Sungmin always knew that everything that seems like a dream doesn't last forever and bad days will eventually come again but at the moment he couldn't care less.‭ ‬He'd found his first love and even thought they weren't official yet,‭ ‬they‭'‬d become much closer since the day Kyuhyun confessed to him.‭ ‬Actually so close that there were times when people stared at them,‭ ‬whispering and pointing just for them to shut up instantly when Kyuhyun gave them his evil smile.

He‭'‬d changed a lot.‭ ‬He was sweet and caring now,‭ ‬doing his best to prove Sungmin he really liked him,‭ ‬still he managed to keep his snarky self,‭ ‬making his boyfriend-to-be pout like a kid to his own amusement.‭ ‬Sungmin was never mad at him for that even thought he seldom failed to stomp his foot declaring he won't talk to him ever again,‭ ‬laughing it off together a moment later.‭ ‬They just loved their teasing games once they knew until when it's still fun for both of them.

And Sungmin felt like his life couldn't be better.



Sungmin watched from the window of his class as the sky got darker every minute,‭ ‬signifying the afternoon is slowly turning into evening.‭ ‬He beamed happily.‭ ‬Just few more minutes and he'll meet Kyuhyun.‭ ‬Usually he'd listen to the teacher,‭ ‬fully‭ ‬concentrated on studying,‭ ‬sometimes continuing alone even after the school ended,‭ ‬but this time he just couldn't wait to leave.‭ ‬He couldn't help it,‭ ‬he was going on his first date with Kyuhyun.‭ ‬The first date of his life to be exact.‭ ‬He was so excited and‭ ‬nervous at the same time that even Hyukjae,‭ ‬who he suddenly didn't have so much time for,‭ ‬found him annoying,‭ ‬blabbering about it whole week.‭ ‬He didn't blame him thought.‭ ‬While Sungmin got to find his happiness,‭ ‬Hyukjae's problems only grew,‭ ‬starting with‭ ‬the project deadline coming closer every day,‭ ‬going on to Donghae.‭ ‬They were on talking terms since the Christmas thing happened,‭ ‬hanging out together sometimes,‭ ‬but it was incredibly awkward moments with Hyukjae holding himself back for Donghae since he‭ ‬was confident that if he really meant the confession,‭ ‬he'll repeat it in better state of mind when the time comes‭; ‬and Donghae having awful mood swings,‭ ‬one minute all high about being with Hyukjae,‭ ‬the next breaking down from the memory of his previous lover.

Sungmin sighed.‭ ‬He felt bad for being so happy while his best friend was having such a hard time.‭ ‬The latter always told him not to care about him that much and enjoy what he had with Kyuhyun,‭ ‬but he just couldn't stop worrying.‭ ‬He didn't want to see him hurt again or rather even more than he already was.

Talking about Kyuhyun,‭ ‬Sungmin wasn't quite sure what they had.‭ ‬They made this silent agreement that it's all up to him when they‭’‬ll truly start dating and he was glad for it at the beginning but as the time went on he could see Kyuhyun became flustered with him not making the approving step yet.‭ ‬Sungmin felt sorry for making his love go through that but he still couldn't find it in himself to forgive him fully.‭ ‬He partly did even before Kyuhyun confessed with all honesty in his eyes,‭ ‬but the betrayal he felt every time he remembered how they were before just wouldn't fade.

‭"So this is all for today," Sungmin smiled widely again as the teacher's voice interrupted his thoughts. He tossed his books into his bag quickly and stormed out of the room mumbling quiet apologies to classmates he kicked off in the process. Another silly smile crept on his lips with the image of how sweet it was from Kyuhyun to wait just for him in the cold of middle January's evening.

‭"Kyu!" he shouted, breathless from all the running, as he finally reached the school campus' entrance gate. He really was there – blowing on his freezing hands, his tall, cute, evil lover.

Lover..‭? ‬Did I truly-

‭"You're late," Kyuhyun smirked teasingly in reply, missing a deep blush on Sungmin's cheeks. "Never mind, since you're already here, let's go."

Sungmin grimaced at Kyuhyun being familiarly rude again,‭ ‬completely distracted from his previous thoughts.‭ "‬Where are we going‭?" ‬he asked,‭ ‬curious,‭ ‬as they made to walk off together.

‭"Hmm… amusement park, then dinner and my bedroom..?"

The elder‭’‬s eyes widened at the absolutely serious reply.‭ "‬Yah‭! ‬We aren't even together yet,‭ ‬how can you have a bedroom on the list‭?!"

"So isn't it about time for us to get‭ ‬together‭?" ‬Kyuhyun laughed watching his cute hyung ranting around but Sungmin wasn't amused at all.‭ ‬He caught the hint of hope in the words.‭ ‬He bent his head not wanting Kyuhyun to see his sad smile.‭ ‬He was right,‭ ‬it was time for them to start the actual‭ ‬relationship even more since it was him,‭ ‬saying he wanted Kyuhyun as his boyfriend and now backing away,‭ ‬he felt it too,‭ ‬but he couldn't find the courage to tell him‭; ‬show him‭; ‬to not fear all that could and WILL change when they become real lovers.‭ "‬Kyu‭…‬"

"I was just joking,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬we're not going anywhere near my bedroom.‭ ‬Not today,‭" ‬he smiled but Sungmin's expression remained the same.

‭"Kyu..," he repeated taking a deep breath before doing so.

‭"What is it? Is there something wrong? Did I offend you so much?"

"Just‭…‬ please,‭ ‬wait for me a bit more,‭" ‬he wanted to say it but the moment he lifted his eyes back to Kyuhyun,‭ ‬all words stuck in his throat.‭ ‬Kyuhyun's eyes were so loving,‭ ‬so caring,‭ ‬so scared he hurt him again as he waited for him to answer,‭ ‬that Sungmin felt like crying for not being able to give him what he wanted.‭ ‬Yeah,‭ ‬it was him who caused it in the first place,‭ ‬still Sungmin felt he was the one guilty here.‭ "‬No,‭ ‬it's nothing,‭ ‬I'm sorry,‭" ‬he voiced,‭ ‬showing his bright smile again.‭ "‬Let's just go.‭"



Sungmin knew Kyuhyun weren't buying his mostly fake smiles through the whole date,‭ ‬he could see it in his actions as he was trying hard to get his attention,‭ ‬so it didn't really catch him unprepared when the latter suddenly stopped in their walk in the park and faced him with a deep sigh.‭ ‬It wasn't like Sungmin wasn't enjoying their date,‭ ‬the thoughts just wouldn't leave and he couldn't stop the sadness build in him as he watched the younger doing his best to make their time together nice,‭ ‬playing with‭ ‬the snow,‭ ‬teasing and giggling like kids.‭ ‬At times Sungmin indeed managed to forget but the worse it was when it came back.‭ ‬He darted his eyes to the side when Kyuhyun cupped his cheeks in his cold hands and forced him to look at him.

‭"Hyung, what's wrong?" there wasn't accusing for ruining their day, only honest concern and care in Kyuhyun's voice, making Sungmin's heart hurt more. How could he change so much for him? How could it be, that the cold--Kyuhyun was now always making sure that Sungmin felt cared for and wanted? Sungmin hadn't done anything like that for him. He never showed him his feelings; even never told him, it was also Kyuhyun who had to find out from Sungmin's little creepy signs. He couldn't even imagine how hard and tiring it had to be for him.

‭"I'm sorry..," it came out as a whisper as he looked the other in the eyes, his own shining with tears.

Kyuhyun watched him in panic and confusion.‭ ‬He couldn't get it.‭ ‬Did he do something wrong‭? ‬Was the date too different from what Sungmin imagined‭? ‬Was he still thinking about that bedroom stuff‭? "‬For what‭?"

