Fonts in this color is about the present and Author's POV

Fonts in this color is about the past and Chorong's POV

Chorong woke up with the noise of her phone ringing. It was 5 am in the morning and as much as she hated getting ou of bed, she had to wake the girls up. They had practices for their comeback today and she had to work with the producer to get her song composed. She was emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Maybe writing a song for him was a bad idea. Heck all she did was bawl her eyes out.

Maybe she shouldn't have thought of composing a song at all because when she started, she couldn't stop thinking of him again. She thought she was done. No more feelings, just flashbacks. No more thoughts of him, just memories. But then again, she was wrong.

Each time she scribbled a word, she thought of him, she felt him, she missed him all over again.

"Unnie~ It's noisy" Hayoung opened the door to her room with her eyes barely open and her hair a mess.

Chorong realized her alarm was still ringing and that it being set to loud was echoing through their entire dorm.

"Mianhe Youngiee" Chorong stopped the alarm "But you're supposed to wake up and get ready already anyway"

Chorong felt sorry for Hayoung, she should be enjoying life right now as a teenager, she should be waking up late like normal teens, she should be hanging out with her friends but at a young age, Hayoung was working, practicing and performing. She felt sorry for the maknae that's why she always listened Hayoung when she was having problems, she needed a mom and Chorong was here to be one.

And yet Chorong was also sorry for herself for hanging onto her past.

Hayoung and her past were two different stories though.

"Unnie just give us another hour please? It's too early" Hayoung begged. The pororo pajamas she was wearing looked cute and the pout on her face made Chorong weak.

"I guess manager Oppa won't mind. Go ahead and sleep" Chorong said, softly smiling to the maknae who just left with a saisfied grin.

She could have slept. She wanted to sleep. But she couldn't. So Chorong ended up in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for the girls who were still in bed. And yet again, with silence surrounding her, she couldn't help but think of him.

All the trouble she went through, all the crazy things she did just to stop herself from revealing her past to the world. It was hard, being asked what was the hardest thing she had experienced in life and having to answer with a simple 'Nothing actually. I'm always happy' though the irony to it was so big.

Need you, I really didn’t know back then, need you, I thought we’d last forever

Need you jeongmal geuttaeneun mollatjyo Need you yeongwon haljulman arratjyo

I didn’t know how precious you were and only complained every day

Gyeote inneun geudae sojunghan juldo mareugo maeil tujeongman burin geot gatayo

My love

My love

{HUSH Era}

I was tired, too tired to even blink. I landed flat on our bed and got as much rest as I could get before I’d be told to be back on my feet.

We’ve been preparing for our next comeback and it’s been months, almost a year of seeing him and walking past him.

I don’t know but every time I see him or even just think about him, I always felt guilty, undeniable hurt, an ineffable feeling of being destroyed with every thought that if he really chose to forget me, that if he really chose to pretend to not know me at all, it was all my fault. Because I had let go when I promised I wouldn’t.

“Unnie-yah” I shook my thoughts away and lifted my head from the pillow when I saw Namjoo peaking her head inside the room “We have to shoot for Apink News” She smiled.

It was the third season for our variety show and as much as I know, I’ve been doing well pretending to act like I was happy, like I didn’t have a problem at all. The typical girl who would cheer so loud and smile so brightly – I acted that way. Just so no one would know the real me. The hurt, destroyed, shattered me.

~

“Okay, since all of you are here” Our manager stood up from his seat when Namjoo and I arrived at his office “For this episode of Apink News, you will all be undergoing hypnotism”

The girls scowled and I raised a brow.

“I need you girls to cooperate and do what the hypnotist tells you to do”

Then, we drove off to the assigned destination and soon enough we were all seated, forming a semi-circle and being told to relax.

“I need you to close your eyes” The hypnotist said “And take a deep breath” He added, he told us to forget about everything, about our nervousness, and focus on his voice and so I did as I was told, I was still on the verge of my senses so I still knew what was happening, he told us our right hands would be raised, like a balloon and will become lighter and I felt it. I knew I was doing it but then all the emotions in me, my heart was racing, so fast that I got scared. I opened my eyes and clutched my chest. I was scared.

Then after all that, we were told we’d have a one on one hypnotism and then I got scared even more.

I watched these all before in movies, that when you really do believe, you’d do as they’d say and I knew what would happen, they’d ask me what would be on my mind and I’d be hypnotised so I’d say it but then I know that after all these time there was always that one thing in my mind with that one person I’ve been thinking of and I was nervous. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that. I couldn’t risk letting all the people, all the staff in the room know my story.

So when I was told to focus, even when I knew it would give me short screen-time, I slept. At least, I sang in my head. I pretended not hear the hypnotist and I just slept. I couldn’t do it, I would never announce to the world that I’d still be thinking of that one person. I just can’t.

After exiting the room, and the cameras were all turned off, Bomi looked at me and tugged my arm “You did that on purpose didn’t you?” and I nodded. I just had to.

He left me too many memories, memories that I forced myself to forget but I just can’t.

“Woah. This a really beautiful piece Rong” The produced said as he scanned the paper Chorong had written on. “You never failed to surprise me with your songs Rong, not even once” He smiled

Days after trying to finish the song and crying her tears out, Chorong had already stopped. Writing the song was just to bring back memories in her past that she locked away for far too long. No more of those memories would interfere with her present- with where she is now.

She had to forget about him- that was the last time she would cry over those memories again. Because there was nothing left she could hope for. For the all the times they’ve seen each other on stage, backstage or even at random studios, there was nothing more than just a simple bow and greeting for both of them. Of course she tried to talk to him, she tried to stop herself from bursting each time he’d reply her with formality as if he didn’t know her. There were times she’d ask him if he ever did recognize her and then he’d simply reply her with a simple ‘Of course I do! You’re Apink’s Leader, Park Chorong’ And each time she’d smile, turn away and let a tear drop. He forgot about her. He really did. And if she’d force herself to him, she’d make a fool of herself - because after all, it was her fault that they distanced from each other in the first place.

Chorong nodded in acknowledgement and thanked the