Baekhyun and Chanyeol sat at the dinner table. It had been a month since Chanyeol started attending therapy session, in the mornings, three times a week. However, it was only now, that he had a proposition for his partner to join him. He was nervous about bringing the topic up with the other man, seeming how Baekhyun found a way to change the subject any time therapy came up in their conversations. It was a part of Chanyeol’s life now…just like Baekhyun…so it was inevitable for them to join at some point…right?

He felt confident in his improvements. His therapist regularly commended his personal progress and reminded him constantly of how fair he had already come. He had opened up completely to the woman, she new his past, his present, and his desires for the future. He enjoyed having a third party perspective and her methods were creative, something he attributed to her age. They had gotten to the point, however, where creativity couldn’t even get him to the next level…they needed to test his reactions to physical stimuli for which he needed a partner…for which he needed Baekhyun.

When his therapist suggested Baekhyun join one of their appointments, he had laughed hysterically. Just the thought of his guarded and jaded boyfriend sharing thoughts about his life with a stranger was so comical. But she had encouraged him to at least offer up the idea for discussion…so here Chanyeol was…pushing spaghetti around his plate trying to muster up the courage to pop the question.

“How was your day Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked timidly seeing anxiety plastered all over the other’s face. Since spending nights at Chanyeol’s became more frequent, Baekhyun had picked up on Chanyeol’s nonverbal cues. He began to notice the early signs of anxiety…even before the sweat…even before the heart rate advances. As the frequency of these moments revealed themselves more and more, he felt as though he as now skilled in calming the other down…before things escalated to panic. So he did what he often did, in times like this, he reached across the table and held Chanyeol’s hand in his own, rubbing his thumb back and forth, knowing that Chanyeol found the action soothing.

“I had a great session today with Lauren actually”. Chanyeol placed his silverware down on the table. Here goes nothing.

“Don’t you think its weird to address her by her first name? I mean she does have a doctorate right? Isn’t that a breech of professionalism or something? I thought you were all about maintaining your professional image?” Baekhyun cheekily retorted hoping his teasing would serve as a distraction. No luck.

“Baek, I have to ask you for something…I have to ask you for a favor”. The couple made eye contact and Baekhyun could feel the urgency in his words…this is what he was trying to avoid…these kinds of conversation scared him. 

“You know I would do anything for you Yeol”. He squeezed the hand that was still intertwined in his own, but nothing seemed to ease the worry in Chanyeol’s eyes. He didn’t understand why the other got so nervous from just talking to him. He figured it stemmed from his constant fear of rejection…from feeling that he was never good enough to be cared for. But then again Baekhyun had been relieved of his therapist duties when it came to Chanyeol, so psychoanalyzing him was irrelevant.

“Okay, remember that when I say…Lauren wants you to come into one of our sessions next week”. He blurted out the last part of the sentence as fast as he could, almost making it inaudible to his partner. Chanyeol bit his lip waiting for the response he knew the other was going to give him.

“Why?” Baekhyun simply asked confused at the request.

“Well we are getting to the point where I need to test the water”. Chanyeol spoke vaguely hoping Baekhyun understood what he was implying.

“Test what water?” Baekhyun shoved a fork full of spaghetti into his mouth, eyebrows still knit together.

“You know…take a dip in the man pond”.

“When did bodies of water become part of your treatment?”

“Damn it Baekhyun! I just need to touch a ing man! I need to test my reactions…I need to test how I react to YOU”. Chanyeol berried his face into his palms embarrassed that their intimacy had become something so clinical.

“Oh…I’m sorry…I didn’t underst-…” Baekhyun starred at his mortified partner and stood up from his car to cradle the other’s head into his chest. “Of course I’ll come…if that’s what you need…I’ll do it”.

“Really?” Chanyeol’s big brown eyes looked up to meet Baekhyun’s with relief.

“Yeah sure…but I’m not having while Lauren is watching”.

“We aren’t going to have in the office Baek!” Well that made him laugh. “In fact we probably won’t even kiss. She just needs you there so we can agree on a way to proceed at home. She’ll see the dynamics of our relationship, establish what we are both comfortable with and together we can reach a decision”.

“Sounds very…methodical” Baekhyun forced a smile, kindly reassuring Chanyeol that he was committed.

“I know…not very y is it?”

“No…but that’s okay”. Baekhyun pulled the other’s hand toward him and kissed it sweetly. “Because you are”.

Baekhyun dragged his feet into the therapist’s office. He really did not want to be there and no physical reward from Chanyeol was even worth this amount of torture…fine maybe it was. Baekhyun had been to therapists before…ones that told him he had trouble acknowledging his feelings…that he needed to stop going about life so coldly…so detached from people. What the hell do they know? It had all been bull to him…they didn’t know him and there was no way he was going to let them in.