"Y-You're doing so much t-to show me...‭ ‬I-I know we should be already together but I..,‭" ‬Sungmin shook his head lightly as the sobs took over him.‭ "‬I-I'm so sorry,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬I'm scared that I'll get hurt a-again.‭"

Kyuhyun groaned quietly as he listened to Sungmin speaking.‭ ‬He wished he could punch himself really hard.‭ ‬How much he had to hurt the boy for him to fear being in a relationship even thought he agreed to go on a date with him‭? "‬No,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬I am sorry.‭ ‬I'm the one who made you like this,‭ ‬it's not your fault.‭ ‬I was scared too,‭" ‬he laughed bitterly at the memory of his stupid acts just because he wasn't willing to admit his feelings,‭ ‬being the too-cool-for-everyone Cho Kyuhyun.‭ ‬The biggest idiot,‭ ‬Cho Kyuhyun.‭ ‬Was this where this all will end‭? ‬Will his relationship with his pink bunny boy end even before it started‭? ‬Could he call him his in the first place‭? ‬So this was how he's going to lose his just found love.‭ ‬Right,‭ ‬Sungmin is too good and fragile for someone heartless like him.‭ ‬He chuckled darkly at his misery.

‭"No, Kyu, please don't blame yourself!" Sungmin almost shouted embracing him tightly, seeing he was thinking something very bad and stupid. He didn't want this; he didn't want their first date to end like this. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't start it, just please, please don't think like that. Please, I love you."

Kyuhyun stayed stunned not able to move.‭ ‬He wasn't sure if this all was really happening.‭ ‬He was surprised when Sungmin,‭ ‬who was too shy to even hold hands,‭ ‬suddenly hugged him,‭ ‬but what stuck in his mind the most were the last three words.‭ ‬He knew it but‭ ‬this was the first time he heard him to say it.‭ "‬Repeat it,‭" ‬the smile slowly spread on his lips when he encircled his arms around his boyfriend's waist and pulled him closer.

‭"Huh?" Sungmin looked at him, sadness replaced with confusion. "Please don't blame yourself..?"

The latter shook his head with a little smirk.‭ "‬Not this,‭ ‬the last part.‭"

"I lo-‭" ‬Sungmin blushed hard,‭ ‬bowing his head.‭ "‬I can't..,‭" ‬he whispered feeling bad again for not being able to say it,‭ ‬but Kyuhyun just smiled,‭ ‬kissing him on the forehead gently.‭ "‬It's okay,‭ ‬you can say it whenever you want.‭"

Sungmin nodded slowly lifting his eyes back to his man.‭ "‬Kyu...‭"

"Hmm,‭ ‬what‭?"

"Can we stay like this for a little longer,‭ ‬please‭?" ‬he asked with hope.‭ ‬He loved how safely and warm he felt in‭ ‬the‭ ‬embrace of this evil guy,‭ ‬pressed against his chest.‭ ‬He could be like this forever.

‭"Sure."

He smiled in delight nuzzling his face into Kyuhyun's shoulder,‭ ‬as he tightened the hug even more,‭ ‬making the other laugh quietly at his dorkiness.‭ ‬Loving the evil but cute‭; ‬cold but caring‭; ‬arrogant but sweet‭; ‬cool but childish Cho Kyuhyun was rough pace to walk,‭ ‬Sungmin knew it from the start,‭ ‬but now,‭ ‬in his arms,‭ ‬he was determined to never give up until the end,‭ ‬no matter what life will bring in the future.‭ "‬I‭ ‬want to be with you,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬really with you.‭"



**



Hyukjae was tired.‭ ‬As patient person as he was,‭ ‬he too had times when he just wanted to give up or at least pause for a while.‭ ‬He too was just human with feelings and limits and the more he was living like this,‭ ‬going back and forth between the stress from his school work and emotional strain from dealing with Donghae,‭ ‬the weaker he felt.‭ ‬He needed one of it to end soon before he'll go crazy,‭ ‬but the more exhausting thing didn't seem to disappear so quickly.

He loved him.‭ ‬He did with all his being,‭ ‬that's why he was hurting so much.‭ ‬There were almost no happy moments among those they spent together.‭ ‬Donghae was still healing his heart with him,‭ ‬crying in his arms every now and then or leaving him depressed messages,‭ ‬and Hyukjae would swear he didn't mind if it helped him forget his previous lover and bring back the sparkle in his eyes he loved and missed so much,‭ ‬it was just that Donghae usually chose the worst moments for his outbursts.

Hyukjae growled quietly as he tried to read the caller's name on his phone's display through his half-lidded eyes.‭ "‬Whatever you need,‭ ‬please,‭ ‬I beg you,‭ ‬tell me in the morning.‭ ‬It's damn‭ ‬3‭ ‬AM,‭ ‬Donghae,‭ ‬I have to go to school today.‭ ‬My exams are close,‭ ‬I don't have time to talk‭ ‬to you in the middle of the night.‭ ‬If you want a therapist tell Sungmin-hyung,‭" ‬he yawned already drifting back to sleep.

‭"B-But, Hyukjae..," the other sobbed and Hyukjae sighed deeply, sitting up on his bed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Donghae, just... look. I really have to study and am tired like hell so could we leave it for the morning? You would use some sleep too. It'll be better then, I promise."

"But who's Sungmin‭?" ‬Donghae whined on the other side of the line,‭ ‬sounding betrayed.‭ "‬Are you going to give up on me and put me in some mental institution‭? ‬Is he your boyfriend‭? ‬You don't love me anymore‭?"

Hyukjae facepalmed as he heard the other crying hard again.‭ "‬To be honest,‭ ‬I don‭’‬t think it's that bad idea.‭ ‬You really don't make any sense now.‭ ‬Did you call me to ask stupid questions‭?" ‬he laughed but it lacked amusement.‭ "‬Sungmin-hyung is my friend who's studying psychology.‭ ‬Do you honestly believe I'd talk to you now if I didn't love you‭? ‬Whatever,‭ ‬I just need to rest too,‭ ‬Hae.‭ ‬Go to sleep,‭ ‬good night,‭" ‬he ended the call before Donghae could say anything and ruffled his hairs in frustration,‭ ‬knowing pretty well he won't be able to sleep for the next few hours.‭ ‬Just how many times this already happened‭? ‬Donghae calling him in the middle of the night to tell‭ ‬him some story about his ex-boyfriend while crying.‭ ‬It became almost routine and Hyukjae could get used to it if it wasn't so painful.‭ ‬Hearing how much the boy meant to Donghae,‭ ‬all their little habits from deciding a color of toothbrush for each other,‭ ‬to evening walks around the town every Saturday,‭ ‬to anniversary gifts,‭ ‬he told him everything.‭ ‬Hyukjae knew he didn't realize how much he was hurting him by it and he never complained,‭ ‬knowing he needed to let it all out,‭ ‬so he just listened to the end,‭ ‬secretly wishing Donghae will get over it soon for the sake of both of them.

‭"You're so cruel, Hae..," he whispered for himself digging into his fridge for some strawberry milk. Four years... so many memories he will want to talk about and Hyukjae wasn't sure if he was strong enough to hear them all; he wasn't sure if he was prepared to know how much they loved each other before he stepped between them; he wasn't sure if he'll be able to bear all the guilty feelings any longer.

He bounced back on the bed staring into the wall.‭ ‬Will he ever be able to steal Donghae's heart only for himself‭? ‬Will he always be like this,‭ ‬recalling the other guy even when he has Hyukjae next to him‭? ‬Hyukjae wouldn't stand such a relationship,‭ ‬it would break him,‭ ‬but could he ever compare to the man‭? ‬Could he ever be more important to Donghae than memories of him‭? ‬He didn't dare to guess.



‭**



Ryeowook felt bad for what he was doing but couldn't stop.‭ ‬He knew it wasn't right using Jongwoon like this.‭ ‬He wasn't blind or stupid,‭ ‬he could see that what the man felt for him was far more than friendship but as happy as he felt with him around,‭ ‬his heart still belonged to another person.‭ ‬The one,‭ ‬who in contrary didn't love him anymore.‭ ‬He knew he shouldn't hold on Donghae anymore,‭ ‬still he‭ ‬wasn't able to move on and then there was someone else who wanted him,‭ ‬hoped and was hurting because of him.‭ ‬He hated it‭ ‬– not knowing what to do and yet being the one who had innocent man's heart in his hands and was about to break it.‭ ‬He liked him,‭ ‬he was nice guy,‭ ‬but he didn't love him.

‭"What did you want to talk about?" a familiar broken Korean snapped him from his thoughts and he smiled at his friend weakly before pinning his eyes back on the shelves of the shop they were in. He needed to tell someone and while missing Hangeng so much since it was more than month they met last time and he was still too busy to just go and sit somewhere, making their weekly shopping routines together seemed like a good plan.

