Whispers

You stared in shock and disbelief at the two men rolling around on the floor a few feet from your apartment doorstep. One of them was your drunken beau, clumsily flailing his arms about and kicking in no direction in particular at the man grappling with him, a man of  whose identity was not yet known. Things picked up heatedly and you dropped your bag in horror was the two men rolled further away from you into the darkened corridor but in the shadows you could see one of them rolling on top of the other and bringing his hands around the neck of the lesser fortunate one laying on the floor beneath him, his upper body locked into place by the knees of the one on top. Certain that in YongHwa's drunken state, it had to be him that was losing in the battle between men, so you ran forward with a determination you did not know you had in the face of this type of situation, your adrenalin pumping through your limbs suddenly at the urgency of what you were now faced with. You reached the attacker almost in an instant and ripped him angrily from your poor drunken man gasping on the floor below, reaching for his throat and coughing desperately. You threw the man who had been on top of him aside, his head bumping the wall at the side of the corridor and didn't give him another moment's thought as you speedily kneeled at the side of your recovering idol. It was lucky you had leapt into action, this kind of thing could have been fatal. So with that in mind, your brows creased in worry you lifted the head of who you assumed was YongHwa and rested it on your knees as you checked his face, brushing the hair from his eyes as you did so. YongHwa was looking very strange right now. His eyebrows had become thinner and longer, his cheeks more plump. Had his face swelled at the loss of air he had just experienced? The man opened his eyes sorely and looked at you, you stared back. There was a moment pause before you screamed and pulled away quickly as you realised it was not YongHwa that you had been nursing. Your heart rate thumping wildly, you drew against the wall away from the stranger and it wasn't until he got up and dashed away into the night all within the same few split seconds of your reaction, that your mind became clear and you realised who it actually was. Why hadn't you recognised him sooner? With a sudden gasp of realisation that you had thrown the real YongHwa against the wall, you whirled around urgently and rushed to his side, getting to your knees with a growing sense of guilt and dread as you regarded the slumped figure of the man you loved before you. His head was resting on his chest, arms like lead at his sides, face as lax and un responsive as the rest of his body. He looked as if he was fast asleep, but you knew better than to assume it was really that innocent of a nap.

"YongHwa! Yah, YongHwa!" you shook his shoulders desperately looking for a sign of life, you needed him to gain consciousness as quickly as possible. "YongHwa! Yong! Oppa! Please!" You smacked at his cheeks, which were looking particularly chubby in this kind of position. You smacked at his arms, his legs, poked his sides. Anything to get him to regain consciousness right now. You could see he was still breathing, his shoulders were rising and falling slowly. But to make sure it wasn't just a trick of the light in this dark hallway, you put your ear to his chest and felt it first hand against your cheek, hearing his breathing exhale and inhale in a relaxed sort of fashion straight from his lungs. His heart beat was steady, it gave you more comfort than you cared to admit right now. "YongHwa please wake up," you murmured and pulled away to look back at his peaceful face. It looked like a terribly uncomfortable position he was sitting in. You reached around his back and pulled him forwards into you, his head automatically lolled onto your shoulder and you were reminded how heavy the human skull really was. To think we hold up that weight without even thinking about it every day, all with the power of that tiny stump under it we call a neck. But YongHwa's head wasn't too heavy, you thought to yourself as you smacked lightly at his cheeks some more. Nothing about him was heavy, it wasn't too much to you, and you wouldn't complain. So you attempted to support some more of his weight, gathering your strength in your thighs as you pushed yourself shakily off the ground with YongHwa's torso limply resting over your shoulders. Of course he sagged and slid off your shoulders so as when you stood you quickly and forcefully grabbed his waist and propped him against the wall as you pulled him to more or less his full height. If you had managed to get him this far to your apartment door, you could sure as hell get him inside without any mishaps.

