3 Weeks After Red Light Debut; End of their Comeback

 

 "Red Light was probably one of the edgiest songs performed by any KPOP idol or group, wouldn't you agree?"

 

 "Yeah, definitely. However, it's too bad they couldn't finnish the whole thing and ended early."

 

 "That's right. Sulli is missing. SM claims she was sick and then she left the country? That is kind of odd, right?"

 

 "Pretty odd, no you're definitely right, Shi-soo. They all seemed so edgy and angsty, particularily Krystal, Amber, and Luna."

 

 "The new hairstyles for Krystal and Luna were definitely a good twist! It was refreshing to see them still do new things. Amber though, wow."

 

 "Amber was a bad-."

 

 "Yes, but she normally is, right? She really got into the mood. She didn't seem her usual happy self. She acted so well into the comeback. It was like you could feel her heart ache and the angsty pain just radiating out of her. Amber was so strong and held her own at parts, but others you could see her weak and feminine side even clearer."

 

 "First or second live performance, she fainted too. I wonder if there is something going on behind the haze of SM. Do you think she is leaving?"

 

 "I doubt that, but maybe there is something wrong. Who knows."

 

 "To make things odder, rumor has it Wu YiFan, former member of EXO known as Kris has been seen a few times in Seoul? What do you think that's about?"

 

 "Maybe for court or something?"

 

 "Nowadays, you don't need to be there for these mediation meetings. I doubt that's why."

 

 "True, SungOh, true. I wonder why....it's odd. Rumor has is Luhan is sick. I hope our little deer is alright."

 

 "Haha, using your Chinese again. 'Xiao Lu' is fine I'm sure, probably a flu and SM is making sure he is alright."

 

 "Wow, well let's play Red Light since we pretty much wasted this time on our radio show discussing it. Call us in afterwards to let us know what you think."

 

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 I dyed my hair back to black soon after the 'Red Light' promotions. I liked my blonde hair, but maintaining anything didn't seem practicle. I had barely kept up with the promotions. Not only was I exhausted all the time, but my mind wasn't fully in it this time. Hell, how could it have been? I guess Kris is still in Seoul, though I haven't seen him since that day when the car stopped after the photoshoot. I've tried calling and texting Tao a few times last week, figuring I should at least try to see his side of the story - even if it was complete garbage. Though, the real reason deep down was just to hear his voice. I missed Tao, I felt lost without him now.

 

 However, there hasn't been a response. I looked at the clock near me. It was seven at night, well 19:00 here. Maybe I should go see him. I want to talk to him, hell just seeing him would make me feel better. I've seen everyone, whether online in a photo or even in person....but no news on Tao since. I am barely holding my sanity knowing where Kris is and just seeing him, but Tao was just gone. He just disappeared. Even if he was the villain, I didn't want things to end like this. No, this couldn't be our story's finale. The EXO dorms were closeby. I'm gonna visit. I grabbed my hoodie and put the hood up, seeing today was raining harsh nonstop. Krystal was right, I was an idiot for never buying a rain-jacket or an umbrella. I figured I'd never go out ona rainy day. It made sense then, but now I feel like an idiot. Quickly strapping on a pair of military-like boots, I walked out of my room. No one was in the livingroom or kitchen, which made me happy because I wasn't going to get bombarded with questions. Quickly, I slipped out the door and walked down the sidewalks to the EXO dorms.

 

 It only took a few minutes to get there by walking. No one was really out tonight, so I didn't put too much effort in hiding my identity. It was too blurry and rainy, no one was interested in doing much tonight. Once I got to the dorms, I knocked on the door. It only took a second for someone to open the door.

 

 "Amber." It was Suho, giving me a grin. I couldn't lie, I was slightly upset to see it wasn't Tao who opened the door, but there were like ten other people living here so I shouldn't be shocked.

 

 "Hey. Is Tao home?" I asked, barely able to smile. I haven't smiled in a while, my face felt frozen and awkward. I hope that didn't show.

 

 "Actually, he isn't home. Would you like to come inside? It's raining pretty bad."

 

 "No, it's fine. Thank you though."

