EXO XO VETERINARY CLINIC - JULY 22

“Alright, no one is leaving this room until I figure out who the culprit is.”

There were collective groans heard around the room. It started it out as a normal day at work for most of them. But now it was late in the afternoon and they all wanted to go home. Joonmyun paced the room, thinking. “There’s only one way to figure this mystery.”

“And what’s that?’ Baekhyun asked sarcastically.

“By process of elimination.”

Everyone groaned. “What if you just forgot to close the cage door?”

“Nonesense! I would never do that. Okay, everyone needs an alibi-“

“What’s that?”

“It’s just what you were doing at the time of the crime.”

“Hyung, I don’t think-“

“First, of all,” Joonmyun said, paying no mind to Sehun, he spun around, walking the full length of the room, leaning on the two armrests of Kris’ chair.

“What were you doing at the time of the crime?”

“I was with you,” Kris answered. “Don’t you remember?”

“Kris, hold his leg down.”

“Okay.”

“Hold his mouth open for me.”

“Okay.”

“Flip him ove-“

The two of them were interrupted by a high-pitched shriek. Taking out the stethoscope from his ears, Joonmyun looked at Kris. “They did something again.”

As he went to open the door, Kris stopped him. “Hang on,” he said, lifting a lead pipe over his shoulder. “We might need this.”

“Why do you keep a lead pipe in the examination room?”

Kris shrugged, but then looked around to see if anyone was watching, “Have you ever seen what happens when Lay gets mad?”

Joonmyun decided he didn’t want to know. “Okay, I’ll count down from 5. 5, 4, 3-“

Kris slammed the door open, lifting the pipe over his head. “WHO SCREAMED, POLICE, FIRE, OR AMBULANCE, WHO’S PAYCHECK DO I CUT, AND HOW BIG IS THE PROBLEM ON A SCALE OF KYUNGSOO'S HEIGHT TO CHANYEOL'S?”

The lobby was in disarray. Animals were howling and screeching. Tao, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo were hiding behind the secretary’s counter. The front glass door had a hole in it, Minseok and Luhan were in the janitor’s closet, Chanyeol was cowering by the fake pine tree in the corner, which was knocked down. Sehun and Kai were nowhere to be seen, and dirt covered the ground, while Kris’ laptop was in pieces. and Lay scurried up to the two of them with wide eyes. “It escaped!”

“Oh, right,” Joonmyun said. “I forgot about that.” He spun around again and began pacing. “What should Sherlock Holmes do at a time like this?”

He spun on his heel again, and leaned over the armrests of Chanyeol’s chair. “You’re the troublemaker around here. What were you doing at twenty three seconds after 2:36 pm this afternoon?”

“Well,” Chanyeol began.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Chanyeol.”

“Of course it is! Baekkie will love it!” He replied, clapping excitedly. In his excitement he almost knocked down the ladder, causing it to wobble and spill paint on the floor. Joonmyun was not going to be happy.

Jongdae sighed. “Fine, but I am not cleaning this up.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “It’s okay, we can just get Lay to clean it up.”

“But we have plans.”

“Too bad, canc- Wait,” he stopped, looking at Jongdae down on the floor suspiciously. “What kind of plans?”

Jongdae smirked. “You know, plans.”

“Ew, that’s gross! I don’t want to hear about your-“

Chanyeol slipped on the paint, causing the ladder to fall, knocking over the fake pine tree that Kris kept in the lobby. The dirt spilt all over the floor. (No one knew why Kris used real dirt for a fake tree). The confetti he was placing on the chandelier fell out of his hands, along with the paint, both of them falling on Jongdae. The confetti was black, white, and grey – Baekhyun’s favourite colors. You see, his birthday was in a few days, and Chanyeol was planning for the confetti to fall from the chandelier when he walked in, triggered by a string.

He grabbed onto the string desperately, but it ripped. Falling off, he prepared to die, shutting his eyes tightly, “I love you Bacon!”

“What the Chanyeol, get off of me!”

“Baek?” He said, opening his eyes. “Oh, it’s you.”

Jongdae glared at him. “What do you mean, ‘oh, it’s you?’ I just saved your life if you hadn’t noticed!”

“Oh, right, thanks!”

“Whatever, just get off!”

Chanyeol jumped out of Jongdae’s arms. Jongdae was covered in grey paint, since they didn’t sell grey confetti so he planned to paint white confetti grey. The so-called white and black confetti were stuck all over him, making him look absurd. Jongdae looked down at himself. “Great, know what are me and Lay going to do for our plans?”

Chanyeol, shrugged, “Not my problem. Anyways we need to-“

“WATCH OUT!”

Next thing he knew, a huge wolf-like creature was chasing after Jongdae, who was running around screaming.

“I hired a bunch of idiots,” Joonmyun groaned.

“Omg, Yeollie, that’s so sweet!” Baekhyun gushed. “But you know my birthday was in May, right?”

