DIFFERENT

Taeyeon's 1st POV

     No matter where I went in this life, there was only darkness. I couldn’t even tell if this was a path or a road, but I could tell I was lost. Somehow, I’ve lost that steadiness I once had. Even right now, I could only see the darkness as my eyes were closed. There was no one to console me either in my time of need, yet I only have one thing to keep me going on this aimless journey. That was strength. I only had this prideful strength that I’ve been building up since the day I was born to keep me going.

     I had cried enough last night and I made it my duty to not shed another tear. Tears were for the fallen weak, just as I was on my knees on that treacherous day, but now I will rise higher than any of the seas. All I had left was this competition, this music as my goal. If it wasn’t for Jessica being there to challenge me…I wonder how I would be acting now. I truly do wonder.

      “Can you lean your head over a little bit more?” I heard the soft voice of the beautician ask me and with ease I lent my head forward as I felt the coolness of creamy substance being rubbed on sections of my hair, and then secured by silver aluminum foil. It was about time I change my hair color since this for was my solo debut. I really wanted to come out strikingly different and I wanted my music to convey how I was truly different from how people have pinpointed I am, and that includes her too.

      I was just relaxing in the salon that was only allowed for VVIP’s, which were for celebrities or where the rich would come here, for instance, right next to me was an heiress. I figured that out according to her phone call that I had just happened to hear with shut eyes. I felt that I could hear and understand things better with my eyes close and I did when I heard another conversation from two hair stylist on the other side of the salon.

       “Have you heard the rumor that Kiko and G-Dragon broke up?” I heard one of the girls whisper with such horrendous surprise. I even found myself so shocked that I opened my eyes to only have my vision partially blocked by the silver aluminum foil.

        “What? Really? How do you know that?” The other girl asked in response, which were the same questions filling in my head. G-Dragon and his Japanese model girlfriend are known to be spotted together and nonetheless dating, but it was never confirmed over so many years. Yet, it was known for them to having fights, due to Kiko running to friends and SNS reactions.

        “Just like always. G-Dragon unfollowed Kiko yesterday and then everyone today on Instagram and Twitter this time. Also yesterday he started sharing sad songs, then posted some weird tweets and then deleted them. I was wandering if he was drunk. You want to see them?” The girl replied and I almost wanted to laugh. It was only fair for his relationship to fall apart, since my own love life was totally ruined.

       Then, the other girl must have been given her phone, because she started to mouth something from his Twitter. If I had my eyes unblocked, I would happily look at those tweets myself. It would seem to me that he was more of an emotional freak than me, especially after getting his heart stepped all over. At least I was crying inside of SM and not crying to the outside world. Where was his pride?

        “Starting today, let’s do something with the songs that were left out in our company since I kind have a lot of them,” The girl said and starting making sad puppy sounds, while I was biting my lip from the laughter that wanted to be release from its prison.

        “Ah, so embarrassing. I talked nonsense yesterday. It doesn’t mean anything so just forget about it. Aigoo how embarrassing,” She quoted his next Twitter post. Ha! He would have done better by actually pulling out those unreleased songs than posting that. Wow!

        “Sounds crazy, right? She even unfollowed him last night and then posted a picture of her kissing Gackt right next to his lips at the backstage of his concert!” The girl exclaimed in an angry tone of voice and her friend followed with a gasp.

        “Kamui Gakuto?! That’s my Oppa! How dare she do this me, no, I mean GD,” She cried out in a low tone in which I could hear perfectly as I smiled. So, his decade girlfriend was the type to move on the next night? Wow. Well Gackt may be forty-three years old, but he looks freaking twenty one for his age and has the voice of an angel. He is the ideal Japanese prince.

        “They must broke up because he cheated on her with Taeyeon,” the girl who started the gossip said and I unconsciously had gripped the arm of the chair I was sitting in with fury.

        “Yeah. That’s what everyone is saying on Kiko’s Instagram photos. You should see it. They are literally worshipping Taeyeon on her feed and bashing Kiko,” She said and I took in a deep breath. What?! It was just recently till the incident with my sister that everyone was trolling my Instagram pictures, saying I was a two-timing .

        “That shows how popular she is,” The other girl ended and when the stylist was done with the back, she lifted the foil that was hanging in my face to the top of my head. “Just let it seat for an hour and I’ll be back to rinse out the hair dye,” The round faced stylist told me, and I looked up in the mirror to look directly at the two thin females gossiping. When they saw my face, their mouths fell instantly and I lifted my hand up to wave at them with a cheeky smile. Thanks for filling me in.

       As if they were innocent, they turned their backs and quickly went to the females that entered suddenly. I then picked up my phone from the table in front of me and quickly navigated to my Instagram app. I took a look at the recent comments on my last uploaded photo and I swear my eyes would have popped out of my head.

‘Thank you Unnie for breaking up with Baekhyun and breaking up Jiko! You’re our hero! Saranghae’

‘I hope your sister stays in good health and that you can find a new love. If you date GD, that will be fine. At least it won’t be that snobby and whorish Kiko’

‘You are still racist, rude and . But, thanks for breaking up Kiko. Just don’t date GD and your fame will be safe’

‘Well just great. Your whorish acts got everyone happy, surprisingly even Baekhyun. But, I won’t be fooled by your pitiful sister cancer act and Baekhyun recent post. You cheated on him and he is hurt. Kiko was just a to begin with.’

        “Why these-“My voice rose up with fury as my hand were shaking at the recent posts on my Instagram, but I stopped knowing this wouldn’t get to me. I shouldn’t let it. With a few deep breaths in and out, I went and took a look at Kiko’s Instagram, whom I haven’t followed. Her feed looked worst, much worst.

       The fans didn’t even like her when she first showed up in Jiyong’s life, since she always displayed herself as a . When it was rumored they broke up multiple times, she would say rude things about GD, for instance she said he had a little and he couldn’t work it like some popular Japanese actor. She would also post extremely y pictures, for instance she showed the middle of her legs, wearing only because the light was glowing on it artistically. There were times she showed herself tonguing with men. I mean how could I not hear about it?

‘That pretty face is only good for rich men es, isn’t it?’

‘You are a ing !? You break up with GD and move on to Gackt in less than a freaking week!? Get away from him too!’

‘I’m glad Taeyeon broke up your relationship with Jiyong! I hope she even marries him, because you are just a god damn ugly ! I hope you catch aids!’

‘Piece of Japanese crap’

       Even my anti-fans haven’t even said such things about me. This was just horrible and I looked over at the photo where she was kissing Gackt right at the corner of his lips as she winked. G-Dragon did seem like an emotional type of man. He must be taking it hard. Aww, poor baby.  I clicked off of her first photo, to look at Kiko’s recent uploaded photos Instagram.

       I had to give it to her, she was a beautiful woman despite what the anti-fans were saying, but she had the looks. She was definitely the type a woman that a man couldn’t easily forget. I see why GD still been chasing her around since his debut days. I heard she was Japanese American and part Korean, which was a great combination according to her looks. She was twenty six years old with short black hair, an ivory complexion, puckered and yet full lips, big eyes that can be seductive and yet cute, then a baby like oval shape face. Her body was thin and slightly curvy, but she had no assets such as , thighs, or even hips. She was the model type nonetheless.

