COMPLETE

Jessica's 1st POV

     The saying, ‘I left my heart on the dance floor’ was a literal meaning to me, because on that very stage I felt we both only had a heart when we picked up a microphone and stepped on to that stage. We shed all such things as duty, morals and even pride when our feet met our own dance floor where we would reclaim our hearts for the time being.

     You simply wouldn’t understand how free it felt to be on that stage with Taeyeon as we released everything, but we had to close that treasure chest with our hearts locked on it when we walked off. We were brought out of time, back to the present as I was changing out of the dress into a black hanbok and brushed my hair back in a neat ponytail.

     The winner of Immortal Song would be announced and presented with the trophy on their next episode. Till then, we had to wait, but Taeyeon told me not to worry about winning. It was also tonight that the Park family would be allowing visitors for their passed loved one; Park Jiwoo and always in Korean Tradition of a funeral, only three days were permitted to give respect.

     As I looked in the mirror at my pale face and dull expression, I began to wonder what would happen now since the child was dead. Yes, I had to accept that terrible fact. The only thing that woman wanted was for son to be acknowledged, but if she was doing wrong just like Hyun Joong thought…she would feel that she murdered her own self in the end.

     Both ways in the end there was still an ill-fated decision, and I still believe that I was partially the blame for it.

     All alone in the dressing room, I placed my arms to my sides as shut my eyes, wishing I could have only moved over a little bit to save him. A child’s life is more precious than my own and when I finally turned around, I realized that even more as I saw Taeyeon wearing the same black hanbok as me. “Let’s go,” She spoke in a low monotone of voice and my eyes stretched out in surprise, but I couldn’t ask her anything since she left out the room quickly before I could.

     From behind, I could see Taeyeon crossing the Immortal Songs building street to get to the reserved parking lot for Idols. I followed out and went to my car, where I saw she was waiting as well. “You didn’t bring your car?” I asked her as I looked for her black Porsche, but couldn’t see it. “No, I came with the manager, but I told him I’ll be going to pay respects with you,” She said with her arms crossed and I simply couldn’t rebuke her.

     With a nod of my head that I understood, I took my keys out of my purse that I brought along with me to unlock my car, in which we both got in, with me on the driver’s side and she on the passenger’s side. Just as in death when there was complete silence, there was ominous silence filled in the car while I drove to the hospital.

     After we arrived at St. Mary’s Hospital in Gangnam, we got out and walked in, where we saw more people wearing black hanboks like us. We went down the hallway where the funeral homes were always located in the hospital.

     At the entrance, there was a spot to rent funeral clothing, a shop selling urns and coffins, and an area to order flower arrangements, but we both got out funeral clothing from the dressers at the Immortal Song building. Still I can’t go in bare handed, because that would be a great insult to the dead.

     With Taeyeon following me quietly, I took out my wallet from inside the front of my hanbok robe, where I stuck my wallet and phone there. I gave the older woman fifty dollars for the two most expensive flower arrangements and took them as I waited for Taeyeon, who I saw buying two expensive ones also.

     My eyes fell in sympathy as we walked together down the hallway, where more funerals for loved ones were going on and voices full of tragedy were crying out loud enough for even the heavens to hear. This child’s funeral was held in more private room away from the others and I placed the flowers on the desk momentarily to my sign on the guest book.

      I also took my wallet out once more and emptied out all the cash I had to put in the monetary offering of 500,000 won($454), where just 50,000($45) was the going rate, but I wanted to give them everything I had to help the family with expenses since this is all I had on me at the time. I knew money couldn’t save a life, but it would help his family.

     After giving the man wearing black just as everyone else was the money, I gave a formal bow and left the flower arrangements outside the room, where everyone put there’s as well as I entered the room, with Taeyeon following afterword later.

     In the small room was where I saw his main family (Two women and men of the mothers side), including Nina who were wearing black hanboks with a white ribbon in their hair and the men wore black suits with a white hemp arm band, which I presume was her brothers then since he was welcoming the visitors and ensured the customs were taken out properly. I and Taeyeon did a deep ninety degree bow to show respect.

     I had saw Nina with her head bowed as she was sobbing hysterically with tears releasing endlessly from her eyes. It was an emotion that was impossible to control.

     I also couldn’t help but let my eyes be drowned in water while I approached the table where I saw a white ceramic box that was holding the ashes of the boy who was on the picture in front of it smiling happily, where flowers were adorned with it.

     Once more, I and Taeyeon gave a ninety degree bow. She then let me be the first one followed the family’s Confucius custom to get to my knees as tears fell for the child. With my entire body shaking from my inside and out, I bowed with my head to the ground.

     I’m sorry for not being able to protect you. It was soon after that Taeyeon followed in the process of getting on her knees and letting her head meet the floor where I could hear her sniffling tears.

     We then rose up and got to our feet as my eyes looked at this person for the last time in my life. Before we left, we ce more to the family and bowed, giving our condolences.

     Upon our leaving to the room across from here, I saw Hyun Joong enter wearing black with his face matching the dark, gloomy color.

     My heart cracked from hearing the endless tears and processed forward to the room, where I sat on a square, black pillow at a wooden table on the floor alone with Taeyeon.

     This was also the tradition where the family and even friends who came to see deceased would be served with basic food and alcohol. It was encouraged to drink the Soju or even beer by a female server. Saying that, instantly that a bottle of Soju was place in front of me and Taeyeon who sat across from me on the floor by a girl with the colors of life from her face. There were also some pork given to us, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat nor drink.

     From the table, I could hear the murmur of other people’s talks at their table and it seemed as if they were avoiding the subject of death. It was so different from a funeral in America, where we would talk about funny stories or happy times about our deceased ones. What was this so called tradition? It was truly impersonal and depressing, just like it should be.

     Eve though, I hadn’t touched my bottle; this girl across from me was already pouring her second glass of Soju in the small clear glass.

     “You should drink,” I heard her speak under her breath without looking at me as she drank the second glass in one shot. I lowered my eyes and clenched my fist when I heard a louder cry from across the room, which sounded like an older woman cry; could it be the mother of Nina, his grandma?

     I was inclined to follow Taeyeon’s words and opened the bottle to pour my glass full. It wasn’t wine, but it was a new addiction to thin my troubled blood. “Can you hear their cries truly?” I heard Taeyeon ask me and I nodded as I drunk half of the small glass.

     “Yes…I can even hear his,” I cried out as a tear boiled down my face, burning right through my skin as I remembered his small cries.

     “That’s the sound of my cries also Jessica,” She whispered and my eyes were brought to rise like the sun as I saw her looking straight in my eyes that were still focused, proving she wasn’t drunk yet.

     “Can I even say I am sorry?” I asked, becoming more pitiful by the moment, because I couldn’t help it.

     “In the end you can,” She whispered and nodded at me with tears filling her eyes like a bucket of rain catching the silent rain.

     “When is the end?” I asked, with my voice cracking more than a new born hatching from an egg.

     Taeyeon simply smiled at me and I didn’t need her lips to tell me anymore. Even though she treats me as if she hates me, she has somehow still been by my side. It seemed as if she was the same person, but changed, which as expected of time.

     Nonetheless, I still don’t want to let go of your hand. I know I should…I’m a bad person, but I can’t help it. I promise to never hurt you again even in the end, but the end was when we gave our last breath of life, wasn’t it? Death pays in place of repentance. Must we really leave our hearts on the stage Taeyeon?

     We both stayed at the funeral service till mostly everyone left and we found our ways on slightly drunken feet, but depression kept our habits hidden away as we followed with shut lips out from the way which we came.

     On the way out, I had saw Hyun Joong stay in the room on his knees and wondered if they would release the ashes together. It takes a great toll to be able to spread your fingers, because it meant you were willing to let that person go to a better place than here.

     Only once in my life I had to let ashes go and that was for my own grandmother when I was sixteen. When I had done so, Taeyeon was with me just like she was now.

     As I drove to Taeyeon’s house, where I knew she lived with her parents and sister, I could hear her murmuring against the window in her sleep. Taeyeon was always like this ever since I met her. Even her sleep, she had an active mind and a mind that I didn’t know about till I pulled up in the driveway of her house.

     “Jessica…I know it’s not your fault. Mianhae…Mianhae…Cheolma…Minahhae,” I could her cry out in her sleep and I looked at with teary eyes. There is really something that I just don’t know, isn’t it Taeyeon? Just having you hurt because of me is enough not to forgive me Taeyeon. You don’t have to be like this.

     Wiping my tears away, I got out the car and went up to the door of her house, knocking on it a couple of times as I looked back at Taeyeon who was still talking in her deep sleep. “Hello? Who is it?” I heard a voice ask through a security receiver, even though I got through the gates from a password Taeyeon told me when I shook her to wake up.

     I went over to the receiver and pushed the button as I looked up in the camera. “I’m Taeyeon’s member of Girls Generation, Jessica Jung. Taeyeon is a little unconscious. I just came to drop her off,” I said and without even saying anything back, I heard the door being rushed to open.

     “Jessica,” I heard her say my name as if I was a disaster and I was instantly shocked when Taeyeon’s mom hugged me quickly. I smiled a little, knowing she always saw me as her third daughter till me and Taeyeon parted ways.

     “I haven’t seen you in a long time. How have you been?” She asked me with her big eyes and a beautiful aged face that was still smooth. It seemed she was still taking care of her health, with her body still remaining the same small size I’ve seen before.

     I was glad and that meant she would be with Taeyeon for a long time. If Taeyeon had no one in this world, including me, she would need her mother. A mother was the most reliable person in the world.

      I placed my hands over hers, since she was grabbing my arms. “I am fine, but Taeyeon drunk a little too much at a funeral service,” I told her and she looked over where she was. fell and quickly ran in the house, yelling up stairs with a loud voice that Taeyeon got from for singing and even talking.

     “Honey and Jiwoong come down! You need to get Taeyeon out Jessica’s car. She drank too much!” She hollered once I could hear doors being opened quickly and then feet rushing down the stairs.

