Among them, Zitao is the first to leave, because he is going back to China and he has a bunch of things to take care of before he starts university. They all see him off at the airport, and Zitao tearfully thanks them for being such good friends before they all smother him in hugs.

As they all break apart from him, Sehun doesn't let go. His arms are still wrapped around Zitao and his face is buried in his neck, and somehow they don't really realize until Zitao laughs fondly and rubs Sehun's back that Sehun is crying, really crying. Seriously crying. As in, not just teary-eyed the way Zitao is, but sniffling badly and leaking a steady stream of salt water into Zitao's shirt. "Hun-ah," he says as Sehun doesn't let go of him and the rest of the group watch in amusement because this is the most emotion Sehun has shown in years. "Hun-ah, it's okay, we'll meet again."

Sehun sniffles loudly and still doesn't move, and Zitao keeps on his hair and rubbing his back, but he keeps on glancing at the wall clock and shooting helpless looks at the rest of them before trying to peel himself off. "Sehun-ah..." Sehun clings on to him like a koala and finally Jongin steps forward to pry Sehun off. Zitao waves to them one last time and shoots them a cheeky grin before running off with his suitcase just as the speakers blare out an announcement for his flight.

They stand there for a while, and Soojung observes Sehun, who was pressing his cheek into Jongin's shoulder. Goodbyes are never going to be easy, she muses, whether you've known the person for thirteen years or three. She's always known that Sehun and Zitao were close but she's never really thought about how close. She'd never really realized how much Zitao meant to Sehun.

Maybe you never really show people how much they mean to you until they leave.

"Sehun-ah," Kyungsoo says quietly, breaking the silence. "Do you want to go for bubble tea?"

Sehun perks up a little at that, and he smiles despite his subdued eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Yes, hyung."

The rest of the group spend as much time as possible in the following month, planning day trips to Six Flags and road trips to Philadelphia and Washington DC. Then Taemin was the next to leave, and Soojung was more ready for that day than she’d thought she’d be.

Taemin had been accepted into all the schools he applied to, and after vehement encouragement from both Soojung and Jongin, had ultimately chosen UC Berkeley. “As long as you’re home for Christmas,” Soojung says, “and spring break, and summer…”

“You’ll regret it if you don’t go,” Jongin had said quietly, and Taemin knows he’s thinking about all the hours they spent comparing one school to another and how they’d each decided on their first choices.

So Taemin chooses UC Berkeley, and they don't talk about the three-hour time difference or six-hour plane ride. Instead, Soojung -- with Sohyun's help -- makes a list of things for Taemin to do there, and Jongin looks at dance portfolios from the school with him. When the time comes for him to go, they're more excited for him than anything else.

Everyone also tags along to see him off, and everyone takes turns hugging him. "You'll be great," Soojung mumbles into his shoulder when it's her turn. "Knock 'em dead."

"Thanks, kid."

"I'll miss you so much. Can you at least try to keep in touch through something? I swear I don't know anyone who is as ty at keeping in touch as you are. I'm surprised you have my number."

Taemin laughs. "I'll do my best. I promise."

Soojung notes that Jongin hugs him for a long time, and wonders how their friendship had changed after the whole love triangle drama. It seems to have gotten better, if anything. She knows Jongin still feels a little guilty, as she did, but overall it seems like there is increased trust and understanding between the two.

Jongin wraps an arm around Soojung's shoulders as they watch him leave. "Soon it'll just be you and me," Soojung says as she leans against his shoulder. 

"And me!" Sehun pipes up indignantly from behind them. "Jeez, I know you two have something going on now, but I still exist!"

They all burst out laughing as they start making their way back to Kyungsoo's car. As soon as he unlocks the doors from a distance, Sehun and Jongin run to claim the front seat. Kyungsoo just laughs and Soojung rolls her eyes as they elbow and sit on each other on the car seat way too small for the two of them. "Is there any way for you to settle this normally?" Jinri hisses as Jongin squeaks when Sehun, sitting on top of him, stabs him in the ribs with his abnormally sharp elbow. She grabs Sehun's collar and attempts to pull him back. "You, you sit back here. Jongin's got the seat and you can't sit on him for the rest of the ride." Surprisingly, Sehun obeys, though not without protest.

"So," Kyungsoo says when everyone is finally settled in, "where do you guys wanna eat?"

*

“Why isn’t Sehun coming with us?” Soojung asks, ping her red cocoon coat as they step into the train. 

Jongin shrugs. “He said he’ll already be in the city. He’ll show up.”

It was December, and both Kyungsoo and Taemin were in the city and had called a reunion dinner. Neither Soojung nor Jongin had seen Taemin since he arrived a couple of days ago because he had been at his brother’s apartment in Manhattan. He’ll be around for a whole month, so she hopes she can get to see him a lot more.

The ride to the city is quiet, each of them listening to their own music, Jongin dancing in his seat to the music in his headphones and Soojung holding his hand because it was warm and hers was cold. She presses her cheek against his shoulder and sleepily mulls over the last five months of school.

