It had been a day since I had seen Tao, and I can feel my body slowly returning to the dormant state it was in before I had become close to him. He hadn't texted me back, as I was able to find any stupid reason to text him every hour. Though, I guess he didn't see the importance to respond to the text like I did when I sent them. Did I do something to upset him? Was I acting stupid and rude and never realized it? Was it because I left without waking him up? No, that couldn't have been it. He knew I had to leave early. None of my reasoning made sense, but still they all seemed to be a possible explanation.

 Feeling restless yet laying my body still, I lie on my bed with only my cellphone cupped tightly in my hands as I scroll through the many texts I sent to Tao. Even though it has only been a day, I feel abandoned. I now know how a puppy feels when their owners leave him/her for a while. I can't help but cling to Tao now, he is my only sense of relief from what I now call life....

 A life without Kris....

 I need a day away from everything. Leaving seems like a good idea. I grabbed the jacket I had thrown on the floor when I had gotten home yesterday and put on my favorite shoes and sunglasses and left the dorm.

 "Hello?" I answered my cell phone, walking out of my coffee shop with my caramel frappe.

 "Hey Tao, it's Henry! What's up?" What does he want? I barely talk to Henry, especially since Kris hated his guts when it came to Amber. Not only were Amber and Henry close, but they were too close for Kris' liking. Henry was in love with Amber and there was no doubt about it. Everyone in SM knew about it and Henber was a very popular pairing for a reason. Henry would continud to flirt with Amber even when she was taken by Kris. I'm definitely not defending that douche-bag YiFan, but I'd be pretty mad if someone like that continued to be like that towards my girlfriend - well, if I had one. Even if Henry is annoying, maybe I should become good friends with him. Kris wouldn't like that and I can only imagine his reaction to it when he found out. I smirked to myself.

 "Hello?" Dammit, I was zoning out.

 "Hey! Sorry, bad reception." I lied. The idiot would probably believe it. "What do you want?"

 "Are you busy tonight?"

 "No. Are you going to ask me out on a date??"

  Henry chuckled. "Don't be stupid, man. There is this new club opening up tonight. I rented it out so we could have a party!"

 "A party?" I rolled my eyes. He acts like a child.

 "Yeah! I want you to come and bring your friends!! I got SHINee, some of Suju and GG, Suho, Chanyeol, Luhan, Xiumin, Jongin, Sehun, Yixing, Baekhyun, and Jongdae to come. Bring anyone you want, but keep it low key."

 "Do I have to? You know I'm not a big drinker or partier or anything."

 "Who cares? It'll be fun. I'll text you the details. Dress nice, but still club-like. Oh, and get Amber to come! She isn't responding to any of my texts and I know you too have became real close recently. Also, before I forget, try to get Amber to wear a dress to the party! I'm so sick of her dressing like a boy. We need to make her except her gender! You better be there, man!! Bye!" Before I could even make a rude remark, he hung up quickly.

  Annoyed and a little disappointed I couldn't say something mean, I just shoved my phone back into my pocket. What just happened? Well, I guess I'm going to a party. Amber probably didn't have plans, and if she did then it wouldn't be hard to get her away from them. Then again, I haven't spoken to her in a while. It is weird that she hasn't spoken to Henry. They're so close and she responds to texts pretty quickly. For some odd reason, it made a smile appear on my face knowing she was ignoring him. Wait, why am I feeling this way!? Now this!? I mean, she hasn't been able to escape my head. She was always lingering in my thoughts. It was like she was suffocating me.

 Whatever, I need to get back to the plan anyway. I have to truly get to Kris and make him suffer the pain he caused so many, even if it kills me.

 "Where's my phone!?" I panicked, searching all over my bed and making a mess of it. I need it! I'm scared!! I don't know what this is! What's wrong with me!? I think I'm dying! My heart, it hurts!! What if it stops!? I can't think straight. I feel like I'm losing myself. My legs slowly began to gave out, I can feel my bodily steadily becoming weaker by the second. I finally found my phone wrapped around layers of blankets. I could feel tears in my eyes. I don't want to die. Holding my lifeline, I typed the emergency number. It only took a ring before a woman picked up.

 "Hello, what is your emergency?" Right before I said a word, I began to choke. My breathing began to get smaller as if the air refused to go into my lungs. Within a second, I fell to the floor.

 "Hello? Hello!?"

 Please, help me.

 "We're tracking your phone. Help is on the way." Her words slowly got quieter until I couldn't hear a thing and my eyes began to shut. Is this my last moment alive? All I could picture was how I ended everything, especially with the only girl I have ever loved....Amber.

