Chapter 2 – Disturbance

Saturday, 15^th March 2014, Music Core SNSD’s Waiting Room, 11:00 AM

AUTHOR POV

After she finished writing on the diary, she puts it back inside her bag and she stretches her legs and she tries to relax. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down before the rehearsal. Right then Taeyeon, who finished with her make-up already sits down beside her,

Taeyeon: “Maknae….”

Seohyun: “Ah…yes unnie?”

Taeyeon: “I don’t want to bother you with anything…but you seem to be…I don’t know…like you aren’t yourself. Is there something bothering you? People can be emotional because a lot of things….”

Seohyun: “No unnie….”

Taeyeon: “You are always the composed one….I’m sorry that I only brought this up now…but…you are usually the standard for us…the standard on how to behave and how to live our life…you used to teach us so many things…even some of them are making our ears red because you tell us so many times about it…it isn’t like you to lose your composure like that…especially about nothing big.”

Seohyun: “I’m fine unnie…really…look at me…do I look like I am unhappy?”

Taeyeon: “I don’t know Seohyun…I am asking you this because I am the type of person that always keep it all inside…I don’t want you to do something like that….if you are upset or disappointed with something, you need to express it to us, your unnies…Don’t keep it to yourself…”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…I am always like that am I not? Don’t worry about me unnie…”

Taeyeon: “There is no boy problem right? Is there anything that you want to tell me before the other members?”

Seohyun: “Ah of course not unnie, I am really fine….”

Taeyeon: “Okay…do you want to practice your line? I mean…you are singing after me, so we can have a quick practice now…”

Seohyun: “Ah sure…just use my phone…wear this earphone please unnie.”

Taeyeon: “Okay…just play the song whenever you are ready.”

Seohyun: “Okay here we go…”

Mr.Mr. starts playing on her phone and after the brief intro; it is Taeyeon’s turn to sing her lines,

Taeyeon: ”Let’s go! Mwol geokjeonghaneunde neon, dwaetgo mwoga tto duryeounde?”

Seohyun: “Jaego….tto jaeda neu…neujeobeoryeo….”

Taeyeon: “Stop!”

Seohyun put the song on pause and she lets out a huge sigh and Taeyeon is looking really worried at her,

Taeyeon: “Maknae…your line is quite simple and since we got this song from the company you never failed to deliver your lines no matter it is in practice or in rehearsal…what’s wrong with you? Please tell me…”

Seohyun: “I’m sorry unnie…I’m just nervous…nothing more….”

Taeyeon: “Come on maknae….you know that you can tell anything to me…”

Seohyun: “And I will unnie, so please stop asking these questions to me about how I am doing…Yoona unnie did the same to me and no disrespect to you, but it is annoying to hear it over and over again.”

Taeyeon: “Are you sulking at me? I am just trying to help you, you know!”

Seohyun: “Maybe you and Yoona unnie can help me better by not asking me these stupid questions all the time, seriously it is getting annoying.”

Taeyeon: “What? Come on maknae why you are so high-tempered like that?”

Seohyun: “I don’t know unnie, maybe because some people keep asking me the same question over and over again!”

She stands up from her seat and bringing her bag to exit the waiting room, she left in a hurry that she accidentally bumps with Sooyoung, who is entering the waiting room from the hallway,

Taeyeon: “Whoa…”

Sooyoung: “What’s wrong with her? She bumped me like I am a statue or something.”

Taeyeon: “I don’t know…she is quite mad, that’s all I know…”

Sooyoung: “She didn’t even say sorry…it is so not like her…whatever…I’m here to eat, not to sulk…”

Taeyeon: “Go on, finish all that snacks on the table, maybe you can left us the leftover…”

Sooyoung: “Oh you want me to feed you unnie, give me the snacks; I’ll feed you like a baby…”

Taeyeon: “Haha…stop joking around, go and have something to eat before you start acting and show your aegyo that will make me want to punch you.”

Sooyoung: “Hehe, okay okay….”

Outside the room, Seohyun is walking as fast as she can and from her face, she is quite upset. At that moment she is a bit annoyed with Taeyeon but she is also upset with herself because she doesn’t lose her cool as easy like that usually and she is kind of agreed with Taeyeon’s concerns, she just doesn’t want to admit it. As she is walking down the hallway, she bumps into someone else because she keeps staring at the floor as she walks and luckily for her it is familiar face that she bumped into,

Seohyun: “Ah! Jungshin chingoo…”

Jungshin: “Seohyun! Ouch…your elbow so pointy it hurts me….”

Seohyun: “Aangg…don’t tease me like that, I am not in the mood…”

Jungshin: “Hehe okay okay, where are you going? To our waiting room?”

Seohyun: “Ah…..yes….I am not sure whether CN Blue is performing or not because when I arrived in the building I didn’t see your waiting room….”

