You're Beautiful

“Fancy seeing you here,” sneered Clara-B after she had picked herself up off the floor and looked down at you with a curled lip while you were still struggling there before her. She put something quickly behind her back as if you wouldn't notice she was holding something, and stepped forward to tread hard on your fingers.

“Ouch!” you let out a cry and hissed through your teeth at the sharp pain on your fingers.

Clara-B stepped backwards, her hands flying dramatically to her chest. “Oh I’m so sorry,” she visibly lied, and then she brought a hand to as she giggled to herself in a sickeningly high-pitched tone. If there was ever a worst apology you had ever heard in your life.

You gritted your teeth, not believing her words for a second but thinking better than to start anything over it. So you silently pushed yourself off the floor with a great deal of force, making sure you could straighten up again quickly so she couldn’t try anything like that again. You looked up at her sharply as you dusted yourself off. She was such a tall and intimidating kind of girl, but you weren’t going to be intimidated by her today. “What are you doing here?” you shot at her with all the confidence you could muster in the face of this girl you already knew too much about. She wasn't the type of girl anyone could deal with, but you had no choice in this situation.

“Why do I need to tell you?” Clara retorted, looking down her nose at you as if you were a slug she found on her handbag. She skirted around you, her hands still behind her back and you wondered what she was hiding. If she hadn't made it so obvious she had something she didn't want you to see, you might not have been so curious. You felt a surge of urgency in this location of all places, someone hiding something from you while you were intending to come here and find something. Could it have something to do with you? Could it be the token you were looking for? You wouldn't put it past Clara-B to take something that wasn't hers, especially where it was concerning YongHwa.

You suddenly felt compelled to find out what it was. As the tall blonde made to walk past you, you reached out your hand bravely to stop her. She whirled around to face you incredulously, her face contorted in an ugly kind of surprise. You bet she never allowed this side of her to show in front of the male artists. It was obvious she was bewildered at your sudden daring move, but she was also clearly pissed off. “What do you think you’re doing? Have you lost your mind?” she snapped, pulling her arm free from you. You weren’t strong enough to hold onto her, but she seemed to have stopped long enough for you to dodge around her to peak behind her back. “Yah!”

Quick as lightening you snatched at her hand and plucked at something soft that was protruding from her fist. She moved away from you and disappeared behind the curtains, making her escape. You had no further desire to follow her and let her flee from you like the clear coward she was. Now that you were alone on the backstage staircase, you looked down at your hand and your eyes widened at what you saw. Half a Sakura flower, no doubt Clara-B still had the other half. Though the middle was made from another kind of material, and folded inwards several times in origami style. It would have been beautiful in its whole form, and you felt your eyes getting hot and wet as you realised it was the token YongHwa had given to you, the message flower. Where the tiny paper folds at the middle of the flower made a now half-pocket, you peeled them back with fumbling hands. You could see where the paper had torn when you had snatched the flower from Clara, and a tear ran down your cheek as you found half a note hidden inside. You hurriedly wiped away that hot tear on your face and tried to read the portion of the message that was available to you.

________, will you be my Sakura Girl? Bring this on

Then I will know you feel the same for me as I feel ab

I'll be waiting behind the curtain, watching you as alw

Let's put everything behind us. It's fine if you and HanJ

More tears streamed down your face and your hand was shaking as you continued to stare down at the message YongHwa had prepared for you. You couldn't see all of it, and you only hoped that you could guess the end of each line. It seemed like YongHwa had forgiven you about the whole HanJu situation, even though you weren't particularly wrong in the first place, you felt a flood of relief that YongHwa appeared to have finally cooled off about it. It also seemed that he still had feelings for you, you assumed, as it seemed to be saying,  the same feelings you still felt about him. However it hurt you that he had implied he didn't already know this himself. So he wasn't really over you like you had dreaded in your past encounters with him, the silence from him over the past few days. You weren't sure where you were supposed to bring this, but it was obvious you had already missed that chance as he was already disappointed in you. If you had known he was waiting for you to show him some kind of sign, you would have run to do it for him in an instant. If only you hadn't dropped the token last night, if only there wasn't so much going on for you to forget about it. You smacked yourself on the head several times, and sniffed irritably, feeling sorry for yourself. Then you reached urgently into your pocket for your hand phone, hoping to tell YongHwa everything, that you had truthfully dropped it before you went on stage last night before reading it and you had no idea about his expectations. You hoped he wasn't too angry to pick up your call, you had to let him know how you felt about him.

