Unexpectedly, Soojung was instantly comfortable in this new relationship with Taemin. She’s never had a boyfriend before, but she and Taemin know each other so well that she didn’t have to think about how to be a girlfriend or anything like that. There were no groundbreaking changes. Taemin just sits next to her at lunch more often, and leaves her notes in her locker, and walks her home even if it meant getting home later himself. So Soojung started walking back with him to his house so that he won’t have to walk back alone in the dark, and they’d wait for Jinki to return home so that Taemin could borrow his car and take Soojung home with it. Occasionally, they’d go on dates, getting coffee or walking around in parks, and once Taemin took her on the train all the way to Coney Island. (“Before it gets too cold,” he’d said, and Soojung could never resist amusement parks and funfair food and beaches. Even the three-hour train ride was fine because they were together.)

 

 

*

 

 

One time, they went to the mall to catch a movie, and while waiting they headed over to the food court to get frozen yoghurt. Soojung brought the fro-yo to a table while Taemin went to the bathroom, and she had just started eating when she heard familiar voices. 

 

“Soojung-ah! Hi!”

 

Soojung whipped her head around. It was Jinri, with Jongin, Sehun and Zitao in tow. She bounded over ahead of the boys and threw her arms around Soojung’s shoulders. “Hello, stranger! Where’s Taemin?”

 

“He’s in the bathroom. Why do you automatically assume I’m here with Taemin? I could be alone. Or with Sooyeon-unni.”

 

“While I don’t doubt you can finish that fro-yo by yourself, it’s actually pretty glaringly obvious that you’re here with Taemin,” Sehun deadpans, grabbing her spoon and stealing a rudely sizable amount of fro-yo out of the container.

 

“Yah, Oh Sehun, you took all the Lucky Charms — ”

 

“We’re going to disturb your date if that’s fine by you,” Jinri announces, squeezing in next to Soojung. “So what are you guys up to next?”

 

“We’re watching Guardians of the Galaxy,” Taemin says as he approaches the table. “Hey, guys.”

 

Jinri puts her arms around Soojung’s waist. “I’m sorry, but I’m sitting in your spot. I’m stealing Soojung from you.”

 

Taemin pokes out his tongue at her. “Then I’ll have Jonginnie,” he says, sliding into the seat next to Jongin and slinging an arm around his shoulders. 

 

“It’s funny how you guys are watching Guardians,” Sehun says as he attempts to steal another bit of fro-yo. “I mean, that’s not exactly a date movie.”

 

“Then what is? It’s not like he’s going to pull out your classic trick and get me to watch a horror movie so that I’d end up in his lap. If anything, it’d be the other way around.”

 

“Yeah, right.” Taemin’s foot finds hers under the table. “Keep telling yourself that, Miss Cried-Into-My-Shoulder-While-Watching-The-Conjuring.”

 

“Excuse you, your really fluffy blanket kept on shedding into my eyes!”

 

“Yeah, you’re just about as believable as Tao was when he cried in that haunted house and denied it when he came out.”

 

“I did not cry, Lee Taemin,” Zitao said. “I am a manly man and I do not cry.”

 

Sehun rolled his eyes. “As the person who went into the haunted house with you…”

 

“I screamed, but I did not cry.”

 

“You had snot running down your nose!! You cried, okay!! Get over it!”

 

“Ge, your eyes were about ten times puffier than usual when you came out, and considering how they usually are…”

 

They were all laughing and Soojung thinks about how glad she is that things between her and her friends haven’t changed, even with her and Taemin in a relationship. Sure, she hung out with them a little less, but they could still all get together and talk and laugh and be rowdy as usual. 

 

Well… at least most of them.

 

As they continued talking, Soojung quietly ate her fro-yo and observed Jongin, who was leaning his head on Taemin’s shoulder and was tapping the table listlessly. For a while now, she’d noticed that he became progressively quieter whenever they got together in big groups like this. And Soojung knew Jongin well enough to understand that he wasn’t always in the mood to be loud, but the current quiet Jongin was different than the usual peacefully quiet Jongin or tired quiet Jongin. She doesn’t know if she should say something to him or not; she doesn’t know what to say. She knows that if he has a problem serious enough for him to need to talk about it, he’d bring it up first. 

 

She wanted to ask. But she didn’t know when. That sounds like a really lame excuse considering the fact that they live three seconds away from each other, but now it doesn’t even feel like they’re neighbors anymore. Of course, Soojung used to walk home with Jongin every day, but now there was Taemin. Also Jongin used to be in and out of her house without invitation, and Soojung was the same at his house. Only now she isn’t at home as much, and when she is Jongin never shows. So she doesn’t know if that means he doesn’t want her to come either.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Taemin had a couple of his hyung’s friend’s dogs at home as he’d promised to dogsit for a couple of weeks. Since Soojung loved dogs as well, the two decided to walk the dogs and get ice cream at the same time. It was a little chillier than expected that day and Soojung was only wearing a T-shirt and jeans, but the two can eat ice cream under any conditions, and anyway Taemin had taken off his windbreaker and given it to Soojung.

