STILL A FLASHBACK

Jessica POV

“Soojung, wait!” I immediately ran after her the moment she turned her back and left. It was an automatic reaction from me. I'm panicking at the moment and my brain feels numb to even think of anything. There's no plan, I didn't even care what to say if ever I got the chance to catch up with her. It's as if my body started moving on its own, and my voice cracking up just screaming for her name.

I used my remaining energy to go after her and dodge several people on the way. I can hear someone else calling out for my name at the back but the thought of Soojung slipping away from me made me focus on my way. I ended up ignoring all the others.

“Soojung wait! Let me explain!” I tried again. We're almost at the exit of the club, I'm almost near her as well. Just a bit more, and I can finally see her face. My right hand took a grasp of her arm and I made sure to give enough force making her turn around. I managed to stop her at her tracks and now we're in front of each other. She tried to sneak out from my grasp but I didn't allow her. I was using force right now, my all to be exact. I then dragged her with me and went into a much private area of this place. It doesn't matter how awful people picture me out, it doesn't matter if I look like I'm forcing myself at my own sister. All I know is I don't want to let go.

“Let go off me, Jessica!!” I was quite surprised she decided to call me by my first name again. So I guess she's holding a huge grudge on me. I don't even know what she's thinking or how she understands the situation.

“I won't! Just let me explain first, Jung Soojung!!!” I was frustrated, annoyed and angered. And when I'm feeling like this, I used to call someone by their full name. I haven't done this calling to my sister though, not even once in the past. So I was also surprised by my own actions. I can tell she was the same, I bet she hated me even more now that I've raised a voice on her. She stopped struggling out of my grasp which I'm quite worried. I bet if our eyes met, I'll see flames of wrath. And I wouldn't really question her anymore if she wanted me out of her life again. I'm so stupid!

She raised her head and gazed at mine. I was wrong. Instead of wrath I'm seeing, it was something else that I couldn't pinpoint. Her eyes felt like wanting to tell something but I couldn't figure it out, maybe it's because of her tears that blurs everything from being clear. The guilt crawls up on me, and it hurts me to see I'm the one causing my sister to look like this. It's as if she was begging for me to let her go, her eyes were gloomy like she wast lost all alone in this vast world. I've did the best as I could to make her feel she's not alone though, but why do I feel like my efforts were wasted and pointless.

Maybe she figured it out. Seeing me at a loathsome place like this would eventually figure what's happening clearly. My explanation doesn't matter anymore, right? She wouldn't listen, I'm sure of it. Because until now I believe my existence doesn't weigh in even the tiniest bit to her. Her words wanting me dead instead of our parents can never be forgotten. I've tried to forget about it when she started showing me little affections the previous days, but I guess it wasn't her intention for me to forget. Because she hated me the most.

I can feel the pain from my heart slowly killing me at my thoughts. I retracted my eyes away from her because I can't stand anymore how pitiful she looked like in front of me. That pity, I wonder if it's towards me though. I made her disgusted with me, and dragging myself down into this path would eventually give me such eyes. I'm hopeless.

I promised to never let her go again. But I can't do so when she's the one who looked devastated because of me. Her disgusting big sister that brings misfortune to her life. So I let go my grasp on her and I painfully swallowed a lump in my dried throat. I finally break the deafening silence.

“I just want to tell you I'm sorry. I guess you're right, I'll never be