EXO XO VETERINARY CLINIC - JULY 2014

"Kris."

"Kris."

"Kris!"

"KRIS!"

"Kris ing Wu get the hell off the floor right now before I beat your sorry into a pretzel."

"A pretzel?" Tao asked, swinging his legs on the secretary's counter. Joonmyun glared at him. "A pretzel."

"He's had a pretty bad week if you think about it. First all the that we do to him on a daily basis and now this," Tao said, on a lollipop. "But at least it's entertaining." 

Joonmyun had come to the conclusion that cute ones were always evil. He had come to this conclusion a while ago, in fact, when Baekhyun managed to shave off Chanyeol's eyebrows, dye Kris' hair pink, and draw with Sharpie on Jongdae's face all in the span of one night. If he had known any better he would have believed he was Santa. 

"Aren't you supposed to be doing community service or something with Baekhyun to pay for Kris' laptop?"

Tao shrugged. "Ditched him."

Evil, Joonmyun decided, pure evil. "Just get the up Kris, it's just a spider." 

Meanwhile, Baekhyun was busy raking up leaves in the park, wearing an orange jumpsuit. An elderly woman passed by, walking her poodle. She glanced at him suspiciously. "What are you looking at?" he growled. 

Continuing to rake up the leaves, he glared at any passerby. "Tao, as soon as I get out of here, you're dead."

"Keep working," the police chief, Daehyun, said. He sat leisurely on a bench while watching him work. Taking a sip out of his lemonad, he tapped 'New Game' on Temple Run. 

Baekhyun made sure he was engrossed in his game,  then took out his phone. He pressed the numbers on the keypad aggressively, "Come and pick me up."

"Baek?"

"I'm at the park. Come ing pick me up."

~

Joonmyun was patrolling the clinic, making sure that his workers didn't kill anyone. Everything looked normal. Tao was selcas at the counter, Jongin and Kyungsoo were feeding the cats, and Sehun was using the bathroom again. As he passed by the janitor's closet - wait, the janitor's closet. It was quiet. Joonmyun couldn't hear any screaming or coming from there. He then noticed that five of his workers were missing. "Tao, call the police."

~

"WILL YOU TWO ING SHUT UP?!"

"EXCUSE ME, WE ARE HAVING AN IMPORTANT COUPLE BONDING SESSION HERE!"

"NO, YOU'RE EACH OTHER'S FACES OFF!"

Lay sighed. A janitor's life was stressful. "Jongdae, please refrain from choking Luhan." 

"Jongdae?" He asked, eyeing the seat beside him. It was empty. "," he cursed, pulling over sharply. Everyone in the car was thrown to the right. Lay wasn't sure but he thought he heard a window shatter. 

"OW, YOU ING THAT HURT! WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE?" Jongdae screamed."ALL I NEEDED WAS ANOTHER MINUTE AND HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD!" 

"You need a driver's license?" Lay asked. 

"Move, I'm driving," Luhan commanded, pushing Lay to the back seat. 

"But you and Minseok-hyung are just going to make out and get us in a car accident," Jongdae whined, even though he was the one sitting in the passenger seat. He had no doubts that Luhan would somehow make out with Minseok in the back seat somehow while driving, however. 

"Yeah, don't scratch my car," Lay commented from the back with Minseok. 

"But this is Joonmyun's car," Minseok told him. "Oh yeah." Lay remembered. 

Luhan started the car up again and started driving again. The next five minutes were the five minutes that Lay could easily call the most terrifying five minutes of his life. How the hell did Luhan survive long enough with his driving skills like that? Lay didn't know - and he didn't want to know. All he knew was that Baekhyun was going to kill them when they finally got there in time, if they survived the car ride. 

"LUHAN GET THE OUT OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT!"

"NEVER!" 

"GIVE ME THE STEERING WHEEL!" Jongdae screeched, pulling at it. 

"NO!" Luhan screamed, pulling it back. Lay was holding onto the seat as if his life depended on it - which it did. 

"JUST LET ME ING DRIVE!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"IT SURE WILL BE BECAUSE YOU'LL KILL US ALL!"

Suddenly the car stopped. Everyone looked around, trying to figure out why. Lay checked to make sure that everyone was alive. The car was looking okay. They hadn't crashed into anything. 

"Why did we thtop?" Sehun asked. 