     I then turned around and went to my red car, opening the door. Her tall younger brother and dad came over to take her out of the car, in which my eyes never left Taeyeon.

     “Thank you so much for returning Taeyeon home safely,” Her dad told me and I nodded with a bow as I saw them take her in the house. With a final bow to her mom, who was standing at the front of the door, I then walked around the front of my car, but was stopped by her yelling out for me. “Jessica!”

     I halted instantly with one foot and turned around, seeing her rush to me. The moment she was in front of me, she grabbed my hands almost desperately and looked in my eyes.

     “I just don’t want you to misunderstand that child of mines and I don’t even know what happened between you two, but whatever it is don’t let go of Taeyeon. Ever since Taeyeon had been growing up, she had trust problems. I’m sure you know that with some of her friends that became idols and hurt her even more afterwards, but I know you are different. You are Taeyeon’s closest and dearest friend. You can even call her blood, because I’ve seen you two together. Please just promise to not let Taeyeon go as your friend,” She begged of me and I tried smiling through my blurry vision of tears, but the combination was a failure so I just bit down on my bottom lip and nodded.

     “I promise,” I told her and I meant my word. Taeyeon was the person who made me complete. I would never let her go as a friend, but even as a friend if I need to walk away to lessen her pain, I will do so.

     With a final hug and bow to her mother, I left in my car with tears breaking forth from my eyes as I held my mouth when I drove down the street. What ill-fate was this really? What did I do in my past life to deserve any of this? What do any of us deserve this for?

***

     The morning came like a crashing shore on the beach as I woke up in my bed with an empty bottle and clear glass. An alarm clock was going off by my bed side and I turned it off as I felt as if someone was slamming my head against a wall. Holding my mouth instantly, I dashed to the bathroom, repeating life in horrible means. This time no one was here to hold my hair as I threw up.

     Afterwards, I recovered using my own remedy as always and got dressed in a navy blue skirt and jacket uniform suit, since this was the day of the court. The child’s funeral was just yesterday and today was the court day between his mom and Hyun Joong. What a really ill-fated life this was and I grabbed my silver clutch purse that matched my heels as I walked out the door in the gleaming sun light, but not even the sun could make this darkness disappear.

     As being the only witness, I was told to sit in the back of the court room while in front of me was the public seating, press, members of the jury, Advocate, Clerk of the Court, and the lawyers for the prosecution and defense. Being in the back, I could only catch a glimpse of Hyun Joong sitting on one side with his lawyer and Nina on the other.

     Finally, the court had begun when the Bailiff spoke in a deep loud voice, “All rise!”

     Nervousness settled in the wounds of my heart momentarily, as I found myself on my feet. Usually, witnesses would wait outside the room, but I was the one and only witness as an exception to sit in the back. No pictures were allowed to be taken except by the press, which were at the front so my picture would be only be taken when I went to the witness stand.

     After that, I saw the judge wearing his black judge gown come in from the door that was near his bench and walked up the stairs to sit at the up raised desk that was in the very front of the room. Only then that’s when we were told to be seated and the court began with the judge saying what case this was, along with the information behind with it.

     Nina and Hyun Joong had been at court before, but it was thrown out by the judge when Hyun Joong went to the army. But, today it was brought up once more for the last time.

     From what I heard before, was being said in this court case today. Nina had been pressuring Hyun Joong for marriage all the time while they were dating, but he didn’t want to. She had then wanted to break up and Hyun Joong did start abusing her as seen in the pictures, but she falsely accused him of the broken ribs.

     Hyun Joong had an anger disorder and she provoked him on purpose, which was proven through text messages she was sending to someone else in this case. She had said she would destroy his career before she went away from his life. Nina had even said she was pregnant to make it worse and got all the family involved, which made Hyun Joong nervous and was willing to marry her this time. But, he found out that she wasn’t pregnant.

     At that time he had admitted to abusing her at one time and paid the fine for it, but the other signs of abuse didn’t have proof of the X-Rays till afterward a certain time that just didn’t add up. Also in addition to that, she said she had a miscarriage when they found out in another exam that she wasn’t pregnant. Before he knew those facts, he sent her 600 Million won ($546,000) as settlement. After that exam, she had another and was proven to be pregnant, where she still claims that he was the father. Everything only came out when they both took the stand.

     Nina face was frail and pale as she took her seat in the witness stand after swearing in. “I will tell the truth now,” She whispered off of lips that were blue as ice and I felt even my own soul shiver along with my body.

     “Please do Ms. Park,” Hyun Joong’s lawyer said, before he bothered for questioning.

     “I and Hyun Joong were dating for over six years, but three years ago, I wanted him to marry him since he didn’t seem serious. I thought if I threatened to break up with him…with him. I thought he would marry me then,” She said with voice wavering like water in pond that had been struck from the vibrations of a rock.

     “And, after you broke up with him, did he attack you just as he admits to? Did you provoke him to attack you then? What about the broken ribs?” The lawyer asked her and she took a rough swallow before she spoke once more, while looking down.

     “I told him over the phone that I wanted to break up with him. I waited for three days, but there wasn’t a word from him and I became angry. I texted my friend about how I was going to threaten him again to make him marry him, so I sent many cruel text to Hyun Joong and then went to his house. When I went to his house, he was drinking and I entered, screaming at him on purpose. In which he did hit my arm as seen in the pictures. I took the pictures and kept them for future means. Then another day, I had attempted suicide by throwing myself down the stairs, where I broke a rib. I felt that it was because of him, so I released those pictures in the future as well,” She said and I saw her looking around to see the reaction of the jury.

     I was quite stunned as well. She threw her own self down the stairs and then blamed the injuries on Hyun Joong!? That was absurd!

     “So, you admit to the slander of Kim Hyun Joong brutally abusing you by breaking your ribs was false, correct?” He asked and she took a deep breath, before she replied with immense release.

     “Yes,” she whispered in defeat.

     “I see then Ms. Park. You have settled a past issue in a matter shorter than ten minutes. Now that we are here today, we would also like to discuss what occurred on the night the child was shot. From this CCTV, we have proof that you arrived at Kim Hyun Joong’s residence by putting in the access code and then knocking at his door. Once you entered, we are unaware of what happened and according to the police, neither you nor Hyun Joong spoke. This looks extremely suspicious and makes you look even guiltier,” The lawyer was beginning to get nasty with his words, but Nina’s lawyer immediately spoke up with voice booming across the like an intercom. “Your honor this is slander itself!” He said and the lawyer raised his hand for him to sit down.

     “I agree. Please avoid words that draw attention from the main case,” The judge told the lawyer and he nodded his head respectfully as he proceeded.

     “Can you please tell us what happened in full detail, including how the child got shot?” He asked and I noticed she was rubbing her lips together as if she was sealing them to stop talking.

     There was silence among the court, till the lawyer spoke up. “Well it seems the Plaintiff has nothing to say,” The lawyer said with confidence and walked around to sit next to Kim Hyung Joong behind the desk.

     “Please send the defendant, Kim Hyun Joong to the stand,” The judge spoke and he slowly got up in his black suit that was sadder than the expression of his face when he took a seat to the stand as Nina’s judge started the questioning after he swore in.

     “Mr. Kim I understand that you were at home at the time when my client Ms. Park arrived at your house with her child. After about ten minutes of her entry, there was a call to the police that the child had been shot. Now I understand that you have held a grudge against Nina ever since she broke up with you,” The lawyer slyly mixed in his presumed lies, but was backed up with the other lawyer.

     “Your honor, he is making assumptions without the proper facts!”

     The judged raised his hands just as he did before saying, “He is correct. There are no facts. Please avoid from now on.”

     “Yes Your Honor,” The lawyer said to him with a respectful tone, before he continued questioning Hyun Joong.

     “It is true that you did abuse Nina before, correct?” He asked, knowing he did under the influence of alcohol and has an anger disorder.

     “Yes,” Hyung Joong almost whispered with difficulty and the lawyer smiled as if it was a wonder.

     “Can you address to all of us here what happened once Nina walked in and even more how was the child shot, including by whom,” The lawyer asked him and just as Nina did, he remained silence. Were they really going to make it necessary for me to be called up? But, I must carry this dread because I failed in my own duty as a woman.

     “No further questions,” Nina’s lawyer said and walked back around to take his seat next to Nina. Hyun Joong left the stand as his lawyer got up to talk to the jury who would be making the vote, along with the judge making his final decision.

     “Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to end this note on the past battle that Ms. Park and Ms. Kim has been going through over the last three years, since they ended their 6 year relationship. Ms. Park is no doubt guilty of the charges that Mr. Park wanted to counter sue Ms. Park for a million dollars due to the damage and the money he gave her. It has been proven and admitted that Ms. Park has dealt with charge of abuse when he was under the influence of alcohol and even more he has medical records proving he has had an anger disorder since he was young as eight years old,” He told them the facts that the other lawyer was just trying to hide underneath the heel of his shoe.

     “With that being said, my client will accept anything he deserves, especially since the child of Ms. Park has passed away. Before, we bring a witness to the stand, I would to present the results of the paternity DNA tests between Ms. Park, Mr. Kim and Park Jiwoon,” The lawyer said and my attention was caught completely as I heard the loud murmur in the court room suddenly. The lawyer picked up the file of folders and handed it to the judge.

     “As it is said in the results, Kim Hyun Joong is not the father of the child by a 99.9 percent, meaning it is highly unlikely for him to be his father. The lies of the mother led for this tragic day to come to her child and to what Mr. Kim had done as well. Please bring the witness Jessica Jung to the stand,” The lawyer spoke with the voice of supreme justice and I rose up from the back seat, where reporters at their assigned press spot, began to taking pictures.

     It doesn’t matter wherever you go, a camera will always be there. There was nothing to smile about as I opened the gate entering the court grounds. I stood in front of the witness stand and placed my hand on the black bible from the bailiff with my other hand up, swearing when he questioned me. “Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

     With a deep inhale and a resting exhale I sworn, “I do.”