       The pictures that she uploaded on her Instagram were like a peep hole to her personality. She used her beauty to blind people using lust and seduction solely. I mean any woman in the entertainment business has photo-shoots to show off such themes, but being an idol, it’s not likely for the women because we have a reputation to hold. She was a model and a model is simply known for around, using her body, since that’s all they got.

     Instead of stalking her pictures, I went to look at Baekhyun’s Instagram to see what those fans were talking about. My heart ached as I saw the picture of Baekhyun smiling brightly at a fan signing event with his fans. He titled the picture saying: My fans are now my only girlfriends. I give you the key to my heart and now I am fully happy.

       Bull . He was just trying to rub salt in my wounds now. Quickly and angrily I tapped on my phone to look at G-Dragons Instagram and Twitter instead and I saw what the hair stylists were gossiping about as well. I wonder if they would get back together…since it seems worst this time. Oh well, I already have my own problems before I start worrying about someone else’s.

       I sighed and turned off my phone after navigating to my ITunes, then plugged in some ear buds to kill rest of the time I had in this hair salon. After an hour of waiting, I had my hair washed out and dried, ready for the recording of my solo debut. All eyes were on my waist long platinum blonde hair as I was leaving out with a bright million dollar smile. I felt better already since that break up. I won’t let anything hold me down, no, nothing can hold me down.

***

       As I drove down the street, I had started to day dream almost, but it was only a dream. Dreams never come true. I’ve realized that a long time ago, when I thought I was finally living my dreams, but I had only awoken through the cruel reality. All what I had really left was my family. A part of me still said I had SNSD, but over the years we’ve grown distant, especially last year due to scandals and the dissatisfactory album. I had begun to wonder if this was how she felt like. Regardless of my thoughts and emotions, I could never forgive her. What she had done to me was the most unforgiving sin in the world and I will leave it at that.

       It wasn’t long till I reached my destination, which was nowhere other than home. At just the thought of my sister recovering from the removed tumor, I felt the world had finally survived the nearing end of an apocalypse. The moment I had placed my hands on the keys to take out of the ignition of my car, there was a call. My eyes jumped at the destined call and I lowered my hand to pick up my phone that was in my open purse.

       To not miss the call, I quickly swiped to the phone to answer it and placed it up to my ear. Proceeding to take the key out my car, I had turned it instantly rather than removing it when I heard the tragic words coming from my manager. “J-Jessica’s been in a shooting incident with Kim Hyun Joong! She’s at Seoul Hospital!”

       I placed my car in reverse and pulled off the streets, where there was no longer darkness, but a light to lead me the right path to Jessica. “What?! How did this happen? Is she alright?” I had begun asking without properly thinking as I ran the speed limit.

        “I don’t know. I’m on my way to the hospital myself, but I just received the news. God, I hope she is okay,” He began whispering prayers and I remembered that day when she came to the hospital. At this time, I couldn’t help pray for her. I’m sorry Jessica. I really wanted to tell you that your prayers were the most treasured. For my cruelness, I don’t think my prayers amount more than the dust blown in the wind.

       I only wished my feet could move as fast as my racing heart beat, when I dashed for the hospital room number 910. When I arrived, after a sharp turn, I saw a nurse come out the room. I met her quickly and grabbed her arm with my shaky hand, while I looked at the door. “H-How is she?” I asked her and she replied to me calmly.

        “Ms. Jung is conscious. Her injury was minor,” She told me and I slowly looked at her, with a tear of relief slipping down my cheek as I smiled at her.

        “Her injury is minor? What happened to her being shot?”

        “Yes, her injury was minor. The result of the shot wound was only a small graze, but it was more serious to another victim. This is all I can tell you,” The nurse spoke properly and I released her arm eventually. She bowed to me and left me in front of the room. Jessica was okay.

       Slowly, I brought myself to look in the vertical rectangle window of the hospital room and the relief I had suddenly felt was over flooded with tragedy. Jessica was lying down on the hospital bed, with her eyes opened, staring at the ceiling while tears streamed down the side of her face. My eyes started to roam down her body and the pink shirt she was wearing was tainted with many droplets and smearing of blood. What exactly happened to her?

       My questions were brought to an end, when I heard voices filled with panic and multiple feet around the hallway. Most likely her family and even friends would be heading here. I had no right to be here. I decided to no longer to make Jessica of my concern. To know she was still alive was enough for me. She had to keep her spot in this competition, so I could show who the better leader was.

       Before, anyone could see me; I scurried down the opposite side of the hallway. Due to me taking that path, I had to take the stairs instead of the elevator to the first floor of the hospital. All through them steps, I had really only thought about Jessica. I was battling with my ego and pride through my concern for her. With a deep long sigh, I was walking to the exit of the hospital, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw a pair of faces that I haven’t seen in a long time.

        “Jaejoong…Xia,” I said their names with a faint voice. Their worrisome expressions and rushed actions were put in a halt as they looked at me as well. With these two, is where I had lost my way into the darkness, but especially Xia. I couldn’t remove my eyes from Xia for a while just as he couldn’t.

       Only the passing people who were running to see about Jessica had brought me out of my horrid past. “You should go see Jessica,” I told them with teary eyes, but along with a faceted smile. It took me to tear my eyes off of him and to never look at him as I passed them to leave. I guess it really is true that your past haunts you for the rest of your life.

       I took out my car keys and pressed the button to unlock the car. Even though I had clarified Jessica was alright, my hands were still shaky as I gripped the handle of my car door. To attempt to stop this shakiness, I bit down on my bottom lip and opened the door with chills running through my skin instantly. Even on this night, the wind was still so cold. With a single step, I was prepared to get in my car, but I stopped when my name was called. I turned my head to see a male wearing a white buttoned shirt and black dress pants with a face that was as pale as his bleached hair running to me. “Taeyeon!”

       Deep inside I wanted to run away as I looked away, but then I met his eyes bravely when I stood in front of him. “What is it Xia?” I asked him as if nothing could affect me at this point in my life, but when it really could. I had just lost control of my body when I heard of Jessica’s incident. Why is it always like this? I try to be cold to Jessica, but because of the warmth she gives me in return…I can’t help but be like this. Doesn’t she know what happens when heat and cold mix together? Only a storm is bound to happen.

        “I heard Jessica was alright,” he had begun and I nodded with my lips in a solid line as I looked towards the clear doors of the hospital from the distance.

        “Yes, she is alright,” I finally replied and looked into his eyes that were looking at me.

        “She isn’t necessarily alright,” he said with a hint of pain in his voice and I looked at him closer.

        “What do you mean?” I asked him and he looked around.

        “Let’s talk in your car instead,” He suggested and I complied with it, since it was chilly and many people were about.

       Once we were in the car, we were both looking at the opening and closing of the hospital entry doors as we began to speak.

        “Jessica knows there is another reason for why you can’t forgive her,” he spoke in a serious tone, but the words he said sent a state of panic through my body.

        “What!? She knows? Did you tell her?!” I became almost angry as I looked at Xia who would never look at me.