“What about you two?” Joonmyun said, spinning around to face the Xiuhan couple. “What were you two doing?”

Luhan smirked. “Do you really want to know?”

“Nevermind,” Joonmyun changed his mind. “How about you then? You seemed awfully happy.”

“I’m not anymore,” Baekhyun grumbled, crossing his arms. “How could you not know my birthday. Yeol?”\

"I'm sorry, Baek."

“Oooh, lovers quarrel,” Luhan said.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun snapped. “Well me and Tao . . .”

“NO, HOW COULD YOU? I TRUSTED YOU! HOW MANY HEARTBREAKS AM I SUPPOSED TO GO THROUGH?”  Tao screamed. “I FEEL LIKE MY HEARTS BEEN BITTEN OUT, BURNT, THROWN INTO THE OCEAN, AND CUT UP INTO A GAZILLION PIECES! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN I AM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW! WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE YOU!”

Baekhyun sniffled and wiped his eyes. He was not crying, he just got eyeliner in his eye. “Tao, it’s just a draM-“ he started sobbing halfway through his sentence. Tao lifted his head, hitting it on the counter above them. “HOW?”  he cried. 

“Go back to her you idiot!” Tao yelled, punching the laptop. “Ow!” he cried, clutching at his hand.

“, Tao, we just broke Kris’ laptop.”

Tao only sniffled, cradling his hand (which looked completely fine). Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “I told you we should have used someone else’'s laptop instead.”

“But Kris has unlimited streaming!” Tao protested. “He’s going to kill us now.”

Suddenly they heard a crash. Baekhyun’s eyes went wide. “Oh my God he’s going to murder us!” he half-sobbed, half-whined. “Taooo, save me!”

“What, no! You’re smaller, we’ll have to sacrifice you first!”

“What does that have to do with anything? If anything we should sacrifice you, you’re the one that broke it!”

“He doesn’t know that!”

“He’s going to kill all my family and my dog! Besides, you know martial arts, you can put up a fight.”

“So? You have Chanyeol to save you! And I don’t even know where my Wushu stick is. I think Luhan threw it out.”

“That’s so romantic! It can be like an altered version of Romeo and Juliet. Sacrificing himself for the sake of his lover!”

Tao stared at him. “I am judging you so hard right now. That would never h-“

“I love you Bacon!”

“Oh my God he got to Channie already!” Baekhyun gasped. “Now who’s going to save me?”

“Not me, that’s for sure-”

“What the Chanyeol? Get off of me!”

Baekhyun and Tao looked at each other. “He got to Jongdae too!”

Tao hugged Baekhyun all of a sudden. “Hyung, I’d just like you to know that I love you. You’re the worst hyung I could ever ask for, but my boundless heart still loves you.”

“I love you too, Tao-yah. I mean, you always ask me to shower with you, ask me to buy you Gucci, steal all my eyeliner, and there’s much more I could list, but somehow, my warm heart still loves you.”

“But we’re still sacrificing you, hyung.”

“How could you ruin an emotional moment like this, Tao? It was going to be perfect, the heroic hyung and his whiny dongsaeng.”

“WATCH OUT!” something ran past them, and Kyungsoo dived under the secretary counter with them. He clutched on to Tao’s shirt. “Kris is going to kill me!” he sobbed. There was more screaming. Lost in the flurry, Baekhyun turned to his dongsaengs. “Guys, we have to stop him and be the heroes. If we die, we die together.”

“I agree,” Tao said.

“Don’t leave me here alone!” Kyungsoo pleaded.

Baekhyun nodded firmly. “On the count of 3, we all jump out, okay?” He took a deep breath. “3, 2, 1.”

The three of them jumped out (Tao hit his head again). Kris slammed open the examination room door, holding a lead pipe above his head.

“Yeah, was the lead pipe really necessary, Kris?” Joonmyun turned to him at the other end of the room.

“You. Broke. My. Laptop.”

Sensing the tension, Joonmyun laughed nervously while Baekhyun and Tao cowered. “What about you Sehun?” he questioned the maknae, changing the subject.

“Um . . .” he started, fiddling with his hands.

“Oh my God, Taeyang is so handthome!” he squealed. “Oh my ing bubble tea, he’s taking off his shirt. Yeth, yeth, YETH!”

He fanned himself. “Seungri just winked at the camera. Why ith it tho hot in here?” he looked around the dark janitor’s closet. The other one was currently in use by Luhan and Minseok, and everyone knew from personal experience to never bother those two when they were in the closet.

“Maknae is growing up- it’s GD! GD! GD! You’re the dragon to my heart, why were you born with the lookth and the talent?” Sehun asked himself. He thought he heard Chanyeol screaming and turned down the volume on his laptop. 

“Daesung! It’s Daesung! He’s so mature,” he said. “One day I will be ath mature as him,” he said dreamily. Sehun was-

“TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP ITHS TOP! OH MY TOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING OH MY GOD YOU DANTHE WAY BETTER THAN JONGIN! TOP'S THO HOT AND THEXY! MARRY ME!”