 

 "Is there a message of some sort I can give to him?" Suho kept smiling, trying his best to be as polite as possible. That was Suho, the super leader of all of EXO. Even Kris wanted to be as good as him when it came to being a leader, but Suho was just naturally the older brother to everyone - even to those older than him. He was never disrepectful, though, and always treated those older than him with respect. However, even those older naturally called him 'hyung'.

 

 "Ummm, no that's fine." I looked at the ground, kicking some water behind me and then looking back at Suho "I'll just text him. Thank you though." he nodded and gave me an apologetic smile.

 

 "I'm sorry. Call me if there is anything I can do for you. Make it safe home, it's too wet outside to do anything tonight." I giggled, he was always protective. He could always cheer me up a bit just by being his normal self.

 

 "I will. Thank you, Suho." He chuckled, giving me a friendly wave as I walked away and slowly closing the door behind him. As I began walking down the sidewalk, I caught him making sure I didn't slip down the sidewalk or anything. Yep, that was Suho. A warm smile was put on my face for a few moments, only to melt away once my thoughts entered my mind again. Where was Tao? Where was he? He was always missing now.

 

 I guess watching last year's 'Rum Pum Pum Pum' recordings didn't help my heart at all. I slightly relived and at the same time killed my heart with the memories of the moments with f(x) and EXO promoting together with 'Growl'. Kris had taught me the dance and the 'E-X-O symbol' with the hands. We even did a dance and I was wearing his jacket. It took me a while for me to learn all that, making Krystal laugh at how long it took and how patient Kris had to be with me, which he had no problem with. Then there were the awards and Kris and I were always near each other. When I joined in a group hug with D.O., Kris immediately joined in and D.O. glared knowing Kris was easily jealous. I laughed when I saw that part, also killing me. Where was Kris now? What was he doing? What was he thinking? I hadn't a clue.

 

 I noticed how Tao was usually always near Kris somehow, and I caught a few stares of him towards him when Kris and I were together. It didn't look malicious, though. It was like he was trying to understand something. Then again, do I really even know Tao? Does anyone? I thought I did, but then it turns out he was going to end me and Kris.

 

 I wanted to run to Kris and Tao right now, but I knew they were both out of reach. Right around the corner of my dorm, I decided I didn't want to go home. The only thing left there was questions maybe from Vic and Luna and recordings of moments from last year. I didn't bare to watch the ones from this year. I knew I wasn't myself, and seeing them would have just reminded me what a mess I had become.

 

 Wanting to 'run away' for a bit, I decided to walk down the shopping sidewalks. Barely anyone was out, only sharing the sidewalk with a few people who desperately tried to stay dry. I didn't even bother, already feeling my hair begin to soak up and my jeans begin to feel cold. Ehh, didn't bother me much, especially these days. I was just happy to feel something, remembering I was alive and here in the moment. I looked around the sidewalks and streets, watching the little of life that was actually outside happen around me. Though, nothing was clear. There weren't any relationships easy to decipher and play with. Everyone was random. Was it random night? I smirked to myself for a few moments, internally laughing at my own stupid joke.

 

 Though, something distracted me from my thoughts. I heard a loud cough near me. Curious, I looked to my side and saw an alley. Some tall boy was sitting, leaning against a building. Should I go closer? What if he is insane? He could be hurt though. After a moment of debating with myself, I angrily stomped over to the boy, knowing I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did nothing. His head was hanging down, his messily long black hair covering his face.

 

 "Hey, are you alright?" I asked, knealing down in front of him. I had to talk a little louder because of how loud the rain was bouncing off the pavement and roofs around us. The boy didn't look up, rather stayed silent.

 

 "It's pretty cold out, not to mention wet. Look at you, you're soaked. You should get home, man."

 

 No response still.

 

 "Are you okay? Can I help you out with anything?"

 

 The boy mumbled something, but it was too quiet and low that I couldn't understand him. I leaned in closer, trying to see his face. He then raised his head and my face turned from confused to in shock.

 

  It was Tao.

 

 I didn't know what to do. I froze. His expression was of shock too.

 

 "T-Tao..." I said, shocked. Tao looked at me in shock too.

 

 "Amber...." he said, surprised also. I gently placed a hand onto his, jolting quickly once I felt how ice cold it was.

