Dara sighed and closed her textbook. A few feet away from her grandfather sat reading at his desk. He lowered his paper hearing his granddaughter’s sigh and looked over at her. She was staring off into space and he had a feeling he knew what was troubling her. They had just finished celebrating Chuseok, a first for Dara. They had gone early to her grandmother’s grave on the first day of the holiday to celebrate with the offering of wine and food as was their custom and had spent the morning there. Dara had expected Jiyong to be there as well to visit Jaejoong’s grave, but he hadn’t shown up and she couldn’t get a hold of him. In his absence Dara had paid homage on his behalf. That was four days ago and Dara had still not heard from Jiyong and Sanchol knew she was worried about him.

“Dara, would you like to go for a walk?” he asked, wanting to give her a distraction from her thoughts. She nodded and put her books aside.

They walked together silently in the garden enjoying the evening breeze. Sanchol motioned for her to have a seat when they reached a bench on the far end of the garden. He sat beside her and placed his arm around her shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She looked up at him, eyes curious. “Talk about what?” she asked.

“Whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

She sighed, and after a few seconds leaned her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know how to help Jiyong,” she confided. Lately he’d been withdrawn and she knew it had to do with the holiday and his desire for his parents to visit Jaejoongie’s grave with him. He’d been silent when she asked him how they normally celebrated Chuseok and so she had not pressed.

“There are times when he seems so distant and sad. I can’t help but wish I could take away that sadness.”

Sanchol nodded, his hand gently caressing his granddaughter’s hair. “I think you’re a help to him more than you realize. But sometimes you have to let him work things out on his own. Just let him know that you’re there for him if he needs you.”

They sat quietly for several minutes.

“Papa?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“How do you know when you love someone?”

His fingers paused in their brushing motion, then resumed again. Her question didn’t surprise him, he had expected her to ask it one day.

“I don’t think there’s a simple answer to that question,” he finally said. “Its a combination of things.”

“Like?”

He smiled, his thoughts going back in time to when he first fell in love with Dara's grandmother. “Your heart starts doing strange things,” he commented, recalling how his heart would race whenever he would see his beloved Dara. “When I met your grandmother the first time my heart was beating so loud and fast in my chest I was certain she could hear it.”

Dara turned to look up at her grandfather, a grin on her face. “You fell in love with her at first sight?” When he confirmed that he did, Dara laughed.

“Did Grandma Dara feel the same way?”

“I wish. Your grandmother made me pursue her for a good six months before she even consented to give me the time of day. She was a tease your grandmother. And so beautiful. When she smiled I thought I would faint with happiness.”

Dara laughed out loud. “Papa that’s so cheesy!”

“Cheesy but true. You’ve inherited her eyes and her smile.”

Dara sighed and settled back into his side. “Tell me more, Papa.”

“About love, or your grandmother?”

“Both. How did you know you loved her?”

“Well apart from my racing heart whenever she was near, your grandmother also had the power to make me happy like no one else could. Her mere presence was enough to make my day brighter. And when she wasn’t with me I longed to know what she was doing, where she was, if she was thinking about me. By the same token your grandmother also had power over me like no one else could. If she was upset, I was upset. If she was sad, I ran around trying to cheer her up. My whole world revolved around her to the point that I knew I couldn’t live apart from her and so I asked her to marry me. I consider myself blessed that she felt the same about me.”

Dara sat quietly, reflecting on her grandfather’s words.

“Is there a reason you’re asking me these question?” he asked. He felt Dara’s fingers tighten slightly on his arm. After a moment she shook her head.

“Just curious,” she answered.

Sanchol moved his arm so that he could link his weathered fingers with her young hand. “You’re at an age when you’re going to start having those types of feelings too, sweetie. Please remember though that you’re still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t be in a rush to grow up too fast. Learning to love someone is a beautiful thing but it should be taken one step at a time. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Dara nodded. “You’re talking about .”

Sanchol shook his head and cleared his throat. “I keep forgetting how forward you can be in speech.”

“Sorry, Papa,” Dara said. “Its part of being raised in the U.S.”

“Well, you’re generation moves at a lot faster pace than mine ever did. But still, the consequences are the same regardless. Your parents have put your care in my trust. I’m putting my trust in you. I hope you’ll remember that before you do something that could affect the rest of your life. Okay sweetie?”

Dara nodded her head again. “I will Papa,” she promised.

