The first person you fell in love with stole your heart. The first person you made love with stole your soul. And if they are one and the same, you are doomed.

3^rd January 2015

Buckling his wristcuffs, Jiyong looked into the full length mirror before him and buttoned the vest on his body. Then he moved over to her vanity, applying his perfume she loves the most on his wrist and neck. When he put the perfume down, his eyes caught the picture of them beside it.

Both of them were wearing hoodie and Jiyong remembered pulling his mask down in the crowded eatery risking to get caught just for this photo because Haewon wanted to take a photo then. And he was glad he did because she really loves this picture of them.

Why didn’t he learn to treat like everything like it was the last time? His greatest regret now was how much he believed in the future. Ever since Haewon left him, all he had been feeling was empty. He didn’t care if his friends, his family or his fans stopped believing in him. He breathes, but he feels so dead.

He tried everything. He smoked, drank, drove 100 on the freeway. He tried anything and everything to make his heart feel the way it did when it beat next to hers but it failed. How was it possible for him to run away when his pounding heart reminds him of her?

Till the girl who looked like Haewon came along. Her words were so powerful that it saved him. It gave him a glimpse of hope because what she said was true, he should be in the best state as he waits for Haewon to return. She wouldn’t want to see him like this.

Maybe it was because Jieun was very convincing or maybe it was because she looks a lot like Haewon. Either way, a part of Jiyong wants to believe her even though he had long realized that Haewon probably wasn’t going to come back anymore. He was just both terrified of losing this battle and terrified of continue fighting it. Because when this battle ends, there would be nothing left to believe in in his life anymore.

With a sigh, he threw the black coat over his shoulders as he locked the door behind him. Jiyong fished out his phone from his pocket and typed a message before walking to his car.

He was sad but it was the kind of sadness that wouldn’t produce anymore tears.

But is much worst than crying.

-

Jieun looked at the GPS on her map, making sure she was at the right place and right after, a black Mustang pulled up. The driver rolled down the tinted window and she boarded right away.

“Thanks for coming.” Jiyong still couldn’t get used to how much she resembles his Haewon. Her hair, her eyes, her pretty fingers and even the way she smiles, it was exactly like his Haewon. He had to force himself to look away and restrain himself from pulling her into a hug as he focused on the road.

“You’re welcome.” Jieun muttered softly. The man beside her looked very different from the last time she remembered. The unkempt hair was neatly combed back, his face was clean and she could even smell his after-shave from where she was. Nonetheless, she had to admit that he had a very good sense of fashion. From the way he dress to the choice of car he drove, and even the bouquets of flowers that were sitting at the back, it showed how much effort he put into it. “You look good.”

“Thanks.” Jiyong’s lips tilted upwards a little, “Haewon also says I look the best when I wear suit.”

Nodding her head, the couple fell into silence. Jieun wasn’t sure where was he bringing her to. All she remembers was receiving a text from him this morning asking if they could meet. She wasn’t surprise to receive his text for she gave him her number the day when she left, afraid that he might be sick and needed help. But she didn’t expect them to meet in this circumstance again.

“Hope I didn’t disrupt your plans for the day.” Jiyong said monotonously, and Jieun shook her head. Exo went to Jeju for a photoshoot and she couldn’t follow so she had nothing to do anyway.

“I hope you can help me one last time.”

Before Jieun could give her consent, his car pulled up at a place with high gates and Jieun got out together with him. Carrying the bouquets of flowers in his hand, he unlocked the chained gates with his keys, walking ahead of her till they reach the middle of a flower-filled field.

And that was when Jieun knew the reason to the 3 bouquets of flowers because in the middle of the field, laid three people.

Jiyong placed the flowers on each of the tombstone before cleaning the photos that was on it with his sleeves.

“Aboji, Omonim, Hyung, sorry for not coming to see all of you for so long.” Jiyong swallowed the lump that was forming at the back of his throat before forcing out a smile. “But look who’s here?”

Turning to look at Jieun, he continued. “I found Haewon. She’s here to see all of you.”

“You all can rest in peace now.”

Standing in front of the 3 tombstones, Jieun didn’t know what to do or say after hearing Jiyong’s words. She looked at the pictures that were on each tombstone, from the old man to his wife and son beside him, Jieun felt her nose turning sour right away. She didn’t know why but she felt like crying. The people laying in there looked so kind and they were all still so young, yet they had left this world.

“Haewon is tired. I will bring her back first.” Jiyong gave a ninety degree bow which Jieun felt the need to do too. “I will come back and visit all of you soon.”

