"Please, forgive me...."

 "Amber....wait!"

 "I shouldn't have left you. I wanted to protect you, but obviously I did the opposite."

 "Amber, let me explain! Please!"

 There was Kris and Tao respectively, standing away from each other but both taking their time to speak to me. Both were standing up straight, acting strong - the complete opposite of how I had seen them yesterday. I looked over at Kris again, seeing him reach out his hand towards me, and then back at Tao who was doing the same. I walked a step closer to Kris, but then towards Tao. I was still a far distance from them, but I didn't know where to go. I was split from choosing a path, having three I could go down; Kris, Tao, or one by myself.

 "You need to wake up." I looked over at Kris and raised an eyebrow, only to feel my body jolt. My eyes were wide open now, I was awake. I heard loud banging on my door. Damn, my earbuds fell out.  Slowly, I walked over to the door and saw Victoria out of breath.

 "Amber!" Victoria said surprised to see me.

 "Hey." I weakly replied, raising my hand in a wave for a quick second before pathetically dropping it by my side.

 "Wow." Victoria put one hand to her head for a moment, not seeming angry at all but shocked to see me come out of my cave. "I didn't expect that to work. It's ten in the morning, we have to leave in an hour for the 'Red Light' photos. They're dyeing your hair blonde." I could tell Victoria was trying to distract me and get me talking, but I wasn't going to ignore it. Scaring the ones around me wasn't something I wanted to do.

 "Cool, I like blonde. I'd keep it up if it were natural, but you know I'm too lazy for that." My eyes stayed glued to the floor, a weak smile appearing on my face. Victoria seemed to relax. Good. Hurting those around me wasn't on my agenda.

 "Well dress comfy. We're taking pictures today. The music video will start being shot in a few days."

 "Got it, thanks. I'm gonna go get dressed." As I began to turn around, I felt Victoria's hand faintly touch my right shoulder. I wasn't facing her anymore, which I was happy for because I couldn't find the strength in me to act okay anymore.

 "Amber, we're here for you. No matter how you want to handle this, we will support you. We love you llama." I smirked at the last part, llama. I actually had forgotten about my nickname in one night. I nodded, het letting go of me and allowing me to walk into my room and close the door behind me. Looking around my room while standing still, I tried to have everything from last night sink into me. I looked over at where Kris stood. He was here, in my room again after months only hours ago. My eyes then went into the direction of my bed and, like a ghost, remembered and watched everything I had said and done. None of it I regretted. Having Kris stay longer wouldn't have been right. I couldn't have forgiven myself because I acted purely on my heart. I couldn't forgive him, at least not anytime soon.

 Then, I remembered Tao. He was so sweet and happy with me. He took care of me while I was dying when Kris left. He helped me in so many ways, I don't understand how all of that was fake. It couldn't have all been, could it have? Kris wouldn't have lied, I knew that part. Also, Tao never fought against Kris' word, only trying to explain himself with every interjection he made. He was probably trying to justify it. I was probably being too naive right now. He tried to hurt me. Now all I had to do was realize I was just a chess piece that would win a game to him - hurting Kris.

 I felt like my heart had been ripped out of me. It was hard to breathe again. Though, I'd have to stay strong. I had things I had to accomplish for everyone - the wonderful fans, the strict company, and my friends. I didn't want to let anyone down, especially now. Grudgingly, I got myself together - putting on new underwear of course, a snug red t-shirt and then the hoodie I had worn last night. My other ones had to be washed, so I was stuck with this one. Great. Then, lastly I put on tight black skinny jeans and black buckled boots.

 After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I went out into the living room. Victoria was on the phone with someone and Luna reading a magazine. They both were shocked to see me come out of my room early, not having to be dragged out. Though, I didn't give me them any eye contact. I had to stay strong and show no weakness. Breaking down wasn't an option today. I laid myself down on the couch, looking through my phone of fan comments on my Twitter account. I needed some strength, especially to last through this day. This is the time I have to wake up and choose where I'm going with everything that had gone awry. I didn't want anything to get worse.

 After another twenty minutes, Victoria told us to get in the company's car where our manager was waiting. Krystal and Sulli had already been picked up in the other company cars since they lived at home with their families. I gave the girls a soft smile each, not wanting them to worry about me. They smiled back, happy to see I wasn't completely broken down. However, in reality I was. This was even worse than when Kris left. This was hell.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 After a while at being on set, my hair was dyed blonde and only one of everyone's eyes had heavy make-up on them. I hadn't realized how long my hair had gotten, actually. When we got on a rooftop, the photographer and my manager told me to show the real Amber. Heh, the real Amber is dead right now. Want to take a raincheck? I just laid down on the building, the photographer thinking I was going for some edgy look and complimenting me every few seconds. My manager was giving me confused glances, but didn't say anything.