Jungshin: “Ours are way back over there, we are going to our rehearsal in 15 minutes but you can say hi to everyone first if you want now.”

Seohyun: “Ah okay let’s do that…”

Seohyun walks toward the CN Blue waiting room with Jungshin and for a moment there, her conversation with Jungshin seem to calm her down just a little bit. She is laughing to Jungshin’s jokes and she is back to her usual self. At that moment, Yoona and Sunny walked out of the women’s bathroom and they see Seohyun and Jungshin laughing and joking around with each other,

Sunny: “Look at maknae; she has been quiet all morning…”

Yoona: “Yeah I know….”

Sunny: “Is she upset with something or what? She doesn’t look like that when she is talking with Jungshin there and I bet my money that she is going to the CN Blue waiting room.”

Yoona: “It was probably nothing….”

Sunny: “Yeah…but there are strange things happened lately related to her…I’m just wondering whether she is okay with everything or not…”

Yoona: “I tried asking her but she always told me that she is fine.”

Sunny: “Well maybe she is fine; maybe we are just concerning something that we shouldn’t be too concerned about here.”

Yoona: “Maybe….”

Yoona is looking at Seohyun with a sad and worried look on her face. She feels that she has let her down or something. She knows that there is something bothering her and she is wondering whether she should keep asking her about it, or just try to act like nothing happened. Looking at Jungshin who treats her normally because he obviously doesn’t know that Seohyun is bothered with something, it makes Yoona think whether she should just act normal when she is with her, maybe she can see that smiles and that laugh of her again more often. She feels sad but she doesn’t know exactly what to do and she returns to the waiting room with Sunny with even more worries than before.

At that moment, Yoona subject of worries is entering the CN Blue waiting room where the rest of the CN Blue members are relaxing themselves for the rehearsal but all three of them are standing up like army soldiers greeting her,

CN Blue: “Annyeonghaseyo Seohyun sunbae!”

Seohyun: “Whoa…hahahaha…oh come on guys…seriously…you always call me by name when we filmed WGM before…”

Jungshin: “Well you are still our sunbae right? Hehe…”

Seohyun: “Yes but it makes me uncomfortable…”

Yonghwa: “Hyun…..”

Jonghyun: “Look at this man still trying re-enact their time on WGM.”

Seohyun: “Oppa, don’t call me like that, you will make me embarrassed…”

Yonghwa: “Hehe, it is your name right? So why I can’t call you that way? So anyway Hyun…congratulations for the comeback!”

Seohyun: “This is not our comeback stage oppa and you text messaged me already…hehe….”

Yonghwa: “Yeah but still I feel like congratulate you for that.”

Seohyun: “Ah thanks oppa…so are you performing too today?”

Yonghwa: “Yeah we will do our rehearsal soon, you want to watch us?”

Seohyun: “I would love to but I have to do my make-up soon, you know when there are 9 of us we take turns to really save time so I can’t just skip my turn like that hehe or I will end up doing my own hair and make-up.”

Yonghwa: “Ah okay…”

Seohyun: “Fighting for your song promotion guys! I hope your song will be a success!”

Jonghyun: “Ah thank you, so nice of you to say something like that even though we are promoting together.”

Seohyun: “Of course! I am happy too if your song received well by the public…”

Then the door to the waiting room is opened and someone from the production staff enters the room,

Staff: “CN Blue! Get ready! Rehearsal in 5 minutes, please walk toward the stage now!”

Yonghwa: “It is odd that they reminded us just 5 minutes before the actual rehearsal…usually a good 10 to 15 minutes before someone already escorting us to the stage…”

Seohyun is looking at the staff and somehow she gets a familiar feeling about that man. He wears a cap and eyeglasses but to her he is familiar. It is like she has seen him somewhere before.  The staff takes a quick glance at Seohyun and he quickly turns around and leaves the room in an instant,

Yonghwa: “He’s not even escorting us to the stage?”

Jonghyun: “Maybe he is new, who knows? Let’s go there anyway.”

Yonghwa: “Hyun, we’ll be going for our rehearsal now…I’ll take you back to your waiting room.”

Seohyun: “Ah that’s okay oppa; I can go back there by myself…It’s not that far. I’m going now, CN Blue fighting!”

Yonghwa: “Ah thank you, Soshi fighting! Bye Hyun…”

Jungshin & Jonghyun & Minhyuk: “Bye! Fighting!”

She then leave the waiting room and on her way back to SNSD’s waiting room, she keep asking herself whether she knew that staff or not. She doesn’t easily forget whenever she saw someone’s face and it is keeping her curious even when she arrives back to the waiting room to do her hair and make-up. She doesn’t realize at that moment that during SNSD’s performance today, something is about to happen and the other SNSD members will be even more worried about her.

