DARA

Did Suzy just asked me to go out?

Did she?

She did, didn’t she?

Someone shake me up and tell me I’m not dreaming!

“G-go o-o-ut?” I stammered and mentally slapped myself for acting like an idiot. I can’t let this opportunity slip? Why on earth am I being tongue tied all of the sudden? This is such a turn off! But before I could further embarrass myself by stuttering, Kwon Jiyong suddenly stepped in between us.

“Oh, are you on a rebound, Suz?” he asked. “Did you really think asking someone else out in front of me would make me jealous just like in dramas? Did you really think I’ll come begging you to take me back again and say I made a mistake in breaking up with you? Not going to happen, Suz so if I were you, I’d leave Dee alone.”

Suzy’s face turned red. “You’re such a douche!” she hissed and marched away without another glance at my direction.

There goes my chance, my opportunity. Kwon just had to ruin it.  “Did you really have to embarrass her like that?” I demanded, fists balled tightly on my sides. I was tempted to throw punches at him again but I don’t want to be expelled. I’m already on detention and another meeting with the head would most likely expel me.

“It’s just the three of us here,” the guy answered with a shrug.

“Why are you like this?” I asked. “Do you really treat your exes like. . . like some toy or trash you got tired of? Have no ounce of respect left in your body?”

He snorted. “I was trying to save you from the heartbreak, Dara. I’ve been with Suzy for some time and she isn’t really long time material or wife material.”

A pulse started beating hard against my temple. “Stop talking about her like that.”

He paused and stared at me. “You probably want to think twice about punching me right now. You might not want to hear bad things about her but I’m telling you, she isn’t as perfect as you imagine her to be.”

I shook my head and started counting one to ten to calm my nerves down. Yes, he was right. I should be thinking twice about punching him right now but he’s badmouthing Suzy! How could I just stand here and stand up for her? “Then you clearly don’t know her that much,” I said.

“Will you please stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re disappointed in me,” he sighed.

I didn’t realize that’s how I felt until he mentioned it. I knew he’s a player and annoying but I never really thought of him as someone who’d badmouth an ex-girlfriend or even another person. But the fact that he made me realize that’s how I felt brought me up short. My spine straightened rebelliously. Am I that easy to read or is this guy just perceptive. “Can we just. . . pretend like we don’t know each other? I think that would make both our lives easier, don’t you think?”

“I can’t do that,” he said. “I’ve already decided to make everything about you my business and I did tell you that.”

We were going around in circles. We always go back to the same argument of him wanting to make me a girl and me telling him it’s never going to happen. “Jiyong, it’s not really going to happen. I am who I am and you just have to accept that not all biological female in this school can be shaken by your charms.”

“I like the way you say my name,” he said, grinning.

I don’t think I could ever get him into a serious talk. I sighed. “You’re just wasting your time, man. I can’t wait for the day where I’ll tell you, I told you so.”

“Likewise,” he said.

He’ll eventually get tired, I’m sure of it. I’m never going to change preference. “I’m not in the mood in arguing with you right now ‘cuz you kind of ruined my mood.”

“I’m always in the mood for you though,” he went on with his teasing tone. “Now, would you mind telling me who Kim Soo Hyun is?”

“It’s amazing how you can jump from one topic to another.”

“One of my charming traits,” he said. “I was told I have a cunning ability of turning the mood to my liking.”

“And have you been told of how amazingly annoying you could be?”

“Hmm,” he thoughtfully mumbled. “Last time I was told that was when I refused to give the girl a on the pu –.”

“Stop!” I shrieked. My hand flew to my mouth as I realized how high pitched and girly I sounded. I looked around me with wide eyes. At least three or four glanced our way but did not linger long enough to find out what’s going on while the rest didn’t seem to notice. I dropped my hand to the side and faced Kwon. “You! How could you. . . . don’t you have a sense of. . .” I was at loss for words. How could he just say things like that? It was disrespectful to the girl he was with at that time.