 "I love this look Amber! So strong, yet so broken. It's a good look for you and will fit the album perfectly!" I chuckled to myself. Damn, was it that obvious?

 After the photos were taken, and I had to wear a red wig for part of it because they wanted me to keep my blonde for when we debut, I felt calm. We were being recorded a bit for Krystal and Jessica's show, so I tried to show the Amber everyone expected. People would think I was just tired hopefuly during certain parts, which wasn't far from the truth. I felt like sleeping in the whole day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 On our way home, I put my earbuds in and looked out the window. Victoria and Luna were talking to themselves about their excitement for our new album. I rather be in my own world right now. Though, that's when I saw Kris walking down the sidewalk as our car stopped. Oh god, he was only a few feet away from me. I wanted to take my eyes off of him, but I wasn't able. He was on the phone with someone, he seemed tired. Soon enough, our car began to kick in to drive again....but then Kris and I locked on eye contact. I didn't think he would see me through the dark, shaded windows, but no doubt did he when his eyes widened and stared at me as we began to drive off. My heart was beating fast, but not comfortably. It was almost a panic attack.

 Today needed to be over with much quicker.

 "Luhan. What was that thing you wanted to tell me earlier yesterday?" I asked, walking down the sidewalks of Seoul. Something told me I had missed something important from him when I was checking into the hotel. There was a part I was missing, no doubt.

 "It was about Tao and his feelings."

 "Continue."

 "Well, I overheard Suho and Tao speaking in the kitchen. All I heard was that Tao had feelings for her now I guess. He fell for her and was clearly embarassed to show Suho. I missed part of it, only sneaking into the kitchen half way through their conversation, but I am sure of what I heard."

 "Dammit. That bastard had no right to even be near her." I mumbled, unsure if Luhan was able to decipher what I said. Though, as I casually looked to my left as I walked, I recognized a SM company car. I carefully looked into the windows, curious who might be behind it, and saw....Amber. Her hair was blonde. Did she have a comeback in process? I have seperated myself so much from everything, I didn't even realize it. Her eyes widened when she saw me, but we never took our eyes off each other as the car began to drive away.

 More than anything, I wished I had stolen her out of the car and embraced her. I hated this. Everything I had done to her, it killed me. I wanted to explain once again how sorry I was and help her become happy again. When I saw her with Tao yesterday, she looked happy. If Tao's intentions weren't bad, I wouldn't have intervened even though my heart would only urge me to. She needed to be happy, and I was no longer that oppurtunity for her. I ruined everything. Though, if there was anything I could just fix and make better for her, I would do it. That's the only reason I was staying in Seoul now. I had to protect her. I didn't trust Tao, not one bit. I couldn't lie, however, that another part of me stayed because I had to see her. Just seeing her live her life gave me another reason to live just one more day. I didn't feel as lost as I had when I was in China. Though, eventually I'd have to go back. They would start wondering where I was and I knew I had more heart examinations. Though, all of that could wait. For Amber, everything could be paused. Only for her.

 Amber, I'll always love you and I'm so sorry.

 I woke up to a loud noise. Ahh, my cellphone. I looked around and saw I was in an alley. It didn't take me long to remember the events of yesterday. Amber finding out my plans, Kris popping out of no where and hurting me, and my new plan of winning her heart being crushed in front of me. Taking my sweet time, I took out my phone and checked who was calling. Suho. I picked up.

 "Hello?"

 "Hey, I noticed you didn't come home last night. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." his voice was warm, it made my eyes water again. Dammit, I was a child. Everyone was right. I couldn't even control my emotions well.

 "It went great, Suho. Maybe not for me, but for you. You got a shot with her, brother. Don't mess it up." my voice was loaded with pain, bitterness, and distain. I leaned my head against the brick wall, looking up at the blue sky. I sickly smiled, feeling my tears fall from my face once again. I hated everything, especially my mistakes. Suho was right, this was all a mistake. I had gotten what I deserved.

 "Wait, what? Tao? Where are you? Is everything alright?" Suho began to panic. Oh god, my throat was burning up again. No, I could ball my eyes out right now. Not to him.

 "I'll be back later. I gotta go. Bye." I hung up on Suho, not knowing how much longer I could keep my voice unbroken. I slowly got up to my feet, pulling my hood over my face so I wouldn't be noticed and casually began walking the sidewalks of Seoul. I didn't know where I was heading, but home didn't sound right. My tears began to fade as the cold, afternoon air froze them. I was actually a bit greatful.

 I lost Kris, but why did I have to lose you too? Especially you. I'm sorry. I could say it one hundred times and even I wouldn't forgive myself.

 AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know, I actually began breaking up while writing this chapter. The last one wasn't easy, but this one was tough because of how hurt Amber is. The chapters will get better, I promise. Something is going to happen and make everyone move again. Please enjoy and thank you for reading!! The comments and subscribes and vote ups....they have kept me alive and writing. THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL <3 ~~ !!