Thinking to yourself the ridiculousness of the situation, and how much it reminded you of the typical Korean drama - though in this case it was the woman who was dragging the man around, talk about women power - you fumbled with your keys in the lock and managed to get the limp and lollopy body of Jung YongHwa inside your apartment and lay him gently on your couch. In any one of your fantasies this would have been a triumphant moment, but right now as you stared down the reality of the situation, at YongHwa's legs splayed unnaturally off the sides of your couch you sighed and bent to straighten them, knowing the result wasn't going to be anywhere near as exciting as any one of those fantasies. So once you had positioned his head comfortably on a soft pillow and pulled a blanket over him, you yawned and took up the recliner chair that would serve as your bed for the night.

You were woken a few times in the middle of the night as YongHwa had stirred and anxiously sought you out one time, had woken to use the bathroom two more times, and then had to vomit the next time. It wasn't the best night sleep you had ever had but at least you knew that YongHwa was going to be okay. You held onto this thought as you heard him lurching off the couch again and the basin beside the couch dragged along the floor as he went to pick it up again to relieve his gurgling stomach. How he had managed to drink so much without your noticing you didn't know, and this was the last thought you remembered having before the sun rays shone over your face and announced that it was now officially morning. They were warm and comforting on your face, a small smile crept onto your face as you turned over and snuggled further into the crisply cosy pillows under your head. Your hands automatically sought out your blanket, reaching to cover it further up your neck and just over your chin. But when did you remember to bring your blanket and pillows with you? Your eyes cracked open and you gazed groggily through your messy fringe of hair at the brightness of your bedroom. The sun bounced  brightly off the white walls of your apartment bedroom as it did every morning, the same brightness blinding you as it reflected off your equally white bed sheets. Was it all just a dream? You peeped over your blankets, lifting your head to look out your open bedroom door. The back of the couch in the sitting area was all you could really see from here, and that didn't tell you very much about last night alone.

With an early morning defiant grunt you pushed yourself onto your elbows and then slid regretfully out of your bed. Rubbing your eyes you made your way through your bedroom door and out into the sitting area where you blinked around the room with groggy curiousness. YongHwa was not there. You stuck out your bottom lip and regarded the room on both sides, turning your head. There was no sign of him. The pillow and blanket you used to cover him last night were gone. Was it really a dream? You frowned, wishing that weren't true. Despite the end of the night, that meant the beautiful dinner surprise he had prepared for you hadn't really happened either. With an indignant sniff you turned back to your bedroom, shuffled back towards your bed, and then you started. There on your bed, laying on top of your blankets, fast asleep and nuzzled into your pillows was Jung YongHwa.

You took a moment to regain yourself, needing time to compose yourself at the early morning shock at finding the very one and only Jung YongHwa of CN BLUE laying on your bed... his face inches from where yours had been only moments ago. Where he had slept. Beside you. Jung YongHwa. Sleeping with you... well not sleeping sleeping but... sleeping... with... you. Okay so it took more than a moment to gain your composure, and you took a deep breath to calm your sudden nerves which had cropped up within you at the sight of him there, of all places, and so unexpectedly too. Bringing your hands back down to your sides you moved slowly back to the bed, your eyes darting to YongHwa's figure and back again as you climbed gingerly back into your bed, pulling the sheets back over yourself. He did not stir. You felt a little braver and rolled onto your side gently, slowly, so as not to make any noise or bump the bed. You didn't know why, but you didn't want to wake him. Maybe because you were frightened he would wake, see you, and the blissful situation would soon be cut to an end as he realised himself. Maybe because you just wanted to watch his peaceful face as he slept a little while longer. It was probably a combination of both, you weren't really giving it much thought as to why you were being so careful, you were just enjoying the moment.

 And so you brought your hand up beside you face and rested your cheek on it as you silently watched YongHwa's sleeping form right beside you. His lips were parted slightly, he looked so angelic and serene, his smooth skin looking like porcelain in the morning light. His hair was splayed untidily around his head, ruffled in a cute kind of way against the pillows, and his fringe sitting over his forehead and brows in a way which would surely drive the makeup Unnies mad at the sight of it. It was then that you realised you were viewing YongHwa in his most natural state, his most natural form. No makeup, no special brands to dress him up, no combs, brushes, not even a wash. And yet, he still looked just as perfect. In fact, you thought to yourself with a wistful sigh bubbling inside your , it just made him all the more perfect seeing him this way with all his natural grace. The sigh came loose, and you blinked lovingly at the oblivious face of the man which was far away in another world right now, not able to see your shameless fawning over him. What would he do if he were to wake and see you staring at him like that? Perhaps he would jump from the bed and flee, calling you just another crazy stalker fan. No, he wouldn't do that. He had made his feelings clear about you. But still, you felt a little creepy at your staring. Oh poo, who cares. He was yours to stare at to your heart's content. Without realising what you were doing, you shuffled a little closer to the sleeping idol, you felt his heat against your body, and his breath now lightly brushed your face as you brought your face so close to his. Surely he would feel the sudden heat and begin to stir. You still hoped he wouldn't. You were enjoying these moments admiring him without his ego getting in the way.

