Chapter 14

JinYoung had to summon all his strength to hide his feelings from MiRa as she was leaving. But he was successful. As far as he could tell, she didn't seem to suspect a thing.

But, to be honest, whether she did or not, was not at the forefront of his mind at the moment. He could only think about one person: Mark.

JinYoung spent the entire morning texting and phoning him, but there was never any response. Finally, just on the odd chance of seeing him, JinYoung dragged himself into the shower, into clean clothes and then into the office. He hoped against hope that Mark would appear, even for a few minutes to take care of some business and then perhaps give him a chance to explain to him, to beg him, to plead with him to come back.

But the entire day passed, and by the end of it, JinYoung had no more idea where Mark was than he'd had at the start of it. The only thing he did know was that he was probably still on the island somewhere.

If he was, then there was one person who might know where he was. This person hadn't admitted to knowing Mark's whereabouts the last time JinYoung had phoned him, but maybe he knew something now.

JinYoung placed a call.

"Hello, Hyung."

"Hello, YoungJae. I'm sorry to bother you again, but I'm at my wit's end. Have you, by any chance heard from or seen Mark?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Hyung. Thanks for asking."

JinYoung was no fool. That response from YoungJae was meant to tip him off.

"Mark is there, isn't he?"

"Yes, it certainly was good weather today. So, what's going on with you?"

"I just need to ask you some things. First, is Mark close by?"

"Yes, it's not too far away. I think you could walk there," YoungJae responded helpfully.

"Okay, so we've got to talk in code."

"Absolutely."

"Is he okay? I'm so worried about him," JinYoung began.

"I've heard the weather might not be so good over the next couple of days. I really hope it won't be bad for too long and that it will clear up soon."

Now, Mark was no slouch. He could tell that YoungJae must be talking to JinYoung. Otherwise, this was the most inane conversation he'd ever been unfortunate enough to overhear. Plus, he always kept abreast of weather reports for the sake of their clientele. It had become habit. So he knew that what YoungJae was saying about the weather was absolute rubbish. He could easily have moved away into another room and let them talk privately, but he wasn't going to make it easy on them. He decided to sit there and listen to YoungJae try to twist and contort his answers in order to conceal the conversation. He hoped it would make them feel uncomfortable. As far as he was concerned, JinYoung had no right asking about him after what he'd done. And YoungJae cooperating with him was just this side of disloyal.

"If I come over, do you think he'll talk to me?" JinYoung asked.

"I really don't think so, not with the weather report I've heard."

"But I really need to see him, YoungJae. I miss him so much. What do you think he'd do if I came over?"

"I . . . don't know," YoungJae answered nervously. He wanted to give JinYoung a clearer idea of how things were going, but he didn't know how.

JinYoung thought hard about how to proceed.

"Okay, I'll give you three answers to choose from. If I come over there, will he 1) not want to talk to me at first, but relent if I beg; 2) get angry and throw me out immediately or 3) run far away in the hopes of never seeing me again?"

JinYoung had made the third choice deliberately dramatic because he knew that Mark must still love him, so number three was out of the question.

"I think it should be around March sometime," YoungJae answered.

March? What is he talking about? Why March?

"What do you mean?" asked a confused JinYoung.

"I mean, I don't think January or February would be the right months to go there. I think March would probably be the month to consider."

Not January, not February, but March?

"Yeah, the first two months of the year are the busiest. I really think March is the month you should think about."

God, JinYoung. March is the third month of the year. The answer to whatever you're asking is three, thought Mark.

YoungJae could tell that JinYoung wasn't going to get it. He had to try another tack.

"No, I couldn't be there until after three in the afternoon," he attempted.

"Three? You think he'd run away if I came to see him?" JinYoung asked sadly.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that would be it," YoungJae answered.

"Are you saying that you think he'd disappear without a trace?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Is it really that bad?" JinYoung asked in wonderment.

"Yes, I think the weather there is going to be that bad. I wouldn't chance it. Um, taking out a boat, I mean," he added nervously.

"He really doesn't want to see me that much?"

"Yes, that's right. Sorry."

JinYoung closed his eyes, as he felt his gut twist. This couldn't be happening.

"Are you absolutely sure?" he asked YoungJae in a shaky voice.