 "I'm sorry." I managed to whisper, before everything went black and motionless.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Instantly, my back shut up from my bed. I looked around frantically to see where I was....only my room. It was only a dream, but not just a simple nightmare. It was a nightmare I was far too familiar with. This actually happened to me too....a few months ago. No one, not even my family or entertainment group, knew what happened except for me and my doctor. It was amazing how the media didn't find out. It was by the grace of the universe it happened so quietly.

 It was when I came back from a visit to my family in Korea. I was in a hotel room, wanting to spend my last day off of vacation away from the dorms, which was a place I was far too familiar with. I had woken up from a nap I was taking to prevent heavy jet lag and went into the kitchen. However, when I got to my room, pain suddenly struck me. I had dropped my glass of water and stood there for a moment in shock of the sudden pain that hit me, and that was when I started frantically searching for my phone. When I had woken up, I was in a hospital bed and was told I had a heart attack. Tests were done in the next few hours and it was a disease I had never heard of but soon came to know too well; myocarditis. It is a heart condition that, if left not taken care of well, your chances of death increases from fifteen percent to almost one hundred percent.

 I wish it had only been a dream or even a reoccurring nightmare. My life has drastically changed because of it. I was completely alone now. I talk to my family rarely, so being by myself is the normal day for me. Since that day in the hospital, a couple of meds in the morning and a strong cut down on heavy work (SM work) are a few of the burdens I have to carry, but the hardest is leaving her. Amber. Though, I guess it had to turn out like this. It was the best way she could live her life happily and not have to change it a bit because of me. I didn't want her to be a part of my problems, she doesn't deserve any of it. A lot of my fans and friends me, and there is no way in hell I am going to put her through this. My life may be dark without her, but knowing she is fine and happy is good with me.

 Then again, Tao was looking for revenge. Amber wasn't safe, and there was no way I will let him hurt her. I have to go to Korea and talk to him and protect her, no matter what.

 Don't worry, I wont let him do one god damn thing to you....not on my watch. You're ing dead Tao.

I was about to take out my phone and dial Amber's number, figuring if we go to the party that perhaps she'll trust me more, but I found myself stopping in my tracks. Across the street from me was that very girl I was thinking of. Apparently she hasn't seen me. What should I do? Running or hiding wasn't an option, as she could easily spot me in sunglasses and hat. It wasn't easy to tell who I was, while it seemed obvious who she was, even with her sunglasses and boyish clothing on.

 Well, here it goes.

 "Noona!!" I yelled, surprisingly being instantly able to get her attention. She stood at me for a moment, trying to figure out who I was, but was soon able to realize.

 "Ahh! Long time, no see!" she yelled, running across the street dangerously and dodging traffic to see me. I couldn't help but smile, it was kind of like coming home to a puppy that couldn't wait for your return. These feelings, however....I must be sick.

 "Right? How are you?"

 "I've been better. I figured on a good day like this, I should get out for a bit, ya know? What's up with you?"

 "Busy. I was just getting a coffee after a morning workout. That reminds me, can I ask you a question?"

 "Sure, go ahead." Amber grinned.

 "Why are we going again?" I whined, balling my hands into fists.

 "Maybe it'll be fun? I don't know, but stop being a bore. We are here to have fun and forget everything. I'm by your side, you have nothing to worry about." Tao said, stretching his arms up in the air.

 "Whatever, let's just get this over with." I said, staring down at the sidewalk as I walked. I could feel Tao's piercing stare burning a whole through me. I whipped my head around and gave him the saddest face I could imagine. Please, don't make me go. Let's just go home.

 "We're still going. Now take off that stupid coat."

  Ahhh, yes. I was wearing a long, strongly red trench coat that covers my neck to my feet. For some reason, I happened to find this in the back of my closet. It couldn't have came to me at a more important time. Why? I don't want anyone to see me in this mini-dress. Why am I wearing a dress if I don't feel comfortable in it what-so-ever? I don't know what I was thinking telling Luna and Krystal about tonight. They were so happy I got out of the dorms, since I haven't done that much except the bare minimal since Kris left. Staying home and watching movies seemed more fun and distracting from my pathetic life. Going out....too many things reminded me of Kris and I always couldn't help but terribly wish that I would just-so-happen to run into him.