Just then YongHwa's brow knitted slightly, his lips closed together and he pulled his head and shoulders back in a small stretch. Without opening his eyes he brought his head back into position and relaxed again, but you jumped in your skin as you felt something creeping up your arm and settling around your shoulder before you realised it was YongHwa's arm. It lay heavily in the crook of your neck before soft fingers rubbed at your ear lobe sleepily. "Good morning," came the slightly raspy voice of someone who had just woken up. Coming from YongHwa, it was dead y. Your eyes flew up to his face, and you found his eyes were still closed, but his lips were curled into that particular smile of his. "You could have let me sleep longer," he added in a pouty voice, but his words contradicted his actions as he pulled you into him and your face was pushed up against his neck. His neck was hot against your cool forehead, very very hot. You felt sweat already threatening to bead along your hairline. His voice rumbled in his throat as he went on, "I could hear you sniffing me again. Couldn't you wait until I got up and had a shower? You ert..."

At this you pulled away from him indignantly, but your struggles were to no avail as you were already engulfed in YongHwa's strong, though somewhat sleepy, grip. He held you fast, and your face immediately plummeted back towards his hot flesh, that was his neck and chest. Your nose felt like it was squished flat against him with the force this time. He was laughing, the bed shaking with his mirth, you moving with it although you were rigidly set against him. You glared and blinked pointedly into his skin, knowing he could feel your eyelids against his neck. He let out a different kind of laugh and his grip loosened slightly. "Ah! Butterfly kisses? _______, you're just too cute. But that tickles..."

With your lips plastered against YongHwa's skin you managed to mumble with a muffled edge, "Serves you right! I am not a ert! I wasn't even sniffing you!"

YongHwa paused, you felt him shift in the bed. "What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"I said!" you drew a breath and muttered aspiratedly against his neck again, repeating your words the first time. It came out just as muffled despite your best efforts.

YongHwa paused again. But this time you could feel the bed shaking again, and so was he. His Adam's apple was moving up and down and you felt it sliding against the tip of your nose. He was laughing at you, you knew it. "I'm sorry, _______. I just can't seem to hear you. Could you try again for me? Just one more time." He could barely keep the amusement from his voice.

You pounded your fist against his chest, but it was a small and weak shot, as you didn't have enough swing. Your arm was too cramped between yours and YongHwa's bodies. He really hadn't given you much room to move around at all, you were pretty much wedged into place. Being unable to fully express yourself to your full potential, you felt irked further still. Knowing you couldn't say anything without YongHwa succumbing to another fit of laughter, you flopped limply in defeat.

At your relaxing motion YongHwa brought both his arms around you and squeezed you gently against his chest, he rolled onto his back and brought you with him, so you lolled onto his body like a rag doll. Your cheeks immediately flushed red as you realised what was happening and where you were sitting, or well, laying. Your body was laying on top of Jung YongHwa's. Your mind whirled in all kinds of senseless directions, and your heart beat picked up at an unbearable pace. Face burning at your current predicament, you froze in your place. YongHwa was looking up at you adoringly, his cheeks had a slight pink tinge but you were unsure if he was just feeling hot or... your thoughts trailed off as you didn't want to acknowledge them just yet. His body was like a hard mattress underneath you. It was hard, but it wasn't uncomfortable, there was still a fleshy softness to it, although there wasn't an ounce of fatty cushion on this body. You kind of wished there was, so that it felt just like your bed and you could snuggle back in and fall asleep. But it felt as if your body wasn't able to snuggle into this hard form beneath you and fall asleep again, it was reacting in a completely opposite kind of way and you were desperate to remove yourself from such sudden sensations. With newfound urgency you pushed yourself off against YongHwa's chest and rolled back to the side of him.