The younger sighed quietly,‭ ‬suddenly not knowing where to start.‭ "‬There is a guy...‭"

He listened to Ryeowook talking about to him unknown man,‭ ‬how they met,‭ ‬how he was so funny and out of his mind,‭ ‬how he felt around him and that he was sure that the guy liked him even thought he never told him‭; ‬and‭ ‬couldn't help to frown at it.‭ ‬On one hand he was glad his little dongsaeng wasn't crying for his past love anymore,‭ ‬on the other he didn't like how he was playing with the poor new boy.‭ ‬Hangeng could figure out from the way he was talking,‭ ‬that Ryeowook wasn't happy about it too,‭ ‬just helpless at the moment,‭ ‬still he had to ask.‭ "‬Do you want to be with him‭?" ‬he interrupted the other with a serious voice.

It took a while for Ryeowook to answer.‭ "‬I don't know.‭ ‬He's kind but I don't know.‭ ‬Donghae...‭"

"You still love him,‭ ‬don't you‭?"

"It's two months since we broke up,‭ ‬how can I not love him‭? ‬After so many years...‭"

Hangeng nodded.‭ "‬But it was you who sent him away when he came back to you.‭ ‬And now you give fake hopes to someone who honestly likes you even thought you don't want to be with him.‭ ‬It's not right,‭ ‬Wookie.‭ ‬You can't have them both.‭ ‬You can't toy with people's feelings like that.‭ ‬Decide before you really lose them.‭"

Hangeng was right.‭ ‬Ryeowook knew it too,‭ ‬his heart was just oh so confused.‭ "‬I don't know,‭" ‬he repeated slowly as he dug into his bag for his wallet,‭ ‬waiting in the row in front of the cashes.‭ ‬Everything was so complicated and he felt like a lost child.‭ ‬He wanted things to be simple and bright again but wherever he looked,‭ ‬there was only darkness and pain.‭ ‬Whatever he'll do,‭ ‬anyone will always end up hurt.‭ ‬He didn't want it.‭ ‬He hated hurting people he cared for.

‭"You don't have to now, just think about it," the latter smiled lightly, seeing despair in Ryeowook's expression, patting him on the back encouragingly as they went out of the shop and to their apartments. He could imagine how difficult it had to be for his pure-hearted friend to suddenly have to deal with such a problem, but he knew him well. He maybe didn't see answers now but in the end he'll make right decision. Hangeng just wished it won't be too late.



‭**



Sungmin didn't have to ask Hyukjae if he's okay to know he wasn‭’‬t.‭ ‬He could pretty much see it from the way his friend dragged himself to their meeting point in front of the entrance gate.‭ ‬He looked like he hadn't slept well for few days and Sungmin was smart enough to know why.‭ ‬What surprised him was something completely different.‭ ‬He knew something was utterly wrong with his dongsaeng the moment his eyes landed on his‭ ‬hairs.‭ ‬They were shorter,‭ ‬dyed dark shade of red.‭ ‬Sungmin gasped loudly.‭ ‬Hyukjae loved his blonde hairs.‭ ‬He had even said he didn't want to change them ever and now...‭ ‬red‭? "‬Y-Your hairs...‭ ‬why‭?"

Hyukjae raised his eyebrows as it slowly sunk in his mind what was his shocked friend talking about.‭ "‬I just got bored of the old ones,‭" ‬he shrugged,‭ ‬running his hand through them.‭ "‬What‭? ‬Doesn't it look good‭?"

"No,‭ ‬it's just..,‭" ‬he wanted to say it‭ ‬– that Hyukjae never change his hairstyle just because he gets bored of it‭; ‬that he knew there was something more and very concrete behind it,‭ ‬but swallowed it all,‭ ‬knowing the other wouldn't admit it anyway.‭ "‬It suits you well,‭" ‬he said instead.

Hyukjae's lips curved into smile but it was so far from his beaming gummy ones he usually showed when someone praised his look,‭ ‬that Sungmin wondered if he wouldn't be happier to hear that it looked terrible.‭ ‬He sighed.‭ "‬Is he better‭?"

It took a while before Hyukjae dared to meet Sungmin's concerned eyes with his own dark,‭ ‬tired‭ ‬and swollen.‭ ‬No,‭ ‬he's not.‭ ‬He's even more stupid,‭ ‬selfish crybaby than before.‭ ‬He nodded wishing his personality allowed him to say it loud.‭ ‬But he'd already ruined lives of too many important people to do it to his hyung too.‭ ‬He was happy now with his boyfriend,‭ ‬he didn't deserve to be bothered by Hyukjae's problems.‭ ‬It was him alone,‭ ‬who made things like this,‭ ‬he'll deal with it alone too.‭ "‬A bit.‭"

Sungmin didn't even try to persuade the latter to tell him what happened,‭ ‬but he didn't like what was going‭ ‬on with Hyukjae.‭ ‬Every time Donghae got better,‭ ‬his condition only worsened.‭ ‬He wasn't sure if it was worth it to torture himself so much but what could he,‭ ‬the one in splendid relationship with the person who hurt him the most,‭ ‬say about it to his love-blinded friend‭? ‬He knew he won't give up even if it killed him.‭ ‬He could only support him silently and be there for him if something bad happened.

‭"Doesn't Kyuhyun wait for you?"

Sungmin jerked when Hyukjae's voice woke him from his thoughts.‭ ‬He looked sympathetically at him,‭ ‬sensing a hint of envy in the statement.‭ ‬He wasn't surprised.‭ ‬Not at all.‭ "‬We don't have a date today.‭" ‬He was sorry for Hyukjae having to endure so much pain for his love,‭ ‬he wanted to help him.‭ "‬Hyukkie,‭" ‬he said after a moment,‭ ‬taking in his friend's appearance.‭ ‬The new hairs messily landing in his eyes with dark bags under them,‭ ‬pale skin,‭ ‬he became too thin even for his own clothes,‭ ‬walking beside him with no energy.‭ ‬They were almost in the library but it still wasn't late.‭ "‬Hyukjae,‭" ‬he repeated with serious look,‭ ‬daring the other to protest to whatever he was going to say,‭ ‬stopping in their walk suddenly.‭ "‬Go home,‭ ‬I'll work on your project for you today.‭"

Hyukjae's eyes widened before he shook his head furiously.‭ "‬No,‭ ‬it's my project,‭ ‬I can't ask you for more than you already did.‭ ‬Thank you but-‭"

"No‭ '‬but's.‭ ‬Did you see yourself‭? ‬You're living corpse‭!" ‬Sungmin yelled as impatience and fear built in him.‭ ‬He was scared so much that Hyukjae will collapse from it all soon.‭ "‬If you continue like this,‭ ‬you'll end up in the hospital.‭ ‬Go home and sleep,‭ ‬it's an order‭!" ‬he grabbed the latter's shoulders,‭ ‬turned him around and pushed him lightly back to the direction of the gate.‭ "‬I'll send you the notes later.‭ ‬Good night.‭”

Hyukjae didn't like the idea of his hyung working for him on his final project alone.‭ ‬Not that he was worried he wouldn't know what he needed to focus on,‭ ‬they spent many hours going through books together,‭ ‬he just hated making other people do him such a‭ ‬big favors.‭ ‬He turned back at Sungmin to argue more but closed his mouth when their eyes met.‭ ‬There was finality in his expression,‭ ‬telling him it would be better if he did what he was told,‭ ‬no matter how much he disagreed.‭ ‬He sighed.‭ "‬Sorry for bothering‭ ‬you,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬thank you.‭"

A smile formed on Sungmin's lips as he saw that Hyukjae won't protest anymore.‭ "‬Don't worry,‭ ‬sleep well,‭" ‬he waved at him and left for the library.

The younger looked at his leaving friend with unhappy expression but how could he not listen to his hyung‭? ‬He sighed again loudly,‭ ‬painfully swallowing his pride once for the sake of his health.‭ ‬He indeed would use some sleep not interrupted by one depressive,‭ ‬cruel,‭ ‬hurt fish.