“I promise to bring all of your favourite food.”

With that, Jiyong led Jieun out of the place slowly, locking the gate behind them before walking to his car.

“Thank you for being her.” Jiyong told her softly. “The 3 people you saw earlier, they are Haewon’s parents and elder brother.”

“Wh.. what happened?” Jieun blurted before realizing her behaviour was a little rude. “Sorry, I shouldn’t ask.”

“It’s okay.” Jiyong shook his head, his footsteps slowing down as he looked up with his eyes masked with pain. “It’s only right for you to know after helping me lie to them.”

“A year into Haewon’s disappearance, Omoni and Aboji received a phonecall from the police saying that they saw someone who resembled their daughter in Busan and they rushed down right away.”

“They didn’t even wait for Kiwon or me and they went by themselves, eager to bring their daughter back home.”

“On their way there, they got into a car accident because they sped.”

“And they never got to see if that person was really their daughter.” Jiyong breathed out slowly. Memories of seeing Haewon’s parents whom treated him like part of the Cha family, laying on the cold ground motionlessly made him closed his eyes painfully.

“Then.. the guy?” Jieun didn’t have to ask if the girl that the parents rushed down to see was the one that they had been finding, because if it was, she wouldn’t meet the man beside him or even see him in that depressed state a few days ago.

“Kiwon…” Leaning against the car door, Jiyong swallowed hard before continuing. He was his competitor during his trainee days but he was also his best friend, his brother. “He couldn’t take his parents death and his sister’s disappearance.”

“He committed suicide a few months later.”

“When we found him, it was too late. He left us to join his parents. He left a letter saying that he believed that Haewon and his parents are waiting for him at the other world.”

Jieun didn’t even realize she was crying till Jiyong handed her his handkerchief. She wiped away her tears before choking out an apology. “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, Jiyong continued. “The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”

“My girlfriend, my bestfriend, and part of my family left. Everyone ing left. And until now, I don’t know why she left.”

“All of that didn’t kill me, but it didn’t make me stronger either. It just ing destroyed me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst in tears, I wanted to get drunk and kill myself.. but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence.”

“Because the worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them.”

“All of them.”

With tears blurring his vision, Jiyong pulled out his ciggarette before choking out again. Jiyong remembered when Haewon first kissed his lips, the world came to a stop and he finally felt worthy of love. He felt worthy of life. He had a reason to wake up in the morning and a reason to sleep at night. He had a reason to be careful when crossing roads or walking along the edges of cliffs. He had a reason to feel human and from the beginning it was always her because the first time he felt the seemingly indestructible emptiness inside of him vanish.

And he swear it was never coming back until the day Haewon didn’t.

“When I was struggling, Haewon struggled with me. When I made the wrong choices, she scolded me and set me straight. I’m really thankful for her and I really want to make it up to her with the rest of my life.”

“But her definition of forever was a lot of shorter than mine.”

“I miss everything.” Jiyong’s avoided Jieun’s teary gaze as he blew out a puff of smoke, “I miss talking to her, hearing her day. I miss her voice all gravelly and smoky.”

“I miss her laugh, I miss getting her letters, writing her letters. I miss her eyes, the smell of her hair, and the way her breadth tasted.”

“I miss knowing she was around, because it helped me to know that she was around, someone like her existed.”

“I guess most of all, I miss knowing I would see her again. I always thought I’d see her again.”

Jieun could see that Jiyong fell in love with Haewon but he doesn’t just stay with her by default as if there’s no one else available to him. He stays with her because he chooses to, everyday that he wakes up, every day that they fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. He chooses her over and over again. From his words she could tell when they have each other, they have everything.

It was lovely and she wondered how it feels to be in love when the other person doesn’t cross their mind, they live in it.

She asked, “You are in love with her.. what does love look like?”

“Like everything I’ve ever lose came back to me.” Jiyong replied immediately, without even having to think of an answer.

“Like everything I’ve ever lose came back to me..” Jieun repeated his words. She wondered was it the same as how she viewed Jongin as the person she wants to see when she first wakes up, the person she checks her phone for, the person she wants to see everyday, the person she wants to tell how her day is going. Right then, she felt her phone in her pocket vibrated.

[From: Jongin]

I’m back. Where are you? I want to see you.

And that moment Jieun knew.

Everything she ever lose had came back to her.

Can't explain how much I love this chapter. I had been dying to write this chapter since forever. 

Gonna put perfectly flawed on hiatus for a short while. 

Enjoy and tell me what do you think will happen next!