He turned to you in surprise, a glint of hurt flashed across his face but he quickly disguised it as concern. "_____­_, are you okay?"

"Neh," you said quickly, turning away so you could hide your blushing face.

You felt him roll towards you, heard the crinkle of the sheets, and sure enough his warm hand rubbed your shoulder, the heat from him at your back. After a moment like this, he brought his chin down to your shoulder and nuzzled at your cheek gently. "I don't want to pressure you into anything. Please don't get the wrong idea."

You felt stunned at his directness, and couldn't answer right away. You remained silent.

"Maybe it was a bit shocking for you. Mianhae. I just wanted to..." he trailed off, his voice sounded as if he was agonising over something. His fingers trailed down your shoulder to your arm, his touch was light, it tickled you. "All I could think about was how much I love you... how much I want you. I didn't mean to... I just wanted to hold you. I wasn't after anything else, I swear."

You sniffed at his words. It sounded as if he assumed you were mad with him, that you had thought he had bad intentions, whereas in actual fact those thoughts hadn't crossed your mind at all. You knew he wasn't like that. It was just that... in that kind of position, usually events led to one thing. And you weren't ready for that, that was true. You and YongHwa had not been dating long enough for things to escalate to that level so quickly. Although, you winced at your prudishness. This was Jung YongHwa. You had imagined such rendezvous with him in your mind countless times. But when it came to the crunch... you couldn't even lay on top of him without getting cold feet. It was much easier in your imagination. There were no repercussions, no judgement. But here, in reality. You wanted to do things right... It wasn't just a fantasy now. It was your life. It was a real relationship. If you gave all of yourself to him now like you actually really wanted to (quite desperately I might add), then what made you so different to the hundreds of thousands of other fans out there who were willing to throw themselves into Jung YongHwa's bed? Let's face it, if that was all you were promised too - one night with Jung YongHwa - you would probably be among them. Wouldn't you?

"_______? Are you listening to me? Please say something." YongHwa had stopped nuzzling at your cheek and sounded all the more worried.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and turned your head around so you could offer YongHwa a tender smile. "Ani, you misunderstand me. I didn't think you would pressure me. I'm just..."

"I know, arraso," he pulled you around by the shoulder so you were laying on your back and could face him entirely. He propped himself on his elbow and gazed down at you, his chin resting on his fist he looked so serious. "You don't want to go too fast." He said this as if he had read your thoughts. And as you looked up at him in surprise, he brought his head low to your face and placed his lips ever so gently on yours. He really did understand you, so very well indeed. You close your eyes, and thinking this, smiled into his kiss. A kiss which was as soft as the feathers inside your goose-down pillows.

..................................................................

Later that night you found yourself at one of CN BLUE's live performances for a shared musical event hosted by FNC Entertainment. So far three acts had already been on stage and performed three of their hit songs each, and now that it was CN BLUE's turn you cheered from the sidelines, jumping up and down like the girls in the mosh pit in front of the stage. Had circumstances not shined on you so fortunately of late, you would probably be one of those girls in there. With the same manic love-struck expression, clutching a sparkling blue glow stick and screaming the name of your desired lover as he took up his position on stage and waved and blew kisses at you and all the other fans in the crowd that had been adoringly awaiting their gods for the last few hours.

But you were not one of them anymore. Little to YongHwa's knowledge you considered yourself as much belonging down there as you were in your place now, clutching excitedly at the curtain to the side of the stage out of sight from the audience. It was only a week or so until your debut, so your face was not yet to be shown on stage. However you were invited along in support of the other artists who were performing tonight, in particular your sunbaes, and also to learn a few things from those who had been in the trade far longer than you "ever hoped to be" as said by some snooty unnies you did  not even know the names of but who had performed as the first acts tonight.

