the sight, being honestly glad he finally solved his issues, but it was all gone now. The Donghae now was the old one; the one who’d cried in the hallway after being dumped by the man he loved, and she didn’t like the change at least. She liked the childish, playful, loud Donghae better.

‭She flinched when a sound of someone ringing the door brought her back to the reality rather harshly and she glanced at the clock with confusion. It was still early for the parents to come to pick their children up. She shrugged when Donghae looked at her questioningly. “I’ll go get it,” she said and the latter just nodded in response as she disappeared behind the door. He didn’t care much about who it was - probably just someone coming to ask if they can accept their child.

‭“It’s for you, Donghae.”

‭He looked up in surprise at the words, meeting the girl‘s amused smile as she poked her head back into the classroom. “Me?”

‭She nodded, looking contemplating. “I guess it has something to do with your birthday but the guy looks like he’ll run away if you don’t show up soon. Quite tall, red hair, handsome...”

‭It took Donghae a moment before his mind was able to register what was Sena saying and another one before his body moved as he got up, running out as quickly as he could afford, not to hurt the children on his way. He couldn’t believe it. It surely wasn’t true, his ears were just playing with him, making him hear what he wished for. He couldn’t be there. Why would he? How did he even know where Donghae worked? Still he had to make sure; he had to see with his own eyes. “Hyukjae?” he called unsurely as he opened the door, eyes roving all around the front garden to find his man. “Hyuk-” he froze. He stood there - Lee Hyukjae stood there, in his whole damn perfection, look darted to the side, light blush on his cheeks, long fingers playing with a plastic bag he was holding as he nibbled on his bottom lip nervously. Donghae’s heart beat franticly when Hyukjae slowly approached him, smiling shyly for a second before handing him the bag. “Happy birthday... Hae.”

‭“H-How did you know...?” he stuttered, still in shock.

‭“You’ve told me once. I just thought I would bring it here since I didn’t know where else you could get it and it's your birthday so-”

‭He went on and on but Donghae didn’t listen at all. He didn’t need to hear anything else, an overhelming happiness taking over him and he felt his eyes watering. He couldn’t understand but at the moment, he couldn’t care less. He was there. The idiotic Lee Hyukjae who’d broken his heart so many times; the Lee Hyukjae who’d made him so hopeless all over again, doubting his own decision to get him back, only two weeks ago; the Lee Hyukjae was there on his birthday right when he’d given up on the wish for it to happen, not trying to leave this time; and that was the only thing that mattered to Donghae as he dropped the bag, throwing himself in his arms, crying into his hoodie hard.

‭Hyukjae was stunned for a moment when Donghae hugged him suddenly, his body trembling with whimpers. “Pabo, you ruined the cake,” he whispered into his hair, a gentle smile on his lips as his arms encircled around the other man tenderly, pulling him closer. It felt so right to have Donghae pressed against him, his body warm in his embrace, and he knew he could stay like that forever. He never wanted to let go of him again. Never in his life.

***

A/N: hey, it's here! I'm sorry for not updating last week, it's just... yeah, I didn't finish in time and don't quite have an internet connection and so. So well... it's here now. I'm sorry if the end . I really don't have an appology for it, I just can't write nice and sweet and fluffy recounceling stuffs >.> Anyway, only epilogue left and this crap is over! YEEEEEY!

A/N2: is it only me or was the beginning more humorous? Where did all this angst come from? O.o

A/N3: happy late b-day Teukie!! <3