Creaaak

I froze, my ears straining to catch any hint of sound.

I heard a quiet thud, and an “Ouch!” accompanied it. All the tension flowed out of my body as I recognized the voice. I extricated myself from the tangle of blankets around me and padded to the door of my apartment.

“L?” I called out in a hushed voice, opening the door a crack. I nearly laughed out loud when I saw him crouched with a hand rubbing a growing red bump on his forehead and a small cut. I opened the door wider and pulled him in.

“Sit.” I commanded, pointing at my bed. He obliged, scratching his head sheepishly.

“Because. I haven’t been able to have you to myself for a long time. I felt like coming at a time like this is the only way I can spend time with you on my own. It’s your birthday. I thought that maybe, we could spend some time together?” he looked at me hesitantly.

I was quiet for a bit, ignoring the sting as the peroxide got to a papercut I had given myself the day before. What L said had been true. A year had literally passed since I had last spent any real time alone with L. Jun had practically glued himself to my side. I never really thought about it because I enjoyed my time with Jun so immensely, that I neglected L.

At one time, I thought L was a necessity. Now I thought a friend was a necessity. I realized that loneliness was my vulnerability, which lead to me realizing that what I needed was a human, and that human didn't necessarily have to be L. And so I moved on easily. Jun became my best friend. He replaced L... in a sense. For the first month I clung onto L, but I found him unyielding. He made no attempt to hide his jealousy, and his childish behavior soon wore me down, and I made no more attempt to get any alone time with L.

It's amazing how over 10 years of friendship can unravel so easily with a small dispute. I knew that I had thrown away more than 10 years of friendship, 10 years of love.

And I felt it was a mistake.

I regretted it every single day.

I wanted to go back and repair my friendship with L.

But I couldn't go to him. I feared that I'd get rejected.

And so year passed by, and the bad blood between me and L continued.

But then a year went by, and now was my birthday. And like a blessing, L had come to me. And it seemed as though he'd forgiven me, even with all the mistakes, all the flaws, all the pain I'd given him.

The loyalist of all friends… I’d give him that. He kept on coming back to me. And admittedly, even though he acted so childish with Jun, he was the bigger one here, being the one who swallowed his pride and coming to me first.

I dabbed at L’s cut, carefully wiping away blood. He hissed, the sting making him grab the nearest object and squeeze; which just so happened to be my hand. I laughed at the expression on his face, it made him look 5 years old again. He tried to jerk his head away but I pulled my hand away from his and used it to cup his chin, holding him in place. I finished cleaning the cut, and gently blew on it, hoping to ease the sting. I grabbed a Band Aid and gingerly stuck it over his cut. I grinned, satisfied with my work, and used my fingers to brush the long strands of L’s hair back over his forehead.

Then I realized how close our faces were. Close enough for me to feel the small puffs of air as he exhaled, close enough so that I could see every tiny pore on his unblemished skin. I flushed, and tried to jerk away but this time L’s hand trapped my face. He cupped it, cradling it, and paused, nervousness and uncertainty flickering in his eyes. I saw the resolve form, and he leaned down gently, so gently in a way only L’s deft fingers could manage, a cheek with a finger, and then leaning down to press his lips against mine. It was the first time anybodies lips had come in contact with mine. I didn’t necessarily see fireworks, but the moment was sweet. His lips were sweet. The cool breath as he exhaled was sweet. In his own way, L was intoxicating. He wasn’t intoxicating in the way that left me addicted, unyielding like Jun, but in the way that demanded attention and made you feel warm and loved and comforted. L had his own charms. He was the exact opposite of Jun.

L’s lips lingered for a second longer. It was longer than a friendly one, but still brief. I found myself wishing that L had pressed his lips his lips against mine a little harder, and a little longer.

But refusing to show how much his kiss and affected me, I turned to L and questioned him.

“What was that for?” I demanded. But the anger fell flat. I just couldn’t summon the emotion into my words.

L recognized this. Of course he did, he’d know what I was feeling even if I did the best job of masking my emotions. He knew me too well.

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