Yongguk who was sitting alone in the corner of the Korean restaurant remembered his first moments with Youngjae. How he was introduced to him while he was a trainee. Yongguk was this kind of person who liked to be alone and to be distant with everybody. Only Himchan broke this distance from him and was his only friend during the trainee days. Youngjae stole the heart of the leader very slowly. At first Yongguk didn’t realize his feelings for the younger man, who was always trying to lighten up the mood of the group.

 It was during the One Shot MV. He needed to imagine how it would be when Youngjae was in danger. During that MV shooting Yongguk felt the fear of losing not only a friend but also someone beyond friendship. And during the scene where Youngjae could return to his group and Yongguk hugged him he could feel that something changed. The hugging felt different and Yongguk realized that it was love. After that day Yongguk tried to figure out what happened to him and tried also to escape from this feeling to be with Youngjae 24/7. Not only the loneliness was killing him but also the jealousy of Youngjae being with Daehyun all the time. He couldn’t stop himself for feeling angry about Daehyun. He felt sorry at the same time. Because of his feelings for Youngjae, Yongguk kept a greater distance between him and Daehyun and as a leader he felt ashamed. He shouldn’t be like this but how could he change? Whenever he saw Daehyun with Youngjae having fun he felt like killing him. Yongguk sighed heavily and took another sip of his Soju.

“Hyung, let’s talk!”
Yongguk who was quietly drinking his second bottle of Soju looked slowly up and was surprised to see this young man. The guy with his famous lips was looking at is leader with a serious look.
“Ah, Daehyun-ah what are you doing here?”
“I wanna talk to you. Can I sit with you, Hyung.”
Yongguk sighed “Daehyun-ah. Tonight is not a timing to talk to me. Right now I’m not feeling like talking. Mianhae…”
“That’s ok for me. You don’t need to talk. You just need to listen to me…. Hyung… it’s about Youngjae!”
Yongguk who wanted to take another sip of his drink froze for a moment. He slowly took a look to Daehyun and said “What is about Yougjae?”
The younger man sighed and leaned forward and was almost whispering “Hyung, I know how you feel. Believe me, I know it very well. I feel the same like you. I know that we have our differences and I know you dislike me at the moment because Youngjae is spending more time with me and I know it hurts. Every time I see him with you I feel the same pain. But Hyung, you know how important Youngjae is for me. He is my life. I can’t live without him. Every single moment I’m away from him is like I’m dying slowly.”
“Daehyun-ah… what do you want from me?” Yongguk asked him with a lifeless voice. He knew exactly what Daehyun wanted.
“Stop liking him. You know he will never choose you. He will always feel respectful and grateful to you but nothing more. Please stop hoping for something more than that!”
The younger man clearly made his point. He would never share Youngjae with anybody. Youngjae was his life and he would fight for it, even if it means to fight his own leader.

“Daehyun, go away. Now!” Yongguk hardly whisper. He clinched his teeth together and put his fist under the table. Any moment he would hit his dongsaeng and he tried to hold it back. Daehyun could feel the tension and slowly stood up but his eyes were focusing Yongguk.
“Hyung, please. You are responsible for this group. Don’t destroy it. Think about it please!” And so he left and left a heartbroken leader alone. Silently the tears were falling down his cheeks and Yongguk ordered another bottle of Soju.   

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I really hate this chapter. I felt like crying.... Short update for now.
I think this chapter reflected my own feelings... because I coulndt go to the concert in Germany and I just wanna forget everything ...:(  so heartbroken. I wanted to see Yongguk ...but not only him... the whole group.. but I hope one day I can see them live :(