Soojung puts herself under house arrest for the whole weekend, completely ignoring her phone. She started off by binge-watching Netflix and playing video games, but for some reason those two activities in particular reminded her of Jongin and made her hyperaware of the fact that she was avoiding him right now, hyperaware of the void next to her. She found five unopened packs of origami paper under her bed and ended up folding each and every sheet, which was actually pretty effective in making her concentrate on using her hands instead of her thoughts.

 

She was halfway through folding a paper elephant on Sunday afternoon when Taemin suddenly barged into her room. "Yah, Jung Soojung, what happened to you? Why did you drop off of the face of the earth like that? I've been calling since Friday..."

 

"Who gave you permission to come in, Lee Taemin." Soojung doesn't look up from her paper elephant. She fears she might burst into tears if she so much as looked at his face.

 

"Sooyeon-noona did. She's concerned about you, too. She says you locked her out all of yesterday. What's wrong with you? And weren't you hungry? You're usually voracious..."

 

Soojung says nothing and reaches for a new sheet of paper. She hears his footsteps come closer, and then he's sitting on her bed next to her, her hair. "Is something wrong?"

 

Soojung buries her head in her pillow. 

 

"That's a yes, I presume. Wanna talk to me about it?"

 

Soojung shakes her head.

 

Taemin hums. "You did end up talking to Jongin a couple of days ago, didn't you?"

 

Soojung nods slightly, still facedown. 

 

"And how did that go?"

 

At that, Soojung slowly sits up and forces herself to face Taemin. His face immediately becomes more worried and Soojung wonders if she really looks that horrible. "Hey, you can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?" He touches her cheek and Soojung feels like burying herself. She is a horrible person. Who cheated on her best friend. With her other best friend. She vaguely wonders if Taemin would hate her if he knew, and if she deserved that hate. She probably does. "Not about this, Taemin-ah."

 

"Why?"

 

Soojung lowers her gaze. "You'd hate me," she whispers. "And maybe I deserve it, but I... No, I definitely deserve it, but I can't..."

 

Taemin takes a deep breath. "Soojung, Jongin called me right after you two talked."

 

Soojung feels her blood freeze in her veins. "What?"

 

Taemin reaches forward and tucks her hair behind her ear. "Jongin called me," he repeats. "Told me everything, and though it was incoherent and hysterical I got the gist of it. And I don't hate either of you. Just... Soojung, please don't cry," he sighs as Soojung bursts into tears. "Hey, come on. It's okay." He pulls her into his arms and Soojung tries - and fails - to swallow her sobs. "Calm down. It's okay."

 

"It's just... I feel so bad," Soojung whispers. "For you. For Jongin. I feel like I've been unknowingly playing with you both... but you believe that I didn't know, right? Which isn't an excuse, I know. I'm so stupid. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I..."

 

"I believe you," Taemin says. "And Jongin believes you. Look... I understand that this is confusing to you. I'm not holding anything against you. And to be honest, this isn't all that surprising to me."

 

Soojung peels herself off him at an alarming speed. "WHAT? What's that supposed to mean?"

 

Taemin gives her a small, amused smile. "I just mean that somehow, deep down, I've always known that if you were to choose between us, it just... I don't know, makes more sense for you to choose him."

 

"But why, though -- I mean, I never even knew that -- Taemin, I should've never chosen one of you over the other -- why didn't you ask him out in the firstplace, jeez, that would've made my life easier -- "

 

Taemin lightly smacks her upside the head. "It's just that you continously stuck to each other throughout these years, and while you complain about being sick of each other from time to time, I know that it made you automatically dependent on each other. Which sometimes can repel you from being interested in each other, but... Deep down, I feel like you two are specially appreciative of each other but are just too... proud, maybe, to ever say it. I don't know. Honestly, I've always had these thoughts somewhere in the back of my head but it never really came up until I talked with Jongin."

 

"But I don't get the difference," Soojung says. "What about you? I think I feel that about you, too."

 

Taemin shrugs. "Maybe you're just closer to him. You have spent more time with him, you know, Soojung-ah, especially after I moved. Maybe you've been through more with him." Soojung thinks, vaguely, of the time Jongin dashed out into the winter wearing his sister's tiny coat to look for her. "I mean, if you're so desperate to explain things. You can look for the reasons. But sometimes things can't be explained, y'know. Your -- I know this sounds so cheesy, but the heart wants what it wants, I guess."