     Once that was done, I was allowed to take a seat in the witness stand and finally I knew what it meant to feel like when all eyes were on me. Even as an Idol on stage with over 5,000 people looking at me, I’ve never felt this nervous or at all. It almost made me remember my first stage fright, but this was so different. Everything I said today will depend on these two peoples future.

     Hyun Joong’s lawyer turned to me with a soft smile to ease my nerves and I made it my goal to only look at him. “Ms. Jung I am aware you were at Hyun Joong’s home at the time when Ms. Park arrived, I am correct, right?” He asked me and I nodded slowly before I spoke in the microphone that even shocked me to hear my own voice.

     “Yes.”

     “That means you saw the incident that concerned Ms. Park, Mr. Kim and her child Park Jiwoo then, correct?”

     “Yes,” I repeated and he nodded, knowing it was going the way it wanted.

     “Can you tell us all here today what happened?” He asked me and my mouth became dry as I looked over at Nina who was staring at me with swollen eyes from crying too much then at Hyun Joong who was looking down, ready to take his punishment. If I lied here today…something much worse may just happened than to that child. That child would want me to tell the truth, just as Hyun Joong wanted and I believed even Nina wanted that. It was time bring this war to an end.

     Then just as I told the policeman in the questioning room, I told everyone the truth which left them in more perplexity.

     “I had gone over Kim Hyun Joong’s house around three in the afternoon for him to help me with my baseball practice and singing for the Dodgers Game. When night came around seven, he offered to make me dinner since it was late. I accepted and assisted in his cooking in the kitchen, where he was showing a good mood. Suddenly, someone rung his door bell and told me to watch the food. I did as so, but then I heard him and someone arguing, so I went to see what was going on. By the time I came to the entry of his front door, I saw his ex-girlfriend Nina aiming a gun at him first. She threatened to kill him for all her hardships and Hyun Joong provoked her. He then attempted to take the gun from her, where a first shot was in the ceiling. Once he took the gun completely, he had aimed it at Nina. At this point I begged him to stop and Nina was completely speechless. But, then he aimed the gun at the child. At the same time, I and Nina had run to protect the child, which resulted in the bullet passing my right side to the child. After that, Hyun Joong dropped the gun and was shocked at what he did. He fell to his knees and began crying as I took my phone calling the police. The situation remained the same till the policeman came to the home.”

     Finally when I finished saying it all, I felt five pounds shed off my shoulders, but I still had much more left.

“Thank you for being honest here today,” the lawyer said to me and I nodded, before I left from the stand to return to the back of the room since the other side had no questions either. It was now left up to the jury and the judge to decide behind the close doors as we waited.

     There was no doubt that they were still going to serve some time in jail or even probation over this. Hyun Joong should easily get off a little since his parents would play plenty of money and because of his medical records as well. Nina shouldn’t get much either, since it was attempted murder, rather than murder towards Hyung Joong.

     My thinking was almost correct, when they all returned with the judge making the final judgment.

     “I announce the plaintiff, Nina Simone, to pay Hyun Joong one million dollars along with the imprisonment of two years of imprisonment following with five years of probation due to slander, harassment, illegal possession of a weapon, and attempted murder.” He said with a stern hard face, and then looked over at Hyun Joong as he continued to read off the paper.

“I announce the defendant, Kin Hyun Joong to two years of community service along with five years of probation due to the second degree of murder to Park Jiwoon,” the judge said and yet my heart fell down deep in the midst of relief. For five years, Hyun Joong wouldn’t even be able to have his comeback in which he told me about so happily, but I’m sure they let him off of imprisonment due to his medical records and so much before.

     They were both guilty nonetheless and they received their punishment. One can’t go unpunished, because of favor. I’ve learned a valuable lesson today. With them being the first two to leave, I followed and stopped the both in the hallway as policemen were taking them to somewhere else.

     “Wait!” I spoke in a shaky voice and they turned toward me, looking at me with pitiful eyes.

     “I’m sorry. I failed to protect that child. If that child lived, maybe things would have been different. I’m sorry,” I said with a bow, but their words brought me to look up in their eyes.

     “You did nothing wrong. It is my fault. My greed for love caused this to happen,” Nina told me with a soft smile as tears seeped down from her eyes and I looked over at Hyun Joong who spoke despite looking like a living corpse.

     “I agree. It is my fault also. My selfishness and own problems blinded me till this day. I thank you for telling the truth and now I can start counting the days for when I can repent. I regret even doing that to that kid more than ever, because he wasn’t mine. Thank you,” He told me and I couldn’t mutter another word as they were both taken away before my eyes. Nina would go to jail and Hyun Joong go receive his ankle bracelet. This was no longer a horror, but an ending to that story.

     With a bitter smile, I shed my tears and walked away to leave. I hope I can forgive myself eventually, just as you two did.

***

     Even my purse was just as sad, while my arm hung low, dragging it by the golden chain with the face of its name brand that read Blanc & Eclare on the floor. After driving home, I lost my merit to even breathe as I was walking down the hallway to get to my apartment door, but instead of meeting a silver handle, I met a pair black polished shoes. I looked up slowly to see a pair of straight legged leather pants, a pair of large pretty hands, where one was holding a basket of red roses, a black button up V-Neck shirt with is collar up and then lastly a heavenly angel’s face, but his left eye was slightly bruised.

     “Jaejoong,” I spoke almost breathless and he gave me a big a cheeky smile, that sharpened the perfect features of his face more.

     “I heard the court session ended and decided to come see you,” He spoke with a happy tone of voice as I had looked up in his eyes that were blue from contact and I took noticed that his hair was died a dark blonde, giving him a fresh new look. It seemed as if he just came for a photo shoot and I looked down at the basket of roses that he was lightly swinging from his hand.

     With melancholy still swimming in my heart, I managed to speak, but still in a dull tone as the bright red lively roses made me want to cherish them. “Did you bring those for me?” I asked and sighed as I reached down the touch them, but then I heard his reply that made me withdraw instantly.

     “Uhm…honestly no. I was waiting and a carrier said that somebody called him to bring them here for you,” He said and I immediately turned around to put in the password code on my security system pad and opened the door for Jaejoong to come in behind me.

     “Throw them away. The garbage can is over there,” I pointed to my left in the kitchen, instantly wanting to get rid of this dog food Tyler was giving me. How long does he think he will fool me? Every woman has a demon hidden in the closet of their heart, but it was only released when she was at a point when she couldn’t forgive him. Right now I’m still granting forgiveness, but the door is slowly starting to open.

     “What?!” I heard Jaejoong question me as if I was insane and I wanted to cover my ears, not wanting to hear him go against my wishes since that would truly make me insane.

     “It’s from Baekhyun. Isn’t he your new apprentice?” He asked me and I turned around about to throw my purse on the couch, but placed it back on my shoulder in disbelief. My eyes blinked a couple of times and my angry fingers began to relax as I walked over to him. He held the basket up and I picked up the little note card that was hanging from it.

To: Noona Jessica Jung

Hello Noona! I was having a photo shoot with Exo and saw these in a floral shop. I hope you receive them well and I look forward to you being my mentor. Let’s make our dreams come true! Noona fighting!

From: Apprentice Byun Baekhyun

     I sighed heavily and dropped the card to dangle from the basket once more, before I took the basket away and to look at the clip throne roses, but there was something else on top that caught my eye. With another blink, I picked up the leather boxing gloves that were pink with diamonds on the edge of the cuff and looked up at Jaejoong who was grinning more than ever. “Did Baekhyun put these in there too?”

     “No. I did,” He said simply and I almost laughed happily as I rolled them around in my hands. It had been a while since I’ve been boxing due to my jammed schedules these days. I still have my smaller black gloves that my dad bought me when I was seven years old. He didn’t plan for me to be a boxer and not even an idol today, but he just wanted to pass down something that could even protect me in life. Krystal was taught as well, but she never put her heart into it. She learned enough to keep from someone kidnapping her though.

     “Want to go boxing with me? I bought these for you after that night,” He spoke shyly and looked at him to see what he was talking about as he pointed at his left eye. My mouth fell with a gasp as I remembered what Krystal was telling me.

     “You even gave Jaejoong a black eye!”

     “I-I am so, so, so very sorry!” I pleaded instantly and lifted my hand up to touch the side of his face, but immediately drew my fingers back. When was the last time I ever felt his soft skin like this before, besides punching it? Jaejoong eyes had stretched more when I did so and another smile filled his pink lips as he looked at me slyly, but then moved on from it.

     “It’s okay. I think I deserved it anyway,” He sighed out and I nodded in agreement. You really did deserve it for breaking up with me and even withdrawing the truth for me.

     “Should I give you another one?” I spoke teasingly and my tongue out at him.

     “That’s if you can,” he teased me back and made one of my hands in a hard fist as I held it out at him, in which he jumped back, acting as if he was scared, but then he grabbed my wrist, drawing me close to him. Another breath was stolen from me as I looked up in his face, inches away from his lips that made me gulp like a guppy fish.

     “Let’s go boxing,” he spoke energetically and without me even replying, he pulled me by my wrist, making me drop the basket of roses on the floor, leaving me to only holding onto the gloves. As always Jaejoong was this dominating and playful, but he always did it in the way I approved of.

     He had even opened the door for me in a upward motion since his car was a silver Lamborghini and made me sit in the passenger’s side. With a spoiled smile on his face, he shut the door and ran around the front till he joined me in the car on the driver’s side.

     In disbelief that he just did that to me, I turned to look at him with a glare, but he was just looking backwards after he put the key in the ignition to get out the parking lot and then forward to drive out the parking lot of my apartment building..

     “You know this is seriously kidnapping,” I told him and he laughed in a care free manner.

     “It’s not like I’ve never done it before,” He said and looked at me for a quick moment and he shut me up as I remembered when he had done this when we were dating. It would usually be after a concert and Girls Generation would be back to the dorms.

