"I swear I'm gonna kill him soon. He better watch out during his sleep." I mumbled to myself as I got out the bathtub and dried myself with the towel. 

"My clothes are all wet!" I went to the living room where Jackson was sitting on the couch.

"You know where to find clothes." He answered without looking at me one second.

"Jerk!" I whispered as I went to his bedroom.

I openned the door and got surprised when I saw that the room was actually clean. No pants, or underwear lying on the floor, the smell wasn't bad either.

I looked around and hesitated before openning any drawer. He didn't change a thing, I thought as I saw every piece of clothe was at the same place as the last time I entered that room one year ago.

I carefully zipped off my dress and put in the bed, I looked for one of his oversized shirt and a short to put on. Then, I sat on the bed thinking of everything that was happening lately and how I could fight with my feelings for Jackson, wether it was still love or jealousy. I also knew I was angry thinking back on how he treated me but I knew it was also because of me. I took a big breath and found a way to calm myself.

I gently openned the door and slid out the room to join Jackson to the living room, but as I heard another voice I stopped there. I hid, I tried to listen and my heart broke a little when I heard the voice of a girl.

"Come on Jackson~ Let me enter, I dressed up just for you." The girl said.

"I don't want you in my house anymore, just go!" 

"Jackson, what's up with you? You called me and now you don't want me?!" The girl got upset.

"No, sorry. I got bored of you." Jackson said that without any emotion and the girl got speechless.

"How can you reject me like that?! -" The girl stopped talking as she saw my two bare legs from the hallway.

"I see you're already busy." She rolled her eyes and spoke with a despising voice. Jackson turned his head and saw my legs.

"It's none of your business, now just get out of here." Jackson spoke quickly and closed the door to the girl's face.

He went to sat back to the couch and I didn't dare to move.

"You know you're not really hidden there, right?" He spoke up and I jumped a bit as I got scared.

"I didn't want to interrupt." I said quietly as I joined him on the couch.

"You didn't. We had nothing to talk about." Jackson got up, openned the big window to the balcony and took something out his pocket.

Suddenly a weird smell came to my nose.

"What the hell Jackson?! Are you smoking?!" I yelled at him.

"Is it a problem?" He answered as he turned his head to me with a cigarette on the side of his mouth.

I looked at him with my eyes wide open and he understood so he threw the cigarette out.

"You want something to eat?" Jackson asked but I could see he wasn't himself.

"Ugh, yeah." I nodded and watched him carefully to analyze him.

He took a pizza out the fridge, put it in the oven and went to sit on the counter as he waited for it to cook. He sighed heavily and rubbed his whole face with his hands like he was desperate.

"Jackson, are you okay?" I put my hand on his shoulder and he jumped a bit.

"Fine." His tone was low.

"I'm sorry if you wanted to stay with that girl-"

"I didn't!" He cut me off and raged off the counter to grip my arms and looked straight into my eyes.

"That girl was nothing! She is nothing to me!" He held me tighter.

"Do you believe me?" He looked for an answer in my eyes.

"Jackson you're hurting me! Let go!" I looked at him and struggled and he quickly loosen his grip on me.

"I don't want to hurt you." He eyes changed and now I could see his sadness.

He looked at me from head to toe, he didn't dare to approach me again but his hand came to gently carress my cheek. He was gentle like I was a fragile animal that could break any second.

"You can go if you want, but just know that all those girls mean nothing to me compared to you." He said and I could feel the desperating in his voice.

He was touching me like I was the weak and fragile one but he didn't realize that it was him, I wasn't fragile, he was.

"I'm just trying to replace you, but it doesn't work." We were standing there, me looking and listening to all his words while he seemed to be in another world.

I slowly approached him, kissed his cheek and put my arms around him. I hugged him tightly but he didn't seem to answer it.

"I'm sorry to be still in love with you." He finally said but those words broke my heart. 

I felt bad and sad for all the things I have done to him in the past, everything he gave me and I didn't give back and for all the love he gave me that I didn't deserve.

At that moment a tear fell down my eye, I didn't wiped it off, I just burried my face on the crook of his neck and hugged him even tighter.

I don't deserve you, I thought to myself.