 

"But then how was I supposed to avoid this, then? Messing around with both of you -- if I didn't even know?"

 

Taemin takes a deep breath. "This goes back to you and your need to plan out and predict everything in the future. Why you don't like change." Soojung bites her lip. "Sometimes things just happen, Soojung-ah. You can't prepare for it, you don't know it's going to happen, and it happens."

 

Soojung sighs and lets herself fall against Taemin again. "Taemin, I'm so sorry. Are you gonna be okay? You have full permission to be mad at me."

 

Taemin smiles. "I will be okay, eventually. I won't lie, I am a little upset right now, but I get that it's nobody's fault. And you two are still my best friends, y'know. And you will still be even when you get together."

 

"What do you mean, when?"

 

"Because I'll make sure that you do," Taemin replies.

 

"Taemin -- you're counting your chickens here. I don't even know if we'd -- we'll probably never even -- I don't think I can even look him in the eye again."

 

"Funny, that's exactly what he said. We're just gonna have to change that."

 

"Tae, I'm really more concerned with making things alright with you again."

 

"Things are alright with me," Taemin says. "Only time will heal, Soojung-ah. I'll be okay. And there are no hard feelings between us. If anything, a lot of things aren't alright between you and him, so you should work on that."

 

Soojung heaves a deep breath. "Thank you. Thank you for still being my best friend."

 

Taemin hugs her and gives her one final kiss on the forehead, then smiles and leaves the room.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Soojung doesn't know if all her friends have heard it from someone, or just have remarkable intuition. But when she was last to reach their usual lunch table and was forced to sit at the only remaining seat, every single pair of eyes turn to Jongin, who was right across her seat.

 

Awkwardly, Soojung darts her eyes to and fro. The only normal person at the table was Taemin, calmly spooning rice into his mouth. Jongin seems to be dissecting the chicken on his plate with his eyes, the tips of his ears turning red.

 

"Um." Soojung tries to smile. "Hi?" She scans the faces of her friends and wonders what they all know. She is sure Kyungsoo knows everything, as he always does, but isn't too sure about everyone else. Sehun has this skeptical look on his face, with narrowed eyes and puckered mouth. Zitao's eyes are narrowed as well, and darting from Soojung to Jongin and Taemin. And Jinri... Soojung had let slip earlier that she and Taemin have broken up, and of course she'd flat-out asked if it had something to do with Jongin. Soojung had carefully shut after that but she's pretty sure Jinri knows.

 

They continue eating in silence until Sehun says, "Something is definitely up. The atmosphere is weird. Did something happen between you two? Three?"

 

Taemin pokes a straw in his milk box. "Well, Soojung and I broke up," he says, casually, but it makes Sehun's eyes bulge out and Zitao hyperventilate.

 

"It was completely friendly," Soojung adds. "We're both okay with it."

 

Sehun and Zitao exchange one look and both glance briefly at Jongin at the same time. "Okay," Sehun says slowly. "Someone else doesn't seem okay with it, for some reason."

 

At this, Jongin slings one arm around Sehun's neck, yanks him closer and grinds his knuckles on Sehun's head. "Can you go through one day without being a little , Oh Sehun?" he hisses as Sehun writhes in pain.

 

"Ow -- that hurts, you !" Sehun scowls and rubs his head as Taemin pulls Jongin off him. "Look, you've been weird the entire day, and you just got weirder when we got to lunch, and I'm just trying to figure it out, okay?"

 

Jongin grumbles and stands up even though there is still food on his plate. "I'll see you in class," he mutters, and as he leans forward to pick up his tray Soojung blurts out, "Oh -- um. Are you gonna eat your dumplings?" She feels like hitting herself as soon as the words leap out of . Was that really necessary, Jung Soojung?

 

The entire table turns to stare at her now, and Jongin finally meets her eye. His look of surprise melts into one of mild amusement as he quirks his lips into a small smile, expertly picks up the two remaining dumplings on his plate with chopsticks and puts them on her plate. When he looks back at her, the fondness in his eyes makes Soojung feel a little warm.

 

Had he always looked at her that way?

