"I've decided what I want to do in the future," Baekhyun announced while swinging his feet and sitting on the front reception desk. 

 

"What?" Tao asked him sarcastically from behind the desk, clicking away on his computer and calculating the income  of the clinic for that month (but everyone knew he was actually reading The Heirs fanfiction, he had a soft spot for Lee Minho). 
 

"I'm going to be the next Miss Korea," he said proudly. 

 

The people in the lobby - Kris who was watering the pine tree, Lay who was mopping the floor, Jongdae who was flipping through a magazine in the waiting area, Sehun who was doing veterinary research (read: playing Candy Crush) and Chanyeol was arranging the flowers on the coffee table - stared at him. 

 

"Alright, who gave him the caffeine?" Tao broke the silence. 

 

"I should've gone to law school," Kris groaned. 

 

"Why is a janitors life so stressful?" 

 

"I'm so done with all of your ," Jongdae said as he jumped off the couch and left, taking the magazine with him. 

 

"How come you're not reacting?" Kris asked Chanyeol. 

 

He shrugged. "It's nothing new to me. I kind of live with him if you haven't noticed." 

 

"I feel sorry for you," Kris said while putting a comforting hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. "Wait, no, I feel more sorry for myself. Jongdae is right. I'm so done with all of your ." Kris threw the pink watering can over his shoulder as he walked away, whistling a tune. 

 

"Where'd Baekhyun go?" Joonmyun asked as he opened the office door, stepping into the lobby. "He was supposed to feed Princess this morning." 

 

"," they heard Kris curse from the office. "Has anyone seen my lead pipe?" 

 

~

 

"Luhan, what are you doing?" Minseok asked as he eyed him warily. 

 

"Arranging my hunting knives," Luhan replied nonchalantly. He polished one and put it back into its spot carefully ("Is that Kris' shirt you're using?")

 

"And is there a reason for that?" Minseok questioned, slowly retreating towards the door. 

 

"Yes, and it's going to meet us for lunch today," Luhan said. "Oh, . I forgot my rifles at home. Minseok can you go get them for me?" 

 

"Yep," Minseok told him cautiously. "You just stay right here, don't leave this room, or the spot you're sitting. Just stay there. Wait a second, how'd you get all of Joonmyun's surgery equipment?"

 

Luhan shrugged. "It's really easy to pick locks with a lead pipe."

 

"Is that why the door to the operation room is smashed open?" 

 

Luhan nodded. 

 

Minseok carefully backed out of the room, closing the door and locking it. He turned around to step back in fright. "Oh, Joonmyun. I didn't see you there. I think Luhan's finally lost his sanity."

 

"Does that even exist?" Joonmyun asked. "Anyways, make sure to remind him we're going out for lunch today. What's in the room behind yo-

 

"NO!" Minseok shouted. Joonmyun looked at him oddly. "I mean, no one's in here. Just don't open the door, no matter what you do."

 

"Okay," Joonmyun said suspiciously as he walked down the hall. "Don't be late."

 

Minseok nodded, sighing in relief when Joonmyun disappeared around the corner into the lobby. 

 

~

The twelve of them fit into two vans on their way to McDonalds, with Joonmyun and Kris driving. They arrived late since it took an extra fifteen minutes to put the straitjacket on Luhan. 

 

"Reservations under Lee, please," Kris said to the cashier. The cashier looked at them weirdly, eyeing Luhan cautiously. 

 

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have reservations here, this is-"

 

"This is so not my style," Kris said, flipping his scarf over his shoulder and taking his sunglasses off only to put them on again. He strode away taking long steps. 

 

"Has anyone seen Baekhyun?" Joonmyun asked as he led the eleven of them to a table. 

 

"Look, here he is!" Sehun said. 

 

Tao spit out his drink (he told Kris is was eclusive wine imported from France but in reality it was the apple juice from the Happy Meals they served). "That's your boyfriend?"

 

"Guys, Baekhyun's missing."

 

"Luhan, put the fork down." 

 

"Wait, wait, wait, just put the ing fork down."

 

"Alright, who let him out of the straitjacket?"

 

"My lead pipe."

 

Sehun facepalmed. So far the first meeting wasn't going very well. He glanced at hiss date out of hte corner of his eye and saw he was weirded out. 

 

"This is not what I imagined for meet the family night," he leaned in an whispered. 

 

"I don't think they're in the best mood right now," Sehun told him, "Do you want to just meet up later? Next week?" He squeaked. His boyfriend nodded, hurriedly leaving the restaurant. Just as Sehun sighed at not being too publicly humiliated, the lights went out, a spotlight shining on a stage (when did that get there) and red curtains set up at the end of the restaurant, and Ailee's U&I began playing. 