Yet here I am…sitting on a cold leather couch…next to a warm blooded Chanyeol…damn he looks y like this though…his arm around me…claiming his property…lip tucked in between his teeth…trying to bite the tension away…I would like to bite it too…maybe even ……

“Hello Baekhyun, I am so excited to finally meet you!” A hand had been extended in front of his face forcing him to look away from the others now bleeding lip. Baekhyun shook the hand and allowed his eyes to meet with his interrupter’s.

“You must be Dr….” Baekhyun scanned his brain for her last name, but for the life of him could not remember Chanyeol ever mentioning one.

“Lauren…just call me Lauren”. While he appreciated her assistance, he wasn’t too fond of her insistence on using her first name. It reflects an air of unprofessionalism to Baekhyun and the leggings and college T-shirt she was wearing didn’t help either. She couldn’t have been a day over twenty-five with her fresh face and perky ponytail. “I have heard so much about you Baekhyun…to be honest part of me wanted you to come into the office just so I could fangirl over you…you have no idea how much Chanyeol has built you up”. Chanyeol instantly blushed shooting Lauren a look resembling an embarrassed child in front of their friends.

“I’ll try not to disappoint”, Baekhyun said with a smug smile and sass on his breath, earning him a nudge from Chanyeol. “I have actually heard quite a bit about you as well...Chanyeol says we have been an integral part of his recovery process…honestly I should be thanking you”. Baekhyun said this with sincerity, trying to make the best of a bad situation and gain some points with his boyfriend.

“It’s really nothing. The whole process has been just as beneficial to me and my education as it has been for Chanyeol…if not more. I am more than happy to get started with you too…we have a lot to discuss”. Lauren motioned for the couple to follow her down a nearby hallway and through the second door on the left.

Baekhyun entered the room, trying not to pass too many judgments on the establishment simply from face value. To his surprise, the room seemed modest, but designed for ultimate comfort. Grey carpet spanned the length of the floor and the walls were lined with a pastel yellow color. A cloth couch was placed in the middle of the room creating a circle with four other chairs of a matching pattern. The walls were filled with pictures, art, quotes, and a tray of chocolate chip chocolates lay on a table by the door. This place felt warm.

“You both can have a seat wherever you would like and of course grab a cookie on your way”. Lauren smiled as she took one of the armchairs in the circle. She placed a binder on her lap and wrote down some quick notes before drawing her attention back to the two men in front of her. “So...I know a lot about Chanyeol, a lot about his feelings…but I’d like to hear from you Baekhyun…how do you feel about all of this?”

“How do I feel about what?” Baekhyun questioned snuggling into Chanyeol side on the couch across from the woman.

“What were your reactions to hearing about Chanyeol’s condition?” Here is was…the reason Baekhyun hated therapists…they asked you questions they already knew the answer to.

“I think you know what my reaction was”. Baekhyun retorted, trying to stifle some of his attitude.

“Yes, I’ve heard some things from Chanyeol, but I want to hear it from you. Why has this been hard for you?” There was only kindness and genuine curiosity in Lauren’s voice, but Baekhyun still wanted none of it.

“You don’t know if it’s been hard for me or not…I’ve never met you…you’re not authorized to make those assumptions”. Baekhyun retorted feeling great about putting Lauren in her place…until looking over at Chanyeol's disappointed face.

“I told you he was going to be like this”, Chanyeol commented, cutting in. “You can’t even swallow your pride for me? I’m doing all this for us…can you at least try being open? Lauren’s given you no reason not to trust her…and neither have I” Chanyeol’s eyes carried so much pain…so much sincerity…Baekhyun knew he was fighting a losing battle. So he took a deep breath and continued.

“Alright…I’ll admit that it’s been hard. I’m not used to this type of relationship”. Baekhyun looked down, ashamed of his passed, ashamed of the things, or rather people, who used to do. But then he found the other’s arm rapped around him, slowly massaging circles into his shoulder to spur him on.  

“And what type of relationship is that”, the woman inquired.

“Committed”.

“Your other partners were unfaithful?” Lauren leaned forward intrigued. She knew she had to be careful and deliberate with her questioning as to not spook Baekhyun.

“No, we were just never exclusive”. He had been the king of the term “friends with benefits”.

“Did you like that better”, she asked curiously.  

“No…I like this…I like Chanyeol”. Baekhyun smiled shyly at his boyfriend, as the other beamed at the affirmation. Did he expect anything different?

“What were your passed relationships like…physically?” Lauren asked pulling them both back into the conversation.

“I don’t know how to answer that”. What am I supposed to say? The was quick, dirty, and frequent?

“Well I’m assuming you’re not a .”