Ring ring. Ring ring. Beep. Sorry, the person you are trying to call right now is unavailable. Please leave a short ten second message and we will send it as a text message. Thankyou.

You cursed and hung up, then quickly putting your hand on your mouth and staring down at your phone frightfully. Was that going to convert into a text message for YongHwa to read later? A message from you that was nothing but a swear word. You let out a huge sigh and put your phone and the token back in your pocket. You would have to try and contact him later. All of this had to blow over... with any luck you'll be meeting him for dinner tonight and flying into his arms again. His wonderful scent would fill your nostrils, his amazing body against yours, his breath on your hair... These thoughts calmed you down enough to send you back on your way home to get cleaned up. You'd just have to spend the rest of the day keeping busy until you could get through to him. It was only temporary... he still cared about you. Just stay strong  a little while longer...

You didn't get to see YongHwa that night. He hadn't returned any of your calls, and he didn't pick any up from you either. You were feeling very depressed when you got a call from MinHyuk telling you that CN BLUE were out of action in Korea for a while, as they were doing an event in Japan for a few days to a week. You chatted with him for a while, trying not to sound so glum, but at least that made sense why YongHwa hadn't been able to take your calls. Still, didn't he have international roaming on his phone? Maybe your calls just weren't getting through... You comforted yourself with this thought instead and went to bed shortly after your short call with MinHyuk. So he was gone for a few days. You would just have to keep yourself busy until he got back.

Keeping busy while CN BLUE were away in Japan was actually a lot easier than you had expected, in fact you didn't really have a choice either way. It seemed as soon as you had débuted, everyone wanted a piece of you. Suddenly your schedule was a lot more crammed than it had been up until now. You had to appear on more talk shows, you had to attend more events, invitations from other artist's managers to try and get you to collaborate with their idols were numerous, and on top of that you were given your next big single to try and have ready within a week. The company was working you a lot harder, and you barely had time to stop for breath let alone get much to eat and you felt your stamina dropping day by day, your appearance looking worn-out and thin.

On the day of your first solo single release, the company held a party for you and it was another night in which you had to rub shoulders with a lot of big names and smile charmingly for the cameras that seemed to follow you everywhere. You were dressed in a stunning evening gown, and it was another classy venue hosted by the FNC, in which delicious food and expensive wine was free-flowing and abundantly offered. You really liked the wine here, most of it of old French and Spanish variety, so it went to your head very quickly. So just like déjà vu you found yourself being talked into visiting another club to dance and drink with some fellow young artists that greatly admired you and wouldn't allow you to reject their offer. You were having a great time, drinking, dancing, lapping up the doting attention of the male celebrities in your company and soon you felt it all going to your head so you didn't really care who you were dancing with anymore.

Realising you needed to go and get some air as you were feeling a bit out of it and didn't want to make a fool of yourself, you stumbled on your way upstairs to find the bathrooms. Unable to find the ladies bathroom you ventured a little further down the upstairs hall, but the walls were starting to move and you stopped for a short time to let your dizziness subside. Deciding you were feeling a bit hot you moved to take off your warm cotton bolero and absentmindedly held it behind you so that someone behind you could take it for you. As you dropped your arms back to your sides and gazed happily ahead, you began thinking how strange it was for someone to be standing behind you so quietly this whole time and you frowned and turned slowly to see who you had given your bolero to. Your mouth popped open at who it was, and you thought for a moment it was your dizziness taking you on a whole new level now you were seeing things.