“What?”

“How could you just kiss and tell like that?” I hissed. “Girls or women deserve respect!”

“Respect begets respect,” he said.

I shook my head. “Says someone who probably doesn’t even know what it means. You don’t even respect your mother with the way you call her by her first name.”

I felt smug for a moment when my words wiped off the grin from his face. He stared at me for a long time, not saying anything. I was expecting him to retort something back but when he kept his silence, I started feeling guilty.

He stepped back and put his hands inside his pockets. All the while, he kept his eyes on me, not blinking even for a second. Guilt started bubbling harder inside me. His head started moving up and down, as if nodding and then without a word, he turned around and walked away.

Oh crap! I think I offended him. I just got so pissed that it made me want to punch him again but I knew I shouldn’t since I was already on detention and so I thought of getting back at him in other ways. I realized I’m a vengeful person and it made me feel awful about myself.

On the other hand, didn’t he deserve it? All the things he said and. . . I should be rejoicing for pissing him off finally. I bet he’s not going to bother me any longer. Comforting myself with that thought, I went on my way.

I shouldn’t be bothered.

I should not be bothered.

I definitely should not be bothered.

But I was bothered the whole day. I couldn’t shake off the image of the way his face looked just before he turned around and walked away. I was so bothered that I spaced out the whole day to which I ended either bumping into someone else or getting embarrassed in front of the class. I was literally spacing out. I tried shaking it off but it just wouldn’t bug off. I realized I didn’t like knowing I offended someone. Guilt is not really a very friendly or comfortable emotion.

I’m gonna have to apologize to him on our detention later on.

But how on earth am I going to apologize to him? Apologizing to him would mean I’m admitting I made a mistake and he’s just going to take advantage of that and say I’m also making a mistake about my preference. Besides, I didn’t really like what he said and I really want him to just stop bothering me.

I should not apologize. This guilt feeling would eventually fade away, right? I won’t let this bother me anymore. I’ll live with not apologizing. There’s nothing to apologize for in the first place. I just said the truth the way I see it.

But who was I kidding?

The moment the bell rang as the day ends, I started getting fidgety and nervous. I’ll be serving detention with Jiyong by cleaning classrooms. We still actually haven’t had an agreement or arrangement if we’re going to divide the number of rooms or if we’re going to clean them all together.

While waiting for everyone to leave the room, I pulled out my phone and sent the boys a message saying I won’t be able to attend practice today since I’m not really sure what time we’ll be done. I also told them I’ll make it up to them next time instead.

A few seconds passed and I received a message saying: Fighting!

I smiled. They’re seriously the best friends I could probably have. I was in that thought when I saw movement at the corner of my eye. I looked up and saw Jiyong erasing what was written on the board. I started getting fidgety again. I stood up and cleared my throat. He didn’t show any signs that he heard me. I grimaced.

I bit my lower lip as I tried to think of the best words to say first to break this silence. I was contemplating on what to say when I realized he was already halfway through cleaning the room. I snapped out of my reverie and silently started helping.

We cleaned the room in silence. After we’re done, we went into the next room without saying anything to each other. I’m fine with silence. I can seriously deal with silence but not silence from him. I don’t know. Maybe I just got used to how obnoxiously loud he could be. But since I still can’t find the right words to say, I decided to get distracted by music. I pulled my headphones over and went into my playlist.

I went on like that until we finished cleaning all the second year class rooms. After returning the cleaning materials back, he was already on his way out of the building before I could even blink. I started chasing after him. I need to ease this guilt I’m feeling. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Kwon!” I called. But he kept on walking. I ran faster. I stood in front of him the moment I reached him. He stopped. He wasn’t looking at me or maybe he was refusing to look at me as he kept his head and eyes to the side. “Are you angry?”

He snorted. “What do you think?” he asked, finally looking at me.