Usually a comment like this wouldn’t even phase Baekhyun, but for some reason…he felt insulted. “Yes, that’s correct”, he answered begrudgingly.

“So did you enjoy being intimate with your past partners? Did you feel fulfilled?”

Baekhyun looked over again at Chanyeol, who visibly gulped. Why did she have to ask me questions like this in front of Chanyeol…its torture seeing him react like this. Chanyeol wanted this though…and had prompted him to be honest…so he answered. “Yes”.

“Can I ask a question?” Chanyeol interrupted trying to divert the conversation to a question he could control. Lauren had warned him that this meeting could be difficult…that he might hear things…picture things…he didn’t want to…but ultimately this was a way for him to learn more about his partner…and he could use it to his advantage. “There is something I’ve always wondered”.

“Feel free”, Lauren responded opening her arms up as if offering him the floor.

“How many people have you had with”, Chanyeol asked bluntly catching the other man off guard.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened in disbelief and he cheeks immediately turned bright red. He was flustered and wishing he had never agreed to walk into this battle zone, or at least brought his own ammunition to fire. Where the hell did this question come from? “Chanyeol, I don’t feel comfortable answering that…especially in front of your therapist”.

“Baekhyun no one is here to judge you”, reaffirmed Lauren hoping her smile would ease his anger. Nope…it only escalated.

“Yes you are! That’s exactly what you’re here to do!” Baekhyun yelled scooting down the couch away from Chanyeol and pointing stiffly at the therapist.

“I’m sorry Lauren…clearly that was the wrong thing to ask”. Chanyeol had never imagined this going so poorly…well I guess I should have expected this.

“No, no, no, it’s alright. I’m glad you’re showing so much passion Baekhyun…now we just need to redirect it from me to Chanyeol…because ultimately, this is about him and it’s about his recovery”.

It was this comment that made Baekhyun realize he was acting like a two-year-old…throwing a fit about having to share his feelings…about having to share his passed. Chanyeol had been completely honest with him about his baggage…so maybe it was about time he shared some of his own. “43”, he said breaking the long string of silence.

“What?” Chanyeol asked reaching his hand over to touch the top of Baekhyun’s thigh.

“I’ve been with 43 men”. Baekhyun moved to face Chanyeol as he spoke…this was something he wanted to admit face to face. Chanyeol adverted his eyes, the stare too strong and searching for a reaction Chanyeol didn’t know how to give yet. “Are you disgusted?”

“No…I’m surprised”, he answered truthfully. He knew Baekhyun had been with other men…that had always been clear, but he had assumed it to be a few committed boyfriends…maybe a couple one-night stands. “Is really that meaningless to you?”

“Yes…I lost my ity when I was fourteen…at a party…to a football player I hardly knew…after that, I couldn’t expect to be meaningful”. Baekhyun’s eyes were starting to water and he cursed himself for letting the memories resurface…Chanyeol wasn’t the only one who had ever felt rejected…incapable of love. “That’s why I’m scared of doing it with you”.

“What do you mean,” Chanyeol asked searching the others downcast eyes for an answer. His hand was still resting on the other’s thigh an he now used his other hand to cup his boyfriends chin…bringing his gaze up to meet his own.

“There’s been so much build up…so much expectation…I don’t know if I can live up to your dreams…to your paintings”.

“That’s ridiculous…I have 43 people to live up to…you have none”, Chanyeol tried to laugh light-heartedly at this even though he was serious.

“That almost makes it harder though. You’re already so special to me and even though I’ve had with 43 men…I’ve never had with someone I loved”. He held Chanyeol’s gaze and then moved in to peck him on the lips. They both smiled at the unexpected contact.

“Sounds like you’re both worried about disappointing the other”, Lauren offered trying to refocus the conversation to relating back to Chanyeol’s treatment. “Abstaining from has made the act so important to both of you, that your biggest fear is that it wont live up to your expectations…or rather your partners expectations. Your intimacy is like any shaken carbonated beverage…we need to release the pressure gradually, because otherwise…everything will explode”.

They both looked at her confused, eyebrows knit together. Did she just compare our life to a soda?

“While Chanyeol has been making amazing strides during our therapy sessions, he has never gotten a chance to explore another man’s body…through touch. If we focus on the little victories, both of you will be eased into …releasing the pressure gradually”. 

Author's Note: I missed this fanfiction so much (and I missed all of you!), so I hope you are all just as excited as I am about this update. I'm currently in my last year of college, so a lot of different things have been drawing my attention away from my writing. My apologies! I tried to include the "" part I promised in the last author's note, but it was getting way too long, so it's going to have to wait until the next chapter. However, if you all have any fun ideas for how Baekhyun and Chanyeol can "release the pressure", I would love to read them in the comments!