 

 "Oh my god, Tao. You're gonna die of hypothermia if you don't get home and warm up."

 

 "Am I dead or something? Is this heaven?" he chuckled, smirking darkly. What? Had he lost his mind?

 

 "You need to go home, Tao. You're dangerously cold. This isn't good." Naturally, I put my hand to his face to feel how cold it was, but once it made contact, feeling it was like ice as well, I immediately retrieved it to my side. I shouldn't be near him like this, let alone even giving a damn about him.

 

 "Amber?" he said, his eyes opening up a bit and becoming more shocked. I think he was realizing that it was me. Was he asleep or something? This wasn't good, not at all. Not only was I with the enemy, but I was knealing here worried about him.

 

 "God dammit." I mumbled, quickly going to his right side and making him put an arm around me. I stood up, barely able to make him stand up as well. He was much bigger than the one hundred and sixty eight centimeters (five feet and five inches) and barely fourty six kilograms (barely one hundred pounds) of me. He just made it standing up, needing a lot of my help. "That's it, you're coming home with me." I said in English, knowing Tao couldn't decipher it easily when I spoke it at what Americans called a normal speed - which was hyperspeed to many foreigners. He gave me an odd look, but didn't say anything. Slowly, I began dragging him to my dorm. I tried to keep questions out of my mind. I was saving a life, it shouldn't matter whether it was a good person or an . Though, one question did keep ringing through my head; what happened to him?

 

 I got a few looks from the few people on the sidewalks, probably thinking I was some young boy helping a drunk brother get home. It was kind of funny, the looks I got, actually.

 

 It felt like forever when I finally got to the dorms, barely able to unlock and open the door and then close it again, all because of his weight. Once again, no one was around so I quietly dragged him to my room, hunched over and wondering when my back was goint to break. I set him on my bed, him sitting up straight on the edge and looking down. He wasn't saying a word, surprised I guess that I helped him. Quickly, I walked into my bathroom and grabbed a few long towels, knowing Tao and I were both drenched head to toe. Once back in my room, I took off my hoodie and began drying my hair with a towel. It was summer, but I swear my ears had gotten frostbite somehow. It was so damn cold out there. I noticed Tao look at me for a moment, but only looked back down at the floor again, his elbows near his knees and keeping his  body hunched over. He was shaking. I grabbed the extra towels and walked over to him, taking off his soaked leather jacket and boots. I almost felt like I was taking care of a child.

 

 I smiled a little, noticing how similar our shoes were. Though, my mind instantly snapped back to the problem at hand. I put a towel on his head and wrapped one around his upper body, quickly getting up and remembering to close and lock my bedroom door so no one could see us. I walked back to him, beginning to run the towel through his hair. His hair had definitely gotten longer and was ungroomed, not just because of it being soaked. Once his hair was somewhat dry, I kept the towel on his head and began to pat his upper body down so it would dry his shirt and body quicker.

 

 "Wait right here." I said, moving over to my dresser and looking through my clothing. Aha, there they were. I walked back over to Tao and handed him a pair of shorts. They were definitely too big on me, so they should fit him. I had an order go wrong on a uni clothing site, ordering a huge pair of shorts that wouldn't even stay around my tiny waist with a belt. I had kept them just in case something happened. Hehe, I was right. Then, I grabbed my largest shirt.

 

 "You can put them on when you have the strength to. I turned the room temp up a minute ago, so you should be warming up very soon. I don't really have any shirts that will fit you too well, but I found my largest one and handed over to you."

 

 "Could you help me?" I raised an eyebrow.

 

 "Sure, with what?"

 

 "Could you take off my shirt for me, please." He didn't look up at me, which I was fortunate for because of the blush on my face. He wanted me to do what!? Oh he was so lucky he was weak and soaking wet and maybe dying of hypothermia. Bastard.

 

 "S-Sure." I stuttered, mentally face-palming myself. Slowly, I put my hands on either side of his body, grabbing the hem of his shirt. He weakily raised his arms, which comforted me in the fact he really did need some help. I lifted the shirt up, throwing it towards my clothing basket where my hoodie laid.