It wasn't as bad, or as lonely, as she'd feared it would be. Jinri's absence was noticeable but not unbearable, and though the lunch table was a lot emptier, it was okay. Sometimes their other classmates would help fill up the spaces, and Soojung becomes closer to her track team friends -- she actually becomes friends with Hyeri -- and joins the photography club, which gave her more friends. Besides, her club activities, helping Jongin shoot his portfolio, helping her sister with her bridal shower and preparations for final exams keep her busy enough to not think about missing her friends' presence.

Jinri is good with social media and texts Soojung a lot, so it's almost as good as her usual chatter. Taemin is horrible at texting but does his best to schedule long video-call sessions, and it always makes Soojung smile to hear the excitement in his voice as he talks about his classes, his professors, his new friends. 

With so many things happening, the months pass by quickly and sunshine turns to snow.

Soojung lets Jongin lead her off the train and out of the station. Snow flecks her hair the second they step out and Jongin pulls his own hat over her head, muttering "grow the hell up, Soojung-ah, how can you live without me," but there is no real bite in his words and it just makes Soojung smile. 

They walk arm-in-arm to the restaurant and when they walk in, they find two familiar figures already seated at the table. "Hyung!"

"Jongin-ah," Kyungsoo laughs as he stands up and doesn't get the chance to step away from the table before Jongin throws his arms around his shoulders. Next to him, Sunyoung beams, and Soojung hugs and greets her as well. It's not long before two familiar, lanky figures walk in with their fingers intertwined, and everyone at the table does a double-take. 

Jongin is the first to recover as he breaks into a -eating grin. "Was this why you couldn't join us on the train, Sehun-ah? Because you stayed the night?"

Sehun swipes at him half-heartedly as his cheeks darken. "Shut up."

"Wow," Kyungsoo deadpans as his eyes flit from Sehun to Jinri. "I guess this is why you disliked Choi Minho so much, Sehun-ah."

"I knew there's a reason why you two fight so much!" Soojung blurted out. "I knew you t--"

"Hey, you two can't say too much about this, you know," Jinri interrupts as she points at Soojung and Jongin. "You guys were worse!"

They were still bickering about it when Taemin's voice suddenly pipes up, "Um... guys?"

"Taemin-ah!" Soojung stands up and launches herself at him without thinking, and he laughs and hugs her back. It's only after she steps back does she realize that he's not standing alone. "Oh. Hi. Hi! I'm sorry..." She sticks out her hand awkwardly and the girl next to Taemin takes it demurely. "I'm Soojung. Are you..." She glances at Taemin, then back at the girl. "We're just friends, I promise." Behind her, Jongin snorts and she kicks his shin.

Taemin grins and puts his hand on the mystery girl's back. She's sweet and pretty in a modest, ladylike sort of way. "Everyone, this is Son Naeun. She's a, um, really good friend of mine..." That raises a chorus of "eyyy"-s from his friends and he holds up his hands as Naeun's cheeks pinken. "Naeun-ah, these are my -- Kim Jongin, shut up -- oh, yes, that's the guy I keep mentioning, the one I grew up with, and Soojung, too..." 

Everyone gets introduced, with Naeun bowing shyly to each and every person. Soojung isn't sure what to make of her yet; she seems nice enough, but perhaps a little too prim and proper for her to relate to. But Taemin seems to like her a lot, and Soojung knows she should know better than to judge a person that hastily. 

She learns that Naeun is from Long Island, her age but is taking an accelerated program at Berkeley. She has a bunch of liberal arts classes with Taemin as well as several mutual friends. Taemin keeps disturbing her in classes, she says, because they're "hella boring", Taemin says. They hang out in groups at first, and then Taemin lets slip that they do actually go on proper dates and that brought up another round of teasing. Then Naeun tells them about a time when they went hiking as a group and Taemin tries to carry her bag to impress her, but the rest of their friends take that as a cue to offload all their bags on to him and all the extra weight ends up making him roll down the hill.

The night goes on like that, with good food and good stories and lots of laughter. Soojung observes her friends closely and thinks that they all seem happy and content. Kyungsoo talks about the academic teams he joins and his long-distance relationship with Sunyoung, Jinri babbles about the excitement of being in front of the camera and meeting people from all sorts of different backgrounds, and Taemin tells them how great it is to finally be able to really focus on doing what he loves most. Of course, they also admit to having their low moments; Sunyoung says she felt homesick at first, Jinri fell out with her roommate after sharing a closet-sized studio with her (this Soojung knew about) and Taemin talked about feeling like he doesn't belong, which led to a conversation about how when you move away from one place to another, you stop associating 'home' with one single place because when you're at one place, you'll always miss the other. But then Naeun (having moved around quite a bit compared to the rest of them) says that not being chained to one place makes her feel more independent, in a way, because she carries 'home' with her wherever she goes and this allows her to experience many different places without feeling... well, out of place. And Soojung admires this, she really does, and hopes that one day she could be like that, reach that level of adaptability.