     Once our manager would leave, Jaejoong would sneak in by one of the members letting him in and he’ll come in my room when I was with Taeyeon. In just the middle of a conversation he would grab my arm, dragging me out on a date. Taeyeon didn’t even try to stop him, but encouraged him. That’s probably why he still is doing it today.

     “Last time I checked you broke up with me at a play ground that was so cold, even ghosts came out to play,” I snapped and I heard his laugh tone down while he stopped slowly at a red light in the street of Seoul.

     “Yeah…I’m sorry about that. I really hate I did that, but you’ve moved on. How is that going?” He asked and I had crossed my arms as I look out the window, envying two birds that were flying and playing together. They were perfectly in love and I couldn’t help but sigh.

     “Not well…I assume. Let’s get all that off your chest,” he said turned down the road and then another turn that led us to a place that had a lot of forests and buildings, but we were at a boxing gym that read Adrenaline in big red letter at the top.

     “Alright, here we are. Let’s go!” He exclaimed and looked at me with a smile before he got out. I suppose I had no choice but to follow this heart breaker. After grabbing the pink boxing gloves, I got out his car and followed him into the Boxing gym, in which he held the door open for me again.

     The place was completely deserted as I followed Jaejoong past a big red boxing ring. The only source of sunlight was from above as there was clear roof top where you could see the entire blue sky. “Where is everybody?” I asked as I only heard our footsteps when we walked.

     “There is no body yet. I introduce you as my first customer to my boxing gym,” He told me proudly and stopped when we came to the very back of the boxing Gym, where a door was. I became very curious and leaned my head over as I looked up into his with big eyes.

     “First customer?” I asked again and he just gave me a big million dollar smile, revealing his perfect white teeth as he brought his hand to press on a keypad by the door. My eyes had caught the numbers he entered and I wondered why was the password my birthday, 041889.

     I didn’t bother to ask any questions as I walked into the dark room with him and jumped almost out of my when the door closed on its own. Woah! What has Jaejoong got me in this time?

     “I know it isn’t your birthday yet, but what’s wrong with getting gifts before then?” I heard him speak with a sentimental voice and before I could even think, I heard a sound beep then my eyes were revealed to something so mesmerizing. My feet leaded me to walk forward as blinds were being moved away from the window automatically from a button that Jaejoong pressed from a small remote.

     The sky almost looked like pink cotton candy as the sun was setting and the large lake behind it was reflecting like a million mirrors and sparkling like diamonds. My bottom lip shivered to fall open and I just kept looking at it, because it was so fascinating till I felt Jaejoong’s soft hand touch mines. I turned my head to look at him with teary eyes and a pink lipped smile.

     “For now on this is your own personal boxing room. You may come here anytime you wish and there are more things that can be unlocked with this remote,” He told me and gave me a wink.

     “W-Why are you giving this to me?” I asked and looked down in disbelief with a shake of my head.

     “That’s because I consider you my one and only M.I.P,” He told me and I blinked, confused.

     “M.I.P?” I asked again and his response sent me blushing.

     “Most Important Person. M.I.P” He said to make me understand and I blushed even harder to the point where I had to turn my face when I saw him starting to his shirt.

     “Ha, I am wearing a tank top underneath. I’m about to go change in some proper gym clothes so I can come box with you,” He told me and I turned around with my hands on my eyes, opened my fingers to make sure it was safe to look.

     He was looking over at a certain spot and I saw there were two punching bags hanging from the ceiling that was exposed to the sky as well, one was pink, matching the gloves he gave me and one black. The black one must be his, since I knew black was his favorite color.

     “That’s for if you get lonely and want someone to box with you,” He told me and placed his hands on his hips with a proud smile that didn’t just wipe from his lips.

     “That someone is you, right?” I asked and he stepped up to me, making my heart beat instantly on point.

     “Well today it is,” He said while being cheeky and I knew that he meant it would be him. Who else could it possibly be?

     “Well, I’m going to change now. If you didn’t notice already, there is another door over there. In there is your own personal locker room with a shower,” He told me and lifted one his hands to pet the top of my head like he use to do. What are you doing to me Jaejoong?

     I couldn’t help but release a relieving exhale and nodded after he removed his hand from my head. “Get changed and I’ll meet you back here,” He told me and turned to leave the room.

     I turned around slowly with the mystical waves reflecting in my eyes an I ended up squeezing too hard on the remote, resulting in a button being pushed.

     That was when I actually heard the sound of the water and I swore this was magic. I looked down at the black remote with white buttons and pressed around to find out I could mute the sound outside or have it played out. It was even amazing that I could close the blinds and the glass windows became like a graphic TV that could show anything I wanted like butterflies, scenery or even a music video.

     Jaejoong sure did have to pay a lot of money for all this and I pressed the button to remove the blinds from the windows and above. Since the lake wasn’t too far away, I had wondered if I could go out to it. I went to the window that was taller than my body and saw a handle on it like a balcony door. With a push after lifting up a latch, I was able to smell the serene air of the lake. This was the best gift ever.

      Finally, I had managed to leave the view and entered my personal locker room and everything looked so clean and new with a black and white checkered floor, pink locker, chandelier for lighting, body mirrors that showed my look from the front to back, white bench, music equipment, heart shaped mirror above the sink and a spacious shower. Even the air smelled clean and I truly felt like a M.I.P.

     With a sweetened smile I opened the locker and looked inside, where I saw a couple of folded exercise outfits.

     I stripped off the formal skirt and jacket that I was wearing to put on the black leggings that stopped at my knee along with the black exercise bra. I also swapped out my heels for a pair of white shocks and black Nike shoes.

     There were also a pack of black pony tail holders, so I went over to the mirror, looking at myself as I fixed my long hair up.

     That was when I got an idea. I should dye my hair a different color. Even with the scenes I’ve taken for my Music Video, it should still work out even if I dye my hair now. I needed to look cold, or even colder. That was when I got the idea to dye my hair color.

     My mood had gone from ground zero to beyond the stars as I grabbed my pink gloves from the bench in the locker room and dashed out to meet Jaejoong, who I saw standing outside the glass, looking at the lake. From the distance, I could see Jaejoong wearing his black tank top with red shorts that matched his black and red Nike shoes.

     When I got up close, I saw that he had his own pair of gloves that were black on his hands. He truly looked like a boxer than an Idol in this moment as I could spot the muscles through his clothing.

     With a few steps, he had sensed my presence and turned around to see me and I waved immediately with the hand of my glove.

     His eyes matched the smile on his lips as he came inside, shutting the see through door behind him. “Ready?” He asked and walked behind his punching bag.

     “Let’s see if you can keep up with my speed,” He told me and his pink tongue out at me as if he was mocking me.

     “No, we’ll see if you can keep up with mines,” I ed him back and went behind my coral punching bag.

     “Ha, smart talk for someone who hasn’t practiced for months,” He replied back, but I let my actions speak louder than words as I began punching the bag, where I heard a lesser vibration from the hook above strangely.

     The feel and the sound of the delivered smacks of my fist meeting the punching bag was the same. That was when I stopped and heard Jaejoong stop afterward as I looked up at how different the hook looked.

     “You even notice the change in the hooking. Astounding,” Jaejoong remarked me and I smiled softly.

     I’ve treasured boxing ever since the day dad taught me in mom’s exercise gym when I was little. Boxing was much more than punching a bag, because you learned how to focus on the smallest sound and releasing emotions with each punch. Even the feel of your hands were affected positively.

     “It’s a new addition that I got for every punching bag in my gym, which is the silencer. I thought it would make this gym even more valuable to my VIP gym members and even my MIP,” He told me and pursed my lips as I was starting to blush more.

     Tossing aside his act of kindness, I put my strength from my heart in the bag so much that I had began to forget to stay in sync with Jaejoong’s punches.

     Before I had even noticed, I had got lost in the memories that I was trying to beat out of my heart, but I simply couldn’t erase them from my mind.

     I wasn’t able to confess my feelings to Xia, which caused Taeyeon to feel so horrible after taking him. I then felt so jealous of them once I knew my relationship with Jaejoong was over. I hurt Taeyeon with my words, I betrayed her.

     Then, I suddenly expect that if I start to smile at her again she would forgive me then, just I was doing when I came back. How foolish was I to know that I took something so precious from her and I even failed to save another life.

     I was just failing everyone now and when I came to a point where my fists were too shaky to punch, I stopped letting my tears fall at the same time that my knees did to the floor.

   “I’m sorry Ms. Jung, but Jiwoo Park has passed away at 8:50 tonight. We tried out best, but we couldn’t get his heart to beat again.”

     You didn’t try your best.

 “You have no ing idea what you are talking about Jessica Jung.” 

     I know what I am exactly talking about.

“Who are you? You’re not the Jessica Jung I knew before. You think you know everything now? You only have half of the story. Now that I look at you, I know nothing about you. This you that is acting like this now is the same person I saw on that treacherous day. You were acting all high and mighty, even righteous when you tore me and Xia apart because of your own jealousy. Now you are acting the same way. I don’t like it and I won’t ever accept this person.”

     Yes, you are right. I am not the Jessica Jung you knew before. I thought I knew everything, but I was wrong. I don’t even accept myself anymore, so I don’t expect you to either Taeyeon.

    “Did you ever consider me your best friend then Jessica? Did my happiness not matter to you?”

     Now that I look back at myself, I was just a fool. A fool who I thought was treasuring your happiness and being a best friend to you.

 “Because, I did. I considered you as the only real friend I had in the world and now I will only say what needs to be said so I can release these feelings for once and for all to avenge myself completely. I’m sorry for taking your love even though I knew that you liked him. I was selfish and a bad leader. Still today I’m too selfish to forgive you even though I want to, but I promised myself to never do so, because the final string has already been pulled.”

Why are you like me Taeyeon? Why did you have to say it so late?

  “After I did hurt you like that, I wanted you to depend on me for every tear you spill, but I saw on that day you no longer needed me. My only wish is for is to you know the whole truth and you won’t ever find out till it’s too late, because you are always late just as I am late saying this to you. I’m sorry for the first and last time.”

