MARK’s POV

I felt a movement beside me on my bed. I wondered if Suzy had woken up from another nightmare again. I quietly stirred from the bed as I tried to fight against sleepiness. I was worried if she was crying again. I knew her pain – to be too scared that you could only cry to yourself in order to drown away the fear.

However, I wanted to make sure that she would not cry alone – not this time, not when she was with me. I wanted to reciprocate the comfort she had provided me all these years. Like her to me, I wanted to be the one to cast her fear away.

But I heard no sobs.

I fluttered my eyes open to look at her and I saw her gripping the knife tight. Her jaw was clenched. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me – as if I was a monster she needed to kill.

I should have been horrified at the sight. If it was a normal person, he would’ve screamed in shock. He would’ve stopped her right there and then.

But I used to be not normal. I know how fear can completely eat away consciousness and erase every fiber of reasoning. I knew how to see beasts out of everyone I would encounter.

Now, Suzy is not normal too. This time, it was her who was suffering from an enormous monster of fear – dictating every action, forming every image inside her head.

And I knew it was my fault.

I was the one who had brought her into danger before. If she had not encountered me, my brother wouldn’t have tortured her and she wouldn’t have this disorder.

I was the cause of her fear.

I could only stare at her as she raised the knife with shaky hands, ready to stab me. I looked at her eyes and reflected on her orbs was the desire to end all her misery, the hunger for a peaceful life and the want to keep danger and fear out of her system.

I closed my eyes again, ready to be sent into an eternal slumber under Suzy’s hands.

And I hope that my death could be her ticket out of this labyrinth I brought her in.

“You look too happy,” Mr. Kim remarked as I returned to the booth.

I looked at him and finally realized that the smile on my face was wider and had lasted longer than I thought. Instead of denying it however, I merely nodded and beamed, “I am. This is the happiest that I have been in the last five years.”

“Woah!” Mr. Kim, my colleague in the university, exclaimed, “Could it be… you finally found a girl? Have you fallen in love with someone in this festival at first sight?”

I laughed – a hearty one before breaking into a toothy grin. I could swear that my cheeks was flustered at that moment because I feel warmer than usual despite the coldness of the evening. I took a deep breath before replying, “Let’s just say that I’ve been in love with someone for so long… and I finally found her again.”

Mr. Kim merely stared at me, as if flabbergasted by my sudden confession, and this silence, in turn, made me timid. I sheepishly scratched the back of my neck but I couldn’t contain my smiles nor the blush that crept on my cheeks.

“Good for you then,” he replied as he tapped my back, “If you’ve found her again, don’t let her go this time.”

“I would be the most stupid person in the world to do that,” I stated.

He nodded before resuming his work at the booth as a few people have gathered in front of us. However, I, on the other hand, couldn’t focus. My mind was already clouded with thoughts of nothing but Suzy.

I remember her warmth when I enveloped her in my arms, the same smile that adorned her lips, the sweetest voice that had assured me of safety, the care-free chuckles that sent my heart leaping a thousand beats, the face of an angel, the eyes that glistened like stars, the perfectly pointed nose and her kissable pinkish lips –

I shook my head before my thoughts and my desire become uncontrollable.

But I was not kidding. Bae Suzy was as beautiful as she had always been. Perfect may have been an understatement to describe her. Everything was familiar at that moment, including the hammering of my heart against my chest, as if it had found its owner.

I smiled once more as I once thought that my long search was finally over – I’ve found her. I’ve finally found her again.

We’d go back to our usual bond – but this time, I want it to be stronger and more intimate. The four corners of the hospital were no longer there to imprison our moments. The world is now ours. There is no more imminent danger that would threaten our joy. Safety is already in our hands. I would make her happy – and her happiness would be mine as well.

I certainly wouldn’t waste this opportunity to spend the rest of my life with her.

Seeing her was fate’s gift I wouldn’t throw away.

As I kept her number, texting her had become a habit. It had become a routine to call her and let her voice be the one to greet me first in the morning and the last in the evening. It was as if I was using every second to make up to all the times that we have lost each other.