 Anyway, as a present for me no longer being as much as a recluse, the two devils went shopping and decided to buy me dress. They were so happy when they gave it to me, and to be completely honest the dress looked like it costs hundreds, there was no way I was going to say no and hurt their feelings. Feeling guilty and selfish, I (regretfully) told them I'd wear it tonight. To make sure I looked perfect in their eyes, they even made sure the makeup I put on was appropriate to go with it and that my hair was perfectly straightened and more feminine. The best way to describe it is looking very similar to Sunny - of Girl's Generation's - hairstyle during "The Boys" era.

 For the entire two hours it took me to get ready, they were like halks who circled and suffocated me to make sure their prey was pretty and perfect. The thought of telling them no.....I'm sure I would have been killed right there and then. It was sweet of them, but definitely something I wasn't used to. Making me girly should be a process over time, not a surprise that literally lasted a few hours.

 Their intentions were great, but I can't help but feel hideous in something like this. People like Sulli and Krystal and Jessica and Suzy wear this type of stuff effortlessly and of course pull it off. However, when someone like me wears it....I look like a bear in a bikini. I feel like a joke. From head to toe, I look like an idiot wannabe.

 "You look beautiful, Amber. Now let me see your dress. Krystal and Luna told me it looked great on you. Let me be the first boy to see you in it. I promise I'll tell you the truth. However, I'm sure you look stunning in it. Please!?" Tao was now wearing a slight blush, which made me blush ever redder. Liar. I don't need his lies to make me feel better. Stop being so kind.

 "Maybe later, I definitely don't want anyone to see me in this right now. Maybe if I get drunk I'll let you see it for a second. Only a second, though!" I giggled. He rolled his eyes and let out a defeated sigh, putting his hands in his skinny dress pant pockets.

 "Not fair." he mumbled. Being around Tao was healing. He always made me laugh and feel comfortable. Any walls I had put up couldn't help but crumble down. Perhaps I could move on from Kris and continue leaving my life, but even te very though of him puts me a few steps back from my improvement.

 It didn't take long to get inside the club. There wasn't a line and taking off our sunglasses was proof of who we were. It couldn't help but feel like a secret agent in a way. Hehe. Once we got in, Tao and I were stunned how big it was. We were expecting a little club with a small dance floor and a bar. This place had at least four levels with tons of rooms to it and was pretty damn big. I was both awed and overwhelmed.

 "Well damn, I gotta give it to Henry." Tao commented in fellow awe.

 "Amber ~~ !! Tao! Welcome! How do you like the place?" Tao and I instantly jumped at the sound of his voice behind us. He put his arms around us, troubling me to hold up his weight, and it only took a second to see was drunk and hyper. I could smell the nasty smell of alcohol in his breath.

 "Hey Snoopy! Nice party!" I said, moving my head in the other direction, trying to not get sick from the smell.

 "Thanks! Let me know if you need anything! I have to get Key to stop harassing Taeyeon in her taste in men. You know how Key and Baekhyun can't stand each other. Enjoy the par-tay!!" Henry shoved Tao and I farther apart, running in between us and getting mixed in the crowded dance floor. However, I felt myself begin to sway and before I could fall, Tao grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him.

 With an obvious pink blush, I tried to hide my face from him and muffled a thanks. He nodded and from the corner of my eyes, it looked like his face was the same color of mine. It took him almost a minute to realize he was still holding on to me before he let go.

 I could recognize a good amount of the people here. The others must be trainees or close friends. This place was indeed packed, and apparently it only started a half an hour ago. Are there more people on their way!? This would be an agoraphobic's nightmare,. I'm a people person, but even this made me nervous. I felt like a little kid that was prone to getting lost.

 "What should we do first?" Tao said, moving his hands up on either side of my shoulders.

 "I'm gonna go have a drink or two to get relaxed. I'll see you in a bit."

 "I thought you didn't drink?" he remarked, smirking.

 "Well, there is always time for a start." I smirked, beginning to walk away from him. Before I was gone, however, I could feel my coat become really tight for a second. I took a step back, only to look down and see it getting yanked off of me. I whipped my head back, scared at first but then filled with rage. You son of a ! Tao....!!!!

 "This looks a lot better." Tao said, grinning ear to ear. A few people began to stare in the sigght of me - the reknowned tomboy of KPOP - wearing a shimmering, sparkly dark blue mini dress that changed color a little bit in the light and high-heeled white, sparkly shoes. As if me in feminine makeup wasn't alarming enough.

 "TAO!" I yelled, trying to cover my chest up with my arms.