"Yes . . . I'm sorry," he said. "I have to go now. Good luck with your plans," he said as kindly as he could without being detected.

"Thanks, YoungJae. Goodnight," JinYoung returned defeatedly and then disconnected the call.

What YoungJae said kept playing over and over in JinYoung's head. If Mark was so upset he might leave for good, JinYoung had to be very careful as far as his next move was concerned. He had to give Mark space until he was ready to talk. If he didn't, he could lose him forever and that was a thought that was beyond what he could bear.

That night, as JinYoung lay in bed, he found that he couldn't cry. Strangely this felt worse than when he could unleash his feelings in tears and sobs. There was a dull ache in his gut that just wouldn't go away. It took a long time for him to fall asleep and while he lay there awake, his thoughts tormented him.

Why did MiRa have to come over? Why did she have to stay the night? Why did she have to wear that pajama top? Why was that virtually the only thing she was wearing when Mark walked in? Why hadn't he told her to take it off straight away and put her own clothes back on and then make her leave? Why did Mark have to walk in just then? A few minutes earlier and he would have at least heard JinYoung telling her off. Why did Mark have to walk in just as they were laughing? Why had he even been laughing?

These thoughts, and the indomitable look on Mark's face before he walked out the door, plagued him for what seemed to be hours before he finally was able to slip into what was, at best, a restless sleep.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

The next few days were absolute torture for JinYoung. He heard not a word from Mark, nor did he see him. He wanted hundreds of times every day and night to contact him, but he remembered what YoungJae had said and stopped himself every time. He couldn't risk making him angrier. He just had to trust that when Mark felt like it, he would come around.

He hoped every minute that Mark would walk through the door, but he didn't.

He got a couple of phone calls from both his mother and MiRa, but was very short with them on the phone, claiming to be too busy to talk. After calls for the second day running, he thought that if either of them phoned one more time, he would absolutely lose his patience and say some things that everyone would regret.

Luckily for them, they left him in peace for once.

After work when he returned home to spend another night alone, he began the practice of going to bed early. Once lying there, alone in the darkness, he would mentally leave the present in order to immerse himself utterly in his past memories with Mark. It was the only way he could contend with the loneliness and dire misery that was afflicting him.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"I'll move some of the things aside in the spare room and we'll borrow a mattress for JinYoung. Don't worry, we'll fit him in somewhere. We can't wait to see you two. It's been so long," Mrs Tuan said happily.

"Eomma, it's not a spare room, it's your and dad's hobby room. You don't have to move things around. JinYoung can just sleep in my room," Mark suggested.

"It'll be a bit close in there once we squeeze a mattress in . . . " Mrs Tuan remarked doubtfully.

"You don't have to squeeze a mattress in," Mark said. "JinYoung can sleep in my bed. We've done it before . . . on . . . on trips and stuff, I mean," he added hastily.

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

"He won't," Mark smiled.

"Okay then, see you both soon!"

"We're going to go in now to watch a movie before we go to bed," Mark announced to his parents. He and JinYoung had arrived hours before and everyone had enjoyed a lovely dinner together; courtesy of Mr Tuan's cooking skills. Afterwards, they had sat together, talking and laughing and catching up, but now, after a long day, it was getting rather late.

"You guys can watch it in here, if you want. The television is bigger," Mr Tuan suggested.

"And we've even got surround sound, "Mrs Tuan added. "I didn't think we needed it, but your father . . . "

"No, we'd better not," said Mark. "JinYoung always wants to watch films, but he ends up falling asleep around halfway through and . . . "

"I do not," JinYoung protested.

"You do too," Mark countered. "Then I have to be the one spending an hour or so, trying to convince you to get up and go to bed. Dad, when he's sleepy, he weighs a ton."

"I know what you mean. When your mother falls asleep in front of the television . . . "

"Just a minute. You can't discuss a lady's weight . . . " his wife objected.

"I was just going to say . . . she's as light as a feather."

Mrs Tuan smiled.

"And that's the secret of a happy marriage," his father winked.

"Here's some tea," Mr Tuan said handing his son the teapot, "and some fruit," taking the plate from the table and handing it to JinYoung. "If you guys want anything else just help yourselves."

"This is more than enough. Thank you, Mr Tuan," JinYoung said.