"You look a bit hot," observed YongHwa, and he set down something he was carrying beside him, slung your bolero over his shoulder and moved forward to take off your gloves and untie your neck scarf you had been wearing all night. You could hardly move from the shock of seeing him, so you stood there dumbly as he removed these accessories from you and held them for you. When you still didn't react he cocked his head and regarded you curiously. "Are you really that surprised to see me?"

You blinked, your eyes trailed over him wonderingly. Was he really here? Since when did CN BLUE get back to Korea? YongHwa... he's here... you had missed him so much... Then remembering he had spoken to you, you nodded slowly in reply to his question.

YongHwa laughed, his eyes completely lost to his smile. A wave of happiness moved within you and the sides of your mouth quirked in response. Was he even more attractive when he laughed? That was absurd... he was already incredibly attractive. But then why couldn't you stop staring at him... "Pwah, you must have drank a lot. ________, is there anyone in there?" He waved one of your gloves in front of your face. You continued to stare at him, though your smile widened a little bit more. He tickled your cheek with the glove this time and you drew back with a giggle. "Hah, got you that time. C'mon, I want to show you something." He grabbed you by the hand, bobbed to pick up a heavy black case and lead you outside to the balcony.

When you got outside you greeted the fresh air with open arms. The cool breeze caressed your skin, and you realised then how stuffy you had been inside. YongHwa watched you as you went to the balcony ledge and leaned over to look down at the busy Seoul traffic, the pretty lights, the many tall towering city buildings. Everything seemed to be spinning around you, pretty, but after a while you found it kind of disconcerting and whirled around to give your back to the view that wouldn't keep still. You gazed up at the sky and you heard YongHwa walking towards you. He put an arm around you and hoisted you forwards so you were forced to stand straight again. Thrown out of your bearings you looked at him distractedly, and then your hand flew to your mouth as your stomach lurched at the movement.

"_______, are you feeling alright?" YongHwa was gazing down at you worriedly, holding you straight so that you were facing him but you urgently pushed him aside and ran to the far side of the balcony where you saw a black container you hoped was a bin. Feeling quite unladylike but at this point there was no time for salvaging dignity, you bent over and heaved into the container. A warm hand was on your back, and you felt behind you to push it away weakly. You didn't want anyone to see you in this state. Go away...

But he wouldn't go away, no matter how much you pushed him away and muttered and murmured and whinged your complaints. He crouched beside you and patted and rubbed your back for as long as you decided to squat there, bent over the container to release that bad from your body, in hope that it would leave you feeling better. It only made you feel exhausted, and so you wobbled backwards, quickly being caught in his arms and he sat himself against the balcony wall with you held tightly to his chest. You nuzzled your head into his neck and faded out of consciousness, so sleepy and comfortable all of a sudden, as he gently brushed your hair aside and dabbed a handkerchief to your mouth.

"What would you do if I wasn't here to take care of you?" YongHwa muttered into your hair as he held you to his chest. He planted a kiss on top of your head. "I missed you like crazy. Do you know that? When I'm not missing you like crazy you're driving me crazy." He pulled back to gaze at your innocently sleeping face and smiled to himself. "Even like this you're so beautiful. Can you feel my heartbeat?" He waited to see if you would reply, but you must have been truly sleeping. At his own words he brought a hand curiously to his chest as he watched you, feeling through the gap in his shirt to his skin. His heart was thudding steadily but speedily. He grinned and brought his hand to your face. "Only you could ever do this to me..." And with that he slowly leaned in and planted a kiss on the tip of your nose.