45 Minutes Later…

SNSD just finished their rehearsal and they have to wait for another hour before the real recording begins. All of the members are seemingly in a relaxed mood, even Seohyun because the rehearsal is going quite well today without any mistakes at all. The stylists are now bringing in their outfits for them to wear today and it is slightly different than before. It looks ier and with the black color of the outfit it brings out more of the y concept of this performance. Of course the outfit got mixed reviews from the members, some liking it, some uncomfortable with it but in the end they will have to wear it without any complains. Seohyun is looking over the outfit and she is slightly uncomfortable with it,

Seohyun: “Hmm…the front part is quite…not safe…”

Yoona: “You don’t like the outfit maknae?”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…”

Yoona: “I think it’s quite alright considering our dance moves this time. Just try not to bend too much when you are bowing to the crowd.”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…I think you will look good wearing this outfit unnie.”

Yoona: “You too…let’s get changed maknae…fighting!”

Seohyun: “Ah yes, fighting!”

Seohyun at that moment was expecting Yoona to keep asking her whether she is alright or not but she feels a bit of relief when Yoona is just talking to her normally. She then talk with the other members regarding the outfit and afterward she changes clothes into the outfit and takes a few pictures of herself and with the other members wearing the outfit. She decides to read some books while waiting for their turn to perform. She can’t wait to meet the fans again today and she is cherishing every time they got to perform in front of their fans. With the upcoming Japan Tour, she knows that the Korean fans might not get too much chance to see them.

Taeyeon who just finished fixing her make-up sits right next to Seohyun,

Taeyeon: “Seo…I just want to say sorry about before…”

Seohyun: “No unnie, I am the one that should apologized…I walk out on you and I raised my voice…I shouldn’t be like that when unnie only tried to take care of me…sorry Taeyeon unnie….”

Taeyeon: “Don’t say that, I am the one that is annoying! Hehe…did you practice your lines again?”

Seohyun: “Of course unnie! You saw me in the rehearsal right? No mistake!”

Taeyeon: “I know! Let’s try our best okay? For the fans…and of course for ourselves…”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…you look tired…”

Taeyeon: “Yeah I am a little bit tired…but I like being tired rather than bored…”

Seohyun: “Of course unnie, I know…”

Taeyeon: “What book are you reading there?”

Seohyun: “It’s a book in English…you want to borrow it?”

Taeyeon: “Maybe you should teach me English first so I can read it fluently then I can start reading it myself! Hehe…”

Seohyun: “Oh come on unnie…Your English is good; reading this book without help is a good practice too for your knowledge…”

Taeyeon: “Someday maknae…someday…well I leave you to continue your reading then…”

Seohyun:”Ah okay unnie…”

At that moment Seohyun feels more relief as now not only Yoona but Taeyeon also going to stop asking her anymore questions about whether she is okay or not. She understands their concerns but she is annoyed if she kept being asked the same things over and over again. She knows that she must try to behave better in the future so that her unnies won’t be too concern with her. With that small burden off her shoulders, she goes back reading the book and she is more excited now to perform the song. She is momentarily forgotten about the stalker or the mysterious man on the CN Blue waiting room. Little did she knows that on the stage later on, things will not be getting better for the maknae of SNSD.

One Hour Later…

All 9 SNSD members are already backstage now and they are doing their own pre-performance rituals. Some are praying, some are stretching but Seohyun keep peeking out behind the curtain looking at the fans that already lining up, waiting for them to come out. Seohyun is actually looking for the unnie that gave her the gift, she wants to spot her before she goes up the stage but she fails to do so. Few minutes later, SNSD are called to the stage. As usual SNSD do their greeting toward the fans and the staffs of the music show and they begin their final preparation,

Manager: “Girls, sound check please, check if your microphone is working!”

PD: “We’ll begin recording in 5 minutes, please be prepared SNSD.”

SNSD: “OKAY!”

All the members are doing their final preparation before they begin their performance and both Seohyun and Jessica are checking out the crowd to see whether they see anyone familiar. Jessica managed to find a few familiar people taking pictures of her and she waves at them. Seohyun also able to recognize some of the people in the crowd and she quickly smiles and wave at them as well but then she is frozen at the spot. On the right hand side of the crowd she manages to spot a man wearing a beanie, eyeglasses and a red custom made jacket with Seohyun’s name on it. Of course she doesn’t fail to recognize this man because it is that person that she sees in Sinchon during the Guerilla Date. The mysterious stalker that never leaves her thought since that day, she finally sees this person again and because today he is wearing a mask, she confirms that it is a man indeed, which brought more questions about who that unnie is and whether this person and the one that gave her the gift are not the same person.

Seohyun: “Ah…ah…it’s you….”

Jessica: “Seohyun?”

Seohyun: “I finally see you again….”