"Abeoji," Mr Tuan insisted.

"Abeoji," JinYoung said and he smiled.

"Don't lie down, JinYoung. You'll just fall asleep."

"I won't. I really want to watch this movie."

"You always really want to watch the movie, but as soon as you lie down, you fall asleep."

"I won't this time, I promise."

And, to Mark's surprise, this time, he kept his promise.

"That guy really loved his daughter," Mark said turning off the television.

"Yeah." JinYoung interlaced his fingers and put his hands behind his head.

"Mark?"

"Hmmm?"

"Have you ever wanted children?"

"Not really," he said.

JinYoung to his side, propping himself up.

"Not really?"

"Well, I've never really thought about it seriously. My parents would bring it up, you know, in passing. Stuff like, 'when you have a son, blah, blah, blah'. Or, when my father was having 'the' talk with me . . ."

" . . . 'the talk' . . . " JinYoung punctuated.

"Yeah," Mark laughed, "'the' talk. He would say, 'remember not to mistreat the girls. One day when you have a daughter, you won't want anyone to mistreat her . . .' stuff like that. What about you?"

"I always thought I'd have children. But, I never really thought about it either. It was always something I'd just assumed would happen. My mother always talked about grandkids: babysitting them, spoiling them, taking them places. The thought of that was always sort of normal, I guess."

"So . . . do you want kids?" Mark asked now moving to sit on the bed beside JinYoung.

"To tell you the truth, since we've been together, I've only thought about being with you," JinYoung said honestly.

"Sweet talker," Mark grinned.

JinYoung looked deeply into his lover's eyes.

"Come here," JinYoung said seductively, pulling Mark down on top of him.

"JinYoung . . . stop it," Mark whispered. "We can't . . . "

"We can't what? Kiss?" JinYoung said with his eyes at a sultry half-mast.

"Don't give me that look. You know what that look does to me," Mark whispered. "Okay, we can kiss, I guess," he relented, "but . . . my parents? what if they come in?"

"They won't while I'm staying here. They wouldn't just walk in, in case I'm in my underwear or something," JinYoung reasoned. "Would you . . .  like me . . . in my underwear?" he flirted.

"JinYoung-ah . . . we shouldn't . . . start something we can't finish," Mark said, now the side of his love's face.

"I can help you finish," JinYoung breathed temptingly.

"Jinnie . . . you're driving me crazy . . . stop it . . .  we really can't . . ."

JinYoung knew that no matter how much he wanted it, Mark was not to be moved on this one.

He might be tempted, but he won't give in . . . JinYoung thought resignedly.

"So, you're saying 'no' . . . for three whole days?" JinYoung asked, pouting.

"Yes," said Mark summoning all of his strength, to lie down platonically next to JinYoung. Then, he said lovingly, "give me your hand."

JinYoung reached over towards Mark, who clasped his hand in his.

"Now, let's go to sleep."

"Can you at least, kiss me 'goodnight'?"

Mark leaned over and kissed JinYoung on the forehead.

"That's not a kiss," he complained. "Kiss me, just one kiss, or else I won't be able to sleep."

"You . . . emotional blackmailer," Mark said, smiling.

Then he leaned over JinYoung and looked down at his sweet face. He felt something deep within thump hard, then radiate a strong, achy pleasure way down inside of him. He dipped his head towards JinYoung and ran his lips softly over his, delaying the gratification before leaning in to take his lover's lips: kneading them, tasting them, kissing him sweetly and deeply.

It hurt to draw back from the kiss. Mark wanted nothing more than to lose himself in JinYoung. But he couldn't allow himself to get carried away on that billowing, swelling sea of desire.

Not here.

"You . . . are . . . so adorable," Mark whispered as their lips finally parted and he longingly peered down into his boyfriend's face.

JinYoung looked up into Mark's eyes and his cheek lightly, promising himself that once they got back, he would hold him hostage in bed for at least twenty-four hours.

"I know," said JinYoung smiling.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"Good morning, handsome."

"Bad morning, " JinYoung answered dismally.

"Why, what's wrong?" Mark asked looking worried.

"What do you think is wrong? You know what I'm like in the morning," JinYoung reminded him.

"Oh . . . that . . . "

"Yes, that. What am I supposed to do about it?"