The four looked at him in shock. "When did you get here?" Luhan asked. 

"I've been here the entire time, hyungth." 

"What were you doing when that," Lay gestured to Luhan and Jongdae sitting in the front, "happened?"

"I think I was athleep," Sehun answered. "Did I mith anything?" 

Jongdae's jaw dropped. "You slept through Luhan's driving?"

Sehun nodded. "Quick," Jongdae turned to Lay urgently, "Check his pulse, breathing, and heart rate."

"Hey guys," Minseok, who had been quiet until now, said. "I think I have a solution to who should drive." 

"WATCH OUT SEHUN-AH THERE'S A TREE THERE."

"What the hell, Luhan, he drives even better than you."

"I can't believe we let him drive when he's only sixteen."

"Haha, Luhan, a minor drives better than you."

"Shut the up, Jongdae."

"Be nice to Dae, babe."

"I think the reason I drive better than Luhan hyung ith because we aren't moving. We ran out of gath." 

"Oh right. That. But you still probably drive better than Luhan."

"Shut the up Jongdae." 

"Be nice to Dae, babe."

"Why is a janitor's life so stressful?"

"Get out and go get some oil, Luhan."

"No, you do it!"

"Minseok can do it."

"Guys, I think I have a solution to the problem."

"Those bastards," Lay grunted, dragging a giant garbage bag filled with oil across the street. "I swear, I'll kill them all one day." He finally found his way to car. Lay dumped the oil into the little oil-hole, not caring how much he spilt on Joonmyun's car. " Minseok and his solutions."

 

~

Baekhyun eyed Daehyun suspiciously. He seemed to find amusement in Baekhyun's suffering and misery. Why was it taking Jongdae so long to get here? Daehyun had taken his phone away, and he was watching Baekhyun suffer with glee. "Hey princess, you missed a spot."

That was it. 

They should've never given Baekhyun a rake. 

~

"Sehun-ah, could you try to drive a little faster?" Minseok asked. 

"I have to be careful, hyung," Sehun answered, brows furrowed. He was deep in concentration driving. 

"We're ing driving at ing ten ing kilometers a ing mile," Jongdae ing said. 

"Let Minseok drive," Lay said. 

After changing seats, Minseok was in the front with Jongdae. Sehun was back in the backseat with Lay and Luhan. Lay learned a very important lesson never to put Jongdae and Luhan next to each other in the car ever again. Lives depended on it. 

"Finally!" Jongdae exclaimed. "A normal driver!" 

"But guys," Minseok interrupted. "The police are holding a search up there. The road's pretty much blocked. We can't let them search our car. We'll be arrested and deported to Siberia."

"But this is Joonmyun-hyung's car,' Sehun reminded them. 

"Oh right."

"Guys," Lay told them, "Please remember that Jongdae and Luhan are in the car at this very moment."

There was silence.

"," Minseok said. "We're screwed." 

"Turn the car around," Lay instructed. 

"I can't," Minseok told him, "There's cars behind us already."

"I'm not old enough to go to jail yet, am I?" Sehun asked. 

Lay sniffled. "Sehun-ah, have a good life. I hope you can become successful in the future. Please tell Kris that I once used his shirt to clean up after Mr. Cuddles."

"But guys," Sehun said, "Isn't that Ba-"

"Visit us in Siberia, okay?" Luhan said. He patted Sehun's shoulder. "You were a good dongsaeng, unlike some people," he glared at the passenger seat.

"But he's ru-"

"You're the reason we're getting arrested, Luhan, why are you crying?"

"I'm being emotional," Luhan answered Jongdae. "Because I have a heart, unlike you."

"Guys, we're next up," Minseok warned from the front seat. "I love you guys." 

"I love you too," Jongdae said. 

"If this is how it's going to end," Lay took a deep breath as they pulled up to the police officers, "Jongdae, will you ma-"

"THERE HE IS! GET HIM, BOYS!" 

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, ES!" Baekhyun yelled, covered in a red liquid and carrying a lead pipe. Twigs were entangled in his hair, and his eyes were bloodshot. He was wearing an orange prisoner's jumpsuit. He jumped over a car, landing gracefully and running away again. He cackled maniacally as he jumped the barbed-wire fence. 

