TIS A PITY SHE'S A

Holy Mother of All Vegetables.

That wasn't me. 

Like, I knew for a fact that it wasn't me. Mainly because everyone was staring at Krystal. Who was staring at her phone­-slash­-Jongin because she kept looking over at him with a look of pure outrage on her face. 

"What the hell, Jongin?" she shrieked. 

Jongin, for the most part, looked indifferent. And ‘indifferent' to Jongin basically meant that he just looked smug. Which because he deserved to sweat every once and a while as well. His life was way too easy. He just said mean things to people.

"Um, what the hell, Krystal?" Minah barked. Oooh, she was pissed. And, more importantly, she was pissed at someone else. I mean, I'm pretty sure that she would've yelled at me too if she would've seen me there. "I'm kind of busy over here!" 

Also, I was pretty sure that I was the only person there without an iPhone. Not to mention how Joonmyun still hadn't looked up from his. He probably had no idea what was going on. Not like anyone else did. But it involved Jongin and Krystal, which made it a little too high school for me to care that much either. And they weren't telling Kyungsoo that he couldn't marry Minah, which meant that I was still going to have to interrupt them later. 

Well, I guess that meant that I finally got to sit back down. I was currently suspended in this weird squat half sit half stand thing that was really uncomfortable. And probably really unattractive. 

"But he-!" Krystal sputtered, pointing at a rather smug looking Jongin. 

"Not now, Krystal!" Minah growled through thin lips. Kyungsoo just looked confused. And kind of like he didn't want to be there. Well, Kyungsoo, you should say that. Because you were making this a lot more difficult for me. "I am kind of in the middle of something more important than whatever Jongin said." 

Yeah, I could believe that. Jongin wasn't known for saying very important things. Or at least he hadn't said anything of that much importance to me before. 

"Um. Okay," the minister/priest said before adjusting his glasses and turning back to the book that he was reading out of. "May I continue?" No, you may not continue. Could you not see the girl with the large hair and Taylor Swift dress in the middle of a large moral dilemma? Of course he didn't because he went on administrating the wedding or whatever the proper term was. 

Squashes. Alright, Avery, now you really were going to have to think of something to say because time was running out. It didn't even have to be anything fancy anymore. As long as you said something that got the point across, we would consider that to be a success. 

Maybe I could say it in Spanish. I took Spanish in high school and it had yet to pay off. There aren't that many reasons to speak Spanish in New York. Or at least not in rural New York, which was pretty much my backyard. I should've taken German. 

"WAIT!" 

Oh god, not again. 

That time I froze in my awkward position (I don't know why I still hadn't sat down. It was like I was trying to do some sort of thigh-­exercises in public without being judged) and whipped my head to the door, which was where the newest voice was coming from. At least that time I was one hundred percent sure that I wasn't the one that was speaking. That was a minor victory on my end. 

Holy , it was Chanyeol. 

It was Chanyeol in a pink tie. 

Hey, if he got to wear pink then it was totally fair for me to have worn my pink skirt. Wearing pink to a wedding had to be better than wearing white. At least then no one would mistake me for the bride. Not like anyone had done that yet. Or ever would, for that matter. I don't even think that anyone even knew that I was there. 

Minah looked like she was about to pass out. Well, Minah, you should. Because my guess was that this dude was about to come and ruin your wedding by telling the world a whole bunch of your secrets. Which, yeah, was going to be really horrible for the sake of the wedding, but would totally be beneficial for me. God, I was just getting more selfish by the second. And the worst part was that I didn't even care. 

The priest was also getting kind of annoyed with the fact that this had been the second interruption in less than two minutes. At least this was turning out to be a wedding to remember. 

Jongin, who was probably the only person in the room that had acknowledged my presence (okay, Joonmyun had, but he really didn't count because he was still too involved in moving tiles on 2048 to even know what was going on), met eyes with me from halfway across the room. "Do it," he mouthed to me. 

I shook my head frantically. "I can't," I mouthed back. Please, Chanyeol, say something that would cause for this wedding to end completely. I mean, he was still just standing there. That had to be leading up to something. This would make up for whatever mean things you may have done to me in the past, Chanyeol, because let's get real here, almost everyone has made fun of me at least once. 

"Sorry, I thought that I was late," Chanyeol apologized before taking his seat down in the front, next to Minah's parents. Wait, what? And Kyungsoo's parents as well, I guess. I mean, they were all in the front row. Joonmyun got crappy seats; we were in the middle. Although neither one of us really seemed to be complaining all that much. 

And what the hell, Chanyeol? I was really counting on you for this one. You were supposed to confess your love to Minah or something. She had to be cheating on Kyungsoo with him. There just had to be something that they weren't telling us. Who the hell makes that big of a scene just for being late? He must've never been to a wedding before. They're all kind of the same. 

I made an ‘O’ face in the general direction of Jongin. I mean, that hadn't been my intention to look at him, but whatever. That wasn't exactly a big deal anymore. 

Jongin just shrugged at me. At least he didn't start laughing again. 

Bad words. Just bad words. That was really all that I could say at that point. 

