„Oh Youngjae-ah. I don’t think it’s the time to talk to your hyung right now.”

“Himchan-ah. It’s alright. Let him in.”

Yongguk who looked like an old man, slightly gave Himchan a signal to let him in. Himchan who didn’t want to let the younger man in the room looked really unhappy and concerned. Yongguk wasn’t able to be confronted right now. Youngjae was startled as he saw his hyung. Yongguk looked like he was sick.

“Hyung, kwenchanayo? Are you alright? Are you sick?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Youngjae. Just sit down. … look how beautiful the landscape is…isn’t it?”

Youngjae briefly watched the landscape and looked back to his leader with a frightened gaze. Youngjae shortly nodded but couldn’t say a word. What happened to my hyung?

His face contorted with pain Yongguk sighed heavily. He didn't dare to look Youngjae in the eyes. While he was watching the landscape scenery he slwoly began to talk:

"Do you know the feeling to want something so badly, the desire to call someone his own even though you know that this is impossible, that you don’t have a slightly chance of keeping that person. But no matter how painful and no matter how much your soul will be tortured you can’t stop this desire. The feeling of calling someone this perfect your own, your partner, your love. To love someone who loves you back. The fact that you don’t deserve this person and that you are not worth of loving this person almost kills you. The aloofness is unbearable. You struggle against with all your might but you can never ever win this war. At the end there are only losers."

Softly, almost unhearable he added “and I lost everything.”  …

Yongguk was looking now at Youngjae “Youngjae do you know this feeling?”

Youngjae puzzled with this speech was looking at his leader, who was the person he trusted the most.  But right now he didn’t know who this strange man in front of him was. The leader who always was positive and who always tried to be a good example and to lead his younger members was gone.

Softly and unsure what to say Youngjae said “No Hyung, I don’t know such kind of pain. And I really don’t want that anyone experience such cruel pain.

Yongguk was bitterly smiling. “That’s our Youngjae. Always hoping for justice and fairness and wish anyone always the best. That is really admirable.” And that is why I love you.

“I learned from the best, hyung.... I learned from you. You showed me that way of thinking. And I will always be grateful for you.”

“He will always feel respectful and grateful to you but nothing more. Please stop hoping for something more than that!”

Daehyun words were smashing in Yongguks head. The memory of that evening in the restaurant brought the pain back and Yongguk held barely his tears back. He took a deep breath.

“Yes, respect and gratitude should be enough for me, right?”

"I don't understand, hyung." 

Yongguk tried to wipe the tiredness of his face."Ah Youngjae, I'm tired and I don't feel good right now. Don't be mad at me but please can you leave?"

"Dae? Oh... Of course. Please get well soon, Hyung." Youngjae awkwardly stood up and left with a puzzled look on his face.

Himchan stood beside the door when Youngjae asked him "Hyung, what is wrong with him? What did he mean by all this?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Himchan was angry. How could Youngjae be so naive and stupid? Himchan had the great urge to give Youngjae a big smack on his face but he kept still

"Youngjae, just think about what he told you. Just think about it for a while ok?"

"Dae hyung. I will leave then... Good night...and please... take care of our leader."

"I will, don't worry." I will always be ther for him and protect him if necessary.

Youngjae quietly left the room but in this night he could't sleep a bit. The conversation with his leader confused him and even more the words of Himchan left a strange connotation. 

What's going on? Do I miss something?

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Mianhae guys... I know ... short like always... I'm writing on this like the whole week...but it sounds so weird in english (i'm writing my stories in German and translate them :(  )

aigoooooo... well ... really sorry about that... I'm disappointed :(  

So yongguk almost confessed again...  but Youngjae is a cute little babo :)  and poor Himchan, the lovable mother of the group.