Jessica: “Hey maknae! What’s wrong with you?”

That man knows that Seohyun is focusing her attention on him so he quickly looks down and pretend to play with his phone while making his way to the exit door of the studio,

Seohyun: “Ah wait!!”

Jessica: “Ya maknae! Get a hold of yourself! There are many people watching you!”

Seohyun: “Ah….”

Just like during the Guerilla Date filming, the fans that are watching Seohyun are looking worried and confused with her action and they are looking around to see who is the person that Seohyun is talking to but of course that person is already long gone by the time the people start looking around. Jessica hugs Seohyun from behind and she asks her,

Jessica: “You okay? Everything is okay? Don’t show that kind of attitude in front of the fans…you will create room for rumors….”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…sorry…It’s just that I thought I saw someone that I recognized before…but when I really look at it…it’s not him…”

Jessica: “It is normal to be like that just don’t show your worried expression to the fans…they might get worried with you and they might start thinking that the problems that happened in our pre-promotion preparation is affecting us…which is absolutely not true at all…if you are worried about someone in the crowd, just tell us and we can ask the manager to take care of it, okay maknae?”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…sorry…..”

Jessica: “Don’t apologize to me and please start smiling and let’s get back to the others…”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie.”

Seohyun takes a deep breath and she starts smiling again toward the fans and she even manage to start a conversation with one or two fans that she knows in her attempt to assure them that she is perfectly fine, but of course one of the fans gather her courage to ask her,

Fan: “Unnie, are you okay? You seem to be a bit worried just now…I attended the fan signing event and also the filming of Guerilla Date…someone seems to be bothering you unnie from the crowd of fans, can you tell us who it is? We can find out who that person is and maybe you don’t have to worry about that person anymore.”

Seohyun: “Ah nothing really…I just thought I saw someone that I know of…but I turn out to be wrong…no one bothered me really, thank you for your concern…”

Fan: “Really unnie? Sorry…I don’t mean to be rude….”

Seohyun: “Yes…thank you for showing that you care…but I am fine…really…”

Fan: “Okay unnie, I hope the recording goes well today, fighting Seohyun unnie!!”

Seohyun: “Ah thank you…thanks everyone for coming here as well; I hope you all enjoy our performance…”

The crowds of fans are cheering for her in response for her interaction with the fans and Seohyun gains energy from it, she feels that she will show her best in her performance today and everything will be going just fine despite that brief appearance from the mysterious stalker. She is walking back toward the other members where they are having a quick conversation to remind each other not to make mistakes and checking each other position well. Sooyoung is in charge of the pep talk and she naughtily keep mentioning to Sunny and Yuri to check their position and remember their parts well, which makes everyone laughing and relaxed a bit because these two are known to make a lot of mistakes within the group. Sunny and Yuri replied sarcastically to Sooyoung and the mood is quite good at the moment thanks to Sooyoung.

They also have a brief talk with the male dancers as well and some of them can be seen doing high fives with the dancers as well and the mood is really good and relaxing and all of them are optimistic that everything is going to be just fine today,

PD: “Alright we will start recording!”

Everyone is getting into their position and so does Seohyun but when she walks toward her position, she makes a mistake by glancing at the crowd and there he is again, the mysterious stalker making his appearance known again to Seohyun. He initially doesn’t want to burden her anymore by his appearance but he doesn’t want to miss out on Seohyun’s performance as well. He is already armed with his camera ready to take pictures of Seohyun and that is when he also realized that Seohyun is more than just aware of his presence. On his camera lens, he captured Seohyun’s frozen expression, staring at him right through that camera.

Seohyun quickly realizes that they will start recording soon and she gets into her position. The music can be heard throughout the studio and the fans start to cheer louder as well as the music begins. Seohyun quickly looks forward to get her focus back onto performing but too bad for her, her mind is disturbed already by his presence. She is doing fine at the moment but as soon as Taeyeon sings her lines, she becomes worried and confused. For a moment there, time moves really slow for Seohyun, she can feel her sweat dripping down from her forehead and once again she takes another glance toward his position and she keeps staring at him and because of this she is one step late on her dance moves, causing mild disruption and both Hyoyeon and Yuri who are dancing on her right and left side take a quick glance at her,

Seohyun: “jaego tto jaeda neujeobeoryeo ,Oh oh oh, Oh oh oh”

At the very least Seohyun doesn’t mess up the line after messing up the dance moves. Hyoyeon give her a quick pat on the back on her way to their position and she whispers at her,

Hyoyeon: “Only minor mistake, don’t get bothered, aim to finish this perfectly maknae…”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie, sorry.”

