Chapter 30b

They sat together for a long time in silence.

They had both confessed truths to each other that they had never thought they would disclose. It had taken a lot out of both of them. They were both experiencing mixed feelings: those of relief and of fear.

Both felt relieved that the lies which had oppressed them were finally exposed, but the fears . . .

MiRa feared that her relationship with JinYoung was well and truly over. Now that she knew the truth about his feelings for Mark, she knew that there would never be any hope for her as his lover or his wife, but she had hoped they could be friends. She didn't see how that could happen now though, with what she'd told him. She was certain that he must hate her for what she did.

JinYoung's fear was much greater and deeper than hers. He was afraid that she wouldn't keep her word. He was afraid that she would go straight to his parents and tell them about him and Mark.

"You should have told me from the beginning, JinYoung. Or, at least, once we'd become friends. You would have saved us both a lot of hurt and heartache if you had," she said.

"I'm sorry, but . . . I just couldn't risk my parents finding out."

MiRa was surprised at him. "You think I would say something like this about you to your parents? After all the grief I've got from mine over the years? You should have known me better than that."

"I wasn't sure what you'd think. Maybe you'd think I was sick or disgusting. A lot of people do think that about . . . these types of relationships."

"But why would you think I was one of those people," MiRa defended. "Did I ever give you the impression that I was?"

"Not really, not directly . . . but you never know until . . . and then it's too late," he said miserably.

A thought entered MiRa's mind.

"Did you and Mark break up because of me?"

"We broke up because he didn't want me to do this," JinYoung admitted.

"And you just went on?"

"I didn't think he would leave," JinYoung said.

"You didn't think . . . ? How long were you together?" MiRa asked.

"Since university. About a decade."

"A decade? And your parents never found out? Unbelievable . . ."

"Most of the time we didn't live around them, so it wasn't a problem to hide it from them. But, once we'd built Escape and it started doing well, they started to expect . . . "

"You don't have to explain anymore. I know what they expected," MiRa sighed. "JinYoung, I have something to say, as your friend."

He raised an eyebrow. A friend? He didn't know if he could consider her one now or ever again.

"Yes, as a friend, believe it or not," she said reading his thoughts. "This is unsolicited advice, but I hope you'll take it because I mean it in the best possible way. I've already promised that I wouldn't tell your parents, and I won't, but . . . I think we've both had enough of lies. We both lost people we care about because of them. You lost Mark and I...lost you," she said with a sad smile. "If you want my opinion, which you probably don't...if you want to have any chance at living a happy life, you should be the one to tell your parents the truth."

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

JinYoung knew that he and MiRa would never be friends again.

However, the last thing she said to him was the most valuable thing he'd heard from her in all the time they'd spent together. It wasn't valuable in its novelty because he'd heard those words many times before, most notably from Mark, but it was the timing that had changed the way in which he'd heard it. After all that he'd been through, he had finally been ready to hear it, because he was ready to accept it and act on it.

And that was what he was doing now.

It was now almost 9am on Saturday and his parents were on their way. He'd phoned them the night before and asked them to come by in the morning. His flight was booked for late that evening and he wanted a chance to talk to them before he left. Before he left to see Mark, he knew that he needed to be honest with his mother and father. They had to know that there was not going to be a wedding. They had to know that he was going to Seoul. And they also had to know why. It was time.

He also had to have something more to offer Mark when he saw him again. To go to him, expecting them to just pick up from where they left off . . . after everything that had happened . . . he couldn't do that. If there was any chance that Mark would forgive him and they could start again, they had to be able to truly start again.

But, because he had finally decided to tell his parents the truth, he had hardly slept. It was hard to know that what he was going to tell them could drive them apart forever. His mother's face wet with tears and hot with anger, and his father's face full of disappointment and disgust floated before his eyes. He could vividly imagine how they would turn their backs against him and walk out of his life, never to return. And it hurt.