“There’s one other thing. I don’t ever want you putting yourself in a situation where you think you have to give in to someone else’s pressure. Any young man you date should respect you and your wishes. The same goes for you toward him. Respect and trust are the two great pillars of true love, Dara. Don’t ever forget that. If the young man does not respect or trust you then believe your Papa when I tell you that he is not worth your time or heart.”

Dara reflected on her grandfather’s advice later as she prepared for bed and her thoughts turned to Jiyong. Ever since he went missing in action on her she’d been feeling – strange. Restless. Unsteady.

She reached for her phone and sent him another text. ‘Where are you? You’re making me upset.’

She waited a few minutes and when there was no reply she put away her phone and angrily went to sleep.

The next day Mr. Kim dropped off Dara at school. She saw Jiyong’s car parked in the parking lot and was relieved he was back in school. But a minute later she found herself upset that he still hadn’t called or texted her. She checked her phone once again to make certain and saw no new message from him. Aside from being upset she also felt incredibly hurt. She dug out her ear phones and plugged into her music, choosing her playlist of angry songs, and instead of heading to the spot where she knew the gang hung out Dara turned and went off on her own. She pulled out her shades and slipped them on to hide the emotions she knew was showing in her eyes.

She found a spot on the opposite side of the campus, a shade under a secluded tree and she settled there, leaning against the trunk of the tree, and waited for the bell to ring. While she waited she sorted through her feelings.

She knew that Jiyong’s recent disappearance had to be connected to the Chuseok holiday and that he was likely missing his brother and upset at his parents. But what surprised and got her all twisted was that he had shut her out. Usually he turned to her to talk to but this time he was even ignoring her. On the first day he had gone awol she had called Youngbae and he had told her not to take it personally, that every once in a while Jiyong went off on these disappearance acts. Usually it meant he needed time to clear his head, and when he was okay he’d show up again.

Dara wondered why it was she was so hurt over his actions and realized it was because she had led herself to think that she was special to Jiyong, that she was someone whom he would never turn away from. That he would always turn to her when he was feeling down and lean onto her for comfort. But it turned out she was no different than his other friends. He ignored her just as he ignored them – and that hurt.

She connected to her twitter and posted the name of the song she was listening to and which aptly defined her mood this morning.

#garbage #stupidgirl

With a sigh she got up and headed to her class.  At break time she decided to stay in her classroom and read for her next subject. At lunch she decided to skip the cafeteria and went instead to the library. If he didn’t want to talk to her then she would stay out of his way. She had even gone as far as to block his number from  her phone. Huk. If he didn’t want to call her then she would ignore him as well. She knew it was childish of her but she was feeling pretty childish at this moment and didn’t want to see him.

After her afternoon classes she skipped study hall and caught the bus instead downtown to a mall. She wandered from store to store, trying to calm her feelings and not finding much success. She received a call from Bom but she ignored it. This was followed by a text from Bom, asking where she was at. Dara replied:

‘Taking care of some things. Tty tmrrw.’

The next message from Bom revealed the real sender’s identity:

‘Where are you Dara? Did you block me from your phone?’

Dara’s eyes narrowed as she read the screen. So this was Jiyong using Bom’s phone. So the idiot finally decided to contact her and found he’d been blocked out.

She felt a sense of childish satisfaction at giving him a taste of his own medicine. Turning off her phone without responding to his text gave her another jolt of immense juvenile pleasure. Smiling now and feeling loads better she proceeded to an ice cream shop and treated herself to a cone of her favorite flavor.

After doing some shopping, including purchasing a cool shirt she saw and thought would look good on Jiyong, she called Mr. Kim and asked him to pick her up. She sat down then at a table, listening to her music until Mr. Kim called her that he was outside. When she entered the house she was feeling a lot more like her old self. She went to see her grandfather and let him know she was home.

“Jiyong called looking for you earlier. He sounded worried.”

“That jerk. I don’t want to talk about him.”

Sanchol raised his brows at her. “Did you two fight?”

Dara shook her head. “We’re fine. I’m going to head off to bed.” She gave him a hug and then went up to her room, tossing her bag on the floor next to her desk. She headed off to the bathroom to shower and then changed into her pajamas. She was working on her homework, her hair up in a towel, music playing quietly in the background, when she heard a knock on her door. She glanced at the clock and saw it was almost ten o’clock. She unlocked and opened the door thinking it was her grandfather. Instead she found Jiyong standing there.

“What are you doing here?” she asked coldly.

“May I come in?”

