Posted on 3 Oct 2014

Their relationship persisted this way for the next fourteen years, with no one to go between them. They had some fights along the way, but Jinki was always first to apologize and Taemin could never be angry at his hyung for too long. 

By now, Jinki was already twenty-four years old, Taemin twenty. The former had moved away four years ago to attend university in the heart of Seoul, while the latter continued his last year in college. Taemin’s parents hadn't intended for their son to continue his studies after, for they wanted him to stay in the small town with them. They couldn't bear the separation with their only son, what more with his weak constitution. It would be worrying for him to live alone. 

Taemin grew up with a feminine flair so other than Kibum, whom he already knew from secondary school and now in college too, he finally made another friend - Minho. 

Taemin missed his Onew hyung terribly, it was thankful he had Kibum and Minho to take his mind off him, at least for a little bit. They would hang out as often as their schedules allowed, mostly at Taemin's, since his mother didn't allow her son to stay out late. The maknae liked his new friends; Kibum was great in art and Minho was superb at the piano. He was glad their interests wasn't too testing on his stamina, and it was a comfortable pace for Taemin to have fun with them. 

But his like for them was miles away for his like for Onew hyung.

Whenever Taemin missed Jinki, he would read the book he brought him before, kept sacredly by his nightstand. He'd read it over and over, a few hundred times maybe.

It was until late one night when Taemin started sweating uncontrollably in his sleep. What got his mother worried was that it was the autumn season, and Taemin would shiver only sometimes, not sweat. He broke out into a small seizure, which frightened Mrs Lee more. She didn’t know what to do; Taemin never had a fit, even since young. She called out frantically to Officer Lee, who then rushed into the room to comfort her instead. A person in fit should not be confined to spaces, and Mr Lee knew that. 

Taemin recovered in a few minutes’ time. It was also then the physician was called in by the house maids. He’s been Taemin’s regular doctor the time he caught his first cold, and he’s not surprised at being called in on such an urgent note anymore. 

By the time he attended to the boy, he was already calm and fine, though the sweating wasn’t subsiding. Lee umma stayed by his son the rest of the night, tending to his sweats and shivers; between wiping him dry and covering him up with his thick blanket. 

The next early morning, without the knowledge of her husband, the superstitious mother went back to the fortune teller seeking help, “Please! Please help my only son. He is still so young, a long way ahead of him. And I can’t lose him!”

She cried pitifully, hands busy wiping at the falling tears.

“Mdm Lee, I’m not a doctor so I can’t cure your sick son. Though I can help you manipulate his fate, it’s up to you whether you want to do this for him.” 

He mumbled quickly, touching his four fingertips with the tip of his thumb, “People in the olden days used to say; you could trick fate by changing the characteristics of the person. For example, you could change a constantly sick boy’s name to a girl’s, then he would get better. Or some would cross-dress their son.”

“In Taemin’s case, what I propose at this stage now…is to marry him off. To a man, let your son take the role of a virtuous wife.”

“What?” She wailed, “What are you talking about? Marry my son off as a wife? Are you insane?” 

“I’m only suggesting what you could do. You don’t have to do it if you’re so unwilling. But, you came here because you believe in me, don’t you?” 

“I was right after all, about your son, what happened eighteen years ago.” 

Lee umma couldn’t deny the fortune teller. What they thought was a hoax came true, and it plagued the boy ever since. They had refused to give in to the claim, and convinced themselves what he said was only a coincidence. Taemin just naturally has a weak constitution, nothing to do with these superstitious beliefs. 

Yet after what happened last night, it was the last straw for Lee umma.

“What will happen to my poor Taemin-ah when both his parents leave for the better paradise?” Lee umma sighed sadly at the thought.

“Well, what I’m proposing is only to trick fate, to hide Taemin away from his original one.”

“So, you’re saying…the relationship doesn’t have to last? He just needs someone ceremoniously married to him?

He nodded in agreement without saying a word.

“They don’t have to be in love…?” This was the part umma didn’t understand. 

How can two person be married by ritual and witness not be in love to go through such a rite?

Besides, it wasn’t like Officer Lee’s family was a rich one. He was a mere public servant in a small old town. This consultation with the fortune teller left Mdm Lee even more confused and worried. She decided it was better to discuss this with her husband.

“What nonsense!” Officer Lee bellowed, “Didn’t I tell you not to go back to that conman?”

“Yeobo, I was so scared seeing our Taemin like that last night. He was sweating in the middle of this supposedly cooler season!” She argued back, “Please, can we at least try it out?” 

Officer Lee sighed in exasperation, sitting down roughly on his large arm chair, his head at a parallel to the ground as he rested his elbows on his knees, “Even if we are willing, who is?”

“Honestly, I can’t even begin to describe our son…His body is indeed that of a man, yet he eludes such a feminine flair; such pale skin, petite frame, small hands and feet, and an introvert.”

“Are you rejecting your own son now?” Lee umma looked at her husband in disbelief. 

She has heard enough of what the neighbours say, but she would never have dreamt for it to come from Taemin’s father! 

“Yeobo, I mean, who else would –,” He was cut off immediately before he could finish his sentence.

“Fine! If you’re not in this with me then so be it!” She exclaimed, “I will make sure Taemin live a long and happy life, no matter what you think of him!”

“I’ll tell you: this isn’t my fault and it certainly isn’t Taemin’s. If anything, it’s that Yakuza friend of yours that brought such misfortune upon my son!” 

Without a second look, she stomped back into her room, not forgetting to slam the door behind her. Inside, she didn’t bother to hold back her tears. What cruel words coming from her husband, she didn’t want to hear the truth from him. Perhaps then this was what the fortune teller meant, it was not that the marriage didn’t need love; the marriage couldn’t have it. Fake it if she must, a pretend love affair it shall be, Taemin is of utmost importance to her now more than her moral concerns. 

Up in his room, Taemin heard his mother shouting at her father. He was shocked, because his mother had never raised her voice. Even when he got into trouble in his younger days, umma did nothing more than a long talk to help him understand where he was wrong. 

Hearing his parents’ dilemma, he wrapped himself further into the comforter. He understood it all, understood it from his father’s point of view. Who would want him? Such a useless being, he hated himself. If the only thing he could do right was make his parents worry,then he wished he was never born. At times of despair like this, he missed Jinki even more.

Thanks for reading! (づ￣ ³￣)づ