 "You look fine! Go be a girl. I'm gonna burn this thing!" Tao chuckled, walking away. I tried to follow him, but I lost him in the crowd. Dammit. Wanting to run away and hide, I decided to be strong and go to the bar. I wouldn't hear the end of it if Krystal and Luna found out I left early. Well, maybe a drink to calm me down will work.

"Woah, I didn't think Amber could dance like a girl." I heard Amber's name, causing me to turn around and see Sehun, Jongin, and Taemin talking in a little huddle while sipping on martinis. I turned my head towards the direction they were looking at and I swear my jaw almost fell off from complete and utter shock. There was the sweet, rather innocent Amber dancing rather ily with Donghae and Key dancing by either of her sides.

 "What the hell is she doing?" I whispered to myself. I wanted to assume I was drunk and seeing things, but I was completely sober this whole time.

 "She is getting all the men's attention, that's what." I heard Taemin say from behind me. I walked over to the group of boys and continued to stare with astonishment an disbelief at the sight of Amber in front of me acting this way.

 "Did she drink or something?" I asked, trying to find a way to accept the fact that this was happening.

 Our tomboy Amber wasn't only cute and beautiful and a tomboy, but here she was....dancing like an unbelievably y girl. She wasn't dancing sleazily though, just soffisticated and....y. And damn, did she look good in that dress. Why hasn't SM done this to her sooner?? I would fire her stylist's !! Though, the idea of other people seeing her like this bothering me. My feelings don't make sense. Already, something inside me was urging me to cover her up and take her a place far away from this club.

 "A ton!" Jongin chuckled with a priceless face. "She beat three guys in a vodka shots contest. It was hilarious because no one thought Amber - let alone a girl - could beat them."

 "She is definitely wasted." Sehun emotionlessly remarked in between small sips of his martini.

 "You better not be doing anything stupid, Tao, or I swear I'll kill you." Oh if it wasn't himself. Suho! I see you're here to make me feel better!! Right on time, !

 "Suho, come on man! They're waiting for us!" I saw Chen come up and grab his shoulders. Thank you Jongdae. Just, thank you. Take the tiny nun with you.

 "I mean it, Tao." he whispered in my ear before walking away. Well, at least we had one thing in common, we both didn't like the sight in front of us.

 I better do something about it now. I walked over to Amber and put my hands on her shoulders.

 "Amber, I think you've had enough to drink." I said, Amber at first startled by someone touching her but soon realizing it was me behind her.

 "I'm fine, Zitao." Wow, her words are slurred. "Don't be a mood-killer, Panda Paws." Key chuckled and Donghae gave me a real dirty look. What the hell did she just call me?? Well, it looks like Sehun was right. She is drunk as .

 "The hell?" I said, expressing my shock at her words. She turned around and continued dancing. "Okay, that's enough." Quickly, I picked her up bridal style and began carrying her to the door. I would have carried her over my shoulder, but I didn't want anyone to possibly get a peak at her . What can I say, I wasn't a complete devil at times. Or is Amber growing on me? Eh, probably not.

"Time to go."

 Key laughed at my actions, while Donghae continued to give me horrible looks. That's right, I'm taking your dinosaur sibling away you creep. I couldn't help but smirk at the situation and my rather funny thoughts.

 "Woah! What are you doing? Huang Zitao! Put me down now before I kick your !" I chuckled. Even when she was furious, she was cute.

 "Yep, you are so scary." I played around.

 "PANDA!" she yelled. Luckily, the music was loud and her voice didn't resonate to get many people's attention. Once we got near the doors, I carefully set her on her feet again.

 "Stay here, I am gonna get you some water. It might help cleanse your system and sober you up. If you move, I swear to god I'll kill you. Don't give me a reason to spank you."

 "Whatever, ert." she rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, crossing her arms like a pouting child. I couldn't help but think that it was cute too. Maybe it is possible to get drunk off the smell of alcohol, because that is what I'm going to continue blaming these thoughts on. If only I had actually drank something, because then I could just blame it on that and not get laughed at if god forbid I told someone my feelings in the future. It was hard to leave Amber where she was, but I had to get her something to drink. I quickly walked to the bar and got a drink and got a bottle of water.

 When I got back to Amber, that idiot Henry was around her. Wait, he was also having his arms around her. Amber kept trying to move out of it, clearly uncomfortable, but the drunken idiot didn't seem to notice or care.

 "Well, we haven't spoken in a while." he said in Amber's ear.

 "Henry! Snoopy! How are you?" she said, failing to shake him off of her. The idiot 'Snoopy' didn't realize his weight. Amber is a tiny, slim girl. She wasn't weak per say, but of course his weight would be killer.