No parents were perfect, but still, he loved his deeply. His mind was filled with wonderful memories, memories of what life was like before this madness about dating and marriage had started. When he was at school, his had been the house that everyone had come to because it was so warm and welcoming. His parents would laugh and joke with his friends; they would even play games. All of his friends called his mother 'Ummoni' and his father 'Aboji'. He remembered how tired his parents were once their surrogate children had left, but even as JinYoung helped them clean up and they complained good-naturedly, the complaints were always humorously meant. Whenever the weekend approached, his parents would ask if kids would be coming over. Whenever JinYoung said 'no' they would both look disappointed. Whenever he said 'yes' they would fly into action, getting everything ready for their guests. His mother would shout out instructions while his father checked the bed linen. Then he would run out with a list from his wife, to pick up snacks and drinks for everyone.

He found himself smiling at the memory, but all too soon, his face turned serious.

Because now that it was almost time for his parents to arrive, JinYoung began to feel the full impact of what this disclosure could mean.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

He had something important to tell them. That was all he'd said. His mother had asked nervously what the matter was, but he wouldn't tell her more over the phone. He said he had to tell them in person.

So without receiving even a hint at what it could be, Mr and Mrs Pak readied themselves early the next morning and set off to see their one and only son to hear what he had to tell them.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

"What are you saying, JinYoung?" his mother asked as horror spread across her face.

"I'm going to Seoul to see Mark because . . . I . . . love him," he said.

Mr Pak just sat there mutely, unable to meet his son's eyes.

"I'm sorry I lied to you for so many years, but . . . "

Mr Pak found his voice. "This . . . thing . . . didn't just start when you went to Seoul the last time? This has been going on for years?" he spat.

"Yes, Aboji," JinYoung answered.

Mr Pak's jaw was set as he stared past his son.

"JinYoung-ah," his mother began, "I don't know where this came from . . . maybe you're just nervous about the wedding, but this is just . . . "

" . . . there isn't going to be a wedding, Umma. MiRa isn't pregnant," he told her.

He had obviously forgotten that this situation was one about which Mr Pak had had no idea.

"Pregnant . . . ? MiRa . . . ?" Mr Pak said haggardly. This whirlwind of confusion seemed to have no end.

"Yes, pregnant," Mrs Pak said resolutely. "You see, you are not . . . what you said. This is all something you've made up, JinYoung, though why, I don't know. You slept with MiRa. So how can you be . . . " she asked, disgust crossing her face.

"I just wanted to try, I wanted to make you happy by trying to love her. But I never loved her. I always loved Mark . . . "

"Stop saying that!" Mrs Pak demanded. "How can you say this to your father and me? 'Loved Mark'? Don't you understand how sick that sounds?"

"It's not sick . . . "

"It IS sick, JinYoung! Men don't love men! Men don't . . . " her voice broke.

His father put his arm around his wife as she sobbed. As he did, a tear trickled down his face. He wiped it away.

"You can get help, JinYoung," he offered. "It's not too late. Didn't you say you tried with MiRa? That's all you have to do is try. That's all we ask. And we will find you some help," he promised.

JinYoung had imagined many things: his parents shouting, screaming, disowning him, but he'd never imagined that they would expect him to stop being who he clearly was. He never imagined that they would think that this was something that could be 'helped'.

"It's that Mark!" his mother shouted. "You were normal before you met him! You've had girlfriends before: MiRa wasn't the only one. You weren't this way before. He changed you to be like him. He made you as sick as he is. But we won't stand for this, JinYoung. I know how you were once . . . and you can be like that again. That's it," Mrs Pak huffed, tears still streaming down her face in anger.

"I'm sorry, Umma . . . "

"Stop saying that! You're not sorry or else you wouldn't be telling us this. . .something . . . so dirty . . . two men . . . "

JinYoung felt anger surge through him. Loving Mark wasn't dirty. It was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him in his life. And he was going to go to him. No matter what.

But then he looked at his parents. He just had to make them understand.

"Umma . . . Aboji, I've tried so hard . . . I've tried so hard to make you proud. I've done everything I could. I even lost Mark. But I can't live without him. . . . I can't. Aboji, you wanted to know why I was sick? Why I couldn't eat or sleep? It was because I thought I could never be with Mark again . . . "

At this, his father looked disgusted.

" . . . that's what was making me ill . . . "

"Wait. Did JaeBum know about . . . all this?" his father asked.

"Yes, Aboji," JinYoung answered.

His father laughed a horrible laugh.

"That's what he came here to do? To talk to you about your boyfriend? After we trusted him to help you, that's what he did?"

JinYoung didn't answer.

"Who else knows your disgusting secret? All your friends?"

