#11: summer days

Jongin is more guarded now. He doesn't want to get more hurt than he is right now, so he tries to unlove Sehee, no matter how hard it is. He is determined to do so, although it is an almost impossible task, when all he thinks about is Sehee. Even when she is not around - his thoughts will always somehow find back to her.

Distance is the key, he thinks, and he welcomes distraction, too. He focuses more on his schoolwork now, while trying to figure out what to do after graduation though it is still 3 more years of high school. He can't keep following his best friend around forever, right? They are not destined to spend the rest of their lives together and next to each other. That spot is reserved for Minseok, not for him.

He halts his movement and stares down at the paper he is currently trying to write. Instead of the essay on World War II he has started to write Sehee's name at some point. Another page of paper wasted. But is it really a waste if it is also a prove of his undying love for her? He won't be able to ever forget Sehee or ever unlove her completely. Right now it seems impossible, but he hopes that one day he will be over her. He wants to try and imagine his future life with someone else by his side. Sehee wouldn't be excluded from his future, that would be too cruel to both Sehee and his own heart, but he tries to imagine her not as the loving wife he would come home to after work everyday, but as his best friend Sehee, married to Minseok and visiting frequently because she is friends with Jongin's future wife, too. He tries to imagine his future significant other. It definitely can't be Sehee, but it will be a girl he would do his best to try and love as much as he loved Sehee now.

Jongin shakes his head and sighs. Things aren't really improving. He is still thinking about Sehee too much for his own good and it doesn't seem like he could stop anytime soon, not even when Sehee has almost disappeared from his life, except for the few hours on weekdays they spend at school.

"Hey, Jongin," Sehee greets him, a pretty smile on her face and a cupcake in her hand, neatly packed in transparent foil with a pretty bow on top of that. "This is for you."

Jongin raises an eyebrow but stretches his hand out to receive the sweet treat nonetheless. He thanks her in a quiet voice and with a little smile, though he can't help but ask. He is curious.

"What's the occasion?"

"I feel like we grew distant lately," she says as she takes a seat next to him. "And I want to apologize. It's my fault. I've been neglecting you ever since I started dating and it just doesn't feel right. You're very important to me, too, so that is why. Are we best friends again?"

Before Jongin can give a reply, class starts and their teacher hushes them, demanding their attention to be set on the blackboard and not on private talks, and Sehee, being the good girl she is, looks to the front and listens intently, so Jongin ends up doing the same.

He wants to talk to her about their friendship during lunch, but somehow he can't find the right words. He hasn't even come to a decision yet, because he wants both - he wants Sehee to distance herself further so his heart can heal faster, so he can get over her easier, but at the same time he wants her close, too. He is still pretty much in love with her and not seeing her, not being able to check on her hurts him just as much. He is in a dilemma.

In the end he doesn't talk about it at all. They just chatter as usual; fun, casual talk with Chanyeol's hilarious jokes and Baekhee's snarky comments in between. Maybe it's better like that, he thinks. Keep doing whatever they have been doing and pretending everything is okay. It is easier to believe in the beautiful surface, rather than dig deeper and find all the ugly scars and holes that are impossible to fix. If the facade breaks one day, he will think of a solution then.

How does one forget and get over a crush if said crush is always around? Ever after Sehee has brought him that cupcake -