And, why was I so late realizing how you truly felt, because you were right Taeyeon.

“I’m sorry for the first and last time.”

     I started to cry again as I remembering her saying those words to me. I’ve waited for those words my entire life and I remembered mostly the emotion that poured into my soul when we sung that song. It was a song that spoke louder than anything in this entire world. We were torn apart…so far apart, where I couldn’t even say that I was sorry.

     “In the end you can.”

     “Jessica, get yourself together,” Jaejoong was repeating to me under a hush toned as my blurred vision from endless tears suddenly came to a halt when I looked up Jaejoong’s face drowned in worry. His hands were holding my shoulders and he watched me with painful eyes. I turned my head and pulled away slowly as I wiped my eyes till they were dry.

     “I’m sorry,” I apologized to Jaejoong since our ending of boxing had already come and I stood up, where he followed me in suit.

     “I know you are blaming yourself for everything including that child, but can you really say it’s your fault Jessica? Did you have your hand around that gun? You really don’t know everything about Taeyeon either. Even she knows it wasn’t your fault, but yet you blame yourself because you exposed Taeyeon’s relationship with Xia and she does the same. I’m tired of this going on. When are you two going to move on?” He asked in a tired voice, in which he didn’t lose his anger, but I did.

     “You are partially the blame also too! If you didn’t break up with me…that night I wouldn’t have said those things either!” I yelled at him with my entire face turning red as my hands were in tight fists.

     “You are become delusional by playing this blame game. This is what is all wrong here. Nothing in this life is perfect and there is a thing called fate, meaning we have no control what is to happen be it good or bad. Even if I didn’t date you or broke up with you, you and Taeyeon would still be like this over another incident because you two haven’t accepted your faults, so you can fix them. That is what is wrong here!” He raised his voice at me and I was left shaking in pure silence.

     “Only then you two can get to the end,” He told me the answer at how I could get to the end, but there was no map or method to get there. Still I couldn’t talk as I tried fighting my tears, but when does the heart listen to the mind? Never.

     Jaejoong approached me slowly and brought one hand behind my head, with the other going on my back as he brought me to his chest, letting me cry into him just as he use to do a long time ago for me. What he told me finally made me realize that all the unanswered questions I’ve been asking were rhetorical.

     Finally, when I was only left to sniffle, Jaejoong took my hand in his larger one to lead my outside to sit next to the lake, where the cool breeze kissed my wet face, drying it for me even more.

     The only thing lacking was someone was to hold my hand and warm it, but that worry was blown away when I felt Jaejoong take it and guilt began to fill my mind, but I remembered the pictures I saw of Tyler and I wrapped my fingers around his from the memory.

     “You know it was before I went into the army, I had a situation similar to yours,” I heard him began to whisper, blending his voice in with the seldom breeze of the wind.

     My mind started to think back around that time and remembered there was uproar of fans toward Jaejoong, but I didn’t look into it. I had decided once after I got kicked out of SNSD, that I wouldn’t read or get involved with any K-Pop affairs, till I accomplished my goals with Blanc & Eclare.

     I didn’t say anything, but just looked over at him as I saw him getting lost in the waters of the sapphire lake.

     “There was an agency that finally accepted JYJ, which I’m sure you know about already and over some time I was supposed to mentor one of their trainees specifically, even if I helped inspired the rest as well. The boy I trained was named Kim Jin. His first name meant gold and he was indeed gold. By any chance even when you were in America, did you hear about this boy and the incident involving him?” He asked and I could sense the vibration of torn calamity in his heart just as any other time I could.

     My eyes stretched in grief and held his hand even softer as I replied off of a faint voice. “I’m sorry. No. I cut all ties to the K-Pop world when I left till now. I never heard of him…what happened to him?” I asked slowly with fear crawling like a snake up my spine.

     “I see. You’ve missed a lot since you’ve been gone then. You’ll need to catch up. I’ll tell you my story then. Kim Jin reminded me of myself in my younger days. He even has the same initials as me and was even thrown away by his real mother when he was born just like me,” He said, reminding me of a past that he had, but he was raised up by a rich family that adopted him.

     “Unlike me, he had parents that abused drugs and alcohol. After he passed the CJES auditions on the first round, he was casted as a trainee and brought under my wings where I realized this boy was so corrupt, but was fighting that corruption. He had the voice, the looks and even the dance moves to become a Hallyu Star. I had big expectations, so I was hard on him, especially when he was ready to give up being an Idol. Every night in the training rooms we would break out in arguing and our last argument, I said something I shouldn’t have even I didn’t expect him to do,” He almost laughed, trying to hide the misery floating around in his heart.

     “W-What did you say?” I asked as I felt my own heart shaking in fear, waiting for his reply as if he was telling me a ghost story.

     “I told him if he really felt like giving up on his dreams, he might as well kill himself…and he did,” Jaejoong said with weight on his voice and bowed his head in shame, in which I felt his grasp on my hand lessening. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything for the moment, because my eyes were filling with heart breaking tears.

     “With my words…I killed that kid. I killed not only his dreams, but himself in the mix. Right after that, I received the punishment that I didn’t think was good enough for me. Somehow, the other trainees in the agency had recorded each of our arguments and posted them online after his death was announced. I thought I would be ostracized from the music world, but that kid made a video before he hung himself that night. Even after his death he went through so much and he still shared his heart to the world. That was what really made him Jin, gold.” Jaejoong spoke and lifted his other hand to wipe away the tear that found its way from his heart to his face.

     “What did he say?” I asked since he wanted to share this with me out of all people.

     “He told the world the story of his young life about him facing abuse and that people told him that he should just die for living a cursed life. Even throughout his young life, he had only one person that cared for him so much that he even yelled at him on weakest nights to be strong. Even on his nights that he wanted to die, I told him to live. Even on the nights he thought he was bad, I told him he could be good. Even when he was lying to himself, I told him the truth to the very end. That kid found out he had cancer and couldn’t bring himself to live anymore. He only produced one song and left the world with that. After that articles about me being a murderer were burned down to me becoming a hero. Still today, I really don’t see how I did become a hero. He didn’t even get a proper debut. Till this day, he is the one of the three persons that inspires me the most in this world to be an artist,” He spoke with a smile as I saw him looking up at the heavens.

     “Who is the second and third?” I managed to say and looked away so I wouldn’t make him even sadder with my tears, but I couldn’t help to do so from his reply.

“The second person is my real mother. When I met her for the first time when I was already an Idol, I never knew what it felt like to be in a mother’s arms and cry or even knew what it felt like to be sung a lullaby to sleep by my real mother till I met her. I realized my talents of singing and even looks came from her. The third person is a beautiful woman named Jessica Jung,” He said in a mesmerizing voice and I felt his fingers regain their strength to hold my hand more.

     Air in tightly through my nose, strangling my heart as I turned my head to look at him astounded. His head was tilted as he smiled at me sweetly with those beautiful blue eyes of an angel. “When I first met you, I realized what love was really like. We had so much in common like an instrument. Each string is so similar and yet different, but with even one string missing there was chaos, but together there was paradise.”

     “Paradise?”  Was all I could whisper from my lips as my heart was suddenly opened to him, just like it was before a long time ago.

     “Yes. Exactly paradise. In one of my albums there is a song named that and it was dedicated to you. When you are all alone you should listen to it, okay?” He said to me and I was trying to make myself breathe again, but I was only able to when he let my hand go suddenly. My eyes looked at my empty hand and then up at Jaejoong who was now standing.

     “Okay,” I whispered in defeat and he looked down at me with a brighter smile.

     “Keep your word, now. I know how you easily forget things. Anyhow, I don’t want to keep you long. I’m sure you have a schedule for your solo and other things, right?” He asked me and suddenly this heavenly moment brought me down back  downto earth. My eyes widened and I quickly stood up, dusting off the back of my pants.

     “Oh my god, my photo shoot,” I exclaimed, remembering I had a photo shoot for a magazine, and then a recording for my music video.

     “Go shower and change. I’ll be in the front with the car ready,” he told me and walked up to me for a moment, with his hand raising up to my face, but he withdrew his touch. He knew that action of affection would lead us to some where we shouldn’t go, which was a Forbidden City right in our hearts. It was wrong to love each other, but our hearts just won’t let us be right.

     Asking why it was that way was completely rhetorical.

     With a flustered heart and uncontrollable emotions streaming through my body, I took a shower, wanting to wash away these feelings, but it wasn’t that easy. Afterwards, I got dressed back in my previous clothes and arrived outside where I saw Jaejoong’s car. With a long sigh, I walked around and got inside the passenger’s side.

    There was a strange silence as Jaejoong drove down the streets so he some music till he arrived at the place of my shooting that I had told him when I first got in. When he stopped in front of the building, I was biting down on my bottom lip as I played with the strap of my purse nervously. He was the first one to break the silence as I quickly looked up at him with big eyes.

     “Uh…well. I also plan to put some exercise equipment in your room also just in case you may want to use it as your person gym as well,” He started off shyly and I hid a smile deep within my cheeks as I nodded while I looked away.

     “Ah…thanks. I will come daily then,” I said and looked out the window of his car, looking at the doors of the building.

     “You can call me anytime you want also. I will always be available,” He continued and I cleared my throat as I turned toward him with a fever rushing on my cheeks from my prepared thoughts that I just couldn’t resist.

     “I really want to thank you for today Jaejoong. You really cleared some thoughts out of my head,” I said with pure honesty and sincerity.

     He had taken in a deep inhale for a reply, but before he could I quickly sprung my upper body across the seat to leave a soft kiss on his cheek with my puckered lips.

     With eternal high pitched screams sounding off in my mind like sirens, I turned quickly and grabbed the door handle to open it.

     In a split of a second I was out of his car and closed the door in a hurry. With my body alarms going hay wire, I gripped my purse as I in my top lip while I ran into the building.

    When I finally made it safely in the hallway of the building, I shut my eyes tightly as I self palmed myself in the forehead. I have really lost myself. Ottoke!? How can I even face him again after I did that? Omo, am I teenager?