YongHwa dared to wink at you as he donned his guitar strap over his head and your thoughts about those unnies were immediately diminished. CN BLUE launched into their first number one hit song I'm A Loner, before performing another two popular numbers Love Revolution and I'm Sorry. It was agreed that later in the show they would be playing their two latest songs for the audience, further promoting their newest Japanese Wave, with top songs Radio and Go Your Way. As expected the crowd lapped up the performance, unable to stop themselves from jumping and dancing and flailing, hanging onto the band members every word and following their every encouraged action. You could see the CN BLUE boys loving the adoration from their fans, their grins genuinely as wide as their faces and they ran around the stage and danced and goofed around much to the delight of their audience. You admired their showmanship, taking note to find this kind of goofy confidence in your own performances. Unless that was best pulled off by the male performers. On the other hand, you found it hard to take your eyes off YongHwa as he moved around energetically around the stage. As always when he sung or played the guitar, an undeniable magnetic attraction demanded your complete attention as he swayed and bobbed and danced. From this angle and this close, you could really admire his figure as he did so. His arms were on full display as he was only wearing a black vest, and his black jeans were tight enough for you to sneak a peek at his perfectly formed behind. Even his fellow band members had agreed that YongHwa had the best backside out of all of them. So between his muscles torso, toned arms, perfect bottom and handsome as always face... it was hard for you to decide which point of interest to look at. You tried looking beyond him entirely at the other band members, but that was near impossible unless YongHwa shimmied out of sight to move to a further part of the stage. Only then could you focus on anything else, and you nodded at the boys at different times when they all smiled in your direction at different stages in the songs or commentary.

When the boys bounded off the stage on the other side to get cleaned up and changed with the makeup and fashion department, you turned around and made towards the coffee and tea area backstage to refresh yourself as another band took the stage. The same group of unnies that had been snide with you earlier were a few feet away, primping at their hair and outfits, obviously ready to go on for their second act this evening. You overheard their conversation by chance.

"...Oh he looked so hot in those skinny jeans, I could feel my lower regions being set on fire!" exclaimed the tallest of the unnies with long bleached hair and overly plump pink lips.

You involuntarily spilled your mouthful of coffee back into its cup.

"Don't be so obscene, Clara-B!" laughed her shorter friend shrilly, "You don't need to give us the dirty details just because you and him are an item! Keep that to yourselves... sheesh..."

The brown-haired unnie chipped in then, "Oh don't be stupid, YongHwa and Clara-B aren't an item."

The girl that was Clara-B her, red-faced and furious, "Are you saying I've lied about everything? You know how things are between me and YongHwa!"

"So you keep saying," the brown-haired unnie rolled her eyes. "Didn't you see him on television the other night? He was on the DTTRadio Idol Time, lover girl. They asked him about you and he said you and him are just friends, and you're not his type."

Clara-B laughed nervously, "Ha! Hahahaaha! Oh of course he said that! We're not allowed to go public with it yet! I told him to say that I'm not his type, you know, so it' believable."

The short girl's eyes widened, "You guys are going to go public?"

"Of course!" Clara-B flicked her hair over her shoulder, full of self-importance, "Once I get my new contract signed so they can't go back on their word. YongHwa's mine, just you wait and see. I told him to fool around with some newbies until it all settles so nobody suspects he's serious about me."

"You are so cool, Clara-B," gushed the short haired girl.

The trio moved away to finish their makeup touch-ups with their own makeup team and you were left with Clara-B's words ringing in your ears once again. Suddenly your coffee didn't seem so appealing anymore.

____________________________________________________________________________

YONGHWA P.O.V.