JinYoung barely nodded.

" . . . and his parents. Do they know?"

"No, Aboji," JinYoung answered quietly.

"Then we are the lucky ones," his mother erupted. "I have a good mind to . . . "

"No, Umma! Please don't tell them," JinYoung pleaded.

"Why? It's their son's sickness that he spread to you. We have to hear this filth, but they don't?"

"Please, Umma . . . he wants to tell them himself."

"I don't care what he wants! He didn't care when he got you involved in this . . . this dirty game of his," she shouted.

"Please . . . please . . . Umma . . . Aboji . . . I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry I disappointed you. But, I . . . I just can't live without him. I can't," JinYoung said in a faltering voice.

"Then," Mr Pak said firmly, " . . . before you did this to your mother and me . . . before you said such words to us . . . you should rather just . . . have died."

JinYoung's eyes widened in horror. He couldn't believe his father's words. He could do nothing but sit there devastated.

After a time, Mr and Mrs Pak with tears still streaming down their faces, rose slowly from the table and moved brokenly towards the door.

They didn't look back as they left and closed the door behind them.

And it was then that JinYoung, realising he had lost them forever, began to weep in earnest.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

By the time JinYoung arrived at Mark's it was after midnight.

After what had happened with his parents, he'd been tempted to take an earlier flight and rush to Mark as soon as he could, but in the end, he'd decided against it.

As much as he wanted to be with Mark, he found that, under the circumstances, he wanted to be alone more.

He needed time alone to process the tragedy of what had happened. What he was feeling. What he would do next. And he felt he had to work through all those feelings and thoughts alone before seeing Mark.

Mark, for his part was a mess of jumbled feelings himself. He was angry. He was disappointed. Sad. Apprehensive. Waiting, no, longing for answers. But above all this, he just missed JinYoung with an ache that could hardly be imagined, and wanted so badly to see him again. He just hoped that his explanation of what happened and why it happened would be something he could accept. He didn't want to live without JinYoung and he hoped the man he loved wouldn't give him a reason to have to.

When he finally heard the knock on the door, he rushed to open it.

And there he stood . . . JinYoung.

"Hi," he said as he stood there, fighting the desire to race to him and hold him close.

"Hi," JinYoung returned.

Then Mark ushered him in.

Once he stood before him, and Mark was able to take a good look at him, he could see clearly that JinYoung was exhausted. He still had absolutely no idea what was going on, but one thing he did know: now was not the time to discuss anything. No matter how much it pained him to try to sleep another night without any answers from JinYoung, he knew that it would be wrong of him to push him to do otherwise.

So after they both got ready for bed, Mark showed JinYoung to where he would be sleeping.

Mark's bed.

"I'll take the couch. See you in the morning," he said and then turned to leave.

"Mark? Wait," JinYoung called, reaching out to grab his arm.

Mark turned to face him. JinYoung stood there, looking more tired than he'd seen him look in a long time.

As he spoke, his voice shook and his eyes had the look of someone who expected to be hit at any moment. He had a cowed, beaten look about him. Mark was startled by how shattered he looked.

What could have happened?

"I know I have no right to ask, but . . . please . . . I'm begging you . . . Mark . . . can you sleep next to me tonight? . . . Please, Mark . . . " JinYoung pleaded dolefully.

Mark slipped into the opposite side of the bed and, laying on his back, prepared to go to sleep.

As he lay there in the darkness, he heard JinYoung slide across the sheets towards him. Then Mark felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Is it alright?" JinYoung asked in a small voice. "Can I?"

Mark touched his hand in answer.

Then the man he loved wrapped his body around Mark's, snuggling close into him. Mark lifted his arm and let JinYoung use it as a pillow while holding him close.

Whatever happened . . . whatever JinYoung had to tell him and whatever would ultimately be decided between them would have to wait until morning.

Tonight, JinYoung needed him. And Mark would be there for him. Even if it was for the last time.

Sorry if there were any irregularities, typos or other problems. I just couldn't proofread 'a' or 'b' anymore.

Sorry if the way that the parents reacted was difficult to read. Unfortunately, there are parents like this in the real world (believe me, I know this for a fact) and as you already know, I am trying to make this as realistic as possible. I could have written it even more realistically, but then it would have been way too offensive.

Thank you for reading.

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