        “No, she doesn’t know the reason. Jaejoong told her that there was another reason, but didn’t tell her what it was since this was your last request of us. But, I am sure she is digging into what the reason is,” He said and looked out the opposite side of the window with a stressed expression, in which I could see through the reflection of the window.

        “She can’t ever know,” I whispered with horror and my hands were tightening in a fist.

        “But, I have a feeling she will find out,” he replied in a low tone of voice.

        “She can’t!” I shouted and Xia didn’t even bat an eyelash from my outburst of anger.

        “Taeyeon…” He spoke my name seriously than before and I looked at him deeply. With a turn of his head, he was now meeting my eyes.

        “You know better than anyone that Jessica would never betray you, no, Jessica has never betrayed you. You were the one to betray Jessica. You can’t go blaming her for the rest of your life. Is this what you call pride?” He asked me with a slight disappointment read in his face and my jaws tightened as I looked away instantly, because I simply couldn’t say anything.

        “It’s been six years Taeyeon since we broke up and I’m still hearing about this hatred and jealousy game. I’m tired of it. Because of all this, me, Jaejoong, Jessica and even you can’t move on. When will you stop th-“ I cut him off of his words, but I still answered him.

        “When I get ready! When she shows that she is worthy of forgiveness!” I exclaimed with my eyes tightening shut, but I opened them to glare strongly at him.

        “And, how can you say you are tired? You didn’t even take responsibility for what happened six years ago? Xia when I needed you, where were you? You weren’t there for me and yet those people, they made me do something…do something so cruel and unmoral. Jessica caused that to happen and you weren’t there to redo it! Both of you killed me that day!” My voice began to rise up higher, since I had already cracked with tears bursting forth.

        “Are you using that as your excuse to go around cursing girl group members, getting drunk at parties, having scandals with men and all? I think you are really killing your own self Taeyeon and I do take responsibility. Every day…I think about what happened and I think of what life would be like if that didn’t happen, but when I do think about…I think it’s our punishment. We weren’t meant to be together and if we were, we didn’t get together the right way. Still today, you haven’t acknowledged this Taeyeon. You started all of this and it is still going on.”

“Are you done chastising me?” I asked him with a tiring voice, because I didn’t want to hear this anymore.

        “I never chastised you Taeyeon. I’m just telling you the truth. Jessica will find out one day and I hope when she does, that you realize that it wasn’t her fault, because right now she is suffering. When she finds out about you, she will suffer ten times more and then that’s when you will suffer twice as her. That’s why I’m here, because I don’t want to see her hurt, but more than anyone, you Taeyeon. My love for you has always been real, one hundred percent real."

       At this point, I couldn’t even say anything more. I didn’t want to admit what he said was true, because I would simply fall apart. I’ve always believed that this was all her fault. It’s too late to turn around. This was the way it was.

       “I’ve just come to tell you this. I’ll be going now. Take care of yourself,” He spoke more softly and I remained looking out my side of the window till he got out of the car. Then I watched him enter the hospital and I hated myself in that instant. I told myself to stop crying, but right now I couldn’t even control my heart. I hated myself.

***

        I returned back home and I saw my mom happily in the kitchen, singing Gee, that was song by our group Girls Generation, SNSD. Her face looked so lively as she sung while mixing some red kimichi in a bowl. A timid smile rose on my lips and I silently went up stairs to not ruin her good mood with my own affairs.

        With a soft knock to my sister’s door, I entered and saw my sister staring in the mirror as she sat on a chair in front of her dresser. “What are you doing?” I asked and shut the door behind me. She could see my reflection in the mirror as I approached her and her eyes sparkled while looking at me. “So…pretty,” She spoke with awe as she was looking at my long blonde hair.

        A sweet smile fitted my lips as I placed my hands on her shoulders. “When your hair grows back. I’ll make you just as pretty,” I said and her eyes widened with happiness flooding them. “Really? You promise?” She asked and I pecked her cheek with a big smile. “When do I not ever keep my promises?” I asked her and she chuckled, and then looked down at her old brush that was filled with her black hair.

         “Why do you still look so sad?” I asked and she looked up to meet my eyes, with her soft brown ones.

         “I thought I was really going to leave…I thought I would never make those dreams come true…I thought I would never have the chance to repent for the sins I have made,” She whispered with a tear streaming down her cheek and my eyes widened from her complex thoughts.

        I then rubbed her shoulders to reassure her that she could do all of those things. “Never say never because you are here. I promise you that I will make sure that will get to do all those things,” I told her and then she turned around to look directly at me and not at the reflected image.

         “I’ve realized the biggest thing I regretted was not apologizing to those that I have done wrong to.  Today, I saw the news about Jessica and that she is safe. I know that you two have been through some things that I just don’t understand, but I want you to promise me something else. This will be your last promise to me that you two will reconcile and apologize to one another,” She said with teary eyes and I felt my own eyes began to burn. I swallowed, unsure what to tell her.

         “I’m not saying you have to do it now, but before it is too late. Do it on my behalf Unnie,” she began to beg me and I looked down, then back up at her. It seems as if everyone was getting on my case. I smiled and nodded, then her short black hair that had grown on her head already. “I promise,” I told her. For now I would just think that I would do it later and later would end being never.

        She didn’t say anything else, but smiled in relief and looked away with a happy look at her guitar that was by her bed. I then took her hand and lead her over to the bed. I gave her guitar and sat next to her just as we would always done, then sung our favorite song, a song that seemed like our first and last.

        I’m sorry that I keep seeking separation, but I and Jessica were like a shoe lace being untied. We were so close but still growing further apart. The words and actions Jessica has done have afflicted such unimaginable wounds to my heart that I can’t even recognize her anymore. I can’t even recognize myself anymore either.

***

        Everything looked brown as I wore brown sunglasses to hide my profile while I had my hands stuck in my crème colored coat. Noise shot from every direction as I kept proceeding forth with the staff members, body guards, our manager and Jessica in Incheon airport. Fans were behind us, keeping up with our fast pace as they screamed our names while taking pictures with their cell phones. I kept my head lowered, to not be bothered by the flashing lights, but I was rather bothered by this fool.

        She looked as if she had just woke up as a dead brides ghost with her pale face, long dark brown hair while wearing a white off shoulder shirt and white pants. Why did she have wear such a bright color when she looked so dull. She could have at least worn some glasses to hide that expression of hers. I hope she doesn’t look like for the baseball game.

        When we boarded the plane, we took our seats right next to one another. Before, I was worrisome of her trying to talk to me, but a word didn’t spill from her lips till she had got a call. It was right before the plane was getting ready for takeoff. Her hands were shaky and overly anxious to take her phone out of her black and white Blanc & Eclare purse.

         “Did he wakeup yet!?” She asked instantly rather than a proper hello and her face dropped. “I see. He is still in a coma. Is Hyun Joong and his girlfriend still arrested?” I heard her ask and I knew the story, since I had heard from our manager when we were in the van. Just as everyone knew, I had also known the issue with his ex-girlfriend, abuse, charges and all that stuff. But, now they were both being held by the police due to them both threatening one of another life and even more ‘the girlfriend’s’ child had ended up being shot. Jessica had tried to save that two year old boy, but failed. She is always too late. With remorse, I looked out the window of the plane and then shut my eyes when I heard her muffled cries from her covering with her hands. She was blaming herself and I remembered the words Xia told me. He was right because I felt twice as worse at this very moment.