Sometimes, I was scared if I was being too clingy to Suzy. Thus, I’d give her some space – refusing to be the one to text her or call her first. But then, I would be one crazy lad focusing all my attention to my phone, waiting for it to ring or for a text to arrive then when it does, my face would lit in glee and excitement. My smile would either drop to the ground together with my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach in disappointment if it was not Suzy, but if it is, that smile would slowly become bigger, brighter and it would last until the day ends. The results were obviously polar opposites and by then, I knew that Suzy was driving me crazy unconsciously.

Suddenly, she occupied my mind more than I thought she would and too long ago, I have already known that my heart was hers as well. It was as if my world revolved around her and I had no complaints.

As the four corners of the hospital wall have long freed us, we took every opportunity we can in order to enjoy the real world. She would visit me in the university and I could feel stares coming in all directions as we walk together – some of them were scrutinizing Suzy because she was with me, some of them were judging me because I was with Suzy but most of them, I believe, were compliments on how stunning we look together.

I was flattered but I certainly want us to look perfect – as if we were made for each other because the mere thought of it could send my heart thumping louder and faster.

We went on numerous dates – sometimes, we were just merely eating at the cafeteria or some nearby restaurant. Sometimes, we take a walk by the Han River or just around town as I shared my stories with her of my university days.

“It looks like you’ve made some good friends in college,” Suzy remarked one time before glancing at me and asking, “Then… how about a girlfriend?”

I my lips before shaking my head. With a small beam, I answered, “Never had one.”

“Why not?” Suzy asked, “I’m certain that you’ve received a thousand of confessions. Don’t you like at least one of them?”

During these times, I feel like Suzy is mocking me. I don’t know if she’s just too naïve, too oblivious of my feelings, or she knew yet wanted me to say it out loud.

“I have someone in my mind and in my heart all throughout all these years,” I confessed in a whisper.

Our steps echoed against the pavement as silence resonated between the two of us. I looked at her, weighing her reaction but there was only a small smile playing in her lips which was too vague as an answer.

These type of moments were not isolated cases. They happen often when the topic of our feelings for each other would suddenly be brought up but while I tried to convey my emotions, Suzy just glossed over them with a mere smile.

We sing to our hearts content together in the noraebang; we both shamefully elicit our silly moves at the Kiosk on an arcade; we watch movies and go to concerts together and we see each other out.

We were like lovers, except we’re not.

But I do I enjoy every single moment spent with her. From the crazy and loud singings and dancing to the quietness of walking around a museum, from early breakfast meals in fast food to late midnight snacks at a café, from horror to chick-flick movies, I love to be with her. The occasion nor the things that we do doesn’t really matter– as long as I was with Suzy. I am happy because she has the certain effect in my heart that only she would be able to elicit.

I knew. I knew that at this stage, I could have no one but her.

Still, somehow I wonder if what our relationship was. Were we just former patient-doctor? Were we just friends? Or is this some type of bond which the world has no name for? Is it some kind of relationship that was too uncertain and too vague to be given a name?

But then, every time that we were too close, when our fingers grazed upon each other’s as if our skin were making friction, she would take my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine. Then, with only a simple action, she would send all my insecurities away and tmy hopes would skyrocket once more.

I would think, then, that there were just three words left unsaid – three words to close the distance between ‘friends’ and ‘lovers’.

“Is Suzy with you?” Jaebum asked with panic on his voice, “Is she with you?! She’s been missing for hours!”

“She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s with me,” I tried to calm Jaebum down.

I, then, glanced down at the figure on my bed. Her eyes were still swollen from crying but she had already got rid of the dirt on her feet. She wore my clothes as she took a shower and she took so much time that I wondered if there was just too much dirt she needed to remove or if she just wanted to have time to think alone.

When she came running to me in the university, begging for me to take her in, I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no. She needed me so who am I deprive myself of the opportunity to help her? To be with her?

“Thank you,” Jaebum said with a sigh of relief, “Tell me where you are and I’m going to fetch her.”

“Actually…” my voice trailed, “Let’s meet up and talk first.”

