SUZY’S POV

I fluttered my eyes open and a part of me continued dying the moment I saw the same cramped room that I was in. My feet felt cold and when I gazed down, I realized that they were dipped in a basin once more. I lifted my feet and let it touch the cold tiles of the ground. My whole body still felt so weak – I must have been electrocuted again.

I ran my fingers through my locks, trying to comb my hair ridded with a mixture of dirt and oil. Who am I kidding? My whole body is a mess. Each day that I would spend in this room is an opportunity for my body to be trashed around – wasted at the mercy of my perpetrator. My body shook in fear as I looked at each wound in my skin but as my fingers grazed on my arms, I realized that I was not chained to the chair.

Hope surged through my veins. It was my opportunity to escape.

I dragged my body out of the room and my heart skipped a beat upon finding the door unlocked. With my tattered clothes, I started running. At first, I was brisk walking wobbly but each step I took away from that room gave me the courage and the hope to breakthrough my fate so I ran. I ran as fast as I could.

The corridors were dark but I let my feet guide my way. I was running out of breath and my steps faltered but I finally saw some dim light to lead me. A smile formed on my lips as I ran towards that light – I must be nearing the exit. I must be.

But then, I halted when I saw that the light was coming from the room I came out from.

“No,” I shook my head, “No.”

I turned around and started running at the opposite direction. I can’t stay here. My feet were hurting but I can no longer afford to stay at this living hell. I took a turn but my eyes widened upon finding the same room.

“It can’t be,” I said to myself. Fear was starting to eat me whole but then I convinced myself, “There is a way out. There is a way out.”

My body was aching and my energy was faltering but both fear and hope were giving me the drive to run as fast as I could. I felt like I was running in a maze – a labyrinth reigned by silence.

I found a light once more and I silently prayed for it to be my way out. I found a door slightly opened and my heart drummed against my chest as excitement filled me. Panting, I walked towards the door and grabbed the knob. I pulled the door open, ready to welcome my freedom.

But my mouth fell gaped as I found the same room – the room that witnessed all my suffering; the home of my pain.

I took a step back.

“No,” I muttered and my voice cracked.

I turned around to leave but my eyes widened upon seeing the devil of my living hell.

Brian Tuan.

“Where are you going?” he asked with a smirk on his lips.

I need not to answer because I knew that he would despise any word that I would say. However, my silence provoked him and the next thing that I knew, I was harshly thrown to the wall. He gave me no time to escape as he grabbed both of my shoulders and pushed me onto the wall again, letting my head collide with the wall.

My gaze met his and I found no trace of remorse on his face.

Suddenly, his hand gripped my neck tight and I was breathless. My head was becoming dizzy and my heart and my chest was constricting in pain. I tried to remove his hand from my neck, desperate for any air passage. I opened my mouth to scream but no voice and no air could come out.  My gaze was shaking but I couldn’t take it off from the smile that formed on his lips. Then, I felt my feet being lifted away from the floor and I realized that he was lifting me using his grip on my neck.

He was choking me to death.

My eyes opened wide and I inhaled a lungful of air as I sat up. The room was dim and I was panting hard but the first I thing I did was to search for the lights. When I opened the bedside lamp, I was finally certain that I was back in my own room.

I could feel sweat trickling down my face and my neck. I was only on my bed but my body felt tired and weak – as if I ran for real. Then, the images of Brian’s face flashed at the back of my mind and suddenly, I felt warm balls of tears forming at the corner of my eyes. At first, I bit my lip in order to contain my cries but I lost control and started bawling my heart out.

I hugged my knees as tears continued flowing down on my face.

“Suzy?”

I glanced at the opened door and saw Jaebum with worry painted all over his face. He waited and said no more as he climbed on the bed and hugged me tight. I welcomed his warmth and clung onto him for I knew that I was the safest in my brother’s arms. I pressed my face onto his chest as I continued crying hard.

“It’s just a nightmare, Suzy,” Jaebum whispered in my ears as he brushed my hair affectionately while his other hand patted my back. He repeated, “It’s just a nightmare. You’re already safe. He’s gone now.”

I grabbed his shirt tight and pulled Jaebum closer to me. Both he and I perfectly knew that it had been two months since the incident but my frightening memories were coming back in awful nightmares. Worse, they’re becoming more frequent.

Then the nightmares started visiting me at daytime as well – as if I was having flashbacks even if my eyes were wide open. As things started to become out of hand, Jaebum and I finally decided to pay a visit to the hospital and I still remember every detail when the doctor told me my condition.

