Hello, Dear Readers!

Again, I had to split the action of a chapter into two. Here is 'a'. I will post 'b' very soon.

Chapter 30a

JinYoung ended the call.

Mark hadn't picked up. The call had gone directly to the message menu.

In a way, he was relieved because he knew that he what he really had to do was to talk to Mark face-to-face. Talking on the phone would just raise more questions than he could give answers to right now, so leaving a message with only the most necessary information was the best thing to do. And that information, of course, included how powerfully he missed Mark.

Directly after having hung up from that call, JinYoung made another.

"Please come over as soon as you can," was all he said. And then he hung up.

"Come in," he said, ushering MiRa into the flat.

After slipping her shoes off, they both went to sit in the living room. JinYoung had already set out tea and water for them. Everything looked nice, just as it always had every time she'd been over. But it didn't feel the way it always had. The atmosphere was different this time.

"I tried to visit you when you were in the hospital. Did your mother tell you that?" MiRa asked.

"Yes, she did. I just wasn't up to seeing you then," he responded. He poured out some tea for both of them, but neither made a move to drink it.

"Why, JinYoung? We're going to be married soon. Why wouldn't you let me visit you?"

"I needed time, MiRa," was his only cryptic answer.

"What, time away from me?" she snapped.

He didn't answer.

"JinYoung . . . "

"I'm going to Seoul," he said simply.

"To Seoul? Why?"

"I'm going to see Mark. I have to talk to him about something important."

"I thought you'd wrapped up all your business with him before he left. What could be so important that you have to go all the way to Seoul to tell him? Why can't you just tell him whatever it is over the phone?"

To that, she once again got no answer. She was starting to feel frightened. JinYoung was either only giving her short answers or not answering at all, and he wasn't explaining anything. It felt like she was talking to a stranger.

"JinYoung, is something the matter?"

"No, nothing's the matter," he answered as he passed her a cup of tea and picked up his own.

"Then, why are you being like this? You seem . . . different. Have your . . . feelings towards me changed?" she asked nervously.

"No, they haven't changed," he answered truthfully.

"Then you . . . still want us to get married, don't you, JinYoung?" she asked quietly.

He didn't answer.

Tears began to pool in MiRa's eyes. "You can't even answer that question?" She knew that she should stop there: pressing him could only make things worse, but she wanted to know, so she asked another question, "If you can't answer that then can you answer this: is the only reason we're getting married, because I'm pregnant?"

He responded, but didn't answer. "I just wanted you to know that I would be gone for a few days. After that, I will contact your father about the wedding," he said in a dead voice.

MiRa just sat and looked at him. He wasn't at all the JinYoung she'd known all this time. In the not-to-distant past, they were close. They used to have fun together. They enjoyed each other's company. They would go out, laugh, play, and most importantly to MiRa, make music together. He was the one she showed her songs to when she couldn't share them with anyone else. Those songs were close to her heart, but out of everyone she knew, the only person who'd ever acknowledged them, was JinYoung. Through them he had somehow turned into her closest friend. She felt understood by him. And now . . . now . . .

"Do you remember how we met?" she asked tearfully. "We were on a blind date and we came up with an idea to stop our parents from nagging us, remember?" She laughed to herself. "We were partners-in-crime from the beginning. And . . . oh god . . . " here she laughed out loud and clapped her hands, "remember when I tried to get you to buy me that handbag? A handbag? On a blind date with someone for the first time. How did I have the nerve?"

JinYoung looked at her thoughtfully.

"You've changed a lot," he said.

"I suppose I have, thanks to you," she smiled through her tears. Then her face became altogether sad. "That's why I love you so much, I guess. That's why I knew we'd be happy together. Because a good marriage is based on what we have, isn't it, JinYoung? Living a life with my closest friend . . . . You are the only person in my life I can really talk to, you know. You actually listen," she smiled. Then she took his hand in hers. "You're the only person I could ever really talk to about my life; about my past . . . about my family . . . about my music . . . even about silly things like what happened that day. I enjoyed being with you so much that . . . before I knew it . . . I was falling in love with you," she said. "Then . . . when we decided to get married, I was happy because then I'd always have my best friend at my side forever. What could be better than that? But . . .  now . . . now, I don't feel like we're friends anymore. You didn't want to see me when you were in the hospital and now, the way you told me about going to Seoul . . . you aren't talking to me like I'm your friend anymore, JinYoung. I miss that. I miss us being friends."