        I was only able to escape that gloominess from rubbing off on me when our plane landed in Los Angeles and we had made it to the hotels. We only had one hour of relaxation before we had to the stadium for the Dodgers baseball game. Even when I laid down on the bed, I couldn’t find myself relaxing, because I knew someone was in their room crying. For a moment I felt she deserved to cry, but not over someone else. She was crying for the wrong reason. That fool, I bet she will even mess up the baseball game. Why even come in the first place?

***

        The time eventually came for the baseball game and I left first in a separate van since they were having a hard time getting Jessica out her room. Right now I couldn’t worry about her, because I just got on the good side of the fans. Just one mess up and I’ll be dancing my way into hell again. I really needed their votes after this month ends. Just one more month, I need to get by for one month and I’ll have SNSD back and Jessica gone. If Jessica really leaves, only then will I tell her what happen then, because she will never come back again. I will open the curtains of truth for her then.

        With a big flashy smile on my lips, I came out the van with my hand raised wearing a fitted Dodgers baseball shirt and white baseball pants that had blue stripes , with matching blue wedge heel Nike shoes that had a bedazzled diamonds on the sides. Our fashion stylist wanted us to look more fashionable this time. My blonde hair was curled and reached to the sides of my s unlike when it was straightened it would reach lower. “Taeyeon! Taeyeon look here!” I heard the photographers shouting at the entry of the stadium as I was being leaded by my bodyguards and followed by the fewer staff members. For some fan service I did peace signs and cute faces as I headed in the stadium where the seats were completely filled with die hard baseball fans, many being Americans.

        I was leaded over to the people in control on the edge of the field discussing with cameramen with their equipment. I said my hellos to them and they were asking where Jessica Jung was. My manager took over for me instantly and I just looked around happily, since I’m sure pictures and even live videos were being taken the instant I escaped the van. When the time was getting close to the opening of the baseball game, I was given a black microphone with a host standing to my side as a cameraman was recording us live. “I am now here with Taeyeon of Girls Generation. She will be singing our national anthem today with her other member Jessica Jung. Can you tell us how are you feeling about this game?” I was asked by the female host and I looked at the camera with a thrilling smile as I collected some English words in my memory. “I’m feeling victorious, since I just have this feeling,” I said and laughed at the end. “And what might that feeling be?” She asked and looked at me. Then I looked back at her. “A feeling that the dodgers are going to dodge their way to victory of course,” I said, speaking in English at all times. She laughed after me and then we were brought into the game beginning.

        There was still no sight of Jessica as I went to the middle of the baseball field, standing on the white circle there. I looked around and saw everyone standing when the announcer said so. “Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Taeyeon as she sings the Korean National Anthem.” Our nation’s flag, Korea flag was being held out by some of our people wearing taekwondo uniforms. For I moment I shut my eyes for a quick prayer and then I opened them to bring the microphone to my lips as I begun to sing our Korean National Anthem. With all my pride for Korea, I sung each word without any music and looked at the Korean players who were putting all their pride in this national anthem as well. This was for our country, a place where we belonged.

        When the national anthem came to an end, there was a loud applause of proud people and I couldn’t help but smile. I had been working on this song since I was a little girl and finally I have achieved that dream to sing it well for our people.

         “With the Korean National Anthem Taeyeon and now ladies and gentlemen we ask you to remain standing and gentlemen please remove your caps and join the singing of our national anthem. Accompanied by Nancy B, please welcome Jessica of Girls Generation,” The announcer had spoke in his quick and deep voice from at the watching table.

        I was already walking away as the American national anthem music began in the background, but I was utterly surprise and stuck with awe when I saw Jessica quickly pacing from the entry of the stadium. My eyes roamed from her appearance and I almost stopped in my steps from the great beauty of her looks and dress. There was no doubt everyone would want to buy that dress. When I came back to the sidelines and stood in the line with my staff, I took a good look at her.

        She wore a dress, but it just wasn’t just any dress. There was no doubt it was her creation. It was in the design of a normal baseball dress with its blue and white stripes, but the style was really made it different. Instead of how a baseball dress would button up in the front, she had the top part made like a Chinese dress where you would pull one side over another to overlap like a robe. Matching the silk fabric on the top part, she had a designed red silk wrap around her waist covering the back of bell bottomed dress except the front, showing the dresses blue and white line baseball design that reached right above her knees. The long flared sleeves of her dress were white and see through. For her accessories, around her waist over the red piece, she had a belt of diamonds hugging her waist. They matched her tear diamond tear dropped earrings, necklace and even more the diamonds wedge shoes that made her shine even brighter then the sun.

        She really went out as she tucked her wavy brown hair behind her ear and looked up almost at the heavens as she sung the most beautiful American national anthem I had heard. Her voice was strong at certain points, but it was the softness of her voice that broke people’s hearts in a million pieces. On top of how sad she looked on the large screens of the stadium, but she was yet beautiful as she sang the national anthem. It was only at the end I was able to breathe. I looked around to see the baseball teams trying to hold in tears and a few wiped them away, but when I looked over at Jessica once more I saw her crying herself with a proud smile. She then left away from the center of the field but everyone eyes were still on her as they clapped even loudly.

        Everyone took their seats eventually when it was time for the baseball game to begin. Jessica had to remain in her clothing since we had been told beforehand we wouldn’t be able to change clothes like we usually do at other baseball games. I wasn’t sure if I felt inferior or that I was just still seeing her with endearment as she sat next to me, watching the baseball game with a smile. Where did she get that strength from? For a moment, just a moment I found myself angry and I clenched my fist as I saw people still pointing and talking about Jessica. No one was talking about me. Should I have dressed up more? But, even if I did, it would be nothing compared to her, because she designed that dress. I knew that and I hated that fact, because I knew I was inferior.

        Later on I was able to successfully throw my first pitch and the audience clapped at how skillfully I had done so. I could even do it with my eyes closed, since I’ve been playing baseball with my younger brother since he started walking. I was even more glad I wore this outfit, than a dress. Nonetheless, wearing a dress, Jessica successfully hit a baseball that was signed by a famous baseball player into the audience. She held her hand up, squealing like a little girl at the crowd. Such a show off.

        The baseball game lasted up to three hours, but since the celebrities had the right to leave earlier after the winning, we did just as so after we talked to the baseball live host again. “It seems Taeyeon’s feeling was right on point, because the Dodgers just dodged their way into victory!” The host said and I was able feeling thankful for taking English courses two years ago, but I was still kind of shady on it. I only said the words I felt confident on. “Ha, I told you so!”

         “Jessica I must say I love your dress. I think it’s the hottest thing from this stadium to the run way. Did you make this dress?” She asked Jessica and I tried my best to not show I was agitated when Jessica spoke in perfect English.

         “Yes, Yes I did. I made it when I was in America and after I attended a baseball game. I was greatly inspired to make it then when I was watching the game. I find it a great pleasure to wear it for the first time for the winnings of the Dodgers. Congratulations guys,” She spoke into the microphone and gave a bow to the camera.