 

Soojung carefully averts her eyes back to her plate to avoid the looks her friends were giving her.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Their last class of the day was Study Hall, and Jinri and Soojung usually sit with Sehun and Jongin whenever they bothered to come; study hall was in the library so nobody watched over them except for the librarian, and needless to say she didn't take attendance. Of course this particular day they bothered to come.

 

Or, rather, Sehun probably dragged Jongin in on purpose, Soojung thought wryly as she watched Jinri exchange looks with Sehun.

 

Jinri pulled her over to their table without hesitation. "Hun-ah," Jinri coos as she lets go of Soojung's arm and skips over to Sehun's side. The boys were sitting across each other instead of next to each other, Soojung notes. This is so obviously a setup. And if that wasn't indication enough, Jongin is scowling at Sehun, who looks pleased with himself in comparison.

 

Jinri slips her arm through Sehun's and wow, they're making this obvious. Sehun and Jinri are never this nice to each other. "Sehun, help me with history."

 

Well, whatever. Soojung plops into the seat next to Jongin and wastes no time in getting out her math homework. She has quite a bit to do, and knowing her limited math skills she'd probably not even finish half during this study period.

 

She spent fifteen minutes doing and redoing the same problem when she feels a tap on her arm. Surprised, she looks up to see Jongin scrutinizing her homework. "The problem's giving you the derivative of the function, Soojung-ah. You have to integrate it to find the original function before you try to find the area and whatnot."

 

Soojung blanks. "Huh?"

 

Jongin leans in closer and starts to explain, but Soojung is suddenly acutely aware of how close they are, of the way his arm is brushing up against hers, of the way he smelled -- an odd but strangely pleasant mix of something sweet and tart (apple?) and something a little musky (sandalwood, maybe). Of the way his hair falls onto his forehead and how she wants to push it back. Of his l --

 

"You're not even listening to me, are you," Jongin sighs and she snaps back to reality.

 

"Um." Soojung her lips. "I am. I just -- not sure I understand -- how did you become so smart all of a sudden?"

 

"Rude, I'm always smart." He ignores Soojung's derisive snort but admits, "Kyungsoo-hyung, of course."

 

"Right, you've been spending a lot of time with him recently," Soojung remarks offhandedly. 

 

"Well, you spent a lot of time with Taemin, what's your point?"

 

Soojung lifts her head slowly. "My point is he's helping you study a lot, which is good. What's your problem?"

 

Jongin sighs. "Nothing. Look, do you still want me to help? I can't help you if you don't listen..."

 

"I'm listening, I'm listening," Soojung mutters and does her best to focus on the question as Jongin re-explains.

 

They actually manage to get through quite a bit of the homework sheet by the time the bell rings. Soojung catches Sehun giving Jongin a pointed look across the table as Jongin avoids his eyes and tidies his books intently. "Jinri and I are going now," Sehun says aloud, and grabs Jinri's arm. The two make it out the door in record time -- maybe because neither of them seemed to have done any serious studying and gotten much stationery out, opting instead to silently observe Jongn and Soojung.

 

Soojung rolls her eyes at this and silently packs up her own stuff. Next to her, Jongin clears and says, "Um... Do you have someone to go home with?"

 

Soojung stills. "Uh... yes. But thank you for asking," she adds, giving him a smile. "That's very thoughtful of you, considering... yeah."

 

"Just... after what happened the last time you went home alone," Jongin mumbles, shoving the last of his stationery in his backpack. "I'll... I'll be going, then."

 

Soojung watches him walk out the library doors and turn to someone, presumably waiting right outside the door for him. She sees him smile and shake his head, and watches a white-blond-headed figure follow him as he walks away. Sehun.

 

Soojung sighs as she slumps against the table. Really, she doesn't know what to make of her situation right now. So both she and Jongin have come clean about their feelings for each other, and somehow it seems like the rest of the group was encouraging their relationship as well. But she and Taemin broke up up barely forty-eight hours ago, and in any case she and Jongin haven't really talked about what they want next, either. So what exactly did they expect her to do? What does Taemin expect her to do? What about Jongin?

 

She doesn't even know what to expect of herself.

 

 

*

 

 

"Let's go get ice cream," Taemin says the second she opens the car door.

 

Soojung settles herself in the front seat and buckles her seatbelt before saying, hesitantly, "This isn't... a date, though, is it?"