“W-well. . . I’m sorry.”

He just raised his brows at me.

“Look, I got pissed with everything you said, okay? I got more pissed that I couldn’t punch you because I might get expelled. I was just. . .  pissed at that moment.  I didn’t really want to offend you.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Look, I’m really sorry. I don’t really like feeling guilty of offending someone so could we just move on and forget about what happened?”

He stared at me for a moment, as if contemplating of whether accepting my apology or not. Just when I thought the silence would stretch on, he started speaking. “I could do that.”

I sighed in relief.

“But on one condition.”

“What?”

“I want you to hug me and comfort me. You did make me feel bad, you know.”

“No.”

“Then I won’t accept your apology,” he said and walked away, just like that.

I was rooted to where I was standing, dumbfounded. Did Kwon Jiyong just ask for something childish? I knew it! I knew this would just backfire at me. I shouldn’t have just kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have asked for an apology. I might as well just bear with the burden of being guilty for offending him.

No, I’m never going to do what he’s asking me to do.

NEVER.

I decided to go straight home even if I still have time to go skateboarding with the boys. My mind was in a violent rumble right now. How could he demand such a thing? I was such in a foul mood that nobody dared speaking to me the moment I reached home.

After dinner, I went straight to my room without any word. I was planning to read my notes for the day but I was stuck on the first sentence. I kept on reading and reading it but my mind can’t fully grasp what it meant. In the end, I just gave up. I can’t concentrate so I might as well just go to sleep.

I closed my eyes as I went to bed but the moment I did, I opened them once again and turned to the other side. I went to close my eyes again but still, ended up opening them as I turned to the other side again.

I tossed and turned in bed until I finally sat up and looked at the clock. I suddenly wanted to cry when I saw it’s already midnight. I didn’t notice time passed so quickly. I still haven’t slept yet, not even a blink. I still have classes tomorrow and it looked like I’m nowhere near of falling asleep until. . .

I groaned in frustration. I stood up and pulled out a hoodie. After putting it on, I grabbed my phone and started heading out. I walked and walked and walked and walked and walked until I eventually stopped after finding myself in front of Kwon Jiyong’s house.

I took my phone out and went through my contact list. I pressed the green button beside his name and lifted the device to my ear. The phone rang a few times before a groggy and sleepy voice answered it. The idiot slept soundly while I haven’t had a blink of a sleep yet.

“Come out,” I told him then dropped the call. The house suddenly lit up a few seconds later. I looked around me. No one was around. Of course nobody’s going to be around, it’s already midnight. But I just wanted to make sure nobody’s really around to witness what I’m about to do. It won’t mean anything. Guys hug each other too.

“Dara?” I heard Kwon calling me. I turned to face him. His hair was dishevelled and he was wearing nothing but shorts. I refused to let my eyes wander anywhere else. “What on earth are you doing here at this time?”

I stood there in silence, suddenly unsure of what to do next or if I really want to do it. But I’m already here so might as well do it and just be done with it. So without any word, I closed the gap between us and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have said those words to you.”

He went still for a moment but then relaxed and wrapped his arms around me as well. Oh crap, this is making me feel seriously awkward. “You went here in the middle of the night just for this?” he asked, chuckling.

“I couldn’t sleep thinking about it,” I confessed. I don’t know what made me say that. Please don’t ask me.

“You really want to hug me, huh?”

I started pulling away but he just pulled me back into his arms. “You’re not forgiven yet so let’s just stay this way first.”

“I’m starting to really hate you.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m having goosebumps right now.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm,” I murmured back. I was starting to get seriously sleepy.

“Do you want to sleep in my room?”

“Hmm?” I incoherently mumbled. I just want to sleep.

“If not, I could walk you home if you want.”

“Hmm..”

“Are you actually falling asleep on me?”

What did he say?

“Dara?”

I was falling asleep. I tried fighting it but I felt myself slowly melting into dreams.