         “Will this be part of your Blanc & Eclare fashion line,” The host asked, when she should truly be discussing only about the baseball game. This was their winning not Jessica’s. She just wore that dress for advertisement and lost her goal for this to be a successful light to show we could represent Korea and ourselves. This was one reason I decided to get rid of her Girls Generation in the beginning. If this wasn’t proof, I don’t know what was.

         “Uhhh, it possibly could be,” She began laughing with the host and I simply smiled uncomfortably. Could I just go?

         “Well I hope so, because I’ll be the first person to buy it so I can prove how a big baseball lover I am. Is there anything else you guys would like to say before you go?” She asked us and I held my hands up with a shake of my head.

        Jessica nodded and she held the microphone to her, in which she spoke. I was looking away, but immediately looked her when I heard what she was saying. “I would like to say thank you for giving me this opportunity for singing the national anthem and hitting a signed baseball. It’s something I won’t forget. I would also like to thank Kim Hyun Joong, my long time friend for taking his time teaching me how to catch the ball and sing properly. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think I would be as successful as I was today. He is such a caring man for doing so. I hope you all feel thankful for him as well,” She said and I grew even angrier. How can she speak of a man that beats on his own girlfriend and even more shoots his child? She was definitely trying to get us in a controversy.

         “There is no doubt for feeling thankful for you and Taeyeon’s successful performance. This will be Taeyeon and Jessica of Girls Generation,” She said our endings and we gave our bows with a bright smile before we escorted out to our Van.

         “I was so worried you weren’t going to make it,” Our manager said when he got into the passenger side of the black van. Jessica looked down with a saddened chuckle then back up as we began to leave the stadium parking lot, to the street.

         “Yes…I’m sorry. I was just so disturbed about the child…being in a coma, but Tyler called me. He was the one who sent me my dress I made. I didn’t think it would be such a hot topic,” She said with a warm smile that made her cheeks blush. Ha, what was so special about a man calling her? There was no doubt her and Tyler were dating, but I believe the man was just using her to get rich. He was no different than any other CEO’s. When they smell money, they go running for it instantly.

        I laughed loudly at just the thought and crossed my arms as I looked out the window instead. Our manager looked over at me, but he didn’t dare say anything. He continued talking to Jessica, “Well I’m glad. I’m sure that child will wake up. Just keep hope and pray. Everything will work out in the end and besides you risked your life for him. What more could you have done than that?” The manager said to her and Jessica hummed along. “Yes, that was what Tyler told me too. Thank you Manager,” She said to him and patted her hand.

        Instantly, I rolled my eyes when he started showing skin ship to her. Our manager wasn’t like other idols managers who were all fat and bald. He was pretty good looking with a built body, cute face and black smooth hair. I also knew how many girls he called baby in his contacts. Aigoo. Don’t let me get started with his love life, but besides all that he was a smart and good manager. I can’t blame him if he was a womanizer.

        We returned back to our individual Hotel Rooms. I changed out of my baseball outfit and into just a large sized T-Shirt that was white and just had a pair of pretty eyes and red lips on it. I threw myself on my bed and released a big frustrated sigh when I landed on my back. Was my career really going to go down like this? Was I really going to be out shined by her? Losing my mind more, I ran my hand through my blonde hair and messed it all up.

         “Ah!” I screamed louder and sat up to see myself in a mirror across the hotel room. At just the moment, I had thought I was going to make history at the Dodgers game, but I was like a background dancer rather. But, what can I do? I have to admit defeat. Jessica was better than I thought with her fancy dress.

        After throwing a kid like fit, I had fallen asleep in my bed with the TV left on since I couldn’t really understand what was being said on this stupid American TV. Later on, I woke up from the alarm clock of my phone to get dressed for the club party we were invited to come to by some American person I really didn’t know. I guess this is what connections do for you. This time I was going to go all out. In another van, I was being driven by my bodyguard to a place to get dressed and makeup done. I scanned through the news of American and Korea to find out everyone was talking about me and Jessica. But, there was more people talking about Jessica’s entire outfit in America and Korea. There were just fans talking about how I looked y in my fitting clothes in Korea. I felt I lost from 100 to 5.

         “Once more, she is just using us to advertise herself,” I said to myself and tossed my phone in the seat next to me. I rolled down the window of the car by the window and let the wind take my hair away as I looked out the window with a smile of freedom. It felt nice to be away from everything for once.

        With a grab around my long sleek blonde ponytail, that was extended to be longer and thicker with hair extensions, I released it as I turned around to look in a mirror quite pleased. I had got a dress that was by one of the most famous designers in America, Alexander McQueen and it was the first unreleased dress of his 2017 fashion line. There was no doubt this would be quite hot and mouths get to talking. I pressed on the diamond hair accessories over my head that met at the top of my ponytail and twirled over the center of my forehead with a teardrop shaped diamond. My earrings were small circle diamonds, matching them.

         “I like my look very much,” I told the woman who helped pick my pieces as I my hand touched the smooth material of the printed rose petal V-Neck dress Alexander McQueen designed. It was an armless dress that reached my upper thighs, which was just perfect for a club. It was almost like a two piece made to be one, because at the hips it opened up like a shirt, but it was attached that way to make hips like wider and curvier. The colors mixed were a pale pink, burgundy and gold, matching my pink lips. Since my chest was partially showing, I wore a Starburst Mosaic diamond necklace that had white gold in the mix. With the final part of my outfit, my silver pink stilettos that had pink silk roses on the side were the best part. I was ready.

        Upon my arrival in one of the most famous clubs in LA, which was the Matrix Night Club, I let my photos be taken by the paparazzi that were waiting at the entrance since they couldn’t pass the red cord. They were completely marveled with my dress and I did turns for them to take a picture of the first dress of Alexander’s McQueen dress. Gripping onto my diamond clutch purse, I was leaded into the club with my bodyguard and immediately my ears were welcomed by Electro music that could have ravaged my soul. I had just entered, but I could feel the adrenaline flowing through my body as I watched women and men of the night dancing sultry and ily in their dresses and suits. It had been a while since I’ve been in a club as I was leaded to go around a different route in the dark club that was flashing bright neon colors among its dim lighted blue color from the lights above in the air.

         “This way Taeyeon,” My bodyguard told me and placed his hand on my back to get pass the people that were dancing near the VIP Area for Celebrities. It was up in the air, away from everyone else, but you were able to look down and see the people dancing below. As I was stepping up the stairs, my ears heard the beautiful sound of a music box, where the music had changed and I turned to look at the front of the club where there was main big stripper pole. The African American DJ who was above her had spoke to her with a big smile, “What’s up Nicki!” A big smile rose on my lips as I heard my favorite song being performed by Nicki Minaj as she stood by the Stripper pole wearing a checkered high waist pants and matching crop top with black shaes on. She immediately began rapping when I had met the top part of the VIP section which was a circle shaped seating. “That’s my girl!” I heard one of the men say as there were many of them among women wearing revelaing dresses. They were raising their hands and dancing along with the music.