The next morning you woke in someone else's bed. You knew it from the moment you had stirred. The smell was different, the bed sheets felt different, and when you cracked open your eyes you were proven right as what greeted your eyes was different as well. You realised the smell was not unfamiliar though, and you frowned as you recognised the smell of YongHwa. As you gazed around the room you noticed heavy curtains were drawn, a dressing table with a computer, stereo and several other foreign objects you didn't recognise. To your direct right was a shelf full of caps, and a rack of clothing, all boy's clothing though it seemed. On the far table was an array of candles and incense, and you noticed several Simpsons toys and ornaments scattered here and there. An electric guitar and amp sat in the corner of the room near the door, which suddenly opened and your eyes widened as you disappeared under the covers as YongHwa entered the room with a tray of food and tea. His eyes met yours just as you submerged yourself further into the bed.

"I see you!" he teased, and you heard him crossing the room, the clattering of the tray being rested on the bedside table next to you. The bed wobbled and the mattress depressed near your legs. YongHwa was sitting on the bed. "________!" He sung your name slowly, and chuckled as you moaned in protest. "Come on." You felt the blanket being tugged and held on to it tighter. The blanket was still, you relaxed. Just as you relaxed the blanket suddenly flew from your head down to your torso and you were met with YongHwa's cheeky face grinning down at you. "There you are!"

"Leave me alone!" you wailed, reaching back for the blanket but YongHwa put his hand on yours and held you fast. Now you couldn't move the blanket or your own hand. You glared up at him and he looked down at you in satisfaction.

"Oww, you want me to leave already?" YongHwa pouted. "Are you sending me back to Japan so soon? Didn't you even miss me?" His lip wobbled dramatically and you scoffed. How could he have the nerve to say such things to you now?

You jerked back your hand from his grasp and hid your arms under the sheets so he couldn't reach them. "You didn't even tell me you were going to Japan! Do you know how many times I tried calling you? It wasn't until MinHyuk called me that I knew what was going on!"

YongHwa leaned over you, and you suddenly felt trapped beneath him. "Did you try very hard to reach me?" he asked suddenly. He leaned in closer still, and you felt yourself trying to push your head further back into your pillow. "Did you have something to tell me?" His breath was now on your face. "Did you realise what a bad girl you've been?" This last comment sent shivers over your body and your pulse was beating loudly in your temples, which wasn't really so good for the hangover you were noticing you had.

"What do you mean I was a bad girl?" you snapped, and you brought your arms out from the blanket so you could place your hands on his shoulders to prevent him from moving any closer.

YongHwa laughed and pulled back. You dropped your arms awkwardly. "As soon as I got back on Korean soil, I saw all the missed calls off you. And the hilarious messages..." he made a playful face at you and then reached past you to the tray he had brought in. "I don't know why I didn't get them while I was in Japan, anyway," he blew onto the bowl of porridge and then brought it to your lips on a spoon. You glared at it, but then at his nudging you hesitantly accepted and he gently spooned the porridge into your mouth with a small smile. "When I was about to call you back, Clara came to me in person." He gave you a mysterious look and spooned more porridge into your mouth.

"W-what did she want?" you managed through your mouthful of porridge.

YongHwa dabbed the side of your mouth and shook his head at you before offering you some more. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?" he teased you but you just rolled your eyes at him and continued chewing. "Well, she showed me something..." He then reached into his pocket and retrieved the other half of the flower message. Your eyes widened as you recognised it. You made to splutter some kind of explanation but YongHwa held a finger to your lips and then slipped another spoonful in so you couldn't talk. You chewed aggressively. "You can guess what kind of things she had to say. Anyway, I realised then that you never got to see my token at the show. And that explained why you didn't wear it out on stage." He showed the back of the flower to you and you saw that it had a small pin and clasp there, so it could be worn as a broach. You stared from the flower, to him, and back again. Then you nodded. He smiled apologetically at you. "Mianheyo. I'm sorry for getting so worked up and I didn't stop to hear you out." He pressed his lips together and gazed at you with big black eyes. They looked black today, you noticed.

"It's okay," you muttered, feeling awkward at his stare as you were still eating your breakfast and it made you feel self-conscious. "Just try not to get too hot-headed to listen to me next time," you said to him. "And don't go abroad without telling me you're going!"