"MiRa, you don't have to worry. I'm not going to leave you to face this alone. I said I'd marry you. I'll be responsible . . . "

"Is that what you think I want? Just for you to be responsible? Haven't you been listening? I want what we used to have. I want that back," she said. But looking at him, at the despondent person he had now become before her, she suddenly knew that she would never be able to get that back. This would not be the marriage she'd envisioned. It never would. If they went through with it, he would hate her. She could see that clearly. And at that thought, large tears fell from her eyes as she said in a shaky voice . . .

"You don't have to . . . "

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

". . . that's all you have to do and voilá! JinYoung is yours," SeYeon grinned.

"I don't know, Unnie . . .."

"Of course, nothing is guaranteed, MiRa. But even if it doesn't work the first time, it will work, if you know what I mean," SeYeon said confidently.

"What do you mean, 'it will work'?" MiRa asked confused. This was obviously a part of life of which she was not well-informed.

"How naive are you? Okay, my innocent little dongseng, listen. Even if you don't get pregnant this time, he won't know you're not, will he? He'll be so scared that he'll just go along with whatever you ask. It might be different if you were some little poor girl, but with a father like yours, he wouldn't dare to abandon you. There's nothing to worry about."

"But what if he wants proof?"

"He won't. Trust me. He'll believe you. They always do," SeYeon assured her.

"I don't know, Unnie. What if . . . "

"Why are you making things so complicated? Don't you want to get married?"

"Yes, but . . . "

"But, what? It's simple. Even if you're not pregnant then, just get him to keep sleeping with you while he thinks you are. Then, before you know it, you will be. Even if he doesn't, after the wedding you can claim that you had a miscarriage. By then, you'll both be married. He's not going to divorce you over that. Look, you won't be the first woman who has done this, and you won't be the last. And if you're having some 'attack of conscience' just remember that it's men force us to do these things," she reasoned. "They just want to keep stringing us along and then they act like they're doing us a favour by finally marrying us," SeYeon said derisively, "then they spend the rest of their lives telling us how lucky we were that they saved us from the scrapheap, and how no one else would want us," she went on. She sounded like someone who had had a close, intimate experience with this sort of thing, even though she had never been married. "So here I am giving you a way out of all that and instead of a 'thank you' . . . "

"I'm sorry, Unnie. I just don't know if I should . . . "

"Why? Has he proposed and you just haven't told me yet?"

"No, it's just . . . we haven't been seeing each other that long and . . . "

"Well, if you want to wait and see what happens, then do that. I'm not forcing you to do anything. You came to me with a problem and I was trying to help you solve it, that's all," SeYeon said, sounding offended.

"I'm sorry, Unnie. I know you're just trying to help."

"Well, I'm glad you realise that," SeYeon said, patting her hand. "I just want to see you happy, MiRa. From what you told me and from what I've seen myself, he's a great guy. I just don't want him to slip away when you're not looking. Believe me, you'll kick yourself if, while being patient and understanding, some other girl comes along and snatches him away. And I know whereof I speak."

"I know, Unnie."

"This plan is foolproof, so if you really want him, this will do it." Then she smiled brightly, "I can't wait to dance at your wedding."

At the thought of that, MiRa couldn't help but smile, too.

"The first invitation I write will be yours, Unnie," she promised.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

"Unnie, this wasn't a good idea . . . "

"What do you mean it wasn't a good idea? You're getting married, aren't you?"

"He said we would, but . . . he's not the same," MiRa complained.

"Of course he's not the same. That sort of news is always a shock, so how could he be the same? But once he gets used to the idea, he'll be himself again, maybe even better."

"But we used to be so close and now he won't even let me visit him in the hospital."

"He's probably afraid of looking weak," SeYeon said, repeating Mrs Pak's words virtually ad verbatim. "Didn't you say he had a stomach flu of some kind? . . . then really wouldn't want you to see him like that," she chuckled. "Don't worry. You'll see him in a few days when he's better. Just make sure you look your prettiest. Show him what he's been missing. Maybe you'll even have a little reunion ," SeYeon added provocatively.

