This is what I used to think when I was younger as a kid. But not anymore now that I've realized how screwed up I was before...

Zico, Zico, Zico.

Always the best no matter what poor little Junhong does. Don't even try to deny that you didn't think that I was worse of than him in some way or another before. Don't lie because it's not your fault, dear Zico is just too good for Junhong. 

Zico is smart. He has a full scholarship and doesn't have to trouble mom and dad for the school fees. He even topped the school with his excellent marvelous grades and brought so much joy to the family. A genius, that's what everyone saw him as. A genius.

What was I then? Compared to Zico, I honestly wasn't much I would admit to that. My grades were just average, nothing amazing or applaudable really, even occasionally scraping a pass here and there. All passes and a good conduct grade was all my parents expected from me.

When it was time for them to look at our report cards, Zico's was always the priority. They would take their time to fawn over the perfect grades all lined up in a row down the page and the millions of wonderful compliments at the teacher's comment section. Proud and happy they were, wide grins plastered on their faces. Hugs and kisses were exchanged, compliments and promises of rewards were plenty. Zico always kept his silence, but I just knew he felt superior. I just knew and I hated it.

Then it would be my turn next and I always dreaded it when I saw that slight change in their expressions though they masked it pretty well. Down the page would be an array of a,b,c. Conduct grade good. Teacher's comments neutral and insincere. A pat on the back and a few "good job"s were what I received each time as they flipped through the pages, glancing past my results. With a slightly weak smile they would pass my report card back and tell me I had tried my best, I had done well, I had made them proud. Obviously though I hadn't made them proud enough.

It wasn't as if it was their fault though, they weren't doing anything wrong. They hadn't put me down saying I was worse than my brother. But just through the vast difference in the expectations they had in the both of us, I had already been wounded bad enough. They might not have realized but it made me think they didn't believe that I could do as well as him. As time passed, I got more sensitive towards their reaction to the both of us and I picked up the slight dissapointment in their eyes whenever they were addressing me which they always managed to hide away quickly but I always caught it before they could. I didn't like how they were unconsciously pitting me against Zico, even though all of us knew I wasn't going to be able to beat him anyway. I felt so small and insignificant at times placed beside Zico. 

It wasn't their fault, it was more of Zico's fault I felt. He was the one who put me in his shadows, the one making me miserable. I disliked the way he was so much better than me. I hated how I knew I would never be able to get to that same level he was on no matter how hard I tried. You might say I was a jealous fool but I couldn't help it. I tried my best but never got what I deserved. He didn't even need to try, yet he got everything he wanted.

Zico, Zico, Zico.

I felt desperation. I didn't want to be overshadowed and put behind Zico. That was how that tiny seed of hatred was planted within the young and oh so innocent Junhong.