 

“I want a dog, too,” Soojung muses aloud as she watches Commedes chase a butterfly. “Taeminnie, why don’t we have dogs?”

 

“Well, I don’t have a dog because Jinki-hyung thinks I’m not even capable of looking after my phone,” Taemin says, and Soojung can’t disagree. “True. I mean, I’m sure you’ll lose your dog after a day.”

 

Taemin shoves her lightly. “I appreciate your support. What about you?” Before Soojung could open , he says, “Well, between you and Sooyeon-noona, the dog will probably starve while you two fight over whose turn it is to feed him.”

 

“I am not that lazy!”

 

“Soojung, you once called Jongin from your cell phone to get you a glass of water.”

 

“Well, had he not agreed to, I would’ve gone downstairs and gotten it myself. And speaking of Jongin, my mom used his dogs as a reason for me to not get my own. ‘You just have to go next door and play with the three that are already there.’”

 

“Makes sense.”

 

They sit down on a bench and Soojung curls her arm around Taemin’s. “Taemin-ah, I’m so glad we’re spending more time together now.”

 

“You mean because I’m leaving?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

Taemin bumps his head against hers. “You know, for someone who puts up such a strong front, you’re the sappiest when it comes to goodbyes.”

 

Soojung gasps and draws back from him. “Take that back! ‘Sappy’. Ugh. It is so not my word.”

 

“But you are!” He reaches over to pinch her nose. “You don’t show it, but you are. Remember when I moved to my parents’ new house in sixth grade? Seventh?”

 

Soojung puts a hand up. “Do not talk about that.”

 

“And yet here we are years later, and we’re fine. Soojung, we’ll be fine. Don’t be so worried.”

 

“I’m not worried. Well, not for you. I know you’ll be fine. It’s just… I’ll miss you, that’s all.”

 

Taemin moves closer to her and she rests her cheek on his shoulder. “Soojung, I’ll come home for Thanksgiving, and Christmas break, and — ”

 

“It’s a six-hour plane ride, Taemin — assuming you go to UC Berkeley. And knowing you, you’ll probably practice during the whole break. And I don’t — I don’t want you to not do that, either.” She takes a deep breath before admitting, “I wish I had a passion, too. Like you and Jongin. Like Jinri. Like Tao-ge, even though he might not go to college for wushu, but I mean — he just has something he loves doing. I think the only thing I really treasure so far is… our friendships, I guess. But I know that’s not enough. And after you all leave to pursue your passions, I’ll… I’ll have nothing.”

 

Taemin seems to know that she doesn’t really need to hear him come up with comforting words that don’t really mean anything. He just opens up his arms and lets her curl into them. After a long moment of peaceful silence, he says, “Just because we all look like we know what we’re doing, it doesn’t mean we do. I mean, for all we know, Jinri might decide she doesn’t like modeling and change her mind halfway into the process. I might — okay, it’s not likely that I’ll stop dancing for good, but I can change, too. And you, you don’t have to know right now. It’s not a race, or a competition. It will all come when the time’s right.” 

 

Soojung smiles against his chest. “I hope you’re right.”

 

They stay like that for a while before Soojung realizes she’s no longer holding a leash. “. Taemin.”

 

“What?” Then Taemin realizes, too. “Damn it!” They both get up and look extra hard for pawprints. They have circled the park five times before a voice behind them said, “Um, Taemin-ah… these are Kibum-hyung’s dogs, aren’t they?”

 

Soojung and Taemin whip around to find Kyungsoo, with Commedes and Garçon in tow. “Kyungsoo-oppa!” Soojung exclaims and runs to him. “Thank you - how - what — ”

 

“They’re pretty smart. They ran to the dog park, and they recognized Jjanggu and Monggu — ”

 

“Jongin’s here?”

 

“Yeah, he’s at the dog run.”

 

Soojung and Taemin follow Kyungsoo to the dog park, and when he sees them, Soojung notes that Jongin doesn’t look all too welcoming to see them there. More like… startled. A little wary, even. “Uh… Hey…” His eyes dart toward Kyungsoo, then back at them, and he manages to smile a little. “I… Are you dogsitting again, Tae?”

 

“Yeah!” Taemin smiles brightly. “Almost three weeks, so I’m getting paid this time!”

 

Jongin furrows his brows. “Where’s he going this time?”

