#09: your hand in mine, together we go.

There are tears pricking at his eyes, but Jongin presses both lips and eyes shut, refusing to give in and cry. He is a man and men don't cry. How will he ever be able to protect Sehee if he succumbs? He needs to stay strong.

It is difficult though, when everything hurts. His throat is dry and sore despite eating soup just a while ago, and his head still hurts a lot, too, despite having taken some painkillers. He is feverish, feeling hot all over, but at the same time he feels cold, too. And adding on to that is the constant pain in his chest, caused by a broken heart. And so he cries. He cries in silence, with only tears rolling over his face. He feels lonely, sick and miserable. All he wants now is either Sehee or death. He won't be able to feel anymore when he is dead, right? There won't be any pain left when he is dead, right?

No, a voice screams in his head, and it sounds so much like Sehee. Jongin takes a deep breath, doing his best to clear his mind.

No, of course not. Jongin can't die. If he dies, who will be there to help and support Sehee? No one else knows her as well as he does. Jongin might not be her boyfriend, but at least he is her best friend. He can't and won't give up on that title that has always belonged to him and only him. He won't giva anyone a chance to replace him.

Jongin makes a surprised noise when the bed dips and another person slides under the blankets with him. His skin is tingling, because he hopes it is Sehee, but he can never be sure. It could be his mother, too, his feverish mind tells him. When he turns around though, it is Sehee's pretty face that greets him behind a blurry screen of tears.

"Get well soon, Nini," she whispers. Jongin's vision clears after a few blinks and he recognizes the look in her eyes as one of pain. Sehee feels hurt, too.

"I'm sorry," Jongin whispers back, voice sounding so ugly with that croak. He sees Sehee shaking her head and forcing a smile, and that is one of the most heartbreaking sights for Jongin. He never wanted to make her that way, sad and hurt because of him. All he ever wants to be for Sehee is a source of energy, a source of happiness. He parts his lips but no other sound comes out.

"It's not your fault," Sehee says. "I should have watched over you, too. If I paid more attention, I would have noticed you're not feeling well. And I totally forgot that Valentine's Day must serve as a bad reminder." Because Sehee has believed that Jinri was Jongin's first love, and a first love, she has claimed, would always be bittersweet and unforgettable. How true those words are, Jongin thinks now and he wonders what Sehee will say if she knew of his real first love. Jinri was never the first, Sehee was, even though Jongin realized too late, when he was dating Jinri.

"Don't cry, Nini," Sehee whispers. "I don't like to see you in pain."

Jongin can only nod and gulp. His eyes are pricking again, but this time it is not because he feels miserable. He still feels sick and too hot, but there is also a fuzzy, comfortable kind of warmth spreading in his body, and it heals his heart by just a bit. Having Sehee here with him, caring for him and taking care of him is enough to mend a few broken pieces of his heart together. After all, he thinks, Sehee is still his best friend. Not only lovers care for each other like this, but every couple in every kind of relationship that is deep enough to do so. And that thought makes Jongin happy enough to close his eyes again, a soft sigh of content leaving his lips.

"Can we cuddle?" Jongin asks, and he is glad when Sehee moves closer. He pulls her into a hug, her head tugged under his chin, as if she was the one who needed the consolation, when in fact it was the other way round. His content just raises when he feels her skinny arms round his waist, and just like that, they both fall asleep to each other's sounds of breathing.





When Jongin wakes up the next day, he feels remarkably better. That is the first thing he notices, and the second, is the warm body resting against his. His eyes widen for a second, seeing Sehee all cuddled against his chest, but then he remembers the previous night. Sehee has come to visit him, to check on him and make sure that he is okay, and of