"Mianheyo... I was just angry... I will never do that to you again..." he faded off, looking shamefacedly into the corner of the room. "Ah!" his eyes snapped back to you, "I wanted to show you something last night but you conked out. Such a cumbersome girl," he shook his head at you as you blushed, and then he stood up and briefly left the room.

While he was gone you quickly checked yourself in the mirror then jumped swiftly back into bed, and reached out for the cup of soup YongHwa had brought with the porridge. You sipped at it curiously, small noodle-like things were floating around the watery green liquid, but it was really delicious. YongHwa was back then, closing the door quietly behind him. You guessed the other member of CN BLUE didn't know you were in his room, so you waited silently as YongHwa opened a heavy black guitar case and pulled out a beautiful white polished acoustic guitar with a set of violet coloured strings. You marvelled at the guitar, it was clearly new, and it was positively beautiful and unique. That was still something you had to get around to purchasing, your own guitar. You were tired of borrowing guitars from the company and wanted your own to advance and make memories on. Though you were very fond of the purple stringed guitar, now you saw this one it paled in comparison. Perhaps it was the violet strings on this one that made you think of it and start comparing.

YongHwa perched himself at the end of the bed without a word and started strumming this magnificent guitar. You leaned back comfortably and watched him, and to your surprise he began singing a song you hadn't yet heard before.

I love you everyday
Can you remember the day we met?
Baby you came and walk with me. Don't walk away
You are my number one, number one

You tell me everything
And I will listen I promise baby
Baby you come and hold my hand.
Baby can we dance?
Don't you love me now? Fall in love with me

You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms pretty be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy

You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms sweetie be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy
I'm your No.1 fan

Oh baby why are you crying?
Don't tell me you're fine I am no blind
Oh baby do not walk away, don't walk away
Now you run away, run away

You broke my heart, yes you did
Can't you remember the day we met?
Baby you came and hold my hand. Baby yeah we danced
Don't you love me now? Oh don't walk away

You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms pretty be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy

You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms sweetie be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy
Love you everyday
You're my No.1
Please be my baby

 
You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms pretty be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy

You're my only angel
You're my only angel
Ms sweetie be my Mrs
I will make you mine. Girl be easy
You know you are driving me freaking crazy
I'm your No.1 fan

As he played the song he sung the lyrics so sweetly, his eyes closed and he was looking so passionate. You admired him as you watched him, feeling as if you were the luckiest girl in the world to be sung to by Jung YongHwa, whilst you were sitting in his room, tucked into his bed, sipping a hot soup he had prepared for you. Did it get any better than this? However the words of his song made you stop and think, it sounded very personal to how you felt about him in recent events. You were left wondering if this song he had composed had something to do with you or if you were just being self absorbed to be thinking that way.

As he finished the song he whispered the last line and looked back at you, his eyes slowly opening. You cheered for him quietly and he coolly set down the guitar on the bed in front of you. You knew he was trying not to look so pleased, but it was obvious he was. "________, chukahye."

"Neh?" you looked at him questioningly.

"Congratulations on your debut, and your new solo single," he smiled sincerely at you and you warmed at the sight of it. "You're a big star now, I'll have to start competing for your affections." You made a face at this and he laughed. "Anyway, I'm your Number One Fan."

You stared at him. "Did you by any chance... write that song for..."

He nodded. "I admit, I was thinking about you a lot when I wrote that song. It's already going on the new album. Did you like it?"

"Nngh. It was very sweet... but..." you trailed off thoughtfully.

"Moh?" he raised an eyebrow at you.

"Ms Sweetie be my Mrs?" you started laughing and YongHwa stared incredulously at you. "Are you proposing to me through this song Mr Jung YongHwa?"

YongHwa's face relaxed. "Ah, neh." He looked at you seriously.

You paused in your laughter. "Neh?" He continued to stare at you with that mysteriously serious expression and you felt your pulse quickening. "You... want to... get married?"