“I was uthing the bathroom,” Sehun said, blinking. Joonmyun looked at him suspiciously. It was time to use his powers. Sehun widened his eyes a bit, sticking out his lower lip. “You don’t think it’s me, do you?” he sniffled a little.

“Aw, of course not, Hunnie!” Joonmyun said, ruffling his hair. He turned to Jongin. “And what were you doing, young man?”

“Well, me and Kyungsoo-“

“Wait! Hyung, there are two very different versions of this story,” Kyungsoo interrupted. Joonmyung eyed the two of them. “Okay, go on.”

Jongin started. “It all started in January 1994-“

“Not from your birth, from twenty-two seconds after 2:36 pm, you idiot,” Minseok said.

"It's twenty-three," Joonmyun corrected. 

Jongin started yet again. “Well, let’s see.”

“God, Jongin, you’re the iest person I’ve ever met.”

“I know, baby.” He his lips. “Should I prove it to you?”

“Yeessssss.”

“Hmm, how am I supposed to do that?” he asked.

“Just, do it, Kai.”

“I love the way you say my name. It turns me on.”

“Kai.”

“Louder.”

“Kai!”

Joonmyun stared at him. “Kyungsoo, please start.”

“Seulpeohajima, no, no, no! Honjaga aniya, no, no, no! Eonjenanana naege hangsang bichi dwae jun geudae, nae soneul jabayo ije jigeum dagawa gidae. Eonjena himi dwae julge!

“Seriously Jongin?”                          

“Seulpeohajima, no, no, no! Honjaga aniya, no, no, no!”

“Is the dance really necessary?”

“Eonjenanana naege hangsang bichi dwae jun geudae, nae soneul jabayo ije jigeum dagawa gidae!”

Kyungsoo sighed, leaving the supply room with playing Music Bank on the old TV. Just as he opened the door back up to the main level, a wolf-like creature ran past him. He ran after it, horrified. It ran into the lobby. “WATCH OUT!” he screamed.

Everyone in the room stared at Jongin. “Kyungsoo, that was private!” he whined, obviously blushing.

“We’re all judging you right now,” Luhan said.

“You. Broke. My. Laptop.”

“That leaves you, Lay,” Joonmyun said. He walked up to his chair slowly, looming over him. Lay looked clueless.

“I was cleaning.”

“Well, duh, you’re the janitor.”

“There, you go, Mr. Cuddles, now it isn’t all dusty anymore,” Lay said. Suddenly a wolf-like creature ran down the hall. Lay looked where it was running and saw some sort of wild turkey it was chasing. “We treat some weird animals, Mr. Cuddles.”

Joonmyun frowned. “That doesn’t make sense. Someone had to do it.”

Sighing, Kris, stood up, “Hey, you know I love you and all, babe, but I’m pretty sure you just forgot to close the cage door properly.”

“What?” Joonmyun said. “That’s not possible I . . .”

“Why do we treat wolves here anyways?” he grumbled, shoving the food and water in the cage. “I-“

“Hey, Joonmyun, could you bring me a new shirt?” Kris asked as he opened the door. “Luhan spilt bubble tea on mine.” He said, ing the blue fabric.

Joonmyun spotted the extra shirt lying on the ground. He eyed it before shoving it behind the cage. “Sorry, I don’t think we have any, Krissy.”

“So am I supposed to walk around like this?” he asked.

Joonmyun stood up slowly, unconsciously his lips as Kris tossed the dirty garment away. “Well, I have some other ideas we could do.”

Joonmyun blushed, embarrassed. He cleared his throat. “I must have been focused on making sure the food had all the nutrients it needed.”

“So we’re innocent?”

“No way,” Kris said. “You two broke my laptop, you wrecked my pine tree, you spilt paint everywhere, you two were doing it in the closet again, you should’ve finished cleaning the hallway Mr. Cuddles’ cage is in this morning, you let some wolf run loose across some city, and you,” he finished, pointing at Jongin. “Seriously, man? Apink? That’s by far the worst out of all the things the other 10 idiots did!”

“Sorry for accusing you guys,” Joonmyun apologized. “It’s just that I was caught up in making sure the wolf was healthy. But who let the wild turkey out?”

The door opened, an exhausted Jongdae dragging in. “Sorry,” he panted. “That I was late. But somebody spilt paint and confetti on me, and then this wild wolf started chasing me around the city,” he slumped down in one of the chairs.

“Wait, where’s the wolf now?” Joonmyun asked.

“I took care of it,” Lay said, “Nobody chases my baby,” he hummed, caressing Kris’ lead pipe.

“, now I have to replace the lead pipe.” 

"That's your biggest problem?!" 

~

2.4k words

a/n: what the hell is this. this is my new story about 12 doofuses exo running a vet clinic together. so yeah, comment what you think! 

 

question: what do you think kris is going to do about his laptop?