    Just like that, I stayed in that hallway beating myself up till I remembered my duties of a working woman.

     Only work occupied my mind for the entire day. False smiles decorated my lips like sugar coated candies for my photo shoots and raw emotions overflowed when I recorded my music video where I showed my true self in art.

     I would have gone to the studio to finish the instrumentals of my song, but I just couldn’t figure out what was missing. It was the ending that I was set on. It kind of reminded me of when Taeyeon told me that I could only say sorry, when I got to the end and Jaejoong told me how to get there.

     In place of that time, I went to the dance studio to practice the dance with the assigned dancers for my music video along with a choreography I had with the models and lastly along with a male Idol. My mind was racing back and forth all day long till I made it in my bed by midnight.

     I just couldn’t bring myself to sleep as I had my arms wrapped around my legs, while I looked up at the crescent moon of the night. Slowly, I felt like my goals in life were slipping through my fingers like sand, or even more like the ashes of a loved one.

     My mind couldn’t process to think anymore, because I was never thinking in the first place. I was just asking rhetorical questions and not accepting my fate just as Jaejoong said. Still, my last questions of endless insomnia were different. In this moment I’ve truly become Taeyeon’s best friend, the type of friend I should have been a long time ago.

     What can make Taeyeon happy? Is it me being around her or being gone? How can we fix this? Can it be fixed? If not, can she still find happiness even if it’s not fixed? Can she happiness even if I am sad? I am willing to sacrifice that for her, because all this time…all this time she hasn’t really been living at all. I’ve become a murderer. Can I become a reviver?

***

     Like a shore rushing to beach, the next day came just as quickly as I woke up with my hair wrapped up. It was as if I had never went to sleep as the memories began to flood in my head and eventually down in my heart, making me feel completely miserable.

     My lips were chapped and my throat was dry as I sat up in my bed to look at my schedule for the day. I had music recording, dance practice, exercise, and a meeting with my new fashion team. When was I supposed to meet them? Mr. Youngmin didn’t even tell me that and he didn’t even tell me what the name of the show was going to be either since we would be recorded as well. With a clean sigh, I tossed my phone to the side to go shower and get dressed for the day.

     With a soft pull to my white military style jacket, I looked in the reflection of my mirror, finding a bit of happiness to dress myself up from the fashionista deep within me.

     My fingertips rubbed over the row of round diamond buttons on each side of the waist length jacket and then over the soft material which reminded of the clouds. I wore it open to reveal the loose white chiffon shirt that went with my black leather leggings and lifted my hands up to run through my pastel blue hair that reminded me of the sky.

     Feeling like I needed a little more to my wardrobe, I turned around and went to my silver jewelry box that was on the white wooden dresser across from my bed.

     I opened it and took a look at the jewelry, a lot that I had made and even some I had bought, but it was one piece that made the small glee of happiness diminish away like smoke.

     With my lips shaking with bitterness, my thin fingertips wrapped around the sterling silver hoop of a ring and I picked it up to stare at the big diamond with smaller ones below it.

     Within that diamond ring, I was reminded of the night when Tyler gave it to me. It was in the bottom of my glass of wine when Tyler cooked me a private dinner. When I took out of my mouth and looked at it, he was already down one knee.

     In those times, I cried tears of happiness, but I couldn’t say that any longer as I shut my eyes painfully while I had the ring in the fist of my hand, wanting to turn into dust just like how my love was becoming for him.

     With a deep exhale from a flushed face, I was able to drop the ring back into the box and grab a black diamond bracelet without thinking before I closed the box with my heart in there as well.

     It had been some days since Tyler had called me once more and I looked toward the bed where my phone was. I’ve become sicken with the thoughts of him and even my own self to be playing along with this game as if I knew nothing.

     With heavy breaths, my white socked feet walked towards the bed and my shaky hand picked up my phone, looking at my reflection in the black screen of the phone. It’s time for me to confront him. My thumb lifted up to touch the screen, but a string of breath in my throat when I sudden received a text message from SM’s secretary.

From: SM Entertainment

Please come to the Agency Building by 10:00 am to meet the fashion team for SM’s and YG’s show called, The Collaboration in the meeting room. Bring necessary items as a portfolio and examples to display to your team. Further instructions will be given once you have arrived.

     The shakiness from the core of my heart began to lessen, because I had an out temporarily. I swallowed my fear down my throat and shut my eyes for a brief moment to take some breathers.

     Once I reopened them, I turned around and decided I would give him some more time. But, honestly I was just giving myself more time to decide upon my actions and to accept this. I don’t think I would ever accept it.

After getting my portfolio and ideas folder, along with my purse, I made it outside to my car. Once I had got in, I some music to ease my nerves as I drove to the agency building.

     When I was walking out to the parking lot, I felt as if someone was watching me and I looked around before I entered the building with the swipe of my card in the access door.

     Shaking my head when I didn’t see anyone, I waltzed in expecting for cameras to be around at any point. I wasn’t new to these reality shows since I’ve had been involved with those in SNSD’s earlier days and even had one with my sister before I was kicked from SNSD. Still today it hurts to say those words, but it’s the mere truth.

     My previous thoughts were proven correct qhwn I saw a cameraman holding his camera near the clear doors of the meeting room and I looked through it to see a few of the idols sitting at the table. With a deep inhale, I gave a nervous smile to the camera as I gripped my white messenger bag more and stuck my head in the door, making some turn around.

     “Hi,” I squealed out shyly and as always I avoided to look at the camera while I examined the faces of Key, Seulgi and even Seohyun.

     “Hi there!” Key spoke back in English to me and I saw his lips rise in a smile.

     It had been a long time since I’ve talked to Key. He was from the boy group SHINee and someone I had some fun times with. I can still remember our duo we had done together, which was Barbie Girl by Aqua. Another reason that I liked him was because he was there for Krystal when I wasn’t since they were in the same age range and debut period of the agency. Some people thought he was gay, but he wasn’t. Just was feminine…like Jaejoong, but just way more.

     “Long time no see,” He continued talking to me in short phrases in English even though he was fluent just like me and  he knew the camera would love it even more as he came closer to me with his arms outstretched to give me a hug. I couldn’t refuse it as I ran up to him like a shy little girl and hugged him.

     “How have you been?” I asked and I withdrew from his arms to examine him. His face had matured more and seemed even more on the ier side. His face showed how much he had truly lost weight, showing a nice trimmed jaw line and it highlighted his plump lips and pointed nose.

     What was more eye catching was his bright blue contact eyes, matching the blue tips on his black hair, which suddenly reminded of Jaejoong who wore blue contact the last time I saw him. Were blue contacts the fashion here now?

     “Psh, you don’t even need to ask,” He said with a carefree attitude and I took it, he was still busy with SHINee activities since I’ve seen the posters in the building for their comeback promotions this month.

     Being reminded that this was a fashion themed show and the reason why we were here actually; I looked down at his unique taste of fashion. He wore a white dress shirt that had small roses on it as a design. It was tucked in a pair of sky blue shorts, which were connected by black overall straps. His knees were slightly revealed, due to his long black socks reaching below his knees and lastly were his black skateboard shoes.

     “I…like your style,” I said almost awkward. His taste wasn’t my taste of fashion, but it was fashion!

     “Ha, who doesn’t? I love your hair. Is it for you solo?” He asked me and I nodded as I shyly ran my hand through my hair while my eyes ran to the others in the room. I gasped, almost forgetting others were here.

     “I’m so sorry,” I said in English and giggled as Key laughed with me as usual.

     “Aniyo. No problem,” Seulgi told me in English as well with her lazy tongue and shot a gun at me with the shape of her fingers. I wasn’t too familiar with her, but I had met her before when she was a trainee a long time ago in a dancing room. As I can see from her here now, was that she had a lovely sense of fashion compared to the t-shirts and baggy pants in trainee days.

     At that time she was training to debut in Red Velvet, the girl group I had met when I had that first incident with Taeyeon and Baekhyun. Mentioning him, where was he?

     “We’ve met before,” I told her and she nodded in agreement, while moving her dark hair from her thin face and hollow cheeks, in which she reminded me strongly of Taeyeon. Wearing yellow crop top and white shorts, she came before me and gave me a proper bow as my hoobae and I as her sunbae.

     “Yes, I am Seulgi of Red Velvet. We met before when I was a trainee and even earlier if I recollect right,” She said with a duck face almost as she was thinking, making me cover my mouth from a laugh. She was just like Taeyeon.

     “You are correct…I’m sorry,”  I was releasing all my laughter today and awkwardly I stopped when I saw Seohyun standing by a chair with her hand gripping on it as she gave me a shy smile.

     My eyes were filled with affection as I saw her soft skin glowing, which matched her innocent style of dressing og a puffed shoulder pink dress that stopped at her knees.

     I had noticed that she lifted her hand up and tucked her black wavy hair behind her ear with a small twist, which was a nervous habit of hers.

     “Seohyun,” I said her name as if her name was a flower itself and to me she was a flower. Even in those days, when she wasn’t able to do anything, she never treated me cruelly.

     I had to realize that I couldn’t be angry at everyone in SNSD at that time and even when Taeyeon put her in TTS instead. Who could go against the leader and the CEO? Yet, I am still trying to do that today. Only I would defy the laws.

     She hadn’t brought herself to say anything, but I hugged her without needing permission. “You’ve been well, right?” I asked her quietly and I felt her own arms hug me back softly. It sounded as if she was trying to fight the tears, but somehow they won.

     “I’m sorry Unnie. I don’t want to cry on our first recording,” She said and I pulled back, to wipe the water I saw running down her face. It seemed as if she was feeling guilty all this time. I feel even guiltier.

     “It’s okay,” I simply told her and turned around to see Key watching with sympathetic eyes along with Seulgi.

     “So, where is everyone else?” I asked, since I’m sure I had more members on my team than this.