We both agreed to meet at a nearby café we both knew. I ordered both snacks and drinks for the both of us but Jaebum left them untouched. I’ve seen him a few times already and we were on talking terms but his silence at that moment was threatening.

“How is she?” he asked.

“She’s okay. She has eaten and taken a bath and she was sleeping when I left her,” I answered.

“Did she hurt herself?” he probed.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before shaking my head, “No. Why do you ask that?”

“She has history of self-harm due to her illness,” Jaebum confessed, “She was not like that before and I don’t want her to return to those routines.”

Before.

I knew what he meant by that. “Before” pertained to the time when Suzy hadn’t met me. “Before” was the time that she had not yet encountered my twin. “Before” was their peace that I have disturbed.

I gulped before questioning, “Did she harm herself often?”

“Sometimes. Just sometimes,” Jaebum whispered, “She’d torture herself to distract her from her nightmares and to prevent herself from sleeping. After that incident, she would have these traumatic visions that forces her to choose pain than fear.”

After that incident.

Jaebum summed it up in three words but we both knew that there much more to that – we knew every detail of it. No words could simplify the suffering brought by that incident but I guess summarizing it just into three words would both saved ourselves from reliving the painful memories.

“It’s her PTSD,” I mumbled and Jaebum nodded. I sighed before stating, “I thought she’s healed.”

“There’s no cure for PTSD,” Jaebum said with a sad smile. He met my gaze before adding, “You can’t expect her to recover like you did.”

A lump formed on my throat and I unconsciously played with my fingers. I knew that he was not blaming me because Jaebum is not that type of person. However, his words make guilt rush over me like tidal waves crashing over the fragile sands of the shore.

“It was my fault,” I said out loud.

“No. No,” Jaebum quickly shook his head. He audibly sighed before saying, “We’ve talked about this. It’s not you. It’s your twin. Come on, Mark. We’re over this conversation, aren’t we?”

I forced a smile as I nodded, trying to assure Jaebum that the guilt for my brother’s crimes was long gone and I redirected the conversation even before he could doubt me.

“How’s Dahyun?” I asked.

“She’s fine. She’s got a few scratches but she’s worried about Suzy,” Jaebum answered, “She’s afraid it would be her fault if Suzy would not come back home.”

“Actually, I have a favor to ask from you,” I told him direct to the point, refusing to beat around the bush.

“What is it?

I stuttered as I asked back, “C-Can Suzy stay with me?”

“What?” Jaebum asked in an utter, disbelief clearly written on his face, “Didn’t you hear what I said a while ago? She’s not well.”

“I-I know,” I kept stuttering but I wouldn’t let myself lose this argument. I took a deep breath to gather up my courage as I told him, “But I want to be with her.”

Jaebum was clearly not convinced.

“I’ve been searching for her for years,” I begged, my voice breaking before repeating, “And now that I’ve found her, there’s nothing more that I want but to be with her.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jaebum retorted.

“I’m perfectly aware of that,” I gave a small beam, “But I’m used to not being simple and not being normal, for that matter.”

I gave out a weak chuckle in order to ease the atmosphere but when Jaebum continued throwing me worried looks, I added, “There is no way that I would allow myself to throw away this opportunity to be with her. I’ve been longing for her for long. I’m happy when I’m with her and I want it to last. Please let her be with me.”

“For how long?” Jaebum probed, “One week? One month? One year?”

“For as long as she wants to stay,” I answered.

He sat back on his chair, as if contemplating on my words.

“I promise that I would take care of her to the best of my abilities,” I convinced him further, “I’d try to give her all she wants and all she needs.”

I knew it was difficult for him. I remembered how overprotective he was with Suzy. She was all he has. She was his sole family. She was the one who has been with him throughout all these years. She was his life.

But I knew too, that he knew that a day would come that the two of them have to part ways – not completely, but still, they have to take on different paths and spend the rest of their lives with other people.

“I have to talk to Suzy first,” Jaebum finally replied, “If she wants to be with you, then there’s nothing more I can do… but once things become complicated, I’d take her back.”