Sungmin stared into the book,‭ ‬tapping a pen on the page,‭ ‬his‭ ‬head propped on his hand.‭ ‬He was determined to do as much as he could to help Hyukjae so that he will be able to rest at least for a while,‭ ‬but his mind was wandering all the time.‭ ‬It wasn‭’‬t like he wanted to stick his nose into the other‭'‬s business,‭ ‬he just couldn‭'‬t stand seeing him like this but didn‭’‬t know how to lessen his problems if Hyukjae didn‭'‬t tell him anything.‭ ‬And maybe he was just a little hurt that he didn‭'‬t trust him enough to talk to him about it.‭ ‬They were best friends,‭ ‬they shared everything,‭ ‬so why‭? ‬Why would he close himself so suddenly now and not let him help‭? ‬Sungmin understood it was his way to defend himself from the pain of seeing other people having what he couldn‭'‬t have,‭ ‬still he didn‭'‬t like the change.‭ ‬He became distanced,‭ ‬always saying he was fine and not to worry about him but how could possibly Sungmin do it‭? ‬How could he not care about him when he looked like he‭'‬s going to break every second‭; ‬how could he just be lovey-dovey with Kyuhyun while his best friend was hurting from‭ ‬his own love‭; ‬how could he leave him behind‭? ‬He wanted Hyukjae to be happy too.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t do anything so bad to deserve this.‭ ‬Sometimes he was just too stubborn and persistent for his own good.

An upset frown crossed Sungmin‭'‬s face before he pinned his eyes back to the book but with no effect.‭ ‬He still couldn‭'‬t concentrate at all.‭ ‬He sighed,‭ ‬pushing his glasses up his nose as he felt a pair of familiar arms encircle his shoulders.‭ ‬“Kyu..,‭”‬ he whispered.

‭“What’s going on, hyung? You seem uneasy,” he said massaging his shoulders gently, his boyfriend’s tensed body slowly relaxing to his touch. He saw Sungmin from his own table coming to the library with troubled expression. He was alone even thought he told him before he’s going to study with that blonde friend of his today. Kyuhyun was actually here because he wanted to meet him but when he saw he hadn’t come, he didn’t really have to use his genial brain to figure out something bad happened and that Sungmin will need him by his side.

The bunny boy leaned his‭ ‬head on Kyuhyun‭'‬s chest when he sat on the chair next to him scanning him with concerned eyes.‭ ‬“Why does it have to be so difficult for him,‭ ‬Kyu‭? ‬Why does he have to go through so much‭? ‬He‭’‬s not strong person,‭ ‬he needs people to support him,‭ ‬he‭'‬s just too‭ ‬kind to share his pain and make people worried.‭ ‬He can‭'‬t bear it himself but wouldn‭’‬t tell me.‭ ‬What can I do‭?‬”

Kyuhyun listened to his boyfriend pouring his heart out,‭ ‬caressing his hairs.‭ ‬A light frown was still on his face as he looked at him with hopelessness in his eyes.‭ ‬“He even dyed his hairs,‭”‬ he cried out with a slight sign on panic.‭ ‬Kyuhyun just raised his eyebrows.

‭“Lee Hyukjae never changes hairstyle just because,” he explained. “Kyu, what can I do to make him open up to me?”

The younger slowly shook his head.‭ ‬“I don‭'‬t know,‭ ‬hyung.‭ ‬I‭’‬m more lost in the situation than you are.‭ ‬How should I know‭?‬” there was a hint of mocking and Sungmin frowned even more.‭ ‬He needed an advice not being reminded of how desperate all this was.‭ ‬But then again it wouldn‭'‬t be Cho Kyuhyun if he wasn‭’‬t snarky even at times like this.‭ ‬Sungmin pulled from his hug glaring at him for a second.‭ ‬“There were things happening.‭ ‬One guy‭’‬s boyfriend broke up with him because Hyukjae confessed to that guy.‭ ‬And then the boy Hyukjae likes broke down from it so he thinks it‭’‬s his fault now,‭”‬ he paused not sure where to continue.‭ ‬“They‭'‬re seeing each other lately,‭ ‬Hyukjae and that boy,‭ ‬but he‭’‬s still bad and it makes Hyukjae‭'‬s condition bad too.‭ ‬Plus his school project.‭ ‬I‭’‬m worried,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬and you‭'‬re not making it any better when you talk like that,‭”‬ he glanced at him again when Kyuhyun chuckled.

‭“I’m sorry, it’s just that from what you’re saying it really was his fault. Shouldn’t he just apologize?”

Sungmin sighed tired of arguing.‭ ‬It wasn‭'‬t easy to explain what was going on with his dongsaeng when he himself didn‭’‬t know half of the thing.‭ ‬He shook his head focusing on the forgotten book in front of him again.‭ ‬He shouldn‭'‬t let himself be distracted,‭ ‬he just couldn‭'‬t bear the feelings alone anymore and hoped Kyuhyun would be willing to hear him out and help him but if anything,‭ ‬he was even more upset now.‭

Kyunhyun eyed his lover with the usual smirk plastered on his lips but inside he felt guitly.‭ ‬He should had said something better but he didn‭’‬t know what to do either.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t even know the guy who was this all about.‭ ‬He only saw him few times in the past from the other side of the library before he and Sungmin started dating.‭ ‬How could he be for any help when he learned his name today for the first time‭? ‬There was a moment of silence before he spoke,‭ ‬turning Sungmin‭'‬s attention back to himself.‭ ‬“Hyung,‭ ‬do you know it‭’‬ll be my birthday soon‭?‬” he asked in satisfied tone as the idea finally popped in his mind.

Sungmin nodded not getting what it has in common with everything.‭ ‬Sure he knew.‭ ‬Even thought they missed his own birthday he wasn‭’‬t going to let it happen with Kyuhyun‭'‬s too.

The latter smiled seeing confusion in his boyfriend‭'‬s expression.‭ ‬“I was‭ ‬thinking about taking you and my hyung somewhere to eat.‭ ‬You already saw him,‭ ‬the crazy black-haired guy who flailed his hands on you back then.‭ ‬What about taking your friend and the other guy with us‭? ‬Hyung asked me if he could bring someone too,‭”‬ he mumbled the last part more for himself than for the other.

Sungmin wasn‭'‬t sure if he wanted to pout and pretend sulking or jump his lover around his neck.‭ ‬He imagined Kyuhyun‭'‬s birthday with just the two of them,‭ ‬not with two depressed creatures around but on‭ ‬the other side it could help the both of them to brighten a little.‭ ‬They would use some careless time with people,‭ ‬just having fun.‭ ‬Still Sungmin chose the pout,‭ ‬partly as a revenge for teasing him when he was sharing his worries.‭ ‬“It‭’‬s all so great but what about us‭? ‬I wanted to have you only for myself..,‭”‬ he murmured,‭ ‬turning his back on Kyuhyun.

‭“We can be together afterwards for a whole night if you want,” he chuckled, not buying his lover’s acting. He couldn’t help but adore him. He indeed was the luckiest person on the planet to have someone so gentle, kind and cute loving him even after all that happened. He leaned to him slowly, breathing into his ear as he whispered, enjoying how Sungmin’s body tensed and shivered lightly. “And we can do all the things we’ve missed last time when we weren’t together yet.”

Sungmin gasped loudly,‭ ‬feeling dark blush spreading across his cheeks.‭ ‬“I dare you to do it,‭ ‬Cho Kyuhyun,‭ ‬I‭’‬ll report it as if you even touch me,‭”‬ he growled,‭ ‬sudden seriousness in his voice.‭ ‬He knew Kyuhyun wouldn‭’‬t do anything like that but if he wanted to play with him then Sungmin will do the same.

‭“And who was talking about , hyung? You don’t know how many PSP games I have, I just wanted to teach you some of them,” he shrugged innocently when Sungmin turned at him with disbelieve and embarrassment. “You’re SO evil, Kyuhyun!”

