Chapter 8
Drown out

You got on a cab back to the hotel, your eyes watery of tears, your body tired of all the emotions you’d felt that day.

As soon as you arrived, you got out of the cab and ran upstairs. You dragged yourself to your room, where you immediately dropped yourself on the bed, letting your tears spill.

They weren’t sad tears.

They weren’t happy tears either.

More like confused tears. You were happy, sad, angry, confused and hurt at the same time.

All because of that bastard of an Oh Sehun.

You cried for over an hour, until all the energy had left your body.

Your mind was a mess.

You kept trying to convince yourself that you did good, that you did the right thing. You and Sehun were nothing, and never would be.

But your heart disagreed.

Your heart wanted to run back to the hospital as quickly as possible, to embrace Sehun, and never, ever let him go. Whatever it takes. Even if you had to move to Korea, even if you had to leave everything behind. You were willing to receive death threats from every fan, every person, to be with him. You knew he couldn’t spend much time with you, that he couldn’t give you all his attention, but you didn’t care.

You loved him.

Truly, deeply, passionately.

But it was impossible. 

You had to attend college. You had to earn money to keep yourself off the streets. You had to maintain your relationship with friends and family. You couldn't just give up your life, which was perfectly fine, for a boy... right? 

The tears kept rolling down as you got more and more desperate.

Once you were done crying on your bed, you dragged yourself to your feet and walked into the little hotel bathroom. You looked into the mirror. Your mascara was all over you face, and your hair looked like there had been an explosion within it. You sighed deeply and turned the shower on on its highest temperature and stripped off your clothes.

You took a long, hot shower. It took your mind off the situation.

You stared at your surroundings, trying to drown out that entire day.

The way the bubbles of the soap popped one by one.

The way the water ran smoothly on the floor.

The way drops started forming and rolling on the shower curtain.

The way your tears seemed to have stopped running, while actually they just blended in with the water drops that poured down on your body.

After being in the shower for about an hour, you told yourself you had to stop.

You were being ridiculous, there was no way you and Sehun would work out, and there was no way you would ever see him again.

You abruptly turned off the shower and stepped out. You dried yourself and put on a bath robe. The towels smelled like roses, and the bath robe was as soft as baby skin.

Any other (normal) person would've been happy to use those things.

But instead of feeling happy, or refreshed, your mood dropped again.

Sehun had a bunch of roses in his hospital room.

His hospital gown was made of the same fabric as the bath robe.

The thick cloth felt heavy on your skin as it reminded you of his warm embrace.

You felt filthy, wanted to get rid of these thoughts and feelings.

You got out of the bathroom and put on your new-bought pikachu pajamas. They made you feel a lot better already. You took an aspirin against the headache that the crying had caused and to ease the pain of a stabbed heart, and laid down in bed.

As you relaxed your muscles, you felt the fatigue kicking in.

You were tired, but you were not sleepy.

For another 2 hours you laid in bed, wide awake, thinking and worrying about everything.

You couldn't sleep.

You were a mess, an emotional wreck.

You stared up at the ceiling, pondering about every decision you had made that day.

Overthinking, as always.

Until all of a sudden, the silence of the night was broken by a single short ticking noise against the hotel window.

And another one...

----------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for reading!