 

Taemin grins and takes his elbow. “Did I tell you about Jonghyun-hyung’s new beach house in Miami…”

 

“Damn.” Jongin widens his eyes. “So… housewarming party?”

 

“Yeah. And you know what that means.”

 

Commedes tugs at his leash then and Soojung lets him take her a bit further away from the boys. “I’ll leave you to talk about those noonas,” she says nonchalantly, because she’s been around them long enough to know what ‘boy talk’ was and that they usually didn’t want her around when that was going on.

 

“I wasn’t gonna talk about any noonas, Jung Soojung,” Taemin laughs, grabbing her arm. “Don’t go.”

 

“I’m not mad! I just — ”

 

“I know you’re not mad.”

 

“Then wh — I’ll just leave you to it, you talk like you normally do.”

 

“Can’t, I have a girlfriend now,” Taemin says and though those words were — should be — extremely cheesy and sappy, Soojung feels her cheeks tinge pink. “Yah, don’t act all sweet!”

 

“Aww, am I embarrassing you?” Taemin wraps his arms around her shoulders and squeezes hard, and she shrieks. “TAEMIN, GEDDOFF — YOU LET GO OF GARÇON AGAIN — You’re getting paid for this, aren’t you supposed to be doing a better — YAH THAT TICKLES, STOP IT!”

 

This whole time, Jongin was watching them with the oddest expression on his face, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. Finally he grabs Kyungsoo’s arm and mumbles, “Um, guys… Hyung and I are leaving now, so…”

 

“Wait, Jongin…” Soojung breaks free from Taemin’s grasp and touches his shoulder. “Taemin and I are thinking about volunteering at the dog shelter, you should come!”

 

Jongin stiffens. Damn Soojung, things would seem really off if he refused this one. But he just had to. “I, uh… regularly? Because… I’m… falling behind, on math, and Kyungsoo… hyung said I have to study more, right hyung?” Jongin turns to stare at Kyungsoo, who blinks back owlishly before saying, “Yeah. Right.”

 

“Well… just come once, I don’t think we’re doing it weekly or anything anyway. I mean, it’s not like we’re not busy, either… but it would be fun to come in and see all the puppies!”

 

“Um…” Jongin doesn’t know what to say. “I… We’ll see. Just… I really have to go now. Bye, guys, see you at school!” He tugs Kyungsoo away at the speed of light and pretends that he can’t feel the older’s eyes boring into him. “Hyung, please,” he says when he can’t take The Look any longer.

 

“Jongin.”

 

“Hyung, leave it, please, okay?”

 

 

 

 

Back at the dog run, Taemin and Soojung were at a loss over what happened. “What is up with that guy?” Soojung wonders aloud, kicking at the sand.

 

“I know, he seems a little different.” Taemin seems genuinely worried. “I think he just finds it weird to be around us at this time…”

 

“Yeah, because, third wheel and all that. But do we… I don’t think we’re that bad, are we? And he’s weird even when we’re all together.” 

 

Taemin frowns. “Maybe we should spend more time with him? Like, individually, so he doesn’t feel left out?”

 

“Maybe.” Soojung doesn’t say out loud that even though it’s barely been a few months since she and Jongin were stuffing their faces with takeout in their PJs in front of the TV, he feels like a stranger now. Maybe not a stranger; a distant relative or something. 

 

Taemin sighs. “Let’s go home. I’m freezing.”

 

“Do you want your windbreaker back?” Soojung feels really bad for stealing his jacket, so she offers even though she knows that she’ll probably turn to an ice sculpture the minute she takes it off.

 

“No, of course not, you’ll turn blue.”

 

“But now you’re cold.”

 

“Well, you’re the genius who only wore a T-shirt.”

 

In the end, they zip the windbreaker over both of them, with Taemin carrying both leashes and Soojung walking sideways with both her arms around him, trying extremely hard not to move her torso so that the windbreaker would fit.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Jongin comes home from dance practice to three boxes of fried chicken on the kitchen table. “Noona!” he calls to the living room. “What’s this?”

 

“Chicken.”

 

“Well — I know that, but — ”

 

“Soojung brought it here.”

 

The chicken pauses halfway to his mouth. “Soojung? What, she… dropped it off and left?”

 

“She’s on the rooftop, Jongin.” His sister comes up to him and snatches the drumstick from his hand. “I think you should talk to her.”

 

“She’s on the rooftop? Now?” It was past eight o’clock and the weather wasn’t too friendly. “In this wind… What an idiot…” He grabs his jacket and heads up the stairs, but as he approached his bedroom door, he stalled. He and Soojung hadn’t been alone together for a while now, and he’s not sure he can… He then reminds himself that she is freezing out on the rooftop, and if she is upset enough to risk hypothermia, she might be stupid enough to only wear her boy shorts and tee, and he should at least check that she’s okay.

