meant to say goodbye

I'm disappointed in you, Kris. You've disappointed me.

You weren't the oldest of us, no, you were just the leader. Just the leader. Obviously that didn't mean nearly as much to you as it did to the rest of us.

I'm the oldest, Kris. My duty as the oldest brother is to take care of my little brothers. But you weren't just a younger brother; you were also our leader. Did that fact never sink into you? Do you not know what being a leader means? Did you think it was just talking the most in interviews, leading introductions, spouting nonsense for more camera time? Is that all it was to you?

Being a leader is like being the oldest. You were supposed to take care of us. You were supposed to always be there for us. You were supposed to let us into your life, Kris, goddammit, because brothers are part of each other's lives! But you didn't.

You've failed as both a brother and a leader, you know. There's nothing you can do to change that fact. I hope this is something you can understand. Even though apologizing can't make us understand, not that you would ever apologize, oh prideful one. Not that you would ever show weakness in front of people who wanted to be your family.

We were always, always willing, endlessly willing to listen to your burdens and share them. We were more than willing to accept all of your flaws, because God knows you have a lot, first and foremost your massive pride. I don't think we ever did anything to make you believe you couldn't trust us. No, you just decided that on your own.

There's nothing else for me to say except that I'm disappointed, and I will always be disappointed in this reality. Maybe in an alternate universe, we are still twelve and together, but not in this one, and for that I will always be disappointed.

© Copyright 2014 by skyblaze208