I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I have opted to stay in the psychiatric ward for three months and the therapy has helped decrease the frequency of the nightmares. However, waking up with no one but the blank room to greet me had made me more anxious. Soon, it was recommended for me to stay at home where Jaebum’s presence can comfort me. I was released from the hospital; nevertheless, I was prescribed with anti-depressants and the psychiatric sessions continued. Furthermore, the doctor had warned me of the triggers in the real world that would make me remember it all and the anxiety attacks that I might be able to experience sooner or later.

Jaebum had made me return home as soon as possible and our house was almost the same as I remembered it to be but there was a missing element that I couldn’t quite figure out. As Jaebum volunteered to fix my things, I roamed around the house, curious as to the difference that time made. I kept thinking but somehow, my mind couldn’t just form the answer to my own question.

Thus, I opted to prepare food for the two of us – just like how I used to do. I checked the ingredients in the fridge and a smile formed on my lips as I realized that I would be able to make Jaebum’s favorite bibimbap. I took out the vegetables and washed them. I was about to cut the vegetables but then I couldn’t pull the drawer containing the knives.

I kneeled down and inspected the cause of the jam. My pointer then grazed upon the key hole – Jaebum had put a lock in the drawer. I quickly stood up and opened every cabinet and drawer that I could in the kitchen. The utensils and the materials were almost complete – but there were no knives nor scissors. My hands rested on my waist as I felt frustration boiling up inside me.

“Su, you okay?” Jaebum’s voice halted my trance.

“I-I was about to prepare our food,” I answered, stuttering, “B-But…”

Jaebum sensed my problem and he didn’t even let me finish explaining. He glossed it all over with a smile. He walked towards the kitchen counter and closed the cabinets and drawers that I opened before saying, “We could order food for now. Next time, I’d prepare.”

“And if I want to cook?” I asked, demanding for him to look at me.

“Then, I’d cut the ingredients for you,” Jaebum looked at me and beamed.

I was about to argue once more but I noticed plead in his eyes and his gaze softened as he placed his hand over my head, ruffling my hair in a comforting manner. I closed my eyes as he told me, “I’m sorry.”

I nodded, finally understanding that I was no longer allowed to deal with sharp objects. Since then, the kitchen was filled with ready-to-eat food, easy-opened cans, chopped ingredients and so on. Often as well, Jaebum would bring cooked food or order outside.

I knew by then that my disorder had started meddling with my every-day life.

Trapped inside the house, my task was to entertain myself with anything that I could get my hands on. However, there was a day that I suddenly craved for the world outside. I opened the windows but then chuckled after remembering that our apartment was only facing an opposite building so there was no scenery to watch. Still, I chose for the window to remain open as I read a book. Then suddenly, I saw a movement from the corner of my eyes.

I looked up and saw a red balloon flying past through the window.

I stood up and quickly closed the window as I came upon a realization. I checked upon the house and looked at our furniture and things. I looked at my make-up kit and found my favorite shade of lipstick missing. I opened the television and finally remembered that it was not supposed to be black and white. I looked at the door of Jaebum’s room and I my lips as I knew that it wasn’t originally blue. I went back to the kitchen but no matter how hard I tried to open the door that contained the sharp objects, all my efforts were futile. I bit my lip as I got a spatula instead.

I sat down in front of Jaebum’s door and started scratching the door with the spatula in my hand. My hands started hurting before I was able to scrape off the blue paint and I was only satisfied when a big spot of red welcomed my sight.

“That’s right,” I said to myself, “This door is supposed to be red.”

Suddenly, I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight of red. Then, a picture of a man with red hair appeared in front of me.

“Miss me, Suzy?” Brian asked me.

I widened my eyes and I was about to scream but then, Jaebum turned me to take my sight off the red paint and face him instead. Tears flooded down my cheeks unconsciously and he gently tapped my face. At first, I could only see his lips moving but I couldn’t comprehend his words. However, when I gulped and blinked rapidly, I was finally able to hear Jaebum’s voice.

“Suzy, you’re safe now,” Jaebum told me, “You’re just hallucinating. It’s not real. You’re safe, okay?”

I nodded and let Jaebum’s arms frame my body once more. There was an urge for me to turn to his door again but Jaebum stopped me before I could do so.

The door was replaced the next day and I finally understood the difference that Jaebum ad made while I was gone to the hospital. He erased every trace of red.

It was frightening how a simple color can switch on my nightmares in an instant.