After the FNC special artists concert, all VIP attendees headed to a club on the other side of town for the after-party. It wasn't so much of a heavy music and trashy-grind-style dance kind of club, but something more upper class as was the choice of FNC event planners, always looking for new ways to impress. All the big names in the industry were there, including a handful of actors and actresses who had attended the show. Everyone took their chance to congratulate YongHwa and his fellow band members on a high energised performance, most of the pretty faces he was already on decent terms with, having attended these kind of events so many times before. But he did not take so much notice of the glitz and glamour clad actresses and artists who enthusiastically grasped his hand and gushed at his talents. It was probably a first for him, as he was usually rearing at the female attention showered on him by the young and beautiful hallyu stars. He barely smiled and nodded back to the male idols who slapped him on the back and made some joking greetings of their own. The only important person in the room was you. From the corner of his eye he watched as you meekly mingled with all the big names in the business, picking at the platters and sipping at the silver trays of wine that were passing only too frequently by you. A few times he caught you with someone tall and handsome, engaging you in conversation and his eyes snapped in your direction with fire in his eyes until you caught his expression and respectfully ducked away before he took it too far and came over. The way you looked at Minho from Shinee, he swore your eyes were dancing. And why did you keep looking back at Simon-D? Surely he wasn't your type of guy. He wasn't even that interesting, in fact his look was a bit too gangster for you. Clearly miffed at not being able to remain by your side the entire night, YongHwa was absent from most conversations he found himself pulled into. His band members found themselves answering for him, checking on him curiously when nobody else was looking.

"YongHwa, where are you tonight? Are you even on this planet?" Manager Kim nudged YongHwa with his elbow and gave him a bucky grin when the young idol finally looked around and noticed his manager standing with him.

"Ah! Manager Kim," YongHwa brought the toothpick from the side of his mouth where he had been picking at his teeth absently, staring in your general direction as he noticed his good friend HonKi from FT ISLAND pointing something out to you and making you laugh. He brought his eyes slowly, regretfully away from you to face his manager. "Did you say something?"

"Oh no of course I didn't I was just dancing next to you with my pants down and singing the birthday song," came the calm reply.

YongHwa didn't seem affected by that, his eyes strayed back to you as HonKi touched your arm in that affectionate way he does sometimes when talking to people. He knew it was harmless, he knew HonKi, but why did he suddenly snap his toothpick in his hand just now?

"Then I thought I would just go ahead and pull yours down too so we can sing together," added Manager Kim, his eyes following where YongHwa was gazing so intently. "But maybe I'll just go and ask ________ if she'll do it with me instead, seeing as you're busy."

YongHwa snapped to attention, "Neh? What do you want _______ to do?" His voice was incredulous, suddenly his brain processed the whole conversation.

Manager Kim looked surprised for a moment, then he gave YongHwa a strange knowing look. "Ah... I shouldn't ask that of _______, should I? Then should I leave you to go and tell her not to worry?" He watched YongHwa expectantly, and when YongHwa just stared blankly back at him, his manager pushed him in your direction and strode away, laughing to himself.

How much wine had Manager Kim had tonight? YongHwa clicked his tongue and shook his head, he felt as if he had an excuse now and went to walk in your direction. Neh? Where had you gone? Now HonKi was talking to his band members, JungShin and JongHyun with them. MinHyuk was chatting with one of the pretty leads in one of the latest hit dramas. But where had you gone? He saw a figure on the balcony outside the glass doors at the back of the room, and recognised your dress and long hair. Smiling, he strode confidently towards the balcony and took up position beside you, leaning on the balcony ledge silently. You seemed to have gotten taller, it must have been the heels you were wearing. He turned his head slowly to look at you, but you didn't turn your head to face him. He frowned and leaned in close to you, bringing his hand up to swipe the hair from your shoulder so he could see your face clearly. "_______, finally we get a chance to- Moh?!" He withdrew in shock when he realised he had approached the wrong girl. His face momentarily took on a look of repulsive surprise, which was soon replaced with pure shock and confusion when he then realised who it actually was. "But... this dress... What are you doing in this dress?"

Clara-B turned around to face YongHwa, smiling brightly at him with sweet adoration. "Oppa! You finally came to me!" She giggled and grabbed his hand, hugging it to her chest. "Shh, before someone sees us. Just pretend that I'm that nobody _______ for now."

YongHwa looked at her for a moment. He then reached quickly for her hand, holding it gently in his. Without a word he glanced towards the balcony ledge, and looked back at Clara-B. "Do you want me to get you a drink?"

There was already a half empty glass of red wine sitting on the ledge. Clara shrugged her shoulders cutely at him. "You can refill that one for me when I finish it, oppa."

Obediently, YongHwa reached for the glass delicately and brought the wine to her lips. He looked on sweetly as she closed her eyes and accepted the gesture.

End Chapter Twelve