For now, however, she can't deny that she still chains the idea of 'home' to certain places, certain people. Absent-mindedly, she threads her fingers through Jongin's and smiles when he squeezes them. Right now, her idea of 'home' is still very closely related to the people sitting around the table, but maybe that doesn't necessarily mean that she's dependent on them. Maybe that just means that she specially cherishes their presence, but can be fine on her own. Maybe even without this one, she thinks to herself as her gaze shifts over to Jongin's face. Though fortunately I still have one semester before I'd have to rethink that.

Taemin is driving Naeun back to Long Island and then all the way back home to New Jersey, and Soojung tags along to keep him company. She likes long drives, anyway. Jongin was about to come with them but then decided to spend more time with Kyungsoo, who was leaving the next afternoon.

"You really like her, huh," Soojung says on the way back from Naeun's house. 

"Is it that obvious?"

"Kinda. For a relatively shy person, you're pretty forward. But that's okay," Soojung smiles at him. "I think she likes you, too." She pauses before tentatively asking, "I'm not trying to imply anything by this, but why do you like her, exactly?"

Taemin mulls this over. "Don't take this the wrong way, but after dating you, I try to be more selective when choosing girls -- "

Soojung whips her head around. "Excuse you!"

"Soojung-ah -- "

"What's that supposed to mean!"

"It means that I want to find someone who I'm not just attracted to, but feel comfortable with, like the way I am with you to a certain extent. So I want to find a certain balance and I wanted to, y'know, take my time, not date anyone until I find someone who I think is right."

There was a brief moment of frozen silence. "Uh, not to be rude but you haven't really taken your time."

"I know. After telling myself this, she just finds her way into my life and... fits right in. I mean, there is something so interesting and somewhat mysterious about her, the way she's so quiet and placid on the outside but so many things are going on in her mind. And, I mean, she was practically glacial when we first met but it really didn't take her that long to loosen up around me. So then, she sort of managed that balance, of being comfortable with me and maintaining distance. And, I mean, I know technically we've only known each other for a few months. But things happen the way they do, y'know, you can't measure it. Things change the way they want to, at the rate they want to, and I guess I'm learning to roll with that."

And Soojung can understand where he's coming from, especially now. "Yeah," she says quietly. "Time is incredibly subjective."

They drive-thru a Chick-Fil-A and get chicken and waffle fries, and while munching on fast food Taemin says, "So how are things with you and Jongin?"

"Um..." Soojung has a mouth full of chicken and barbecue sauce so it takes a while for her to answer. "They're good. I mean, we have to study a lot, now, and Sehun's always around because you know how they're basically married at school... and I'm helping him shoot his portfolio like I did with you. But, well, Sooyeon-unni's really busy right now so Jongin sleeps over whenever she's gone... take that smirk off your face, Lee Taemin. And we do fancy date-y things once in a while."

"Ah, you told me about that time you went to see the ballet show?"

"Yeah." Jongin had taken her to see Coppelia at the Lincoln Center, the large performing arts theater in New York City adjacent to his dream school, Juilliard. Okay, so it was also a ploy to get her to visit the school with him and ask people for admissions information, but it was a small price to pay for a free dinner and ballet ticket and overall one of the best dates she'd ever been on.

"That's great. I'm glad things turned out the way they did. Y'know, at first, the fact that I'm the first of the three of us to leave home made me really nervous. I told you I wanted to stay close to home because I wanted to still be around you guys as much as possible -- and that wasn't a lie, I didn't want to be left out -- but I was also pretty scared."

Soojung stares. "I didn't know this. You guys made it seem like I'm the only one making a big deal."

Taemin smiles a little. "Well, no. I guess we're all a little scared inside. But now I'm so glad I went."

"Yeah, everyone seems really happy, which gives me hope." Soojung laughs. "But you know, I'm starting to realize that we still have plenty of time to make mistakes, anyway. Maybe it's okay if we don't get it right the first time."

There's a brief silence. "That's so not something you'd normally say, Soojung-ah."

"I know. It's not something I'd normally think. But, I don't know, after everything that's happened in the past year and a half... that's sort of the conclusion I came up with." Soojung takes a sip of soda before saying, "I just hope that, out of all the mistakes we could make, we'd never make the mistake of falling out with each other."

Taemin gives her a look, then smiles fondly and reaches over to ruffle her hair. "Aww, Soojungie."

"Yo, I'm being serious!" 

"I know you are. It's just so cute to see you all mushy." His hand moves over to pinch her cheek and Soojung swats his arm away. "I'm pretty sure we'll be fine, even if our lives go in different directions, which I think they will eventually. But, I'll always be there for you and Jongin, Soojung-ah. No matter what."

Soojung smiles and reaches over to grab his hand. "Me too, Taeminnie," she says. "Always."

//

a/n.

i haven't updated this in monthsssssss OTL if you're still reading this and you were waiting, thank you so much and i'm sorryyy T_T

also i wrote the first section of this ages ago, so i'm really sorry if anyone's, like, triggered or upset or something by the way zitao is mentioned

i'm so, so close to being done *u*

one more thing, if you like kaistal or like the way i write kaistal, feel free to check out my twoshot déjà vecu which is currently halfway done.

thank you! *deep bow*