I woke up at the living room and my fingers ran through my hair as I realized that I had experienced another nightmare. The nightmares had become rare but more terrible. I stood up and quickly looked for Jaebum but he was nowhere to be found in our house. I looked at my phone and dialed his number but it was unattended.

My heart hammered against my chest as an image of him with blood flowing from his neck was etched in my mind. The need to find Jaebum enveloped me whole. I need to see Jaebum right now. I need to see him safe.

I intake an amount of anti-depressants, took my keys and my phone, and wore some jacket before hurrying outside. As it had been half a year since I last went out, the surroundings felt strange. The warmth from the sun hitting my skin and the sound of the city echoing in my ears were almost unfamiliar – as if they were all parts of a distant memory.

A bunch of reds flashed through my eyes and I took a pause as I wait for the flashbacks but there were none. I sighed as I thanked that the therapies and the pills were working just fine. I then, started walking. I wandered around, looking for any trace of Jaebum as I kept dialing his number. I then, tried to find my way to the his office where I know I can find him. Relief washed over my face as soon as I saw the building he was working in. I ran towards the place and a smile was painted on my lips as I knew that I only had to cross the street to see Jaebum.

Red. The traffic signal was red but I sighed in relief when it turned green in an instant.

I walked on the pedestrian lane with the rest of the crowd but then I stopped mid-way when I noticed a figure at the other end of the street. My feet were frozen on the ground as Brian Tuan tilted his red-haired head and smirked at me. Shaking, I took a step back.

I turned around and ran back as cars sped past through me. There was a screeching sound and I found myself colliding with the bumper making me stumble on the ground. I knew that I had bruises by then but there was a surging pain at the corner of my head and when my hand touched it, I felt a cold liquid. I looked at my hands and found it painted with blood.

The image of Jaebum bathing in his own blood flashed right before my eyes again.

“Jaebum,” I whispered, “I need to save Jaebum.”

“Miss, are you okay?” a voice called my attention, grabbing my arm. I looked at him and fear enveloped me as I found Brian. He further cupped my face and said, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I must take you to the hospital.”

He pulled my wrist and I widened my eyes before tapping his hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” I muttered.

He looked at me as if I was some sort of an oddball. How can he even judge me with those eyes? It was him who had instilled this fear. He’s the reason behind my misery.

“But miss, you’re bleeding – “  he tried to grab my hand again.

“No!” I screamed.

I started running at full speed. Brian Tuan’s here. He has come to get me again.

But then, I suddenly tripped, twisting my ankle, making me utter a curse beneath my breath. I massaged my ankle to ease the pain but to no use. Instead, I had attracted the attention of strangers again.

“Do you need help?”

“Miss, you have more wounds.”

“Let’s go to the hospital.”

I looked up and saw a crowd who have circled me but the moment I blinked, they all turned into Brian Tuan.

“Let me help,” one of them offered as he neared me but I flinched when he touched me. He asked, “Does it hurt?”

I started panting as one of the people who turned into Brian Tuan looked at me and started massaging my feet. Suddenly, I found myself on the bed inside the cramped room I used to be trapped in.

“Does it hurt?” Brian asked but there was no trace of concern in his voice. Instead, his tone was mocking.

Warm balls of tears formed at the corner of my eyes as I felt that he was inside me again. I tried to free my hands but the handcuffs only clanked against the headboard and the more I struggle, the more my wrists would hurt.

He grunted as he started moving rhythmically on top of me. I closed my eyes and pursed my lips, refusing to see my situation or let my cries escape. However, I could feel his lips on my skin, nibbling, and marking me. Then he rested his face on the crook of my neck, breathing against my skin, letting me hear the guttural sounds he was making.

I felt disgusted with myself.

“Stop,” I cried, “Please stop.”

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you more?” the man who was massaging my ankles asked. He put his hands on the air as I continued crying.

“No,” I said repeatedly as I kept shaking my head, “Please don’t do this. Please stop.”

I pulled my knees closer towards my chest and covered my ears with my hands but no matter what I do, I can still hear Brian’s labored breathing, his grunts and the sounds of skin-slapping. In order to muffle those disgusting noises, I started screaming at the top of my lungs.

I thrashed around – kicking my feet on the ground as I continued screaming. Numerous people had tried to comfort me but I shoved them away for each touch was only making me remember everything in every detail.

Suddenly, someone grabbed both of my shoulders and started shaking my body, forcing me to open my eyes. I stopped screaming as I found Jaebum. My shaking hands went to his neck, tracing his