The performance goes on and up until the dance break, nothing is really happening and the performance goes smoothly, the fan chant is loud as usual, everything is normal despite the mistake from Seohyun at the beginning of the song. The dance break has start and on the second part of the dance break, Seohyun get to be in the center for a while and once again her eyes are wandering through the crowd and she sees him again. She knows that she is quite disturbed every time she sees him, yet she always find a chance to look at him and she wants him to take a good pictures of her too for some reason. She continues performing without making any mistake and when her part is about to come, she manages to get nervous again like in the beginning of the song. Jessica just finished her part which means she is next and the performance is about to end. But right at that moment, that man suddenly turns his body around and starts heading toward the exit just before Seohyun’s part. She is getting more nervous and then in her mind she keeps saying things to herself,

Seohyun: “I can do this! The song is almost over! We can finish the recording in one go…I can do this…I…”

Yet what she is saying to herself and the actual reality is not exactly the same at all. Her part is not that long, ‘sangcheoro kkaejin yurijogakdo, byeori doeneun neo Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.’ That is all that she needs to sing on her part and then Taeyeon will sing the last part and the performance will end and the mistake that she made before won’t ruin the recording at all. But…she fails....she get the dance moves right but when she is in the center, her eyes looks so empty and opened but no voice coming out of , no song to be sing…she just stares to the empty space in front of her and at that moment, she isn’t even thinking about the absurd situation that she is in but rather,

Seohyun: “Why? Why is he leaving again? He left before and then he came back…and now just before our performance end…and before my part…he leaves again? What is the meaning of this? How can I possibly interact with him if he keeps disappearing in front of my eyes? WHY? Why he leave?”

PD: “STOP THE RECORDING! SNSD get your things together please!”

SEOHYUN POV

What? What happened? Why the PD is angry at us? What happened? Why everyone is looking at me with a worried look on their faces? Why am I here standing in the center? Is it my…..oh no….it is my part. What have I done? I turn around and all the unnies and the male dancers looked a bit upset and I can see that Hyoyeon unnie seems to be quite upset at me or maybe she is concerned with me, I can’t really tell. I messed up…we have to do this again….because of me. I want to cry…I think I am going to cry…I keep looking down to the floor without anything to say and not knowing what to do. I feel like I want the ground to just swallow me and make me get rid of this suffocating feeling that I am currently feeling. Making a mistake is quite common in a performance but when I am the only one that did it in this performance and I even managed to make the PD upset…it hurts me…a lot.

My manager is coming toward me and he is escorting me back to the backstage. I can hear some people are shouting my name from the crowd and giving me the encouragement but I know I have make them disappointed with my not so professional attitude on the stage. He gets me something to drink but I don’t feel like drinking it and he asks me,

Manager: “What’s wrong Seo? Did you see something in the crowd that is offensive or bothered you? Tell me Seo and I can look for that person, just tell me what he looks like…”

Seohyun: “No oppa…the fans are not offensive or anything oppa…they didn’t do anything wrong?”

Manager: “I have been paying attention to everyone and it seems that when you make your mistakes today, you were looking directly toward a certain section in the crowd…come on Seo, don’t hide things from me…”

Seohyun: “No one is bothering me oppa….but…”

Manager: “Yes?”

Yoona: “Seohyun!”

Yoona unnie is coming and before I can tell the manager oppa about what bothered me, he gets up from his seat. He speaks something to Yoona and then he pats her on the shoulder before letting out a huge sigh. Yoona unnie sits right in front of me and she holds my hands,

Yoona: “Tell me….what happened? I know I promise you that I won’t ask you questions anymore but this is certainly already got to the point where it disrupt your work…you have to tell me Seohyun….don’t hide things from me….”

Seohyun: “Sorry unnie…I let everyone down…”

Yoona: “Don’t be so down because of it. Some of us made mistakes too before and we now have to record again, it is not a really big deal, don’t blame yourself too much…”

Seohyun: “Unnie…I….(her eyes starts to get teary).”

Yoona: “Oh don’t cry….you will ruin your make-up and we have to go again in a few minutes…come here…”

She hugs me tightly and I feel a warm feeling coming from her, I know that I shouldn’t hide things from everyone…but Yoona unnie really concerned about me and it hurts me more to think that I hide things from her. She isn’t even angry at me, she is worried about me…this makes me feel bad,

Seohyun: “Sorry unnie…I…I am so stubborn and I cause problems for everyone…”

Yoona: “I told you not to blame yourself too often…tell me…tell me what happened?”

Seohyun: “I can’t tell unnie everything now…but…I have this weird feeling about someone from the crowd…He isn’t there anymore now so I can’t show you…but his presence…makes me unable to thinks clearly…I saw that person the first time during the Guerilla Date filming…and weird enough…I can’t forget him ever since….”

Yoona: “Wow….I never expected something like this…now…you have to promise me that you will tell me everything when we go back to our dorm later on okay? Please Seo….”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…I’ll tell you everything.”