"The same thing I'm going to do about it. Take a cold shower? I don't know . . . "

"This is going to be a long three days . . . " JinYoung sighed.

JinYoung smiled sadly to himself as the happy recollection receded into his memory, unable to take him with it.

And as he lay there, alone in the dark, , he whispered through the dry ache of tearlessness, "Mark . . . I miss you."

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

The days without Mark and the nights spent with him only in memory were taking a terrible toll on JinYoung. No matter how well he tried to appear as he went about his workday, inside he was beginning to feel like a mere shadow of his former self.

And, even that shadow, he felt, was fading more and more with every passing moment he had to endure without Mark.

Then, on the fifth day since he'd left, Mark suddenly appeared in the office. Early. JinYoung was, of course, there. Work was the only thing that could distract him from his pain, albeit temporarily.

Mark was wearing one of his best suits when he entered JinYoung's office.

When he saw JinYoung his heart felt like it had moved slightly out of place.

He looked absolutely awful.

Of course he was impeccably dressed and groomed, but his face. His eyes looked haggard, worn, almost haunted. The peace that was usually in his expression had all but disappeared.

Mark had to suppress the strong urge he had to run to him immediately, take him in his arms and promise never to leave him again while peppering his precious face with kisses. He wanted to hold him forever and never let him go: not even to eat, or to sleep. He just wanted time to stop, leaving them to hold each other forever. He would forget about all the plans he'd made, and just move back and live with this man he so dearly loved. In that single moment, all he felt he needed was JinYoung. JinYoung was enough.

But, the moment passed quickly, as the bare and undeniable truth came rushing in.

Nothing had changed, and nothing would change.

It might take a week, it might take a month or even six, but JinYoung would, sooner or later, go straight back to what he'd been doing, just to please his parents. He would never have the strength and courage to tell them the truth about himself and the nature of their relationship and the only person who would end up miserable was Mark himself.

No, this had to end.

As Mark was experiencing all these conflicts battling within him, JinYoung only felt absolute relief and elation at finally seeing Mark again. The man he loved was finally standing before his eyes. He didn't care about anything else: his Mark was here. That was all that mattered. He smiled a bright, sincere smile that radiated from his heart, for the first time in days.

But Mark didn't return that smile.

In fact, he looked even colder than he had the last time they'd seen each other; something that JinYoung wouldn't have thought possible.

What have I done to him? Have I ruined him this completely?

"Mark . . . " he began as he rose from his chair.

"I'm not going to take up much of your time," Mark interrupted. "I just came to bring you this," he said handing JinYoung a large envelope.

"What's this?" he asked, his smile faltering.

"A proposal. I want you to buy me out."

What had remained of JinYoung's smile slipped completely from his face as he sat down heavily. His legs had collapsed under him. He couldn't have understood Mark rightly.

"Buy you . . . out?" he breathed, his brow knitted in fear and confusion.

"Yes. If you'll take a look at the proposal, I'm sure you'll agree that the terms are very favourable to you. I just need this to be expedited as quickly as possible."

"No." he said resolutely. "No, I won't do it.  . . . . Mark, please . . .  just think about this, please . . . "

"I have thought about it. I'd appreciate if you could reach a decision relatively quickly. Not without proper legal and business consultation, of course."

JinYoung was having a hard time focusing as he removed the papers from the envelope and flipped through them.

They're not just blank pieces of paper Mark slipped in here to make me nervous, this is a real agreement, he thought mournfully. Mark, my Mark . . .

"You can't force me to buy out your half. If I refuse . . . "

"If you refuse my offer, then I'll be forced to sell my half of the business to a stranger. I don't think you'd prefer that," Mark stated firmly.

"Mark, nothing happened between me and MiRa, I swear . . . "

"I'm not here to discuss anything but business, JinYoung," Mark said conclusively as he closed his briefcase. "As I told you, you can take a couple of days to get some counsel regarding the terms, but I think anyone would agree that I've been very fair. I'll need your answer in two days. That should give you enough time to review it thoroughly."

JinYoung was too shaken to say another word.

"I'll be back in two days for your answer," Mark said. Then, he turned and exited, closing the door behind him.

. . .         :(            T_T          TT_TT

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