SIWON:

Today. It's today.

I slowly stirred from my sleep, trying to wake up completely and recall last night's events. 

Waking up today feels empty for some reason. A good kind of empty. 

Flashback:

"You've been so uneasy eversince we got here, man" Donghae declared as he handed me a bottle of beer

"I am?" I wondered aloud as he nodded

"Are you perhaops uneasy of the idea of running into her?" he asked the inevitable

"Why would I be uneasy about that?" I tried to brush off the topic "that was a long time ago, she's moved on" I stood up and looked at the view from our room

"She has" he paused "Have you?"

I hate that question, I always have avoided to answer that one annoying question my friends have been bombarding me with eversince the news of her getting married got out.

"How would you define moving on anyway, Donghae?" I asked bluntly

"Hmm" he paused and sat down comfortably at the lounge chair and wondered "I guess it's when you gather the strength to say that you can love again?" he answed "Or if not love again, maybe have the confidence to face that person without feeling any pain or remorse" he added

"Is that so?" I looked back at him and smirked "So have you moved on?" I shot back the question to my good friend and felt a pillow landing in my head

"Jerk" he simply declared as we both endedup laughing "Aigoo, two broken hearts in a room" he shook his head

"If it makes you feel better, I think Dara just needs her own space now. I don't think she will actually break up with you man" I tried to console my friend

"I was ready to go out in the open, man" he said in disappointment "I really am trying to understand where she's trying to come from but to be honest, I really feel bad about the whole thing"

"I know man, I understand" I simply said and held out my bottle for a toast "To mending hearts"

"To us" Donghae smirked with tears b around his eyes

I spent some time in the suite with Donghae and catched up. Our schedules have been pretty much tight that it was too hard to get sometime to pause and just talk about life. Everyone is in New York for the week, at least everyone from the SM family. Stella is getting married tomorrow to the one she describes as "the man of her dreams, of her future, of her everything". When the news broke out of her getting engaged, everyone pretty much went to me and asked how I was taking the whole thing. How should I take the whole thing though? I seriously do not know how. Am I being too passive by blocking out this aching feeling and acting like I'm the happiest person to hear the news?

The woman I once called mine, my forever is getting married. The woman I cut ties with when she decided to break up started talking to me again with such big news. How should I react then? If my smile and "congratulations" seemed like sorrow to everyone who heard and saw it? Do I even stand the right to hold her back and make her come back to me? Isn't that plain selfish?

Stella left me. And her leaving me hurt every single cell in me. But that shouldn't be a good reason for me to ruin her happiness. That's actually why I decided to let her go, I knew she wasn't happy, I knew she didn't like the idea of being with me anymore, I knewshe was tired of hiding. She has been the best thing that happened to me, despite the fact that we decided to part ways, I still owe her 9 years of my smiles, of my dreams, of my happiness. So here I am, despite the throbbing pain I feel inside, I decided to show up at her most special day--the day that I will officially send her off and see her take another man's hands to marriage.

"Yoboseyo?" Donghae greeted "Oh, you are?? I'll ask him" he concluded and dropped the call

"Who was that?" I asked

"The guys want to go out for a drink, kaja?" he asked as he was putting on his jacket

"We have a wedding to attend to tomorrow, and you're drinking?" I asked and shook my head

"Aigoo, look at this man" he placed his arms around my neck "loosen up, would ya?"

"You guys go ahead, I don't really feel like drinking" I declared

"Are you gonna cry yourself to sleep then??" Donghae teased

"You want to tease?" I smirked "I can keep up with you, you know?" I added

"Aigoo, no" he declared "Arasso, I get it. I'll get going then" he said and got his cap "You're gonna be alright?"

"GO, just go" I said pushing him out of the door "Don't drink to much, okay?" I reminded

"Yes, sir!" he saluted and winked as he walked towards the elevator lobby

Finally, some time for myself.

I heard my phone ringing so I hurried back to the living room to check out the call. Unexpected as it could be, she called afterall.

"Hey" I greeted "Aren't you supposed to be asleep by now?" I teased

"Can't sleep" she laughed gently "Hello, by the way" she added 

"What's up?" I finally gathered the courage to move on with the conversation

"I'm getting married to the love of my life tomorrow, Wonah" she gently declared, I knew she had a smile on her face when she said that

"I know, you don't have to brag you little brat" I tried to tease and succeeded as she laughed gently

"I'm not supposed to be talking to another man at this time, right?" she asked

I felt a bit of sting when she just adressed me as 'another man', it took a second for me to get back to my fake senses and answer her "Right"

There was a long pause there. I knew at that moment that I wasn't the only one having a hard time to make things less awkward for the both of us. I knew right there how much effort she is trying to pull off to make things okay between us.

"But I chose to" she finally declared "because I know I needed to" she added "at least for the last time" she concluded

"You don't have to worry about me, S." I assured her "From now on, you should be only concerned with yourself and how you will be living a life with your new family" I added

"Wonah,