“Yes,‭ ‬and you love me that way,‭”‬ he smirked in victory,‭ ‬ruffling his sighing hyung‭‘‬s hairs playfully.‭



**



Donghae didn‭’‬t feel like going to school.‭ ‬It was‭ ‬supposed to be his first day in real kindergarden and he was scared.‭ ‬In any other circumstances he would be looking forward to it and probably get up few hours before he‭'‬d have to just to prepare for it,‭ ‬thinking about games he wants to play with the children,‭ ‬but not now.‭ ‬All his usual enthusiasm from imagining he‭'‬ll be with kids left him even before it got a chance to come.‭ ‬His thoughts were far away from his future job,‭ ‬torn in half somewhere between the cute,‭ ‬sweet,‭ ‬small man and the blonde one.

He sighed when his eyes met fluffy white snowflakes falling outside his bedroom window,‭ ‬a painfully beautiful memory of him and Ryeowook playing in the park on a days like this,‭ ‬running through his head.‭ ‬He was sick of everything reminding him of how much heartbroken he was.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t want it anymore.‭ ‬He‭’‬d cried so much it almost felt like there were no more tears left‭; ‬he‭’‬d closed himself at home and didn‭'‬t go even to school for few weeks‭; ‬he‭'‬d made Hyukjae hate to talk to him.‭ ‬He wanted things to get better now.‭ ‬But as much as he tried to return to normal life and have fun like any other person,‭ ‬his heart still ached with every little memory,‭ ‬his mind still made him remember and those were the times he felt the most alone in his life.‭ ‬There was no-one to confide‭ ‬to.‭ ‬After the last call a week ago,‭ ‬he didn‭'‬t have guts to contact Hyukjae again.‭ ‬He got it pretty well‭ ‬-‭ ‬he was annoying and Hyukjae didn‭'‬t want to have anything in common with him.‭ ‬Whatever he‭’‬d said,‭ ‬Donghae doubted he could still love him.‭ ‬He heard it‭ ‬in his voice that he was giving up and he wasn‭'‬t even pretending to be surprised.‭ ‬He admired him for standing him for so long.

‭“What have you become, Lee Donghae..?” he whispered to himself as he turned to the bathroom to shower before leaving for the kidergarden. He had to clear his head - he couldn’t scare the children off the first time he meets them.

It was about an hour later that he finally got out of his apartment,‭ ‬returning few times for his report papers,‭ ‬wallet and other forgotten things.‭ ‬His body felt more at ease after the bath but mind was still wandering.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t help but think about how Ryeowook had used to ask him if he had everything,‭ ‬hug him and tell him to do his best,‭ ‬when Donghae had his big days.‭ ‬He‭’‬d used to write him cheering messages whenever he had time.‭ ‬He‭’‬d used to wait for him to come back and listen to all his excited blabbering when things went good,‭ ‬or disappointed ranting if not.‭ ‬He‭'‬d used to make him his favorite food either as a celebration or to comfort him.‭ ‬He‭'‬d used to be with him through thick and thin.

Donghae shook his head violently,‭ ‬growling at his wild thoughts.‭ ‬It wasn‭'‬t right time to think about this now.‭ ‬He had to concentrate and present himself well.‭ ‬After all there was nothing to do about it.‭ ‬Ryeowook had that black boyfriend of his,‭ ‬what was the point in wanting him back‭? ‬They were over,‭ ‬right‭? ‬Yet Donghae couldn‭'‬t give up on him so easily.‭ ‬He liked Hyukjae,‭ ‬he would lie if he tried to deny it,‭ ‬he was sure about it from how much he missed him and how guilty‭ ‬he felt for making him sick of him,‭ ‬but there was still someone else in his heart.‭ ‬The one,‭ ‬who he didn‭’‬t know how to erase from his everything.

‭“Are you Donghae?” he jumped a little as a sweet voice interrupted him from his thoughts. “Uhm, yeah,” he nodded, his heart still racing from the shock. He didn’t even notice he already got to his destination. He looked at the person who talked to him and his face brightened. There stood a girl, brown hairs in short ponytail, big smiling eyes looking at him questioningly. She was wearing a long, from paint dirty apron on her colorful dress, warm winter jacket hanging open on her shoulders.

‭“Welcome here,” she sang, blushing a bit as Donghae kept staring at her. “Sorry for this, we’re drawing with kids now. So... do you want me to show you around? I’m Lee Sena.”

Donghae looked around as she took him in after some other formalities,‭ ‬feeling his mood shooting up the moment he stepped through the door of the classroom.‭ ‬It was like completely different world where none of his problems existed.‭ ‬Children were running around,‭ ‬shouting and laughing and he felt like a child himself,‭ ‬wanting to play with them like there‭'‬s no tomorrow.‭ ‬This was his place‭ ‬-‭ ‬the one where he truly belonged to.‭ ‬No love troubles,‭ ‬no difficult situations,‭ ‬no worries,‭ ‬just happiness and sunshine.‭ ‬It was like heaven,‭ ‬like he finally found what he was looking for so desperately‭ ‬-‭ ‬the playmates who wouldn‭’‬t judge him because of who he was,‭ ‬who would welcome him to their games but still respect him for being older.‭ ‬It was once after what seemed like eternity that he could return to his carefree,‭ ‬fun-loving self and he enjoyed it to the last.‭ ‬But same as un-judging children are,‭ ‬the same they‭’‬re cruel with their honesty and Donghae‭'‬s little naive happy bubble was popped harshly when one brave boy finally asked what Donghae hoped will stay unsaid.

‭“Are you okay, teacher? You look sick,” he placed his little hand on Donghae's forehead and Donghae couldn’t help but chuckle deeply, failing so hard to hide how much he was hurting. Here it all came again. No, he wasn’t okay. He was far from being okay. All his life was a mess, his heart couldn’t choose between old love and the new one, he felt bad for chasing away the person who cared for him and was willing to give up himself to help him recover, but couldn’t find it more wrong that he felt himself slowly falling for the man so soon after his break-up. No, he wasn’t okay and for the first time since he found out his interest in men, he really thought how much easier it would be if he just turned straight right on the spot. He smiled at the cutely frowning boy. “So shouldn’t we do a check-up, doctor?” he stood up, taking the boy by the hand. He wasn’t okay, but the kids didn’t have to know. He could as well make another game out of his heartache.

On the other side of the room,‭ ‬Sena smiled brightly at the sight of her new trainee playing with the children.‭ ‬She did notice he was dazing off at times and could see a hint of pain in his eyes,‭ ‬but his personal matters weren‭’‬t her business.‭ ‬He could tell her later when they become closer.‭ ‬After all this was only first time he came,‭ ‬there‭’‬ll be much more opportunities to ask what happened to him.‭ ‬For now,‭ ‬the important thing was that the kids liked him and he was doing well with them.‭ ‬It wasn‭'‬t so usual to have a man work in such a place but she could swear he was the most suitable for the job she had ever seen.‭ ‬She would definitely look forward to meet him again.



It was already evening when Donghae got home,‭ ‬happy smile still on his lips.‭ ‬After awfully long time he felt really good.‭ ‬The day in kindergarden was fun,‭ ‬the children loved him,‭ ‬Sena was nice,‭ ‬telling him to come back soon and he could swear he will without having to think twice.‭ ‬He was at home there,‭ ‬he could be himself and forget everything bad.‭ ‬He missed the feeling so much and now when he finally found it again,‭ ‬he wasn‭’‬t willing to let it go easily.‭ ‬He missed being happy.

Donghae didn‭'‬t realize how tired he was until he got to his apartment and let his body fall on his bed.‭ ‬He was hungry but only the image of standing up and making himself something to eat seemed so exhausting that he was seriously considering going to sleep and eating later when he wakes up,‭ ‬and he would gladly do it if it wasn‭’‬t for his phone ringing.‭ ‬He growled quietly,‭ ‬getting up as he answered the call.‭ ‬When the someone wanted him to be awake,‭ ‬he could as well make his dinner as he talks to the person.‭ “‬Yeoboseyo‭?‬” he yawed lazily.

‭“Honey, how was your big day? We were thinking about you with your dad and brother.”

A huge smile spread across Donghae‭’‬s face again,‭ ‬the sleepiness gone in an instant.‭ ‬It was so long since he‭’‬d talked with his mom and he missed her voice so much.‭ ‬Now it really felt like the best day in last months.‭ ‬“It was great,‭ ‬mom,‭ ‬the children are amazing,‭”‬ he answered enthusiastically,‭ ‬telling her everything to the smallest detail with eagerness he almost forgot he can have,‭ ‬his mom listening keenly.‭ “‬And how are you‭? ‬Are you all healthy‭?”