Yoona: “Good….now you will go back up to the stage, you will apologize to the PD and then to your unnies and the dancers as well. You have to focus on your performance, get rid of everything about that man or about the mistakes you’ve made earlier. Those things shouldn’t be in your mind…only think about performing for the fans that have been waiting for a long time just to see us today…okay?”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…I will get it right this time…”

Yoona: “Good…now you will go back out there with me and you will do those things…don’t forget to say sorry to the fans as well, we’ll do that together with the other members…okay?”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie, thank you….”

Yoona: “Come on let’s get out there and finish this performance!”

So I wipe my tears away and because of her words of encouragement I find the strength to go back up the stage and face the fans and the PD oppa and the others. I apologize to the PD first and luckily he smiles at me and gives me words of encouragement as well to my relief, then I walk toward the SNSD unnies and they all really warming up to me as well. Hyoyeon unnie, who I thought is quite upset at me keeps patting me in the back and try to crack up some jokes to make sure that I am more relaxed, I am thankful for having these unnies around me, they really makes me feel safe around them. Last thing of course, all 9 of us are apologizing to the fans and our fans are cheering us up, encouraging us and especially me. I am touched than not even a single of them looked upset or mad at me. I quickly scan through the fans and he isn’t there anymore, I am mixed in between upset and relief but that shouldn’t disturb my concentration anymore right now no matter whether he is here or not. I have a work to do and I intend not to mess up again and causing trouble to the other members and to the staffs here. I will do this right.

6:30 PM, Music Core Backstage

We won first place again in the music show today and we really thankful toward our fans that have been very supportive in our comeback this time. We will never be able to do this without them. We are not able to go back to our dorm just yet because there are a couple of recordings for other program to do, just short interviews and short segments for other programs. Right now we are doing our backstage interview with Hongchul oppa and of course the topic is about the music show win…and my mistake,

Hongchul: “So now we are finished talking about the performance and the music show, I want to ask maknae…there seem to be an incident during the recording?”

Seohyun: “Ah yes oppa, I made a mistake which caused the performance need to be re-recorded again.”

Hongchul: “Any personal problems affecting you?”

Taeyeon: “Ya oppa! Don’t ask things like that.”

Hongchul: “Ah sorry sorry…hehe…so is it because of fatigue? Or you are just having a bad day today? I don’t recall seeing you making a lot of mistakes during performances before.”

Seohyun: “I am just tired oppa, the lack of sleep sometimes can make me like that, and it is just unfortunate that it happened during our performance.”

Then on the corner of my eyes, I spot CN Blue members are walking on the hallway, they seems to have their stuffs with them, probably they are about to leave the building already and it surprises me because out of nowhere Hongchul oppa brings the cameraman with him and he grabs Yonghwa oppa and asks him to stand beside me. What makes it even worse that the SNSD unnies are starting to walk backwards and leaving me alone with Yonghwa oppa, aigoo,

Hongchul: “So Yonghwa, did you see your former wife get the win today?”

Yonghwa: “Ah hyung, it’s all in the past now, we are just colleagues now…but congratulation to SNSD sunbae for another win today, fighting!”

Seohyun: “Ah thank you oppa.”

Hongchul: “So Yonghwa, have you heard about what happened during the recording earlier, any thoughts from you?”

Yonghwa: “I don’t know what to say either because usually Hyun is always composed even though she is in a difficult situation. I think she is tired and it is catching up to her, isn’t that right Hyun?”

Seohyun; “Ah yes oppa, that’s right…”

Hongchul: “Ooohh…look at you…still calling her like when you two still doing the program. Since we are now in the MBC building, maybe you want to say something to the WGM producers? Maybe to re-cast you two to the programs?”

Seohyun & Yonghwa: “NO!”

Hongchul: “Okay…you two are really perfectly in sync just now, haha…well we hope that CN Blue and SNSD will always continue to shine in the future.”

Seohyun: “Thank you oppa.”

Yonghwa: “Thank you hyung.”

Then the interview ends and while Hongchul oppa is talking to other members, Yonghwa oppa starts talking to me and he looks like he is genuinely worried,

Yonghwa: “Are you okay? Is there anything bothering you?”

Seohyun: “There are some things oppa, but mostly it is because I am tired…”

Yonghwa: “Okay, just feel free to call me whenever you are worried about something okay? I will crack jokes and act like choding to cheer you up, hehe.”

Seohyun: “Yes oppa…thank you…”

Staff: “CN Blue! Your manager asked me to get you, your car is here!”

Yonghwa: “Ah I have to leave Hyun…take care and cheer up okay?”