     Key’s face scrunched up as he twisted his mouth and looked out at the lonely hallway, where Seulgi looked as well. “I really don’t know,” He dragged out with a sigh and took his phone out his pocket.

     “Well it is past ten. Krystal, Baekhyun, Donghae and strangely our own designer Boram is late,” He sighed out and I nodded as I crossed my arms. 

     Just speaking of the devil, here they were all walking with Baekhyun in front with his black sunglasses on his face. I’m pretty sure the cameraman would edit that to look so legendary in slow motion.

     I crossed my arms, taking my role as the art director when they walked in one by one. “You are late,” I tried to speak sternly with my high pitched voice and Baekhyun gave me a peace sign.

     “I’m so sorry Noona! Everyone had come on time, but my papers suddenly went flying everywhere. You can see the footage from the cameraman if you don’t believe me,” My so called apprentice began flooding me with excuses and I held my fingers to my forehead as I looked up with anxiety.

“Yeah, yeah. Take your seats,” I said with a dread and he blew me a kiss on his way to his chair. I became extremely nervous when he did that I look toward the cameraman as I whispered. “Can you edit that out?” With a soft laugh, I took my seat in the main chair at the end of the table as if we were having a board meeting.

     To be honest, I may look like I know what I am doing, but I really don’t. I mean I’ve had my own fashion team in my brand, but this was just different. The text message said there would be further instructions when everyone arrived. Where were they? Was this just to show how we uphold everything till then?

     Suddenly my worries were shoved away when I saw one of the cameramen staff women run in with a package. She handed it to me and I nodded with a thanks.

     As I was opening it, I was looking over the late birds, Krystal my sister, Baekhyun my overly sweet apprentice, Boram my friendly designer, and saving the best for last Lee Donghae, my ex-boyfriend. Why does he have to be here? I knew his taste in fashion was good, but they could have at least sent Eunhyuk. I liked him.

     I took out a pack of paper and sharpened pencils. What were these for? I held the envelope upside down where a pink card suddenly dropped out. With curiosity at its edge, I picked it up and read it out loud for the entire team to hear.

     “You are to introduce yourselves and tell your best point of fashion sense along with a presentation you brought. After that, everyone is to draw an example within five minutes,” I read right off the card and looked up at everyone who was nodding in agreement since it seemed easy. I guess this episode of the collaboration would be our introduction of one another. I wondered of the YG team was doing the same or they could be even watching!?

     With a soft smile, I started first, being the director anyways. I took out my portfolio and my design folder I used for Blanc and Eclare. I opened my notebook, showing my portfolio in which the camera had a great shot at it. “Annyeong. My name is Jessica and I am your art director for SM’s fashion team. I have been into fashion, starting with my own first fashion line Blanc & Eclare since 2014. My designs are heavily influenced on a classy and sophisticated style. Besides what I put in my fashion line, I also do many other types of fashion such as sports, fantasy, punk, Lolita and many more be it in women’s fashion and men fashion,” I told them all and they all looked simply impressed. Then everyone went around in the circle introducing themselves.

     Basically, everyone had been into fashion for years here, but never pursued a fashion line till this opportunity came along. Key had more of a pop, punk and preppy style of fashion as we can see today. Krystal had a classy, sophisticated, and even preppy style of fashion, which was similar to mines as well. Seulgi had a preppy style of fashion mixed with a hip hop style as well.

     That would be vital when we would actually collaborate with YG. Baekhyun didn’t really know what to say, so he just said anything. He said that he had a classy and y fashion sense. Okay, if you say so when he was only wearing a button up shirt and destroyed jeans. Seohyun chose classy as always. Kim Boram portfolio was like mines since she was professional designer. She was good in everything and finally Lee Donghae had chosen traditional and sophisticated. He had really changed compared to when I dated him, so I couldn’t say that he was still a hole.

     Once we were done with formalities, we were on the timer to start drawing when the pencils and paper were distributed out. I quickly drew out a girl wearing an open coat with scarf around her neck while she wore a bell bottom jeans and a button up blouse. I finished up with her high heels and a wide brimmed hat on her head.

     Finished a minute early, I looked up to see Baekhyun a seat down from me erasing over and over as he retraced whatever he called a drawing. With a deep sigh I shook my head and smiled when I saw Krystal’s well done drawing of a woman wearing a flaring dress that wore a short jacket over it with army boots.

     Finally, the bell rung from the TV that was in the corner of the room that was being controlled from someone not here obviously.

     “Let’s see them,” I spoke up with a smile and held mines up. Everyone looked around and tried holding in there laughs when they saw Baekhyun’s stick figure with squares for pants. We definitely have a long way to go. I’m sure SM just put him on here for more views and show the interaction of me and him as mentor and apprentice.

     “Yah! What are you laughing about!?” He asked with his embarrassment blooming from his red cheeks. Quickly, he slammed it down and looked away with a long exhale.

     I was holding in a chuckle, but I couldn’t when the corner of my lip lifted up.

      I instantly cleared my throat and looked over to the flat screen TV on the wall that was suddenly showing the YG team chuckling. “Annyeong!” I heard the entire team say and Baekhyun looked back over at them. I was right. They were watching. I’m sure Baekhyun literally feels like fried bacon now.

     The faces of G-Dragon, CL, B.I, Seungyoon, Lee Hi, T.O.P, Park Bom, Taehyun, and Bobby popped up. My eyes quickly looked over at Krystal, who I saw face suddenly become radiated in complete awe and fascination. My eyes became sharper than glass as I looked at G-Dragon’s face at the TV. If I had a baseball bat I would shatter that face for seducing my sister! How far have you two been!?

With a deep inhale, I exhaled a lovely smile and gave a cute wave. “Annyeong. When shall we be meeting?” I asked, since it only made sense we would have to meet, right?

     “After this,” GD said and pointed the direction in which the screen started swirling till it came when the YG Team was introducing their selves.

     “Ha, must we really do this? We all know each other too well and we are all dressed in the same style,” G-Dragon was speaking with his cute face and fixing the cap he wore backward on his head.

     “How about we just let them come here,” CL spoke up with her hands entwined together and they all began to laugh evilly with the screen going black.

     Was that plotted to be like that when we just spent our entire time doing this? Well it is true YG is closer to one another unlike SM. I guess that is why they are called YG Family and us SM Town.

     The screen then brightened up with a pink screen like the card I had and letters typed on to it saying the following: There is a van outside that will take you to the YG Entertainment Agency building. Take it and meet the YG fashion team.

     Lastly, the screen out and I heard Key gasp. I turned to see him rolling his eyes, just as Baekhyun did as well. They all got up and I did as well, following the group down the hallway. “What is this ?” I heard Krystal mutter as she was walking next to me and I laughed loudly, trying to cover up her words. Does she want us to be murdered by the YG stan fans?! But, wait…shouldn’t she be happy to go see GD? Hmmm.

     Everyone spirits seemed to be lifted when we sat in the van, talking about things that would of interest to the fans and one another. For some reason, I just looked out at the window at the blue sky, wondering if Taeyeon was looking at the same sky I was. What was she doing right now? Was she still feeling the way I saw her last time? Has she moved on?  When have I become so trivial?

     All conversations, including the one in my head was put to an end when we arrived outside of YG Entertainment’s unique shaped agency building that had the exterior of a silver alloyed metal. It seemed as if everyone was just as curious as we got out the car one by one. With me in the lead, we walked up the steps to the door and tried peeking inside since we couldn’t open it without a card of access.

     “How do we get in, when no one is opening the door for us?” I heard Krystal pout as she was putting her hands on both side of her eyes as well, while trying to see pass the glass.

     Suddenly we felt a push from the door and jumped away from the door as if we had been spooked by a ghost when it suddenly opened. With eyes outstretched we looked in and didn’t even see who opened the door. It must have been done by a control system somewhere.

     “It’s YG’s ghost!” I heard Baekhyun say in a shaky voice and I just turned to glare at him. Come on, the man is still alive. How could it be his ghost?

     With a shake of my head, I waved everyone to follow me in and still the cameraman was still following us with their portable equipment as always.

     To be honest, it was my first time ever stepping a foot on YG’s grounds. The entryway was just a silver floor that had a unique abstract design in the middle. There was also a front desk, but no one was there as we all walked there as if we were on a school field trip.

     I was looking at the pictures of YG’s idols being hung up on a digital light around the walls, but stopped when I heard Key shout with his finger pointing. Immediately, I turned my head to see a trail of rose petals on the floor that was in the opening of another passage to go to. “We must need to follow these,” Krystal pouted again and Key looked over at her with a smile.

     What was with these games? Once more, taking the lead I began the walk slowly with the fashion team following me down a dimly lighted hallway and once more we saw see through doors, but with pictures of the agency’s idols there.      “Why does the place feel so scary?” I heard Seohyun asked and noticed she was grabbing on my arm next to me. With a sigh, I let her be and kept following the rose petals till we came to a close silver door.

     I don’t know why it felt so scary to just open the door, but regardless I did and my eyes widened from the brightened contrast to the rest of the building did.

     There was no one inside, but it was a spacious room with black walls and light soared in through the large window where the city could be seen. But, that wasn’t what was eye catching, but it was the long red carpet that leaded to two golden chairs that look fit for king and queen. Then there were simplier chairs, but golden on the sides of the carpet.

     While I was still observing everything, Baekhyun and Key had taken it of their own accords to go to the chairs, but the one for a king and queen. These two really would be the death of me. We all then entered, looking around like clueless fools, but once more jumped out of underwear when we heard a large trumpet being played. It was toward the door and I saw one of Big Bang’s members Daesung. Why was he here? He wasn’t on their fashion team.

     “You there get off the throne!” He shouted out at Key and Baekhyun as they were role-playing, but immediately stood up, dusting their clothes off while coughing, seeming guilty. Even thought I couldn’t see Daesung eyes due to his black hair being so long while he wore a closed red varsity jacket and black jeans, I tried to talk to him without the eye contact. “Where is everyone?” I asked.