“What for?” she asked, deliberately giving him a hard time. He stood there unmoving and not saying anything, waiting for her to let him in. With a huff she turned and went back to her desk. She sat back down, ignoring him as she picked up her pen and began working again on her assignment. Jiyong walked over to her bed and laid down on his side, facing her.

“Get off my bed,” she told him.

He shook his head, stared at her, and then closed his eyes.

Dara rolled her eyes and went back to her assignment. A minute later she took her earphones and plugged it in, drowning herself in music so that she could ignore his presence. It didn’t take long for her to be absorbed back in her homework and when she finished the assignment she turned and found that he appeared to be sleeping. She took the time to study his features.

He looked so tired. Even in sleep he seemed as if he was troubled. Seeing him that way made her worry about him again. With a sigh she removed her headphones and took the towel off from her head before she went to sit on the bed next to him.

“Hey,” she nudged him gently. “Kwon, Jiyong, wake up. You can’t sleep here.”

His eyes opened and for a moment she saw such pain in them. Against her will she felt her heart break and she leaned down and hugged him despite all the hurt she was feeling from the past few days. “I’m so mad at you,” she said, her voice breaking and tears stinging her eyes.

His arms went around her and he held her close. “I’m sorry.”

After a minute she pulled away and sat up, wiped at her eyes. He sat up too, his hands went to her face, gently wiping at the remaining tears. His forehead pressed to hers and Dara felt as if this was where she wanted to be more than any other place in the world. She found her hand engulfed by his.

“Where were you?” she asked, her eyes seeking his.

He moved, his arms embracing her again and pulling her head against his shoulder. “My parents want to divorce,” he confided quietly, and she felt him tremble beneath her touch.

“Oh Jiyong.” She whispered and held him tight. A minute later she felt more than heard him cry in her arms. She continued to hold him as he quietly released all the suffering he’d been through the past few days. It seemed the most natural thing in the world for her to turn and press her lips to his temple and then to his brow. Her desire to comfort him was so great, and her heart was beating so loudly in her chest. She knew in that very moment that her feelings for this boy was more than just that of a sisterly affection.

Jiyong turned towards her, his cheek against hers, their eyes closed. When her lips pressed softly at the corner of his mouth he angled his head slightly and their lips came into contact, searching for and finding each other.

“Jiyong.”

“I love you, Dara.”

She opened her eyes and found him looking back at her. His fingers were on her cheek.

“I love you,” he repeated.

The greatest joy filled her, and she leaned forward to press her lips against his again. “I think I love you too,” she confessed.

He smiled and Dara blushed. They sat there holding each other for several more minutes before Dara pulled away and grabbed a box of tissues, taking several for herself before handing the box over to Jiyong.

“Will you please unblock me now?” he asked several minutes later when they had cleaned up and were sitting side by side on her bed. He was holding her hand in his. She smirked at him and nodded.

“I can’t believe you did that,” he told her.

“I was mad at you and I was hurt,” she confided, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I knew something was going on with you and I was worried. When you didn’t respond I felt like maybe I wasn’t as important or special to you as I thought, and that hurt a lot.”

“You mean the world to me, Dara. I can’t begin to explain how much you’ve changed my world. I’m sorry I shut you out these past few days. My home life is all gone to hell and I don’t know how to deal with it. At a time when everyone is celebrating families mine is falling apart. I’ve been so out of it these past days and I’m just tired of it.”

Dara turned and put her hands on his face. “I’m sorry about your parents,” she said to him. “If you need me I’m here. I’m always here for you. Please don’t shut me out anymore. If you need space then just tell me so and I’ll give it to you. I just want to know that you’re okay and that you know I’m here if you need me.”

His eyes caressed her face before he leaned in and kissed her tenderly. “Thank you,” he told her, and took a deep breath before standing. “I should get going now.”

“Will you be alright?” she asked, her worry for him returning. He nodded, smiling as he embraced her again.

“I am now baby.”

She shuddered and pulled away, hitting him on the arm. “So gross,” she said, and he laughed.

“But you’re my baby now aren’t you?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. He looked so much better than when he first arrived and it thrilled Dara to know that she was the reason for that.

She nodded and slipped her arms around his waist. “But don’t call me that in public.” And she shuddered again in mock horror. “Let me get used to it first.”

“No problem, baby girl,” he teased, leaning down to place a last kiss on her forehead before walking to the door. “Tell Mr. Kim I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay?”

She nodded, pausing by her door. She smiled up at him, her happiness showing in her eyes. “Drive safe, Jiyong. Call me when you reach home.” He squeezed her hand before letting go and waving goodbye.

**