Seohyun: “Yes oppa thanks, bye…”

Yonghwa: “Bye…”

He pats me on the shoulder several times and start making silly faces so that I laugh. He then ask the other CN Blue members to come with him to the exit and right at that moment, I see that staff again from before when I visited CN Blue’s waiting room. He seems familiar…but I am not sure whether this man is the same person that I saw in the crowd today. I seem to recognize him from somewhere…but I just can’t quite figure it out just yet.

8:30 PM, SNSD’s Dorm

I supposed to tell Yoona unnie about what really happened with me but she has to go out to a family dinner so that has to wait until she gets home later on tonight. The other members are comforting me about my mistake and Taeyeon unnie haven’t yet asking me about how I am doing probably because I was mad at her earlier today. I feel bad with Taeyeon unnie, I am afraid that she won’t be able to talk about things with me anymore because she might be afraid that I will be upset with her. I might have to talk again with Taeyeon unnie about this. So I am right now in my room, with my diary opened in my desk and I figure until Yoona unnie comes back to the dorm, I might as well write another entry to my diary right?

Entry No. 2

March 15^, 2014

Dear diary,

Today I have some moments that I would like to erase from my memory. I made a mistake in performing and I let down so many people today. Even though we managed to get the recording done, I still feel bad about what happened, especially to the SNSD unnies. Some of them are really concerned with me but I always tell them that I am really fine…but I messed up our performance. They must thought that I am pretending to be strong or something.

Yoona unnie want to talk to me about this and I guess I should tell her the truth. There is nothing good will comes by hiding things from her. She truly cares about me and I think talking about this with someone else might help me ease some of my concerns. Eventually I will tell the other unnies too about it because we don’t really keep secret between each other and especially that it affected my work already.

Speaking of the problem, I finally find out that the mysterious person is a man. I don’t get the connection between him and that unnie and why he acted so weird by keep disappearing like that. Also there is that man that is the staff of the music show. Are they the same person or I just have bad photographic memory of people? It confuses me…but I am glad to see that man between the crowd, maybe I have the chance to talk to him someday, ask him about his behavior and about that gift…if he is really the one that created that photo album.

So tomorrow….

Hyoyeon: “Maknae! Come outside to the living room! Quick!”

Seohyun: “Omo unnie! You scared me! Once again you walked in when I am in the middle of writing my diary.”

Hyoyeon: “Right now I don’t even care about what you are writing in that diary of yours! Something important comes up, come with me outside!”

Seohyun: “Ah yes unnie…”

I don’t know what is happening right now but for the time being I put back my diary back into my bag and I follow Hyoyeon unnie to the living room. Sooyoung and Taeyeon unnie are also in the living room and they are watching something on TV and all of them quickly ask me to hurry up and watch the TV with them. I sit down and it is an entertainment news program and it makes my eyes widened and my jaw drop when I hear what the news reporter is reporting in the program,

Woman: “Right now we are the first entertainment program that is exclusively reporting this shocking news about the member of SNSD, Seohyun. We have photo evidence that SNSD’s Seohyun and CN Blue’s Yonghwa are secretly in an on-going relationship. We have here the photos taken at CN Blue dorm which shows Seohyun in her casual attire visiting CN Blue dorm and this is not taken during Seohyun and Yonghwa’s casting as WGM married couples. Then another photo evidence shows that Seohyun today visiting CN Blue’s waiting room, on her own, without any other SNSD members and then another photo where you all can see that Yonghwa’s hand on her shoulder and he seems to be comforting her about something.”

Seohyun: “WHAT? What is that? Those photos….the first one is when CN Blue moved into a new dorm and I visited there with my mom as well because we live nearby each other. Then the other two photos, I am not even talking about anything that can cause misunderstanding there, what happened? What is this?”

Hyoyeon: “So you are not hiding things behind our back right?”

Sooyoung: “Just come clean with us…I told you all when I started dating too…”

Seohyun: “I am not! Why would I even lie to you about something like this? If I am dating anyone or I am close with someone I will definitely tell you unnies….”

Taeyeon: “Yeah it seems weird…there must be another reason why they are reporting this with those weak photos evidence, ah…here it goes…”

I turn my attention back toward the TV and now that unnie is interviewing someone and his face is blurred and the voice is distorted to make sure that his identity is safe, I want to know what this man has to say,

Woman: “So along with the photo evidence, we have here the witness that can confirm the two of them are dating and why no other media able to catch them when they are dating. So will you be able to tell us on how you are able to confirm that these two are dating?”

Man: “Ah yes, I am actually SNSD’s fan and you might figure it out now that I am a Seohyun’s fan. Since I take a lot of pictures of her and I tend to follow her whenever she has the chance to get out, I am able to find out about this shocking truth. So today I happen to work in the building where both SNSD and CN Blue are performing today and I overheard their conversation. They are calling each other sweetly, Yonghwa is calling her Hyun…like when he did during their WGM days and they are both comfortable with each other and doing a lot of skinship even though Seohyun seems to be shy about it when there is someone else watching them but from their conversation and the way they stare at each other, I can confirm it that these two are really dating or maybe in a phase where they are getting to know each other better but certainly they have feelings toward each other.”