“We are good,‭ ‬dear,‭ ‬but want to see you soon again.‭ ‬What if you and Ryeowook came for a lunch next Sunday‭?‬”

Donghae felt the happiness fading quickly as he sat on the kitchen chair,‭ ‬staring into the wall emptily.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t know what to answer.‭ ‬He hadn‭’‬t told his parents yet and still wasn‭'‬t ready to do so.‭ ‬And even if he was,‭ ‬he didn‭’‬t want it to be like this,‭ ‬on the phone,‭ ‬but what could he do now when his mom had already asked‭? ‬He couldn‭’‬t lie to her about this.‭ ‬“We can‭'‬t,‭”‬ he whispered,‭ ‬biting his lip.‭ ‬It hurt much more to admit it to her than anyone else.‭ ‬He‭’‬d thought he was over this,‭ ‬he hoped he was,‭ ‬but still couldn‭'‬t help tears to form in his eyes as he was about to say it loud again.

He heard her pause for a while before she spoke in a serious,‭ ‬concerned tone.‭ ‬“Did something happen‭?‬”

“We‭'‬ve broken up..,‭”‬ he clasped a hand on his mouth to muffle the sobs.‭ ‬He felt weak and stupid crying to his mother.‭ ‬He should be strong and move on.‭ ‬It‭‘‬d been damn two months,‭ ‬Ryeowook made it so why not him‭?

“I‭’‬m sorry to hear that,‭ ‬honey.‭”

Donghae shook his head weakly,‭ ‬not caring about the fact she couldn‭'‬t see him.‭ ‬“It‭'‬s okay,‭ ‬it‭'‬s already been some time,‭ ‬I‭'‬m better now,‭" ‬he hated pretending in front of her but there was no way he could tell her.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t want her to worry.

‭“Are you sure? You can move back home if you want. You don’t have to be alone, Donghae," she said with all the love and care she felt for him and he smiled gratefully. His mom indeed was the best he could ever had. He was afraid she will take the news badly and be angry at him for letting go of someone so kind as Ryeowook since she really liked him like her own son. Deep in his heart he knew it won’t happen but it still made him feel much better to hear that she supported him. “Thank you."

They talked a bit more while Donghae ate his dinner before they hung up with him promising to come to visit soon.‭ ‬It was so long he went home and he couldn‭'‬t wait to see his parents and brother again.‭ ‬Before he and Ryeowook started dating,‭ ‬they were the ones who helped him in hard times‭; ‬who made him laugh when he was on the verge of tears.‭ ‬He suddenly felt bad that he was hiding this all from them.

Donghae‭'‬s thoughts were cut off harshly when his phone buzzed once more and he stopped on his way back to his bedroom,‭ ‬staring at the sender‭'‬s name with widened eyes,‭ ‬mind going crazy.‭ ‬He felt his heart racing.‭ ‬He couldn‭'‬t decide what to do,‭ ‬he was excited and scared to open the message at the same time.‭ ‬Why would Hyukjae write him‭? ‬What could he want from him so suddenly when he was mad at him before‭? ‬Donghae took a deep breath,‭ ‬his eyes closed,‭ ‬and pressed the button.‭

“Sungmin-hyung asked me if I want to take you to his boyfriend‭’‬s birthday party next week.‭ ‬Are you going‭? ‬-Hyukjae‭”‬

He couldn‭'‬t believe it.‭ ‬Even after reading it for a tenth time‭ ‬he couldn‭'‬t believe it was true.‭ ‬Did he really ask him out just now‭? ‬Donghae‭’‬s hands were shaking when he quickly replied,‭ ‬afraid he could convince himself it was only a pretty dream.‭ ‬Inside he still didn‭'‬t fully approve of him falling in love again but the desire to be happy,‭ ‬the need to forget and heal his wounds,‭ ‬the want for it to happen with this man that ruined and re-built his life,‭ ‬made it nearly impossible for him to keep his mind.‭ ‬It wasn‭’‬t lie when he confessed back then.‭ ‬“If it‭’‬s okay with you,‭ ‬I would love to.‭ ‬-Hae‭”



**



He was nervous like hell as he slowly approached the door at the end of the corridor,‭ ‬his heartbeat quick and loud.‭ ‬He was just picking up Ryeowook to go together to the restaurant where Kyuhyun celebrated his birthday but it still kind of seemed like a date scheme from some movie to him.‭ ‬He would be lying if he said he didn‭'‬t like it thought.‭ ‬He did,‭ ‬but there was one big obstacle preventing him from enjoying it fully:‭ ‬the man he was taking out was the same as the one who he was forced to let go of an year ago,‭ ‬after he found out he was actually in relationship with another freshmen for a pretty long time.‭ ‬Jongwoon wasn‭'‬t sadistic enough to confess to him knowing he already has a boyfriend so he‭’‬d pushed the feelings aside even thought it‭'‬d taken some time to really overcome his little personal heart.‭ ‬He knew Kyuhyun had figured it out and liked to because of it when he tried to deny he could ever fall for man‭ ‬-‭ ‬sometimes he was too smart for Jongwoon‭'‬s liking‭ ‬-‭ ‬still he didn‭’‬t want to admit it.‭ ‬It would all come back if he did.

Jongwoon wasn‭'‬t sure why he hadn‭’‬t been seeing Ryeowook with the other boy when he‭'‬d came to him back then when they‭’‬d started talking to each other,‭ ‬he just hated him being down and wanted to make him smile in that beautiful way he always did.‭ ‬To be honest,‭ ‬he didn‭’‬t know even now.‭ ‬Ryeowook never told him and he didn‭’‬t want to push him into it,‭ ‬feeling it won‭’‬t be anything nice.‭ ‬He‭’‬d seen the guy Ryeowook was dating on the Christmas party and it‭'‬d quite surprised him that they hadn‭’‬t been together but then there was the broken expression again and he sincerely hadn‭'‬t been wondering what had happened between them,‭ ‬the need to make Ryeowook feel better had acted for him pretty well.

He smiled happily,‭ ‬tossing the thoughts away when the door opened few moments after he knocked on them,‭ ‬revealing Ryeowook in casual jeans and coat,‭ ‬long checked scarf tightly wrapped around his neck.‭ ‬Jongwoon took in the boy‭’‬s appearance,‭ ‬cursing in his mind as his‭ ‬heart sped up a bit more.‭ ‬“Uhm,‭ ‬I...‭ ‬h-hi,‭”‬ he stuttered showing him a small bouquet of flowers he was hiding behind his back.‭ ‬He was afraid Ryeowook might find it uncomfortable that he was pushing things like this,‭ ‬but it was too awkward and rude for him to come empty-handed and he couldn‭’‬t think of anything else.

Ryeowook stared in surprise,‭ ‬dark blush spreading on his cheeks.‭ ‬Weren‭’‬t they supposed to go on a birthday party,‭ ‬not a date‭? ‬“A-Are you sure these aren‭'‬t for your friend‭?‬” he reached out still in shock when the latter shook his head furiously,‭ ‬eyes never meeting his.‭ ‬“He doesn‭'‬t like to get flowers.‭ ‬And he wouldn‭'‬t accept anything from me anyway.‭”

“Oh...‭ ‬well...‭ ‬thank you,‭ ‬then.‭ ‬I will just...‭ ‬go to put them in some water,‭”‬ he nodded towards inside of the apartment before kicking his shoes off and disappearing behind the doors again.‭ ‬He didn‭'‬t expect Jongwoon giving him presents,‭ ‬it was a bit too intimate for him but he couldn‭'‬t help but like it.‭ ‬It felt good being cared for and cherished even if the person was merely more than a senior.‭ ‬He loved the fact that from all the people it was him who Jongwoon invited to his friend‭'‬s celebration and it scared him.‭ ‬He knew he shouldn‭'‬t be like this,‭ ‬acting like nothing‭'‬s wrong when he was going to hurt him‭ ‬badly when he turns him down‭; ‬he knew he shouldn‭'‬t let him do all this for him,‭ ‬but the desire to keep the bit of happiness the man was giving him,‭ ‬made him lose his right mind.‭ ‬Jongwoon was there for him when he desperately needed someone to accompany him,‭ ‬he didn‭’‬t ask even when he saw he wasn‭'‬t okay,‭ ‬he would just sit next to him quietly,‭ ‬waiting for Ryeowook to speak,‭ ‬and he honestly couldn‭'‬t hope for more.‭ ‬Jongwoon gave him everything he needed and never asked for anything back.‭ ‬Ryeowook felt guilty for ruining the man‭’‬s life.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t deserve to be treated like this.‭ ‬He sighed deeply,‭ ‬remembering Hangeng‭'‬s words.‭ ‬He had to decide,‭ ‬he had to tell him before Jongwoon falls for him even more.