He jumped into their car through the hole in their window, pushing Minseok out of the front seat. "See you es later." He opened the door and pushed them out, driving away. Police loaded in cars, chasing after him. Sirens blared. Baekhyun knocked over three garbage cans, a lemonade stand, and a tree as he drove away. "HASTAG YOLO MOTHERERS!" he screamed in the distance. 

"Woah, Baekhyun hyung is awethome," Sehun said. 

"Get those ideas out of your head, kid," Minseok told him. "Now we don't have a car." 

"Well, he should run out of gas soon enough," Luhan added. "But now we're homeless." 

"Hyungth."

"What a sad life I live," Lay sobbed, covering his face with his hamds. "OW! I got oil in my eyes."

"You guys are idiots," Jongdae moaned. "All idiots." 

~

"WHAT THE HELL, GET OFF OF ME YOU CRAZY PSYCHO!"

"THIS IS REVENGE!" Baekhyun screamed. He suddenly liked rakes very much. 

"PLEASE HELP ME, ANYONE!" 

Baekhyun cackled evilly, jumping off of Daehyun. He took the rake with him and ran, ignoring the strange looks everyone in the park was giving him. "GET HIM!" he heard Daehyun scream from behind. But you know, you can't be cute and not be evil. 

Baekhyun dived into a bush, cursing. It was a thorny bush full of sticks. His beautiful hair got caught in the damned branches. " you," he hissed at the pieces of wood. 

"Where is he?" Daehyun asked, wandering in front of the bush. Baekhyun smirked. He jumped out of the bush, taking the branches and twigs with him, ruining his precious hair. 

"I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING, I SWEAR!"

"REVENGE!" 

"Daehyun?" Baekhyun stopped, hands still on the police chief's throat. He looked up at the officer. "Hiya, there, officer. You see, me and this bastard here have some unfinished business to attend to."

Daehyun's face was slowly turning blue at he clawed at Baekhyun's pretty hands on his. "You have nice hands," he rasped. "Youngjae, please help me." 

Youngjae slowly reached for the walkie talkie on his belt. Baekhyun watched him. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." 

"I need back-up," Youngjae said through the static. 

"I'M SORRY, PLEASE, I BEG YOU!"

"REVENGE!"

"DAEHYUN GET HIM THE OFF OF ME!" 

"Dae?" Youngjae looked around, Daehyun was nowhere to be seen. "Coward." 

He reached for the walkie talkie and screamed into it. "I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A PSYCHO AT THE PARK, HELP M-NO, STOP, NOT THAT!"

"Reinforcements should be arriving soon," the person on the other end of the walkie talkie said. Youngjae sighed in relief as Baekhyun jumped off of him, running into the trees. Unfprtunately these trees weren't the friendliest trees. "Ow, , ," Baekhyun cursed. Branches tore at his prisoner's uniform, ripping it up. When he finally came to crossroads of trees against bushes, he looked at himself. "I look like a prisoner stripper." 

He thought for a moment. "Actually, that's pretty hot." 

Baekhyun chose the bushes nonetheless, and regretted it soon after. The bushes happened to have berries. "******, ****! ************ ***** ******* ********! *********** !**********! ********, *******!" 

He emerged from the other side drenched in red berry juice. Tasting some, "This actually tastes pretty good." 

"Is that him?" an officer shouted, pointing to Baekhyun. The entire park was being swarmed by police. "," Baekhyun muttered. "Why the does it take Jongdae so long to get here?" 

"PLEASE, HAVE MERCY ON ME!"

"REVENGE!"

"NO, NOT THE LEAD PIPE, PLEASE!" 

Baekhyun crawled through the orchard, hoping no one would see him. He threw the lead pipe up at an apple trees branch. The entire branch fell down, bringing the apples down with it. Baekhyun happily munched on an apple as he walked through the cherry blossom trees leisurely. 

"You," Daehyun said, eyes narrowed, standing in front of him after jumping out from the bushes. Baekhyun smirked, looking him in the eyes. "How nice of you to join me, officer."

"WHY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

"REVENGE!"

"OW, ! HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE AN APPLE CORE LIKE THAT!"

Baekhyun crawled under the tree branches this time, coming to a crossroads between trees and bushes. "Did I really just go in a circle?"