Seohyun: “WHAT? What on earth is he talking about? Come on unnies, you saw me talking a lot to Yonghwa oppa and we didn’t even share those kinds of chemistry that this man said…”

Taeyeon: “Yes of course maknae…this is bad…after Sooyoung and Yoona, you might be in the intense pressure and the media will be chasing after you more aggressively because of this. This stupid man just saying some non-sense with his stupid statement that has no truth whatsoever behind it. This man makes me sick, I am going to call the manager oppa and see whether he can make his way over to the filming location of their interview that seems to be somewhere in Myeong-dong.”

Sooyoung: “I will call the PD of Hanbam to see whether they are able to get in touch with the PD of this program and find out more about this man.”

Hyoyeon: “Don’t worry about it Seohyun, we will always be here for you…and because what they are reporting is fake news, you don’t have to worry too much about it. Rumors like this come with the territory in our line of work.”

Seohyun: “Yes unnie…thank you…”

I switch my attention once again to the TV and it seems that this unnie is confident with her news reporting, it really makes me mad hearing these two talk about me….if they are talking about my mistake and make a fun about, I would be upset but I can still understand it…but when they are talking about a total lie like this…it makes me really mad and upset. Let’s see what this unnie has to say,

Woman: “Right now please go over toward my colleague, Jongmin who are standing by outside the building where CN Blue just finished the recording of the radio show where they are the guest of that show, let’s go over to my colleague now.”

Jongmin: “Right here is the entrance of this building and CN Blue is in the lobby now preparing to make their way out of the building, we will ask questions from Yonghwa because it seems to me that he already knows about this, because this scandal has been circling around the SNS for the past 30 minutes or so…ah here comes Yonghwa! Can you please give out any comment about the scandal Yonghwa-shi? Why would you two date secretly even though the public seems to be supporting you two dating each other?”

Yonghwa: “I am not dating with Seohyun and this news is fake. I have nothing more to say about the matter.”

Jongmin: “What about the photos? You two looked really close on those photos.”

Yonghwa: “Sorry, no more comment. I am not dating Seohyun no matter what kind of pictures you guys will throw at me. They all just stupid assumptions created by you all just to make our life suffer. You have to give us privacy! Especially to Seohyun, don’t you guys even dare chasing after her to find out the truth, you will find nothing and you will only bother her daily life.”

Jongmin: “From your words, it seems to me that you are really protective of her, a boyfriend is usually protective to his girlfriend when in a difficult situation.”

Yonghwa: “Once again we are not dating!”

AUTHOR POV

The heated exchange between Yonghwa and Jongmin continue for a couple more minutes before CN Blue’s car finally arrive and they are making their way to their car. There are crowd of fans too which makes them progressing quite slow toward their car. Seohyun is watching the TV with a worried look on her face, because she knows that Yonghwa is really upset when he is talking like that. She hopes that this situation can be resolved quickly and the fans should know that they are not dating secretly behind everyone’s back. Right at that moment, when the camera is focusing on Yonghwa, she spots someone behind him on the crowd making a very suspicious move behind him. She can’t really look at that person but the next thing that she sees is frightening him and everyone in the living room watching the TV scream in fear.

Someone struck Yonghwa with something on the back of his head and causing him to fall down on his knees, holding the back of his head. The other members of CN Blue quickly surround him to protect him just in case he is getting attacked again and when the camera is focusing back on Yonghwa, blood can be seen on the back of his head and on the ground next to him, there is a medium sized rock with little blood on it. The camera then pans back toward the crowd but there are no one suspicious at the moment and no one in the crowd able to find out who this attacker is. Jungshin and Jonghyun quickly help Yonghwa back to his feet and carry him quickly to the car while Minhyuk is protecting them from the back just in case someone tries to attack him again.

This scene just shocked Seohyun so much because she can only think about one thing. This attack of Yonghwa happened because of her. It happened because the fake news about her and Yonghwa are dating is circulated on the SNS and on this entertainment program. She is the reason why Yonghwa is getting hurt like that and she can’t help but to cry thinking how painful it must be for Yonghwa. Hyoyeon who is sitting beside her quickly hugs her and try to calm her down but at that moment, Seohyun has turned the shock into anger, because her only suspect is that mysterious stalker that might be jealous seeing the news broke out. She will find out who this person and she will make him pay for this.

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A bit of YongSeo moment in this chapter. Next chapter will be quite depressing for Seohyun so I hope you all look forward to it. If you want to see my story progress and updates, follow me on twitter: @shiltz_aff !

Leave your comments and critics guys, gomawo! ^_^