"Is anyone else going to interrupt me?" the minister (or priest? I really don't know what I was supposed to call him. I'm positive that Minah isn't religious either) demanded. Wow. He was kind of sassy. No one answered. Maybe we were all kind of scared. "Good." 

ing squash. I also needed to stop mentally swearing in a church, even though I'm sure that was the last thing that God was concerned about at that moment. Alright. I was going to have to just wing it. Stand up and interrupt and then hopefully someone would just cave and talk for me. Or maybe I would just pass out so that I wouldn't even have to do anything. Or maybe I should've gotten drunk or high on or something before. Although that's probably another big sin. And drugs are illegal. And I didn't even know where to buy drugs. 

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," the minister finished. 

Dead silence. Jongin looked like he was going to strangle me if I didn't say something. I couldn't say anything. Really, I was doing that thing where I couldn't swallow again and it was freaking me out. I thought that I was having a . I couldn't even breathe. That must've been what death felt like. I was going to die in a church and then Kyungsoo and Minah would get married over my corpse. 

Jongin rolled his eyes at me in disgust and then opened his mouth. Oh my god, was he going to be the hero in this situation? That . But it didn't look like I was going to be doing anything for the next few minutes. Or ever, really, if I really did die. 

"WAIT!"

Yes, really, wait. Because that voice did not come from Jongin. That came from someone completely different and on the opposite side of the room. 

"Not again," the minister said with a groan as everyone's heads turned back towards the large wooden door that the newest voice had entered through. 

"Luhan!" 

Why was Jongin so happy to see my brother? Oh my god, why was my brother even there? Because I'm not kidding, Luhan was definitely standing in the doorway wearing his funeral suit and still holding the tiny pot of Grandpa Hyun in one hand. And he had just screamed ‘WAIT!' which meant that he obviously had something to say. But what the hell could he have even possibly said? He was still technically just a third party. He was not supposed to be involved in this. 

"Luhan!" Oh, hey, look at that! I could speak again! There wasn't even a speech impediment going on! "What are you doing here?" I hissed. "And why did you bring Grandpa?" 

"Wait, you know him?" Joonmyun asked, tearing his eyes away from his phone just to look at me in confusion. 

"Avery?" That was Minah. She was squinting at me from the front of the room. That was kind of unnecessary. I mean, Minah had perfect vision. And it was obvious that it was me. Even though my hair was presentable looking, it was still huge. How many other people with large hair and white dresses were there? 

"Avery?" Kyungsoo looked surprised as well. Except he looked a lot happier than Minah did. That was reassuring. 

"Avery," Luhan spoke over them, taking more steps into the church. He had no problem with all of the eyes being on him. That was typical Luhan behavior. "Grandpa said that he wanted to be thrown after sunset. I don't really know why. So I've got some time to kill. So I decided to come here because I have BREAKING NEWS!" 

Oh my god. He was going to make a scene. Okay, I know that I said that I wanted for anyone else to do this for me, but I really meant anyone - anyone but Luhan. Ugh, that's what I get for not specifying my wishes. 

"Avery, is that your brother?" Minah glared at me. Hey, he was just as legal here as I was. He wasn't my responsibility. 

I ignored her. It seemed like the safest option. She wouldn't beat me up in front of all of those people, would she? Besides, Luhan was clearly the bigger threat. I swear the world holds its breath every time Luhan opens his mouth because no one knew what he was going to say. And it's never anything good. "Luhan, what do you want?" 

"Relax, I got this," he nodded at me with a wink that was supposed to be reassuring but didn't make me feel any better. He also said that at a normal volume because apparently my brother was never taught how to whisper. Or think. But I guess that was better than what he did next. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen," he announced loudly, "the groom's bride­" cue dramatic finger point at Minah - "is a !" 

That earned a dramatic gasp out of everyone in the room, along with a lot of ‘O’ faces. Well, Luhan was basking in the attention and Jongin was laughing with Sehun. And, yes, I am aware of how ual that sounded. That was why I didn't say it out loud. Not that anyone was paying attention. 

"WHAT?!" Minah screeched, stomping her foot angrily. That was so Minah. She enjoyed wearing high heels and then scuffing up people's hardwood floors. Those things are expensive. 

"You are," Luhan nodded. "I mean, you're pretty hot and all, but you're a total . I mean, I totally saw you kissing that guy the other day." He looked around the room, searching for the person he was talking about. "Oh, there he is. Him. You were totally face with him!" And then he dramatically pointed at Chanyeol. And Chanyeol's pink tie. 

Everyone gasped again, minus Luhan's smugness, Sehun and Jongin's laughter, and Kyungsoo still looking confused. And Joonmyun playing 2048. This must've been the same crowd from the bachelorette party. Either that or everyone in Seoul lived like they were part of a live studio audience. Although these were all of Minah's friends, so they should have been like that. 

"Chanyeol?" I gasped. And I didn't even stutter! 

"I'm not cheating with her!" Chanyeol said defensively, standing up. By the way, I had gotten around to sitting down completely. All of that squatting was hurting my legs. 

"Yes you are! You can't tell me that I saw something wrong! The two of you were going at it like animals just yesterday!" Great. And now Luhan was going to start an argument and we really were going to get deported. Cool. All I wanted was a diploma. And Kyungsoo. 

"Wait, is that true?" Kyungsoo asked no one in particular. But he spoke, so I guess that meant that he hadn't been having a a few seconds ago. 

"No, it's not true! Are you crazy?" Minah barked. Well, now we all knew that she was a . 

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