He shrugged, choosing the berries again. "Crap," he mumbled. He was now almost drenched in berry juice. Looking up to the sky he asked, "What did I do to deserve this fat- , THAT HURT! I GOT BERRY JUICE IN MY EYES! BERRY JUICE IN MY EYES!" he jumped out of the bushes, holding his eyes and jumping around. 'THIS ING HURTS MORE THAN PANTENE!"

"There he is, boys!" 

Baekhyun swore as he grabbed his lead pipe and ran. He saw Joonmyun's car and shoved everyone out after jumping the barb-wire fence they set up to catch him. "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ES!" 

Police cars immeadiately began chasing after him, sirens blasting through the city. He crashed into three garbage cans, a tree, and a lemonade stand, because you know, "HASHTAG YOLO MOTHERERS!"

"I WILL CATCH YOU ONE DAY!" Daehyun screamed after him. Baekhyun tilted his head back and cackled evilly. Looks like Jongdae did arrive after all. He drove the car downtown, and may or may not have smashed a restaurant's window on the way. "YOUR PIZZA !"

Daehyun opened the sunroof on a police car and stood up on the seat with a megaphone, "SURRENDER NOW!" 

"NEVER!" Baekhyun screamed, turning a corner as T-ARA began playing on the radio. 

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN, T-ARA?" Daehyun screamed into his megaphone. 

"IT'S BETTER THAN APINK! BESIDES, I GO CRAZY BECAUSE OF YOU IS A GREAT SONG!" 

Baekhyun turned right, left, left, right, right, right, left, right, right, left, right, and then stopped. "Oh my god, it's Marc Jacobs Beauty Magic Marc'er Precision Pen Waterproof Eyeliner." He stopped the car in the middle of the road and ran into the store. As he was browsing inside Sephora, Change began playing. He started singing along and dancing, ignoring the stares he received. "Hey," he said to the rest of the customers, "HyunA is cool, okay?"

"Where the hell did he disappear to?" Daehyun asked as police surrounded the car in the middle of the road. "Whatever, take down the license plate and move out!" 

When Baekhyun returned to his car with two bags full of different eyeliner he needed to try out, he started the car. "What the hell?" he said as it didn't start. "Did it run out of gas already?" 

He huffed and took his bags, leaving the car. "Wait a second, I have my lead pipe," he perked up as he eyed another shiny new car on the road. 

~

"Hey boss."

Joonmyun stared. "What are you guys doing in the alley?" 

Lay sniffled. "We're homeless." 

Joonmyun shrugged. "Okay, but at least come and work for the rest of the day. You're sitting right outside the clinic." 

"YOU DID IT SEHUN-AH!" Luhan screamed, shaking the clueless boy. "I love you!" he said as he ran inside the clinic. The rest of them followed suit. "Breaking news!" the TV blared as Kris was setting up the new pine tree. "Today in the park the police-"

"Isn't that Baekhyun?" 

", now I have to replace the lead pipe again." 

"God, Kris, you need to get your priorities straight." 

~

"Baekhyun?" Joonmyun asked. 

"Yeah?"

"Do you have anything you want to say?" Baekhyun looked away from the mirror in the lobby. "Which eye looks better? Right or left?" 

"Um," Joonmyun said, "They look the same to me."

Baekhyun gasped. "How can you not tell? The right is Bobbie Brown Perfectly Defined Gel Eyeliner, and the left is Bareminerals Lasting-Line Long Wearing Eyeliner." 

"Okay," Joonmyun said. "Don't you want to change your outift? Or take a shower?  . . . You look an insane prisoner escaped from hell."

"But," Baekhyun said slowly, "That's what I am. Besides, with the ripped outfit and the perfect eyeliner, I'll look like a jail stripper."

"Okay," Joonmyun repeated. 

"Isn't it y?" Baekhyun asked. "Me and Channie are going on a date tonight so I gotta look hot." 

"y?" Joonmyung asked, questioning his employee's sanity. Baekhyun glared at him. "Yes it is very y." He quickly added. 

"By the way, I may have . . . borrowed you car. And your credit card."

"Um, Baek?"

"Yeah?"

"Those were Kris's."

"."

"BYUN BAEKHYUN YOU ARE DEAD!" 

~

2.9k words

a/n: so here's the next chapter. but 25 subs for one chapter? ilu guys. okay, so feel free to leave some scene requests in the comments. any feedback? thoughts?