 

 "Thank you." he said, still not giving me eye contact. I looked around his body. There were some scratches and dried up cuts. It wasn't anything too deep for a scar, but they didn't look anything like it would feel as simple as the touch of a needle for a shot. I gently placed my hands on his chest, seeing the cuts on his upper chest down to his lower abdomen. There were tons of mini ones on his arms.

 

 I was so focused and in shock, words began to slip from my mouth "What happened?"

 

 "I fell a few times." he weakly responded. That couldn't be it. They didn't look self-harmed, but these all couldn't have been from a few falls. Maybe a hundred dramatic falls, but not just a couple of times. Yet, I didn't feel like badgering him with questions. He was still shaking, after all. His hands couldn't control themselves.

 

 Once he noticed me staring at his hands, he grabbed the towel around him and slowly began drying his upper body down, using the least amount of energy possible.

 

 "I'll be right back, I'm going to change. You can change while I go inside the bathroom."

 

 "I'm fine for now, thank you."It wasn't easy for me to stay this calm as he wouldn't even look at me. I sighed, nodding my head and grabbing a few clothing before walking into the bathroom and locking the door.

 

 I really was drenched from head to toe. Even my socks felt like they shrunk a size and gained five kilograms (ten pounds). Happily, I began taking everything off, wrapping my body in a towel imediately to get rid of any soaking spots. My hair was slowly drying, so I was happy I didn't have to think about that. Once I was close to being dry, I began hooking up my bra and putting on my , light grey camisole, and black short shorts for bed. One thing I hated was wearing something that could still possibly stick to me after being wet. I wanted to be free, not trapped and sticky. I walked back into my room, turning off the bathroom lights, and saw Tao had changed into the shorts I gave him, still shirtless however. Perhaps he didn't want anything clinging to him either. I took his wet jeans and put them together with my wet clothing in the bin.

 

 "I'm sorry I don't have a change for....well you know." I blushed slightly, not wanting to be too blunt about what I was saying.

 

 "No, it's fine. Thank you....for everything." he responded. He finally looked up at me, showing no emotion except pure gratitude. Caught slightly off-guard, I nodded and walked over to my mirror, grabbing a brush and brushing my hair. I handed it over to Tao soon after who did the same thing. I was right, his hair had grown out. Had he cut it or let alone brushed it thoroughly within the past month?

 

 "Tao....what happened?" I asked, knealing off the bed and looking up at him. He couldn't evade my eyesight now, I persistant not to let him.

 

 "Nothing." He looked the other way, but I followed his eyesight and sat right next to him on my bed, him having to look at me now. Before he could turn his head, I grabbed his jaw and gently made him look at me. He didn't fight back.

 

 "Look at me. What happened?"

 

 It took a moment for him to respond, staring into each other's eyes. I dropped my hand from his face, Tao willingly looking at me now.

 

 "Everything you saw I guess sums it up."

 

 "When was the last time you had eaten?"

 

 "Yesterday, I think." What the hell had happened to him? Did Kris do something? Did what happened a while back crash him like this? "I've been fine, though. Nothing to worry about. Just ignore me. I'll leave soon and get out of your hair, I promise. Once I can stand, I'll be out the door."

 

 "But, I don't want that." I responded, my heart freely taking over. "I want to talk to you. Tao, you've never responded to a single call or text I've sent. For everything you've done, I at least deserve an explanation. I don't care how horrible it is. Honestly, just hearing your voice will make me feel better." He looked at me surprised, but then looked down in front of him and nodded.

 

 "I was an evil bastard. You didn't deserve any of what I had in store for you. I was trying to seduce you, wanting you to fall for me. If I could have slept with you and taken pictures or something horrible like that, I would have destroyed your career and made sure Kris watched from wherever he was....not being able to do a damn thing about it." he sickly smirked "I was planning for the worse thing ever, and I love how it didn't faze my conscience once. At least, until I started feeling attached to you. When we went to that party, I felt oddly protective of you. Especially dressed up more feminine, even more guys would see you in another light. I was jealous and would cover you up in a blanket if I could have without seeming off. Though, when you were drunk and then Henry came, I lost it and took it out on you. When I tracked you down, I saw you sad. Not only upset, but I saw you clearily again. You were a beautiful mess, crying but showing how you felt. I was so happy I had found you."