 

“What is it now,” he says impatiently as he strides out to the rooftop. She was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, he notes with relief. “Please don’t tell me it’s about Taemin.”

 

Soojung shakes her head. “I brought you chicken,” she says quietly. 

 

“Yes. I saw. Thanks.” He sits next to her and, without thinking, the two automatically huddle together to fight off the cold. “So what happened?”

 

“Sooyeon-unni.”

 

“What about her?”

 

Soojung plays with a hangnail on her thumb and Jongin flicks her hand away. “Stop that, you’ll bleed.”

 

“She just told me she’s engaged, Jongin.”

 

“Whoa.” Jongin wasn’t expecting that. Sure, she’s been with her boyfriend for a while, but she was barely twenty-three. “Donghae-hyung?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Well…” Jongin wasn’t sure what to say. “You like him, don’t you?”

 

“I guess.” 

 

“So…”

 

“Jongin, how can she get married now? I mean — don’t you think this is happening a little too quickly? She’s just finished school! And I — ” Soojung takes a deep breath. “I know this is really selfish of me, but… Jongin, what if I have to spend senior year in my house, alone?”

 

“Whoa, okay, I don’t know how these things work, but do they really get married that fast — ”

 

“I don’t know, I just — ”

 

“Look, you need to trust noona, she’ll think about these things. And I’m sure she won’t abandon you. You’re not even legal.” Soojung shuts her eyes and Jongin rolls his. “Soojung, I don’t know what you want me to say. I think no matter what I say, you won’t accept it right now, and you’ll just hit me.” Soojung hits him, albeit feebly. “See. What do you want me to do?”

 

Soojung takes a deep breath. “I want to go inside and eat chicken with lots of rice. Then I want to go to your room and play Xbox until I pass out. And I want you to do the same.”

 

“Fine, let’s go.” As they shuffle inside, he can’t resist adding, “Do you want me to lose to you on purpose? If that makes you feel better… Ow!”

 

“Challenge accepted, Kim Jongin.”

 

They go to the kitchen, and they get rice and stuff their faces and fight over the last chicken. Then they eat one pint of ice cream between them and go to Jongin’s room. Soojung sprawls facedown across his bed like she owns it while he sits cross-legged next to her, and she does win by the tiniest margin.

 

That night, it truly felt like nothing had changed, like everything was the way it was before.

 

 

 

 

 

Soojung slowly wakes and feels a dead weight on her waist. She tries to move, but whatever was holding her down was too heavy to shift. She tries a little harder, and — the weight actually wraps itself around her waist, and — 

 

She feels something fluffy tickle the back of her neck, and she hears deep, even breathing in her ear. It takes her a full thirty seconds to comprehend that she had fallen asleep with Jongin, on his bed, and that his arm was around her and they were spooning.

 

She tries to shake him off again, and he whines and pulls her in closer. “Jongin,” she hisses, trying to pry his arm off but man he was strong — “Kim Jongin. Let go of me.”

 

Jongin groans but opens his eyes. “Soojung??” He shrinks away from her immediately. “What — how — why — ” He rubs one hand over his eyes. “What happened?”

 

“We were playing Dota and we fell asleep, I guess.” Soojung rubs her arms. It has suddenly gotten a lot colder. “Sorry, I — I’ll go home.”

 

Jongin glances at the clock on his bedside table. “It’s three in the morning, Soojung. I’ll just crash on the floor.” 

 

“Wait, but…” Soojung stops as Jongin is already rolling himself down onto the floor. “Pillow, Soojung.”

 

Soojung tosses him a pillow, and the extra blanket. “But, Jongin…”

 

“Night. Morning.” Soojung hears him yawn, and it wasn’t long before his breathing has evened out again.

 

Soojung wraps the covers around her, but she still feels cold. She listens to Jongin’s steady breathing and wonders why she can’t go back to sleep. She let her mind wander until she finally came to a revelation.

 

She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because she was a girl, and Jongin was a boy, and they were both straight as far as she knew. But if she were to hang out one-on-one with Jongin, they’d have to make some edits to what they usually do. Even if they weren’t doing anything, wasn’t it inappropriate for her to be lounging around on his bed when she had a boyfriend? To be having sleepovers with him like this? And if it weren’t for the weather, she might’ve showed up in short shorts and a tank top and not think anything of it. Not to mention their play fights over trivial things like — well, who got the last piece of chicken. Or who beat who in what game. Soojung wasn’t sure if all other boy-girl friends actually semi-wrestle when they played around. And at that moment, she understood that things couldn’t stay exactly the same between her and Jongin, not when she’s dating Taemin. And therefore she thinks she understands why Jongin was keeping his distance.

 

//

a/n. song title from exo's "my lady".