 

"Don't flatter yourself," Taemin teases, and Soojung thinks of pre-Homecoming, where they were just two friends doing something slightly couple-y and not knowing where they'd end up. Taemin glances at her and punches her shoulder lightly. "That was a joke. Why so serious?"

 

"I just mean that, we're doing something that we usually do when we're dating," Soojung says carefully and Taemin smiles and responds, "I guess we can ease back into friendship easier this way, right?" After a pause, he adds, "To be honest, Soojung, a lot of the things we did when we dated was similar to what we did when we were just friends."

 

"True."

 

"It's just that we spent a lot of time together, just the two of us."

 

"Yeah, but I..." And Soojung just feels so tired all of a sudden, tired of Sehun's very obvious matchmaking and Jinri's straightforward opinions about Jongin's so-called love for her, tired of Kyungsoo seemingly knowing everything before she does, that she says, "Taemin, I'm tired of feeling like I'm expected to fling myself into Jongin's arms just because we... talked. I'm really, really confused right now. I don't even know if I want to date him. I just... it's just because I thought I might have an inkling of a feeling for him that I felt it's probably best if we broke up lest I end up hurting you further down the road. You get that, right? And maybe I'm reading into this too much but I feel like everyone's pressuring me into dating him. Now that everyone seems to think he's the reason why we broke up -- okay, he sort of is, but you know how the situation is. This isn't like a stereotypical TV-show homewrecker situation, but still ... I don't know. It's like, if I hang out with you, what if I hurt him? And if I even talk to him, will I hurt you?"

 

Taemin smiles mischievously. "And if I hang out with him, will I hurt you? Does it hurt you to know he slept over at my place?"

 

"Taemin." Soojung leans over and hits his head. 

 

"Ow, respect your elders! Soojung -- Soojung, if you don't stop laughing I will stuff this wristband in your mouth. No matter what you say, I am an elder... Okay, no, seriously, though." Taemin takes a deep breath. "I agree with you about not jumping into his arms straight away. I mean, we just broke up and you're still, you still don't really know what you expect from relationships. So, yeah, I'd say you should give it time, regardless of what Sehun and Jinri attempt. But here's the thing, Soojung." Soojung fiddles with the worn friendship bracelet Jinri made her at camp two years ago. "You seem to be a little more hesitant about Jongin than you were with me."

 

"Well -- he hasn't asked, Taemin!"

 

"I know that. Would you rather he ask? Today? Or when you talked, before we broke up?"

 

Soojung shrinks back to her seat. "Good point."

 

"I mean that in general, you seemed to aggressively reject the idea of being with Jongin more than the idea of being with me. My opinion is that it's because you're afraid that you might have real feelings for him, and you're not sure you like the idea of, like, serious feelings. Am I right?"

 

Soojung pouts into her lap but Taemin knows he had struck a chord. "What I'm saying is, maybe everyone's not pressuring you just to pressure you. Maybe everyone's just trying to do something to keep you from lapsing back to denial, resisting Jongin if he does ask you, because you're somewhat scared and want to avoid complication in the future. Because if you do -- "

 

"Okay, okay, okay! Thank you for the speech, kind sir!" Soojung puts her hand up. "Look. Ice cream." She points at the Baskin Robbins on the right side of the road.

 

Taemin sighs. "Just. Think about it."

 

"How are you being so mature about this whole thing," Soojung grumbles. "While I feel like I'm falling apart."

 

Taemin shrugs. "I don't know. Must be the waves of maturity and adultness from being in senior year." Soojung gives him a weird look, and he laughs. "I don't know. Maybe I know the two of you too well to have known all this in the back of my head for a while. And maybe, I'm just hoping you two'd get your together quickly so we can all hang out properly, as a three, before I head out to uni. Splitting time between you two is harder than it seems."

 

//

 

a/n. title from the song "closer to fine" by indigo girls.

soooooooooo. taemin is being real mature about the whole situation. the most mature, actually. and i hope you're sort of getting that this whole story is about the importance of friendship just as much (if not more) about relationships. and i also hope nobody is hating on soojung!! she is just really, really confused and in no way trying to play with anyone's feelings.

i hope everyone is enjoying the story progression so far, thank you so much for reading & commenting. i really appreciate it :D