     “Take your seats and the fashion show will then begin! Fashion Queen shall we?” He asked of me with his arm holding out and I was slowly catching on to their act. I laughed lightly and put my arm into his as I was brought to sit in the bigger throne chair. When I took my seat and looked at my team who was still standing around dumbfound. I bit down on my bottom lip and motioned for them to sit with my eyes. They didn’t at least catch on to that?

     Finally, they did as four took a seat on side and the other remaining on the other side. Daesung stepped away and brought the mouth piece of his golden trumpet to his lips, playing a victorious sound. For a moment I looked over at what I figured to be the ‘Kings’ throne and I wondered who was going to sit there. Most likely it would be-

     My thoughts were cut off instantly when I suddenly heard a distant song start. The doors opened instantly, making the loud rap song start and I recognized whose song it was, which was the long haired blonde female walking in now with coolness residing in her steps. She wore a black and white blazer on her shoulders over a long sleeve black shirt that I could tell was made by Jeremy Scott. Her high knee boots was of the same pattern as she had chains around her neck, matching her silver rings on each finger. What most was outstanding the way her red lips popped out her fashion the most.

     CL stopped a few feet away from me and turned around to walk toward the door, where another female came wearing a similar hip hop style, which I recognized to be one of her group members Bom. As known for her short dresses she wore a black and red one. My eyes had crossed over Baekhyun, whose mouth was open like a fountain and I can say the same for Donghae. Nope, he hadn’t changed one bit. After their last female fashion member came out, which was Lee Hi. The song changed from the baddest female to I’m Him that was by Mino from WINNER.

     The song matched the strong, bold and even dark fashion that they were from blazer jackets, baggy pants, earrings and more. The last of their fashion team B.I, Seungyoon, T.O.P, Nam Taeyeon and Bobby had entered, leaving one person missing.

     Whoever was playing the music somewhere in the hallway had changed it to no other song that was by G-Dragon and the well known fashionista came in wearing a striking red apparel. I had to admit that he even took my breath away and just as the song was being played, he was One of Kind.

     I had almost fallen in love with his sense for fashion, because I rarely seen people dress like that. On his small form, he wore clothes that were slightly bigger for his size, which was a buttoned up red shirt with a long white sleeve shirt underneath. In the pocket of that shirt was a white handkerchief with a design on it hanging out and his pants were slightly sagging, matching his red shirt, but was secured by a diamond belt buckle at the front. His shirt was tucked in, but not in the back where it hid his boxers that could possibly show. For accessories, he had a hanging cross chain around his neck, earrings and bracelets and a red gang bandana on his head.

     Then just as I figured, he took his seat next to me on the throne and I looked over at him as he gave me a cute smile with the music ending on point. Once more Daesung played his trumpet, speaking out loud enough for the room to hear. “I announce the King and his family have arrived. All hail the fashion King and Queen!” That was his last words as he quickly walked around ready to leave, but he turned around quickly while holding his hand out to GD.

     GD blinked and looked into Daesung’s hand and then up into his face. “What?” He asked and Daesung made a sour face while shaking his shoulders a little. “Come on. I didn’t do this for nothing. Give me a dollar. I need a drink after all this blowing!” He complained out like a little baby. GD sighed and reached into his pocket pulling out his wallet. I saw he give him 10,000 won instead and Daesung quickly ran out the doors happily ever after.

     The ‘fashion king’ then stood up, pushing his wallet back inside his pants pocket. “Thank you for all coming! I’m glad to be working with all of you quite soon. As you can see this is our style and we basically share everything in common. We not only prepared this for you, but there also food for you in the cafeteria. We can introduce ourselves better there,” He said with a friendly vibe and turned to look at me.

     “O-Oh okay,” I spoke almost speechless and he held out his hand to me, in which I looked at Krystal who was biting her lip as if she wanted to cry.

      Feeling kind of guilty, I placed my hand in his softly and we stood up, being the directors and representing the queen and king of the k-pop fashion world. His soft hand leaded me down the red carpet, in which the rest of them followed us.

     Even though all that was for show, it was entertaining and made me have a better understanding of them for the future. I ignored Krystal’s glare. If it meant for her to give up on G-Dragon then this was even better as we sat next together in the cafeteria with food in front of us. There were many separate conversations filled with laughter and amusement in YG’s famous cafeteria.

     In my circle of people I had GD, CL, Boram and Seohyun. Seohyun couldn’t help but show awkwardness every time GD had asked her question. I felt it too when he asked about my fashion career and even more when we discussed other things, but I hid it.

     For now the thing with him and Taeyeon was really blown in the wind. It seemed as if Taeyeon wasn’t even thinking of GD when I was around her. Her mind was really filled on Baekhyun and I turned my head to look at him having it out with Bobby and Seulgi.

     Somehow their topic had gone back to their trainee days since they were still young, it would be like that. The people watching would love it and that what was all mattered. I guess it would be tomorrow when we would actually get started on the project.

     With a sip of the bubble tea, I looked down at my empty bowl of ramen soup, waiting for all this to be over with.

     Finally, we gave our closing to the first episode of the show with big smiles. The camera’s then went off and we were told that we could take a personal tour around the building if we wanted to.

      I think coming here was a good thing, since everyone seemed to become so friendly with one another now. This was definitely a good idea. Why didn’t Mr. Youngmin come up with this sooner?

     Krystal had come over to me as I was going to leave instead of having a tour. “I’m going to go take a look around. I wonder is there studios are better than ours?” She spoke with curiosity and she quickly ran off, before I could even reply. I twisted my head looking at that girl and I smelled something fishy from the bottom of her shoes. She was definitely running off to see him.

     “Noona, do want to have a tour with me?” I heard Baekhyun ask me cutely and I turned to look at his big brown puppy eyes. That was when I thought of his performance today. He should have opened his own variety show instead of wanting to become a designer and open a makeup line, but what do I know based off one drawing. He seems to be good in his make up, so that could be a sign of creativity.

     “Sure,” I smiled almost evilly and immediately grabbed his arm to follow after Krystal. If I got caught, I could at least say I was with Baekhyun and not following her.

     Where did that girl go? Baekhyun was following me like an obedient puppy as I was walking through the hallways, seeing partially in the management rooms. That was when I remembered I had a tracking device on my phone. She didn’t know I had put a spy app on her phone, but I had did so after she had ran away from home last year, because the pressure of a celebrity got to rough on her. Mom almost had a heart attack because of that and she talks about my drunken fist at that?

     “Noona, where are we going?” I heard Baekhyun asked me and I immediately hushed him as I had my phone out, seeing that she was nearby. “Be quiet…no, just wait here,” I told my Baekhyun as I was trying to find out where this girl was.

     With a tilt of my head, I looked at a back door and opened it to see that it led outside by a metal spiral staircase to the ground. With my flats, I silently stepped outside on the top level of stairs, leaving the door open so it wouldn’t make any noise.

     I looked down at the stairs and saw Krystal staring at something and suddenly I heard someone talking, but it wasn’t her obviously. Lowering my phone, I looked at the parking lot that was in the back of the building, in which you could only get to by this back door or an access card like we did the front.

     “Why are you doing this to me!?” I heard from Taeyeon’s fuming lips as she was looking up at G-Dragon irately. What was going on?

     “Seeing that you actually came running here means you are interested, right?” He asked with sly smile on his lips as he was walking closer to her and my eyebrows furrowed together.

     “Why wouldn’t I be interested!? We slept together, so why wouldn’t be interested when this involves me!?” She was raising her voice louder by the second and GD quickly placed his hand over , pushing her against a wall as he looked left to right to make sure no one was watching, but we were. You should always try looking up above some times.

     “Now you listen to me. I told you that one time wasn’t enough for me. You are the one who brought it to this extent,” He talked to her viscously and I was so utterly confused now. Who was seeing who? She actually slept with him? I truly thought it was a rumor.

     “If you want all of this to remain quiet, then we just have to keep meeting secretly like we did those days before. Do you understand princess?” He said to her and leaned in close to her lips slowly, where she was struck with silence.

     Taeyeon, you were so right. We truly don’t know one another.

     My ears heard the feet of Krystal and I stepped back, but I was frozen to my movements as I saw Taeyeon’s hands rising to touch GD’s back. I don’t want to believe all those cruel things about you Taeyeon. You can’t be that horrible.

     I had thought I would see Krystal’s face anytime soon, but rather I saw her back from below and tragedy stole my breaths as I heard her screaming out at them. “Jiyong!”

     As if lightning had broken them apart, Taeyeon pushed GD away from her and stared at Krystal’s with big scary eyes from being caught in action. GD’s face was just as shocked as he looked at her and looked away with a laugh of disbelief while he his lips.

     “Why are you here?” GD asked her nastily as he began to step toward her and I stepped back with disbelief growing stronger in the truth I was seeing before my eyes, but I wasn’t able to run away due to someone behind him.

     Air rushed in my nostrils as I quickly turned around and my heart was clawed out my chest as I saw Baekhyun’s eyes flared red eyes with crystalline tears seeping down his cheeks. His jaws were tense and breathing had escalated to beyond distrust and anger.

     “Why wouldn’t I be here!? Why the hell are you seeing this !?” Krystal’s vulgar screams caused me to turn back around and Taeyeon was rendered speechless, but the moment she turned for escape, her eyes were hooked like a fish’s mouth when she saw me.

     I could even tell by her suddenly ceased movements that even her heart had stopped beating as I looked at her with eyes that couldn’t even fathom what I was seeing. She then looked past me and I could feel the thorns suddenly murdering her heart. Quickly, with clenched fists I lowered my head to shut my eyes.

     You talk about me changing? People talk about you changing. They say you were rude, racists, cold like ice, hard as iron, selfish, heartless and mostly a backstabber. I didn’t believe any of them, because I knew the real you. But, now you who cannot see me, I can’t even see you anymore. I wanted to help you, but help you with what? Hurting people? From the day that even our eyes crossed like stars, we weren’t even a constellation. We were never one or complete to begin with. This may not be my first time, but this will be my last time saying sorry as well.