 

"Guys," he said, turning back to his table, when he noticed that they were gone, except for Minseok. "Well now I'm screwed."

 

"Hello, and welcome to the annual Miss Korea contest!" the hostess said, wearing a blonde-ish pink wig and a sparkly trench coat that looked oddly familiar to the one SNSD wore in their I Got A Boy video. 

 

"Is that Baekhyun?" Minseok asked.

 

Sehun banged his head on the table. 

 

"And our contestants for today are very excited for this competition, I hope you are too! I'll be your host for today, Byun Baekhee," he continued. 

 

"First of all we have our first competitor, Kim Jungae!" Baekh(ee?) said excitedly. Jungae walked onto the stage slowly, looking bored. 

 

"I told you not to get heels taller than me," Baekhyun hissed, breaking character for a moment. "Anyways, so, Jungae, what are you looking forward to today?"

 

"This thing to end," Jungae deadpanned. Baekhyun smiled (a little too sweetly) ushering her (him?) off the stage. 

 

"Whatever," the host(ess) grumbled, "Next we have the lovely Kim Jemun." 

 

"Hello there!" Baekhyun chirped when Kim Jemun made it to the podium, only tripping on her dress four times. "So, Jemun, do you look forward to winning?"

 

"I think they made me a dress too big," Jemun said. 

 

"Shut up we're on a budget," Baekhyun muttered. "Next!" 

 

As the next contestant moonwalked to the podium, he shifted through his cue cards. "Ah yes! Here we have Jae! Jae, do you have high expectations for winning Miss Korea?"

 

"I'm Chinese," Jae said. 

 

"Then why is your name Korean?" Baekhyun asked. 

 

"Because I'm awesome like that," Jae said, moonwalking off the stage again. 

 

"Okay, so our next contestant is Kyungsoon. Welcome!" Baekhyun said. Kyungsoon looked at the host(ess) with annoyance clear on her face. "Next!" Sehun banged his head on the table when the people at McDonalds began clapping as the next contestant was intorudced. 

 

"One of our last lovely ladies for the night, please put your hands together for Soo-ah! Do you have anything you want to say to the audience?" 

 

"If I don't win you're all dead."

 

"That's my darling!" Minseok cheered. "WHOO!" 

 

"Our second-last competitior, Kim Ha-In!" Baekhyun (or Baekhee, Sehun didn't know and didn't want to). Kim Ha-In was dressed as Gain from Brown Eyed Girls, though she was freakishly tall, towering over Baekhyun. 

 

"Get off the stage," Baekhyun ordered. "How could you like BEG, my darlings are obviously better." 

 

"I'm dressed as Eunji from APink," Ha-In said. The crowed quietened, judging staring at him. 

 

"What do you think their concept is?" Baekhyun asked. "That makes it even worse!" Ha-In was escorted off the stage by the security guards, also known as Kris and Tao. 

 

"Our last competitor for today is Park Eunyoo!" Baekhyun announced the crowd erupting into another round of applause. 

 

"I thought I told you not to let Luhan do your makeup," Baekhyun said, "And get a wig already!"

 

"I'm going for the tomboy look," Eunyoo told the host(ess). 

 

"Well it's not working." 

 

As all seven of the contestants lined up onstage, Baekhee turned to the audience. "Now that the introductions are over, let's start with the first round!" 

 

"Kill me now," Sehun moaned. 

 

1.7 k

 

~

a/n: i was writing my exo bias list blog post, which isn't done yet, and i was talking about how baekhyun was actually jung sora. and then i vomited words. so if you're confused on who's who:

 

Baekhee (hostess/MC) - Baekhyun

Kim Jungae - Chen (Kim Jongdae)

Kim Jemun - Suho (Kim Joonmyun)

Jae - Lay (I couldn't find one for Yixing) 

Kyungsoon - D.O. (Kyungsoo)

Soo-Ah - Luhan (it's hard to find one for this one)

Kim Ha-In - Kai (Kim Jongin)

Park Eunyoo - Park Chanyeol

 

question: who is sehun's boyfriend? 

prize: the first person to answer correctly gets a cameo in the next chapter! (+1 upvote on any story of your choice, it doesn't even have to be yours, it can your sisters or something). just also tell me your korean name or a korean name (like rachel lee or something). you can choose yourself or use those find out what your korean name thing is on google images. but it has to be female, and an actual name, not just hanatobia beratinlis. good luck!