 

 Before I knew it, that night, I realized I had fallen for you....which explained my hestitancy and pushing back when I would officially attack you. I couldn't do it in the end. I felt like a failure, but at the same time I felt free. I wanted you, Amber. You were the only thing keeping me together I had realized. You are innocent, sweet, kind, honest, strong, and so much more. You made me so much happier. I wanted to be a better person. As much as I felt I didn't even deserve to be near you, I wanted to just try to be by your side and raise myself to your level. Amber, I'm not asking for forgiveness. Please, just know how sorry I am."

 

 When Tao had looked up at me after finishing what he had to say, his jaw dropped a little once he saw me silently crying. He wanted to ruin me and Kris, yet why didn't I really hate him? Was it the memories keeping me close to him, or an illusion that he wasn't a bad person? Were my feelings taking over my logic? His words, I fell for them all. His serpent words, my body refused to view them wrongly.

 

 I believed him.

 

 "You son of a , I should hate you....but why don't I? I should ing hate you." My voice was breaking. I was falling apart in front of him now.

 

 "Amber, I'm so sorry. If I could take about every cruel, bad intention I had once before, I would. Eventually, I know I would have fallen for you, but I hate how it happened in this way. I'm so sorry. So sorry." He began to tear up, which surprised me. All of a sudden, Tao wrapped his arms around me and rested his forehead on my right shoulder.

 

 "I'm so sorry, Amber. I really am. For everything. I'll disappear if you want, I promise. I'll do anything, just know I'm so, so sorry." I didn't move from the shock, but my tears only got worse. I wasn't going to tell him, but I did forgive him. Way too easily, perhaps, but if it was what I had to do to get him back in my life, I was willing to. He is the last memory of stability I have. With him, I was being revived back to life again ever so slowly. I wrapped my arms around him, patting his back.

 

 "It's okay, Tao. I forgive you."

 

 "I promise, in every way I can I will make it up to you. I promise, Amber." he let go of me, looking into my eyes deeply. After saying my name, I realized how close our faces was. Our eyes, our noses, our lips....

 

 Nervous, I decided to rest my head on his shoulder and take in a deep breath. Why am I so nervous?

 

 "Please, just be my friend again. Nothing more, nothing less. I just need you in my life right now. That's all I can think of. I've been drowning deeper and deeper since....Kris arrived and the things he had to say. I've almost done some stupid things, but luckily I was promoting and I hadn't the time to even think about it."

 

 "I'm here, as your friend." I moved my head back up, noticing our distance was a bit better now. "I'll make everything up to you, again, I promise you Liu Amber." I smiled slightly, seeing his face pop with more emotion - more life in it. It made me so happy. It stitched up some of the wound I carried with me for months now since Kris inititally left. I felt a little better. Air was easier to breathe again. I laid back down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling and feeling myself become a little revived. Then, I noticed Tao look at me with a panicked expression. I smiled lightly, letting him know I was okay. I was just....living again. Barely this time. He laid down next to me and grabbed my phone off the table, dragging the headphones with him. I realized the music was still playing. I hadn't muted it or turned it off when I left. Hell, I forgot to bring my phone.

 

 "You need happier music, Ms.Llama." he said quietly, barely hearing the music playing. I looked at my phone and saw it was "Breathe Me" by Sia. I was listening it to a lot for a while now, months actually. I've always liked the song, but now I could name every instrument and lyrical note to it.

 

 "It's a good song." I commented.

 

 "It must be. You have it on replay." He put an earbud in one of his ears as I did the same. Out of coincidence, the song just started over in perfect timing. I closed my eyes, listening to the lyrics and starting to feel tired. Today hadn't been a long day, well at least up until the end. The rest was actually pretty long and heavy - no pun intended. Especially emotionally exhausting, for the both of us. I took in a deep breathe, slowly letting it out. Before I knew it, I was falling asleep as I quietly mouthed the words....

 

 

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  PLEASE GO TO YOUTUBE AND PLAY IT IN THE BACKGROUND. Thank you!!!!!!!

 

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