        I was also too distracted to notice that Jessica was right next to me as she was dancing along with the other American men I didn’t know to Nicki Minaj’s performance as her  songs changed into different remixes. The DJ did an awesome job at getting the crowed riled up, because I was feeling it when everybody started rapping her line ‘Yas Yas’. Her last song was Starships and I took my phone out my purse to record her since I saw many other people doing as so. I would have to put this on my Instagram feed.  She ended it saying, “I got a go, but I gotta say this is one mothering live crowd! Make some noise for your mothering son!”

        Following that Chris Brown’s Loyal song started playing and everyone began dancing as Nicki was leaded off the spot light by her Body Guard. That was when I turned with a big wild smile on my lips to see Jessica’s matching expression. Immediately it had fallen, but I quickly smiled with I heard my name. “This is Jessica & Taeyeon of Girls Generation who sang the National Anthem at our Dodgers Game everyone,” A white American male said and I recognized him. He was the one in lead to setting us up at the Game.

        After I gave a bow, I had no choice but to take a seat right next to Jessica and I felt my skin crawl as I looked at her revealing dress. It was tight black mesh dress, revealing her s by see through, but with the back cut out.  Her jewelry was the ones that stood out the most, but I had no worries this time. My outfit would be the fruit of the season this time.

        With a cross to my legs, I looked over at who I recognized to be some of the baseball players, but they were wearing y suits this time instead of baseball uniforms. Some of them were rather handsome and muscular. I couldn’t help but find them to be eye candy, since I am single as well.

         “I wanted to say that I’m proud of you all, bringing the big wins boys and thanks to the ladies that came with us today. Let’s all have a toast and have a good night!” He said and I finally realized that he was the coach. I took a clean glass that was on the table and held it out for it to be filled by the coach. As he was filling my glass, he took a long hard stare in my eyes in which I almost coughed. The moment I did, he smirked and moved on to Jessica, in who I snuck a look at. I found out that she was looking at him with careful eyes. Ha, was she jealous?

        Once everyone glasses were filled, we all stood up for a toast and drunk up quickly. “Let’s party people!” One of the Koreans players shouted wildly and I eyed him carefully since he was of our ethnicity. Following them, we went down the stairs and my heart almost stopped as I saw Nicki Minaj coming that way. She went over to a black male I didn’t know and gave him a hug. We stopped as she gave some people a hug and just gave a few words of excitement. It was when she came to me that I thought I was going to blind, but when she spoke I went death rather.

         “Oh, it’s my girl CL!” My mouth fell into the pits of hell as I just stood there looking at her and Jessica immediately intervened, speaking in English since the moment we landed in Los Angeles. “Oh, she’s not Taeyeon. She’s Girls Generation leader Taeyeon, Kim Taeyeon,” Jessica said while laughing and Nicki’s mouth stretched. “Ohhh! I’m sorry girl! It’s just that blonde hair and you are both korean, but Taeyeon you my gurl too! Let’s get ed up!” She said and I turned me head in disbelief as I cursed in Korean. “Um Chang Sae Kki,” and Jessica eyes widened, but she played it off. “She said it’s whatever.” At least Jessica made a perfect replacement for my words that matched my expression, because she took it and moved on to the other women behind us. I had really called her a stupid .

         “Taeyeon be careful,” Jessica told me in Korean and I rolled my eyes once more as I passed her. “I love your dress! Who made it?” A red headed Caucasian woman asked me and I turned around, looking up and down at Jessica’s ty and plain dress compared to mines. “It’s the first edition of Alexander Mcqueen’s 2017 fashion line,” I told her loudly and she gasped, completely wordless. Yes, I wore the first dress that every woman wants to buy.

        Enjoying the music, I was swaying my hips and my hair in its ponytail to dance with me. The Korean baseball player who I had saw before and he was also the one I saw crying the most from my national anthem but from Jessica’s performance as well. “So you are Kim Taeyeon,” He spoke in English and looked at his y double lidded eyes. I smiled as he danced close to me in his tight dress shirt and black pants. He had a cute baby face with short black hair.

         “And who might you be?” I asked back in English, that was kind of choppy and he placed his hand on my hip to bring my closer to him. “Dodger player number nine, Kim Jiwoo,” He spoke in Korean this time and close to my ear. Lust was mixing in with adrenaline when I felt his against me. I looked up in his eyes with seduction as I pulled him in closer. Nothing was stopping me ever since Baekhyun broke up with him. It’s about time I repay him. “Well nine use to be my favorite number,” I said and he smiled. “Well how about we put a six in front of that nine and make it your new favorite number,” He began to speak lustfully and I knew where he was coming from. My body was burning up and I thought I would have exploded at any moment, but I felt something vibrate in one of my hands.

        Ripping my eyes off of his, I looked at my purse and wondered who was calling me now. Regardless, I found it to be the perfect excuse to get away from him. “I’ll be back lover boy. I need to take trip to the ladies room,” I told him back in my native language and he gave my hip a good squeeze before he let it go. “Don’t take too long. I just might have to join you,” he told me and I gave him a sultry smile. Quickly, I escaped to where I found the ladies restroom and ran for the sink. I gripped the sides of it, breathing heavily with tragedy in the empty bathroom. I looked up at my reflection in the mirror and saw how flushed I was. I was really about to lose my mind tonight. I’m not a . I’m not CL. I’m not inferior.

        If I wasn’t wearing makeup, I would have thrown cold water on my face, but instead I let myself cool down by taking a few deep breaths. Finally, when I calmed my body and state of mind down, I stood up properly and opened my clutch purse to retrieve my phone. I saw that I had five missed calls from Tiffany and I hit the button to call her back.

        With the phone pressed to my ears, I leaned against the wall of the bathroom and looked up at the light, trying to blind myself since I felt I had lost my true self. After a few rings, the phone was answered and Tiffany was the first to speak with a loud voice filled with complaint. “Yah! Taeyeon why didn’t you tell me you and Baekhyun broke up?! I went crazy after seeing him today holding hands with Kim Yuna. Did you two break up because of her? I know he didn’t believe what you told him, but that can’t be it,” She kept rambling, but I spoke after her in a low shocked voice.

         “Oh…he’s moved on already? Kim Yuna…she’s a good skater,” I began to say and I held my mouth to hold in the sounds of me crying.

         “Yah Taeyeon, are you okay? Where are you? Are you still in LA?” Tiffany began asking me and I couldn’t even bring myself to even talk to her any more. Without even a word, I pressed the button on my phone to hang up and turned it off all the way. So this is how it is Baekhyun? You’re trying to hurt me on purpose by being with another woman already, a woman who is also considered to being superior to me? I remember early last year, him and his group member Suho made a supporting message to Kim Yuna for the competition at the Winter Olympic Games. Has he been seeing her ever since then, even while we were dating?

        Kim Yuna was famous…even more famous than me. She was South Korea’s Figure Skating Queen and won numerous awards that even other Korean girls haven’t earned such as the first female skater to win the Olympic Games. I don’t know a person yet that doesn’t recognize her as one of the highly recognized athletes and media figures. Also her background is really good with her father and mother owning large companies. All girls wanted to be like her since she has the looks and voice of an Idol as well. I felt quite incompetent as I slowly walked at the restroom, down the hallway back to the central of the club.