“I understand,” I gave him a brief smile.

Then, I accompanied him to my apartment and I saw how his gaze scrutinized every corner. It was like he was making sure that my home could provide Suzy her needed comfort. I assured him that I have a stable and a high-paying job to support both Suzy and I; Jaebum merely nodded in agreement. Then, Suzy has finally come out of the room to face her brother.

I left them for privacy and when I came back, it was evident that they both cried but after that conversation, Suzy started living with me.

Jaebum has granted us his permission.

I was holding a bouquet of flowers in my hands, ready to give them to Suzy once I return home but suddenly, I felt an urge to visit the safe house where we used to stay. My steps halted right in front of the gate and I breathed in fresh air.

I had to savor this moment – where both of us were safe, together, without being imprisoned in a structure.

Just then, the gates opened with a screeching sound, revealing an old female with a child clutching onto her blouse. I politely greeted her with a bow and the female replied with a smile while the child bowed back in return.

“Do you live here?” I asked them.

“We just moved in,” the child answered.

I gasped then checked the mailbox, finding my letters for Suzy gone. I turned to the two before asking, “There were letters here before. Did you throw them away?”

The child glanced at his mother and I saw how the older female moved her hands –sign language. By then, I understood that his mother was mute and somehow, it made me feel warm inside that the safe house which turned into an abandoned building can finally provide shelter for a family – a family that can communicate with silence, just like how I and Suzy used to do.

My daze was halted when the child met my gaze and told me, “We didn’t throw them away. There was a woman around your age who visited this house yesterday. She said that the letters were hers so my mom gave them to her.”

I smiled. Suzy.

I thanked them and bid farewell before taking my leave.

My heart raced against my chest as the thought of Suzy finally reading my letter came upon me. I was trying to remember every word and every detail as I bombarded myself with questions: Was my handwriting okay? Did I use scented papers? Was my Korean perfectly constructed? Was I too cheesy and mushy? Or perhaps too emotional in my choice of my words? What was I trying to tell her?

As a smile formed on my lips, I found the answer to my last question. I couldn’t quite remember everything that all my letters have said but I was certain that they can be summarized into seven words: I have loved her all these years.

When I returned into the apartment, still holding the bouquet I’ve bought, I immediately dropped my bag and searched for Suzy. Usually, I’d announce that I’m home but this time, I wanted to surprise her – to catch her reaction on my letters off guard.

I saw her in the dining room with the letters on the table. With a beam, I quietly walked towards her, tiptoeing, before surprising her with a hug from behind, enveloping her shoulders into my arms. I felt her flinch before she turned to me.

“Did you like them?” I asked but as she looked at me, I noticed the tears in her eyes and the ones that have already rolled over her cheeks. I loosened my hold on her in surprise and in turn, she took this opportunity to wipe away her tears.

I asked, “W-Why are you crying?”

“N-Nothing,” she stuttered as well.

I kneeled in front of her, forcing her to look at me as I asked her again with a firmer voice, “Why are you crying? Did I write something wrong?”

“No. No,” Suzy shook her head. She smiled but tears are still flowing down her cheeks. She hesitated as she open but close them again. Still, in the end, she found her voice to say, “I just don’t think I deserve this.”

“What are you talking about?’ I questioned as I cupped her face in my hands, wiping away her tears with my thumbs.

“I don’t deserve all of this. These letters,” Suzy replied as she placed her hands over mine. She hiccupped as she glanced at the flowers before adding, “This affection. This love.”

“Why not?” I beamed at her, “I wouldn’t be here without you. You helped me heal. You helped me be safe.”

“And you’re different now,” Suzy argued standing up, “You’re successful. You’re wanted by many. You’re perfect. I’m sure that there’s someone out there who’s better than me – someone who could probably love you more. There’s someone else better suited for you.”

“But I don’t want someone else,” I retorted as I grabbed her wrist, making her face me, “I want you, Suzy. I only want you.”

She cried harder as she shook her head, denying my statements but I hushed her once more, forcing her to meet my gaze, as I once again cupped her face in my