Chanyeol paced back and forth in his room. He rubbed his hands roughly through his hair, trying to rid his mind of the intense feelings that had been overtaking it. He had only known Baekhyun for a few days and now he couldn’t stop thinking…obsessing…agonizing over him.

There had been boys before…ones that tested his limits. In the end, however, his resolve had always won out. He had been able to muster up enough willpower to reject them all and move on to a different person…a different project…a different painting. That’s what he had done to Baekhyun right? He had rejected him and now that he had his painting, he should move on…right?

He had never experienced so much withdrawl, however, with any of his other subjects. His mind had trapped him in a movie theater where the only image playing on the screen was Baekhyun. His face…his voice…his…touch. It was all imprinted into his brain and he couldn’t seem to find a way to shake it.

He knew…he knew better than to think seeing Baekhyun would fix this feeling, but he still couldn’t stop his fingers from dialing the agencies number into his phone. He wasn’t fully conscious of his actions until he heard a familiar voice through the phone.

“Hello Chanyeol, how are you?” It was Baekhyun’s manager and even though he had talked to this man for years…he couldn’t seem to find the appropriate words to say. Luckily the man continued after the brief silence. “How was Baekhyun? Did he live up to your expectations?”

Chanyeol’s breath caught in his throat as the name that had been blasting threw his head for the passed few days, was rolled off the other man’s tongue with such ease. I choked out ‘yes’ was all Chanyeol could get out.

“Is everything alright? Your voice sounds strained.”

“I’m fine. I’m just stressed about this exhibition and the painting I have of Baekhyun…I don’t think it’s good enough”. I’m lying through my teeth. In fact, the painting he had completed of Baekhyun, after the man’s temper tantrum, had been one of his favorites.

“Do you want me to send another model? A handful of them are practically begging to work with you”.

“That’s very flattering, but I would rather have Baekhyun come over again…of course, only if he wants to”. What am I doing? Chanyeol dug his fingernails into his forearm trying to inflict some sort of punishment for his actions. He couldn’t see Baekhyun again…he simply couldn’t.

“I’m sure Baekhyun wouldn’t have any problems with that. He told me just the other day that during your time together, you were a perfect gentleman with an attentiveness to professionalism…his words not mine”.

While these words seemed like compliments to Baekhyun’s manager…Chanyeol knew better. He knew their intentions were to dig at him…as if the only thing Chanyeol had cared about was being polite and proper. He had cared about…other things…other people…much more.

“Can you have him come by tomorrow around noon?” Why am I doing this to myself? If he saw Baekhyun again, nothing would change, he would still be tortured, unable to remedy it. Chanyeol’s nails started to break the skin on his arms and he bit his wrist in order to suppress the scream that threatened to come from his throat.

“Alright, I’ll call Baekhyun right now and you can expect him at your doorstep tomorrow at noon. Thanks for doing business with us as always Chanyeol, we are all really looking forward to attending your exhibition in a few weeks”.

“No pressure”, Chanyeol forced out a playful laugh.

“Of course not, your work is always beautiful”.

“It’s my subjects, who are beautiful…I just recreate their image”. The image of Baekhyun flashed into his head again and he felt dizzy in its wake.

“Sometimes I think you are too modest Chanyeol, but then again, I think that’s why everyone loves you”.

“You are always too kind…I’ll see you soon”.

“Yes, and don’t hesitate to call again if you need anything”.

“Of course, thank you sir”. Chanyeol hung up the phone and went to the bathroom to retrieve a cool washcloth for his bleeding forearm. They were only small gashes…producing little to no blood, but he knew they could be much more. It was the same thought he had when he was fourteen years old…he couldn’t let himself go through that again.

“Hello?” Baekhyun answered his phone and muted the television in front of him.

“Hi Baekhyun, I have another assignment for you. Are you free tomorrow at noon?” His manager’s voice sounded through the phone.

“Yeah sure, what’s the assignment?” Baekhyun mumbled as he took a large bite of the noodle dish he had microwaved only minutes before.

“Chanyeol, wants you back to pose for another painting”.

Baekhyun’s mouth flew open and he was grateful that this conversation was happening over the phone, so that he could compose himself before answering.

“Really?” The surprise was apparent in his voice.

“Yeah, apparently he wasn’t happy with the last painting…no fault of your own Baekhyun…artists are picky”.

Baekhyun remembered back to the last time he posed for Chanyeol. It had only been days ago, but it felt like a distant memory. I stormed out on him before he was done. He must want me back to get the only thing he wants from me…a painting.

Baekhyun would have been lying to himself, if he said he wasn’t considering the job. The money was good, his reputation was at stake, and maybe…just maybe…a part of him wanted to see Chanyeol again.

He had thought a lot about apologizing to the man, because he was the one who initiated everything, he was the one who had touched Chanyeol, and he was the one who was unprofessional. He had let himself get too emotionally attached, which he attributed to this being the first time he had posed in front of someone. He would no doubt grow out of this during his career, but maybe Chanyeol could help speed up the process…teach him not to feel…even when things became intimate.

“I’ll do it!” Baekhyun called all too excitedly through the phone.