 "Woah, aren't you huggy today?" he remarked, hugging her tighter from behind. I started walking faster to get to them, with god damn people keep getting in my way.

 "I am just really happy. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I'm glad Kris and I are over, he would have never let me do this!"

 "You know, Amber, I like seeing you wear more feminine clothing. It looks very good on you." he tried to say - and failed at it might I add - in a quieter voice

 "Thanks Snoopy." Amber said, clueless of his flirting.

 "I mean it, you look very hot tonight."

 "Shut up, pabo." Amber rolled her eyes, failing to stifle a chuckle.

 "I mean it. I wouldn't mind taking you into another room."

 "What do you mean? Do you want to talk in private?" The , do you not get what he means Amber!?

 "Just come with me, I'll treat you nice."

 "Huh? Okay?" she said as he moved a hand to her lower back and began guider her to the stairs.

 I dropped the bottle of water, now unbelievably enraged. That's it. This ing idiot wasn't going to get away this!!

 "You know, I've always had a thing for you and -"

 BAM!!!!

 "OH MY GOD! TAO!?" Amber said in horror, her hands covering . I had punched Henry square in the jaw, and managed to knock him right on his . He stared wide-eyed at me, dumbfounded. Even I was a little surprised. I have never gotten this violent in my life.

 Many people began to stare. Apparently, that was able to get their attention away from the loud music around them.

 "If you touch her like that again, I swear to god I'll kill you!! I will ing kill you. Do I make myself clear??" I yelled, not feeling I had hurt him enough. It really did take all my strength not to beat the hell out of him. Though, he didn't argue with me and it was the perfect opportunity to get Amber the hell out of here. I grabbed her by wrist and began dragging here out. Why am I acting like this? Why for a girl, especially this girl that I plan on using?

 "Why the hell did you do that?" Amber yelled back at me once we were out of the club, apparently sobered up. Well, at least that did the trick.

 "He deserved it." I said, anger seething from my now clenched jaw. Nothing was going to calm me down just yet. I could still feel the aggravated adrenaline rushing throughtout my body. This was a feeling that even I wasn't familiar with.

 "For what!?" she said, of course clueless to whatever goes around her. It didn't only frustrate me more, but made me want to protect her even more from the world.

 "You know what! Don't play dumb. You can't be this stupid!!" She has to figure it out sooner or later. Is she just too drunk to know what goes on around her? Then again, she has always been too innocent to get these type of things.

 "Why are you being like this!?" Amber yelled. I turned around, annoyed she didn't see Henry's intentions. How could such a smart girl be so god damn dense!?

 "Are you a ing idiot!?!?"

 "Excuse me!?"

 "Why the would you have him touch you like that!? He was going to do bad things to you!!"

 "No he wasn't! Snoopy - I mean Henry - wouldn't do anything weird!!" she yanked her arm away from my grip, rage obviously enrapturing her.

 "Wow, you're dumber than I thought!" I chuckled darkly, having a hard time controlling my voice. "He was going to screw you, you !!"

 "You're being ridiculous!!" she rolled her eyes, laughing as if I was a paranoid dumb-. That's when something in me just snapped.

 "You are being a god damn stupid ing !!!! How did Kris even handle you!?" Her eyes widened, instantly beginning a waterfall of tears down her face. , what have I just done? Once I said those harsh words, I instantly regretted them. I'm a ing idiot.

 "Screw you." she whimpered, her eyes and heartbroken face causing my heart to ache. Nothing gave me the right to say those words, especially to Amber who was so pure and definitely nothing like that. Before I knew it, she turned around and ran the opposite direction.

 "Wait, Amber!" I yelled, putting my arm out. I was about to run after her, but she ran through traffic, barely missing traffic. When I tried to get up to her, I almost ran into a taxi with the driver cursing me out.

 What have I just done? I'm sure I lowest scum on the earth now. If God were to ever strike me dead, right now would be the most adequate moment where I couldn't argue with him one bit.

 Amber, I'm so sorry.

YOU GUYS DESRVED A LONG CHAPTER!! I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED! I have been busy with school, which is no excuse, and I have been so sad since Kris left SM. It is also sad to see so many authors not update their Krisber story. It made me lose interest a little bit, but now I am back! Updates will be much sooner from now on. Have an awesome day and please don't hate me! Let Author-nim make it up to you!!!! I love you all and thanks for the subsribes, likes, advice, and love!