YongHwa took your hands as you gazed dumbly at him, your mouth hanging open. He turned your hands so that they were palm facing upwards, and then rested them on the blanket between the two of you. He then reached back and grabbed hold of the guitar. You watched in confusion as he placed the guitar in your hands. He then withdrew and continued looking at you, frustratingly calm and serious and making you terribly confused.

"YongHwa...?" you looked down at the guitar, but there was nothing about it that made you associate it with a marriage proposal. You looked up at him again imploringly.

Then YongHwa suddenly grinned. "Not a marriage proposal you pabbo." He leaned forward and ruffled your hair, you pulled back and pouted at him. He sat back again, simply watching you. "I'm officially asking you to be my girl."

You frowned. "But I'm already officially your girl."

"Nobody else knows that," YongHwa mumbled. "What if somebody else comes along and takes you from me?"

"YongHwa, do you really think I'm the kind of girl to just go off with any guy when I already know I have you?" You were annoyed at his level of trust in you.

"Ani," said YongHwa. "But things will be a lot easier if everybody else knows your mine."

You were silent at these words, processing them slowly. "Do you mean... you want to go public?"

YongHwa nodded, and your mouth fell open, ready to protest. He held up his hand. "Let's start with the boys first and see how they take it," he said in an effort to quiet you. "We'll talk about it later. For now, accept my gift." He nodded to the guitar in your hands.

You looked down at the guitar, and ran a hand softly over the smooth polished wood. It was so beautiful, you had adored it the moment you set eyes on it. Was it really for you?

"I got it for you while I was in Japan," continued YongHwa as you plucked at the strings and smiled at its deep even sound. "See, I was thinking about you while I was away."

You met his eyes and smiled. "Komowo, YongHwa. It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," YongHwa replied, surprising you with this comment. His eyes were intense as they bore into yours. "Saranghae."

This was the first time YongHwa had directly said I Love You. You continued to gaze into his eyes and your mouth formed a stupid grin. "Saranghae, YongHwa."

_________________________________________________________________________________

YONGHWA P.O.V.

YongHwa wasn't prepared for the emotional overload that would consume him when he heard those words leave your lips. He should have foreseen that you would say it back to him once he had said it first, but he didn't realise how much it would affect him to hear it loud and clear in reality. Seeing you there in his bed, dressed in one of his old baggy tops that was hanging loosely and lopsidedly over one of your shoulders, your hair messily half-up and half-down splayed over your shoulders and down your back... it made him hungry.

The fact that you were dressed in his clothes made it feel like he owned you, the fact that you were in his bed basically meant you were at his mercy. If he wanted to, he could trap you here and eat you alive. He really wanted to, oh god he was so hungry for you. If he just moved that guitar out the way, took the bowl of soup from you and set it aside... he could crawl on top of you, kiss you deeply and surely you would succumb to him. He would ravage you. You wouldn't know what hit you. Would you object if he took back his clothing? Wild fantasies started tormenting his mind and he tried to shake them out of his head.

Then you set the guitar aside, and you put the bowl back on its tray. He gazed at you like an animal in starvation, his mouth slack, his mind still fighting an inward battle to control himself and fight his animal instincts. The battle only became harder as you leaned in towards him and softly kissed him on the lips. He started shuddering at the pressure building inside his body, his loose top you were wearing falling forwards so it showed more of your bare chest than you probably intended. You didn't even notice.

He subtly brought his hand towards your chest as you distractedly continued kissing him passionately. And without you knowing, he pulled the top gently back again so your chest was covered once more. His disappointment in himself at being so honest came out in his kissing you and he accidentally bit your lip in frustration.

"Mrph!" you let out a noise of distress.

"Mianheyo," YongHwa murmured agonizingly against your lips, and he brought his hand to the back of your neck. He just really wanted to devour you. You were so. Ridiculously. Delicious. Controlling himself was becoming harder and harder. Do you know how hard it is for a guy when he's around the woman he loves?

End Chapter Nineteen