        I was completely zoned out from the blasting music as I was remembering Baekhyun’s words to me. “You can control your heart, but not your body, then I don’t want a girlfriend like that!” Then is she the one for you Baekhyun? You get on to me about a scandal that wasn’t true, but how many times have you seen her behind my back for you to even be holding her hand now.

        My eyes looked up eventually as I saw the Korean baseball player, making out with some Caucasian girl in the corner and I laughed at myself. Was I really trash to be thrown aside and abandoned for someone else? I’ve not only lost my minf, but my soul as well. Who in the world would not backstab me? My feet destined me to come to the bar of the club and I took a seat. I really needed to stop thinking about these things, before I hurt myself, like those that have hurt me.

         “What would you like to drink?” I hear the bartender say as I lifelessly laid my purse on the counter. “Anything that can make me forget these thoughts,” I told him as I was holding in the tears with a deep breath. “Alright,” He told me and placed a small glass in front of me, with a blue bottle. Without any hesitation, I filled the glass up and drunk it all in one shot with my head going up.

        Why was this world such a cruel place? I felt as if I was on the playground of demons and I was being eaten up by those damned demons. That’s the reason I made myself so cold and hard like iron, but I tried to be warm to a few people. And those few people hurt me worst then the ones I never let in the first place. Why is that? My free hand was lying on my chest since I felt so hurt that my heart was literally in pain.

        Was the opposite of love not separation, but apathy? What did I lack to you Baekhyun? And with each memory I had inhaled with shock.

         “Your ing past reflects on your future!”

        Those were the words of Byun Baekhyun. Did he really not like my past? Why did he kiss my forehead and held me close when I revealed each sad crisis to him? When he said everything was going to be alright, he knew it was going to be like this in the end, right? I’ve had enough of people like you Baekhyun. People like you and Jessica. You guys think I did you wrong? What did I ever do wrong? You guys hurt me first!

        Almost angrily and madly, I was pouring the drinks and drinking them faster each time, wanting to drown these thoughts out. These thoughts were shameful and weak. I wanted to stop them, no, I needed to stop them. It wasn’t long till I felt the alcohol calming my nerves and the tingles began to come from my head to my toes. There was a slight dizziness in my head, but I felt this great buzzing feeling as if I was vibrating along with the music.

        My elbow was propped up on the black bar as I held the small glass in my hand that was halfway full with a clear liquid. A faint laugh escaped my lips as a silly smile formed on my lips as I took a look around the club. It seemed as if everything became so much fun and exciting suddenly. So this is what I was missing from not drinking in a long while. The music sounded so much better that I thought I would have an and the people suddenly looked more attracting than before.

        After realizing that, I brought the glass to my lips and lifted my head to let the sweet liquid slide past my tongue to burning my throat. My head began to spin as I wobbled it around and laughed. Then I looked up at the bartender. “Hey sunny boy!” I spoke some English that I knew and began going straight back to Korean.

         “You want be my best friend? I’ll let you be my best friend if you promise not to break my heart,” I told him and arched my eyebrow up, but he only laughed at me as he went over to the woman he came to the other side of the bar, ordering her some damn martini.

         “Well screw you,” I spoke in English this time and laughed my off as I ditched the glass to drink straight out the bottle. Since I had already paid before I started drinking, I had no reason to pay when I heard my favorite song start playing. I shook the bottle in my mouth for the last drops to go in my mouth, but my body started bouncing to the song that came on.

         “Heeeeey,” I squealed as I gripped on the bars edge to get myself up. My legs felt weak and yet so relaxed as I tried standing up. Giving a glare at the bald headed bar tender, I snatched my purse off the bar and laughed as I turned around, going to the crowd. I felt as if I was merging into the ocean of Moses, while my body was dancing against hot and sweaty ones full of passion and lust.

         “I’ve been dranking. I’ve been dranking. I get filthy when that liquor get into me. I’ve been thanking. I’ve been thanking,” I sung out my soul and almost cried since this was my song. It was no other than Beyonce’s Drunk In Love song and it was my favorite song. My body was slinging all over the place and my steps were heavy, but I swore I was the best dancer. I felt superior as I jerked around when the base dropped.

“And everything alright
No complaints from my body, so fluorescent under these lights
Boy, I'm drinking,
Park it in my lot 7-11
I'm rubbing on it, rub-rubbing, if you scared, call that reverend
Boy, I'm drinking, get my brain right” I said and I suddenly felt some hands come behind me, gripping me from the back.

        There were no complaints from me, but only as I backed up on the person who was pulling me to them. I still shouted out the lyrics, feeling glamorous even if I was truly in a mess.

“Boy, I'm drinking, I'm singing on the mic to my boy toys
Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
I'm swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body
Been serving all this, swerve, surfing all in this good, good.”

        I sung the rest with a silly smile and I heard someone whisper in my ear. “You are such a good singer.”

        A giggle erupted from my lips as I only looked around at the dancing people enjoying my performance. I hardly rapped, but it seemed as if they were enjoying it when it came to that point.

“Hold up
That D'USSÉ is the if I do say so myself
If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself
Hold up,
Stumbled all in the house time to back up all of that mouth
That you had all in the car, talking 'bout you the baddest thus far.”

        At that point, my mouth stumbled because I just couldn’t collect the right words at the fast pace. I was then turned around and I looked up the man who was making me his. “Oh it’s you Coach,” I spoke in Korean and he just grinding against my front, in which I gave into because this dizziness and lust joined into one another left me vulnerable.

        I don’t know why, but it seemed everyone looked so god damn beautiful that I even thought this man who was squeezing my was God. “I’m really good at ,” I blurted out in English this time and he leaned in to my neck, breathing on it.

         “That makes two then,” He had began and at just the moment his lips were about to meet my porcelain skin, my heart was grabbed and snatched away from the lion’s den. “Taeyeon what do you think you are doing!” I heard a familiar voice shout and I snatched my head around to see Jessica looking at me with that glare. Don’t you dare look down on me like you did on that day when Baekhyun abandoned me.

         “I’m doing what Taeyeon wants to do!” I shouted proudly and looked up at her with my head trying to look taller.

         “Aish. I see you are really still a kid. When will you grow up?” I heard her murmur with distaste and looked at the Coach who was infuriated from the sudden block.

         “You should be ashamed of yourself too coach. You just got married last year and you already trying to sleep around?” She asked and he lifted up his hand to Jessica’s face. “Now don’t be like that. We can always have a ,” He said, but my head was hanging low at this point. I needed to get out of this place, because it was just too much. If I could cause a hurricane to pick up and throw everyone out the club I would surely do that, but I am not Thor. I am far inferior to that.

        With a disgusting glare, she slapped his hand away and turned, while dragging me through the people who moved naturally like oil and water would. I don’t know where this cheap girl was taking me, but I just went along with it. Through a back door, she pulled me into the back alley of the club where there was sudden peace. Even without the music, I was screaming the words to my favorite song. “Drunk In Loooooove!”