"Unnie . . . " MiRa smiled.

"Look, I've got to go. Just don't worry. He's lucky to have you. He might not know it yet, but he will, soon. I promise. Love you!"

"Love y . . . "

But before she could finish, SeYeon had already rung off.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

"What do you mean I don't have to? I can't leave you to face this alone," JinYoung said.

MiRa then gathered her courage in both hands before saying, "There's nothing to face . . . "

"What do you mean, there's nothing . . . "

"Don't you understand what I'm saying? We're not . . . I'm not . . . pregnant," MiRa confessed.

JinYoung's voice shook when he finally spoke. "What do you mean, MiRa?"

"I just . . . I was just so sure that we were meant for each other . . . I was so sure that we would be happy together if only we could get married. I didn't want to risk losing you to someone else. I just thought if you thought we were having a baby together, you'd have to try and then you'd see how happy we would be," she explained. "But it was not only that. The morning after we . . . after we were together, you just told me what a mistake it was . . . you just treated me like I was nothing. I felt so hurt. And angry. I just wanted to . . . I don't know . . . make you pay or something. That was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life, JinYoung. To be so close to someone . . . in that way . . .  and then have them leave you the next day . . . no, run away from you the next day . . . you can't imagine. You just treated me like something that could easily be discarded and forgotten, JinYoung. And you seemed not to think twice about it. I still loved you . . . stupid me, but a part of me wanted retaliation, so that's when I decided to . . . "

" . . . lie . . .  " he finished, pulling his hand away from hers.

"I really didn't think past that initially, but when it seemed like we would really get married, I started to hope again that it could work out between us . . . that we could get back to the happy times we used to have together."

"Okay, you lied to me, MiRa, but why . . . why did you have to lie to my mother?"

"I couldn't get in touch with you, remember? And . . . I thought I actually might be pregnant when I talked to her. It wasn't impossible. I was hoping . . . well, then when I found out that I wasn't pregnant . . . it seemed too late to take it all back. And, there still seemed to be a chance we might be happy. It was a chance I was willing to take, JinYoung. That's how much I loved you."

"Is that what you call it? Love? That's not what love is about, MiRa. Forcing someone . . . that's not love," JinYoung said.

"What do you know about it? About what I feel?" she asked crossly. "And what exactly do you know about love, JinYoung? It's obvious you never loved me."

"Anyone knows that much about love, MiRa."

"You don't love me . . .  but somehow," MiRa said. As she sat there, she recalled their previous conversation: what she'd asked and how he'd answered. Then she recalled every bit of evidence she'd chosen to ignore, including the fact that even her friends had once suggested . . .  

The wheels were turning . . .

"You're in love with someone else aren't you, JinYoung?" she asked.

He looked at her, hoping she'd stop asking him questions. He wasn't angry with her at that moment, because he had to admit that he had caused much of what had happened himself. If he hadn't started this, or continued on . . . if he hadn't left her so coldly that next day; if he had somehow treated her more like the friend she had been to him instead of with so little regard, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"I told you all this because I've finally realised that we could never be happy together and I think I've finally figured out why. You weren't honest with me before, were you?" she asked, looking at him meaningfully. "You're going to Seoul to see Mark because . . . because he's the one you love, isn't he?"

JinYoung eyes widened as he looked at MiRa with a mixture of fear and apprehension. But he didn't answer her question.

"You're going to see him because you wanted to break the news in person, didn't you? Just admit it. Don't make me into a bigger fool than I already am."

"I never thought you were a fool, MiRa," JinYoung said quietly. But he didn't confirm what she'd said.

"Just be honest," she said. "You don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone. If that's what you're afraid of . . . if that's why you've been lying to me. I promise, I won't tell."

JinYoung looked at her steadily. She looked sincere. It was a risk, trusting her word, but it was one he finally felt he had to take. He didn't want to hide anymore. Especially now that his future could be much different from what it was just a few minutes before.

"I'm sorry, MiRa. I'm really sorry . . . "

She reached out and took his hands in hers. "Just tell me, JinYoung. Let me hear the full truth from your own lips. I really need to know so that I can finally make an end to all this," she said, her eyes encouraging him.

"It's just as you said . . . I love someone else. . . .  I love . . . him. I love . . . Mark."

30b will be up soon.