‭“Sorry for making you wait,” Ryeowook smiled brightly when he got out of the flat again, choosing to tell him after the party. They could at least enjoy the time before he will  his heart and abandon his little piece of comfort.

‭“It’s okay, we have time,” he replied with chuckle seeing Ryeowook fumbling with the door lock. He gently pushed him aside and did the job for him in one smooth motion. “Are you nervous? I’m sorry if the flowers were too much, I just thought I should bring something,” he grabbed Ryeowook's hand and pulled him to the elevator, the boy stumbling behind him.

‭“No, no, it’s not about the flowers, I really love them, it’s that... I don’t have anything for your friend and don’t know anyone there so..,” he let the sentence unfinished, looking at Jongwoon with lost expression.

The latter patted his head lovingly.‭ ‬Ryeowook was really pure cuteness.‭ ‬He adored him so much.‭ “‬It‭’‬s okay,‭ ‬he wouldn‭’‬t want anything anyway,‭ ‬not from people he doesn‭’‬t know.‭ ‬And it‭’‬s not like I know anyone except you and him too.‭ ‬I‭’‬ve only seen his boyfriend once from far away.‭ ‬It‭’‬ll be okay,‭ ‬don‭’‬t worry,‭”‬ he winked but Ryeowook wasn‭’‬t convinced.‭ ‬As much as he loved that he could go with him,‭ ‬he felt like he will be extra there.‭ ‬He wasn‭’‬t good at talking with strangers.‭ ‬And still there was the odd calm,‭ ‬relaxed feeling pouring‭ ‬over him when he told himself he was going to be there with Jongwoon.‭ ‬He won‭'‬t be left behind with him around.



They parked the car in front of a small family restaurant in the center of town about fifteen minutes later,‭ ‬exchanging encouraging looks before entering the building.‭ ‬Jongwoon wasn‭’‬t surprised at all to see Kyuhyun was already there,‭ ‬lively chatting with the pink boy,‭ ‬who pouted when the evil celebrant stole his paper party cap,‭ ‬forbidding him to throw confetti until they‭’‬re out of the place.‭ ‬A‭ ‬huge smile flashed on his lips as he heard giggling behind him.‭ ‬He was glad Ryeowook was back in his good mood.‭ “‬Hey,‭ ‬maknae,‭ ‬we‭’‬re here‭!”‬ he shouted,‭ ‬successfully bringing the attention of all people in the restaurant and stopping the two in their bickering.

Kyuhyun glared at him,‭ ‬annoyed.‭ “‬Thank you for telling everyone,‭”‬ he snarled bringing his look to the younger boy,‭ ‬standing shyly beside his hyung and‭ ‬smirked in satisfaction.‭ ‬“I thought it will be you when he asked me if he can take someone with him.‭ ‬I‭'‬m Cho Kyuhyun,‭”‬ he bowed politely,‭ ‬gaining a chuckle from who Ryeowook assumed was his boyfriend.‭ ‬“I‭'‬m sorry,‭ ‬he can be incredibly rude sometimes.‭ ‬I‭’‬m Lee Sungmin,‭”‬ he gave him cute apologetic smile.

‭“Kim Ryeowook. Uhm... how did you know it’ll be me?” he was confused. He didn’t remember meeting this person before.

Kyuhyun laughed,‭ ‬honestly amused by the guy‭'‬s naiveness and this time it was Jongwoon‭’‬s turn to frown.‭ ‬He wouldn‭’‬t really appreciate if his evil dongsaeng said something unnecessary.‭ “‬He talks about you way too much,‭ ‬considering he‭'‬s declaring he doesn‭’‬t lo-‭”

“Wookie‭?”

Ryeowook froze as the too familiar voice called his name in the way no-one else did,‭ ‬shock and pain in the tone.‭ ‬He slowly turned around to the direction of the door,‭ ‬fearing what‭ ‬he‭’‬ll see even thought he knew it well.‭ “‬Donghae..,‭”‬ he whispered meeting his eyes for a single second before darting his look on the floor.‭ ‬Why was he here‭? ‬From all the places in the world why here‭? ‬Why couldn‭’‬t he stop chasing him wherever he went,‭ ‬making his heart ache with the sadness in his big expressive eyes‭? ‬Why did he have to appear and make things even more difficult than they already were‭? ‬He felt his heart beating painfully against his ribs,‭ ‬as he lifted his watering eyes to the red-haired man‭ ‬next to his ex-lover.‭ ‬So it was true,‭ ‬he had had someone else.‭ ‬He was right all the time.‭ ‬It really was true.

Sungmin glanced questioningly at Hyukjae,‭ ‬who shook his head lightly in reply.‭ ‬He didn‭'‬t like whatever was going on.‭ ‬It was supposed to be‭ ‬a‭ ‬nice‭ ‬birthday party,‭ ‬he didn‭’‬t expect it to turn out like this.‭ “‬I‭’‬m sorry,‭ ‬do you know each other..‭?‬”

Donghae took a deep breath,‭ ‬feeling Hyukjae‭'‬s hand clasping his own and squeezing it lightly.‭ ‬He nodded,‭ ‬not able to make his voice come out.‭ ‬The part of his‭ ‬heart he managed to put back together shattered into pieces and he felt himself falling.‭ ‬Everything he got in those two months‭; ‬the peace and happiness from being with kids in the kindergarden,‭ ‬the love for Hyukjae he started to build,‭ ‬everything was gone.‭ ‬Everything faded the moment he saw the small,‭ ‬cute,‭ ‬sweet boy standing in front of him again with the black man from the Christmas party.‭ ‬It was quite funny having his hardly gained new world destroyed by the one who was the very center of the old one.‭ ‬He laughed madly as the strong arms which comforted him for so many times since their owner broke him,‭ ‬gently encircled his shoulders and helped him stand up.‭ “‬I‭’‬m sorry,‭ ‬hyung,‭ ‬I think we should leave,‭ ‬I‭’‬ll call you later.‭ ‬Sorry to you too,‭ ‬Kyuhyun-ssi,‭ ‬I‭ ‬hope to meet you properly soon,‭”‬ he heard Hyukjae say before he was pulled out of the restaurant.

Sungmin watched the scene with worried expression.‭ ‬He didn‭’‬t have to be extra smart to understand what kind of relationship the two men had.‭ ‬From what he knew‭ ‬from Hyukjae he could pretty much figure out that the small guy,‭ ‬who was currently crying his eyes out,‭ ‬was the Hyukjae‭’‬s man‭’‬s ex-boyfriend.‭ ‬He couldn‭’‬t even imagine how it had to feel to meet the one who broke their relationship after such a long time.‭ ‬He seemed so fragile and vulnerable‭; ‬it had to be really hard for him.

‭“What was this about?” Kyuhyun asked with frown. He couldn’t catch a hold of what was going on. Sungmin’s no-longer-blonde friend came with some stranger and suddenly the boy Jongwoon liked cried? He looked around searching for someone who would answer him and found his own boyfriend looking back at him, his eyes showing pain and guilt. “Hyung?”

Sungmin sighed,‭ ‬glancing at Ryeowook who blindly backed away from the black guy,‭ ‬his body trembling with sobs,‭ ‬before he turned back to Kyuhyun,‭ ‬taking his hand for support as he tried to find the right words.‭ ‬“Do you remember how I told you there‭'‬s someone who broke‭ ‬up with his lover because of Hyukjae..‭?‬” he nodded weakly when he saw understanding in Kyuhyun‭'‬s eyes.‭ ‬“I‭'‬m sorry,‭ ‬I didn‭'‬t know they‭’‬ll meet like this,‭ ‬now your party is ruined.‭”

Kyuhyun shook his head.‭ ‬He really didn‭'‬t care about his birthday at the moment.‭ ‬What worried him was what will happen with the four men.‭ ‬He might be cold and evil but he wasn‭’‬t uninterested in his friend‭'‬s problems,‭ ‬even more if his lover was troubled by it too.‭ ‬He wanted to help them but didn‭'‬t know how.‭ ‬He felt so damn hopeless‭ ‬and he hated it.‭ ‬He was Cho Kyuhyun for the God‭’‬s sake‭!