        My mouth were suddenly covered with Jessica’s hand and I brought my hand up snatching her nasty hand away. That’s the hand that betrayed me. “Don’t touch me,” I said wickedly and I turned my head away. Jessica looked away and ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. “I’ll call our manager. You are just too drunk,” She hissed and lifted her chain purse from her shoulder to take out her phone.

         “Hajima!” I said loudly and pointed at her with a smile curling on the end of my lips. This was a happy time since I felt so happy. “Come with me,” I said and I grabbed the wrist of her hand that was holding her phone.

         “Yah! Where are we going? Taeyeon? Taeyeon?” She was screaming at me as I was dragging her out the alley to down the street, where many cars were traveling.

         “Let’s go to a Karaoke! I feel like singing! Let’s do like the old days when we ran away from our managers!” I chirped and smiled like a bipolar person who just forgot how much they hated the person they were treating them as if they loved them. Jessica was completely lost as I was holding her hand like some little kid.

         “Taxi!” I shouted and waved my hands out at the edge of the street till I saw a bright yellow taxi cab swerved over magically in front of us. With a laugh filled with joy, I opened the door of the Taxi and got in quickly, pulling Jessica along in.

         “Taeyeon!” She shouted and looked at me with wide eyes. Since she was too busy staring at my face, I leaned over her lap to shut the door for her. “Take us to the finest Karaoke place in LA!” I ordered the taxi cab driver and Jessica grabbed my hand instead. “Why are we going to a Karaoke? We are supposed to call our managers if we are ready to leave,” She began pestering some rule book at me and I released my purse, to put my finger against her lips.

         “Ssssh. Stop being a goody too shoes, just like you were back in the days. I’m your leader, Kim Taeyeon. When I say Karaoke then we Karaoke,” I said and waved my finger at her as I felt my head spinning. I grinned with my lips tightly together as she looked at me with scared eyes. Gripping her hand more, I looked out the window at the sparkly tall buildings and skyscrapers. Wow, there really isn’t nothing like LA. I wonder if I could sit on top of those buildings and they can make me shine like them.

         “Your amount comes to eighteen dollars and ninety-eight cents,” The fat taxi man told me and I released Jessica’s hand to look through my purse for my wallet. I was struggling to open the flap of my wallet for the money, but I didn’t need too when Jessica paid for us instead. “Here you go,” She said, handing him a twenty dollar bill from her purse.

         “Okay. Let me get the change,” He began but Jessica had grabbed my wrist and I quickly gripped on to my purse as she pulled me out the Taxi. “Keep the change,” She said so awesomely and I laughed like a teen that just found love. When the taxi pulled off, I was looking up the glowing Karaoke place, but I swore we were at a palace and that I was queen while Jessica was my loyal princess.

         “Take me to my palace quarters and let’s sing with soju!” I said and pointed with my purse still in my hand, since it was my only life saver.

        Jessica looked at me with defeat and gave me a sincere smile, since she knows my drunk habits. “Yes My Majesyt,” She played along and leaded me into the glowing palace. While I was waiting for Jessica, who was at the front desk, I was playing with the heels of my shoe by tapping them on the floor to make noise. I couldn’t help but giggle and when I looked up to see Jessica in front of me, I jumped up and gave her a big hug. “Let’s go Princess Jessica!” I blurted like a little kid and she patted my back, before taking my hand into a Karaoke Room.

        My mouth nearly fell and I singed out in awe as I looked at the bright pink room that had glowing geometric shapes made in the ceiling. The floor was designed of pink and red rose petals, almost like my dress. I couldn’t refuse the urge to jump and land on the pink couches that felt like smooth satin. There was a table in between the couches facing one another, which had bottles of alcohol there along with food. “Wow…all this for me?” I asked Princess Jessica as she went to the front of the room, to pick up two pink diamond microphones. “Yes all for Her Majesty,” She whispered and handed me my microphone.

         “Why are you being so nice to me?” I pouted and reached for a cracker that was on a see three crystal tray of the table.

         “Because I’ve been dreaming of the day I can be nice to you just like we are now My Majesty,” She spoke in a softer tone. I looked up with my mouth full of crackers. Why is Princess Jessica being so weird? Aren’t we always friends all the time in our palace? With a shrug to my shoulders, Jessica had pulled up some songs and drunk a few drinks with me.

        I know it was getting late, but I was nowhere near to getting ready to stop partying. I didn’t care about a damn thing in the world, but was going on in this room right now. I knew this would the best night ever and the sun would never rise! I couldn’t even care if everyone lost their jobs or my step-sister lost her baby. I would never stop drinking as I sing happily. Wait…I don’t even have step-sister, but I have a sister I love very much.

“Neomu neomu meotjyeo nuni nuni busyeo
Sumeul mot swigesseo tteollineun girl
Gee Gee Gee Gee Baby Baby Baby
Gee Gee Gee Gee Baby Baby Baby” We sung together and shared lines together as if this song was only meant for two from the moment it was created. We didn’t care if we sounded horrible, mostly me because we were straining our voices, but we were laughing and smiling. I don’t know why, but my heart felt so much pain, yet I ignored it. This face that was laughing and singing with me would never hurt me.

        After singing so many songs from SNSD’s Gee to Big Bangs Fantastic Baby, I felt the urge to replace my lost energy with some food. There was karaoke music still playing as I took a seat to truly eat some of these snacks such as crackers, ham, cheese, and pork. If I only had some Soju and BBQ from a Seoul stand then it would have been perfect, but this would suffice. I just couldn’t stop grabbing the food as I drunk a shot with each. I had only known how greedy and foolish I looked when Jessica was sitting across from me, who busted out laughing.

        She was holding her stomach as my cheeks were full and my finger was pushing a piece of ham in my mouth. I blinked at her and gave a rough swallow, then blushed instantly. “You are so drunk Taeyeon…but I love it when you are drunk,” She said and if I had my mind together, I would have found that insulting, but instead I laughed.

         “Taeyeon…may I ask you something?” She asked me and I started to see two of her as my hand lowered to put the glass down on the table. My head began to sway like palm trees being blown by the wind as this girl kept talking to me.

        “It’s your majesty,” I corrected her and thought I would take a small rest on the couch, with my eyes shut. Right now I just ate half of my body weight and felt so tired. I didn’t want to stop partying, but I needed to rest. Once I rest I can return back to my palace affairs.

         “There is another reason why you can’t forgive me right Your Majesty?” She asked me and there was a distant memory coming to me, with me on my knees crying. It wasn’t the time with Baekhyun, but with someone else and I kept screaming it was Jessica’s fault.

         “Yes,” I breathed out and turned my head, looking at her with half lidded eyes. I had begun to see five of her then in that instance. Shaking my head, I shut my eyes and decided I would just listen to her.

         “What is that reason?” She asked and I brought my hand up to my chest, feeling the pain come from there.

         “You…You killed me,” I whispered painfully and as a vision of vivid red blood on a white floor coming to me.

          “I...I did what?” She asked with tragedy pouring her voice.

          “You killed me you fool!” I shouted and everything was suddenly washed out into blackness. I was too unconscious to feel Jessica shaking my shoulders and dripping her tears on my face. “How did I kill you Taeyeon!? Wake up! You have to tell me?!”

          You are always too late Jessica. This is what made you and me different. We were always like this. Accept It.