“Let‭’‬s go,‭ ‬Kyu,‭ ‬they‭’‬ll need some time alone,‭”‬ Sungmin whispered,‭ ‬standing up as he saw the other two had sat down and now were talking quietly,‭ ‬Kyuhyun‭’‬s hyung gently wiping the tears from Ryeowook‭’‬s face.‭ ‬They shoudln‭’‬t stay there,‭ ‬it would be rude and he couldn‭’‬t stand the sight of the boy hurting so much that he didn‭’‬t give a damn about people staring at them as he cried out all the feelings from the bottom of his smashed heart.‭ ‬In Sungmin‭’‬s eyes‭ ‬the sweet guy was incredibly strong.



The moment Ryeowook broke down next to him when his boyfriend and the stranger left,‭ ‬everything in Jongwoon‭'‬s mind clicked and answers were suddenly oh so clear.‭ ‬So this was why he hadn‭'‬t been seeing them together anymore,‭ ‬this was why Ryeowook was always staring emptily into space,‭ ‬defeat pouring from his whole being.‭ ‬He mentally kicked himself for being so slow.‭ ‬He should have got it earlier,‭ ‬he would have tried to help him,‭ ‬not only make him fake smiles for his own selfish pleasure.‭ ‬He felt like idiot,‭ ‬clueless what to do as the boy sobbed next to him,‭ ‬clutching on his chest desperately,‭ ‬breathing becoming labored through the tears.‭ ‬The only thing coming to his mind was to hug him.‭ ‬He stretched his arms out to do so,‭ ‬but Ryeowook shook his head and stepped back,‭ ‬his pleading eyes meeting Jongwoon‭'‬s confused.

‭“Please don’t..,” he begged in shaky voice.

Jongwoon didn‭’‬t really understand why Ryeowook didn‭'‬t let him but nodded nevertheless‭ “‬At least sit down,‭”‬ he answered quietly as he pulled out a chair for him,‭ ‬handing him all napkins he could find on the table,‭ ‬and smiled a little when the latter took them gratefully.‭ ‬He sat across him,‭ ‬not saying a word.‭ ‬He knew Ryeowook will speak sooner or later himself‭; ‬he could wait.

‭“J-Jongwoon-hyung, the b-boy...”

He slowly reached out,‭ ‬wiping his tears with his thumb carefully,‭ ‬secretly enjoying how Ryeowook‭’‬s long eyelashes fluttered against his finger when he closed his eyes tightly in useless attempt to stop crying.‭ ‬“I know,‭ ‬I‭’‬m sorry.‭”

“No,‭ ‬y-you don‭’‬t,‭”‬ he whimpered,‭ ‬his look pinned on the floor.‭ ‬He didn‭'‬t want to see the pained expression on Jongwoon‭’‬s face‭; ‬he didn‭’‬t want to see what he caused.‭ “‬The boy...‭ ‬He...‭ ‬I-I know but...‭ ‬Hyung,‭ ‬I can‭'‬t be with you.‭ ‬After all that time...‭ ‬I still love him,‭”‬ he mumbled not daring to look up until he felt small hand lifting his chin and he was forced to meet Jongwoon‭’‬s gentle,‭ ‬caring eyes.‭ ‬He hated himself for hurting someone so good.‭ ‬He was only kind to him,‭ ‬so why,‭ ‬why couldn‭’‬t he accept his heart‭?

Jongwoon smiled weakly.‭ ‬No,‭ ‬he wasn‭'‬t heartbroken.‭ ‬There wasn‭'‬t anything to be pained from.‭ ‬He never had any intentions to be anything more than friends‭; ‬he just wanted to help him and let himself imagine how it would be if he met him before his ex-boyfriend,‭ ‬but it wasn‭'‬t like he expected Ryeowook to fall for him.‭ ‬Right‭? ‬So why the pang in his heart‭? ‬Why did he feel like a part of him just died‭? ‬No,‭ ‬he wasn‭'‬t heartbroken.‭ ‬He never was in love in the first place.



‭“Donghae,” Hyukjae called as he sat the still madly laughing man on the bus stop bench, watching him in worry. He wasn’t stupid to ask who was the Wookie guy in the restaurant, that he reacted like this. At first he’d been surprised when Donghae suddenly froze next to him but one glance at him was enough for him to understand and a wave of fear to pour over him. He wasn’t particularly sure what had scared him so much; the fact that he met the other person whose life had been ruined by him, the possibility that he will lose the bit of Donghae’s heart he owned, the image of Donghae going through all that again and him being the one who he’ll lean on... it was probably a bit of each, he’d just known he had to calm down and do something before it’ll get even worse. So when taking his hand to show him he wasn’t alone failed and Donghae’s knees gave up under him, he’d pulled him out of the restaurant to the nearest place where they could sit, trying to stop his crazy outburst.

‭“Donghae,” he repeated when he hadn’t got answer from the tearing guy. “Donghae, talk to me.”

“I was right,‭”‬ he cried out,‭ ‬the laughing slowly turning into weak sobs.‭ ‬“He really found new boyfriend.‭”

Hyukjae sighed,‭ ‬sitting next to him,‭ ‬his head propped on his hands,‭ ‬staring into nothing.‭ ‬“You can‭'‬t say it like this,‭ ‬we were there together too.‭ ‬Maybe they are only friends.‭”

“It doesn‭’‬t matter anyway,‭ ‬we‭’‬re over...‭”

“If it didn‭'‬t matter you wouldn‭’‬t be like this,‭”‬ he was glad Donghae decided to respond to him but he had a feeling he won‭’‬t like where the conversation was going.‭ ‬He took a deep breath,‭ ‬preparing for the worst as he turned his look to the latter.‭ “‬You still love him,‭ ‬don‭'‬t you‭?”

Donghae shook his head violently.‭ ‬“No,‭ ‬I want him back but...‭”

Hyukjae looked at him questioningly.‭ ‬What‭ ‬‘but‭’‬ was here in wanting someone you love to return to you‭? ‬He frowned as he couldn‭’‬t see what Donghae was trying to say.‭ “‬But‭?”‬ he asked.‭ ‬He saw the latter hesitating a bit before his warm hands cupped his face and thin lips he‭’‬d been dreaming about for so long crashed into his.‭ ‬It happened so quickly that he didn‭’‬t have time to react.‭ ‬His eyes widened,‭ ‬body not able to move.‭ ‬It was all so wrong.‭ ‬He didn‭'‬t want their first kiss to be out of hurt,‭ ‬he wanted to stop it but instead he felt himself slowly relaxing into the kiss,‭ ‬eyes closed,‭ ‬ quietly as Donghae nibbled on his bottom lip,‭ ‬his tongue slipping inside his mouth the moment he opened it.‭ ‬His mind went blank and he could hear himself whining in protest when Donghae‭ ‬finally pulled off.‭ ‬His heart beat crazily as he was catching his breath the younger man stole.‭ ‬It was wrong,‭ ‬he shouldn‭‘‬t had let him do it,‭ ‬he wouldn‭‘‬t be able to hold himself back anymore after this,‭ ‬he knew it,‭ ‬yet he couldn‭‘‬t be happier at the moment.

‭“But I want to love you.”

***

A/N: And because I'm busy with my dance club practices until weekend but promised not to postpone and stuff, it's here today!! Are you happy? xD enjoy and comment :33

A/N2: Screw me and my EXO obsession. Lying in EXO fics all day long but I swear I'm trying my best with 4th part, I really do! By the way, do you know about some good EXO fic? xD gimmie a link if you have one!! HUNHAN HIGHLY WELCOMED!!! *spazzing at the b-day wish Luhan sent to Sehun*

A/N3: Still don't have the poster *pout*