Jiyeon

Listen to this song as you read <3 CLICK!

For the first time in my life, I wanted a man's hand to stay on mine...longer. I wanted to be touched. I wanted to be kissed. For the first time... I wished that this man would be the one that I'd marry someday. I wanted him so much, and I couldn't help but feel that kind of desire. I wished it was just infatuation just like what he told Yuri about her feelings for Minho. Still, I wanted him so badly to feel the same way...like I did. I wished he couldn't say no to me, just like how I couldn't say 'no' to him. That night when we ate together for the first time and he taught me how to obtain vital signs... It was the best night ever- the best date that was never acknowledged as a real date but just an eat-together-moment with a little sister for him. The way he wiped my sweat when I was nearly panicking over the fact that I'm eating with my crush, that I'm obtaining his vital signs poorly, I wished that it could happen again. I wished I could touch his hands again. I wished I was able to ask him things that I wasn't able to. I wished he held my hand longer before leaving. I wished I could be in his arms. I wished for his embrace. I wished he was thinking the same as I. I wished he wasn't in love with someone else. I wished... I wished I told him I needed him. I wished I never missed those days when he wanted to see me or eat with me...but at the same time, I wished he didn't look for me at the wrong times. I wished...to go back.

"Hey! Jiyeon! Enemy spotted! Hahah!" Hyunwoo laughed as he continued to play the game 'Counter Strike', with me, of course, in the internet cafe nearby our dormitory. I went there with Mika since her tablet was broken and had to talk to her mom about it- through Facebook, of course. Since Hyunwoo wanted to come with us, we had him as company. Ever since that day, he became my playmate and enemy- in the game Counter Strike. He had been really nice to me and Mika. And I liked it that he'd play with me whenever Mika refuses to. He had always been there for me- and he doesn't even know about why I wear my hat all night or why I like guns and shooting soldiers from Counter Strike. It's all because, I wanted to distract my mind from thinking too much about a guy who wants someone else. A guy who's only there when he has nothing else to do...

"Oh, oppa? You called?" I answered my phone from Seungho oppa.

"Ahh, I had nothing else to do..." He said. 

"Ahh," I laughed though what he just said hurt. "So you're just calling me because you're bored?"

He laughed back. That probably meant yes, right? "It's not like that. Ya, what are you doing now?"

"I'm lying on my bed. You?"

"I'm sitting on my bed."

"Oh. You're sitting? I should sit too!" I said, sitting up and we both laughed.

"Hey... How was your return demonstration? Did it go well?"

"Of course it did."

"That's good. I knew you can do well."

"Oppa. Can you sing 'Somewhere down the Road' for me?"

"Baby girl, my voice is base. I don't think I can sing that song... You might laugh at me." 

"I promise I won't laugh oppa!"

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

"Okay then..."

He started singing. "We had the right love, at the wrong time..." He started.

And I started laughing. Since I laughed, he said he'd sing to me in personal instead. I was so happy that night. We didn't talk for so long but I was contented. He completed my day. Only if he knows... Or maybe he knows and he's just acting blind.

Seungho oppa was a really nice guy. There was something about him that I can't explain; he just makes my heart flutter boom boom boom! Sometimes I see him in the cafeteria alone, eating his snacks and watching basketball on the TV screen. Sometimes I wanted to sit beside him but I couldn't push myself beside him.

There was this one time when I saw him singing with his fellow choir mates. That beautiful blending. His hot pouty lips. The first time I saw him singing inspired me to draw him.

One...Two...Three... I did it many times but I threw the rest, leaving only one drawing of his...not so look-alike face. But it was supposed to be him.

"Are you going to give that to him?" Mika asked.

I shook my head. "No. I'll just decorate this."

But I was really planning on giving it to him. On his Graduation Day. Well, I had many plans but only the scheduled message was a success...

To be honest, I just wanted him to know that I was so in love with him. I wanted him to hear it from me, not from Minho, Yuri or his friends... Just me. I had so many imaginations that I wanted to happen, the words unsaid, I failed all of them. My hopes that we could happen were just dreams. I had to face reality.

I had to love someone else.

Love Hyunwoo instead, please...

"Jiyeon-ah, do I really... have no chance at all?" Hyunwoo once again asked me. He's been asking that many times already and I've been giving him the same reasons all over and over again.

"Look, we're friends and I don't want to hurt you." I said.

"I know. Just tell me... It doesn't matter if it will hurt me. Just tell me the truth. Do you like me? Even just a little bit? Just...a little feeling for me? Do you?"

I looked down. "No... Hyunwoo."

He sighed. "Can't it be me?" He asked.

"Eh?"

"That person," he said with a raspy voice. "The one Mika was talking about... I heard you like someone, a whole lot. Can't that person be me?"

I just stared at him, unable to find the right words to say to avoid hurting him.

"Jiyeon-ah," he continued. "Is he the reason? Why you wear your hat every night? The reason why you like shooting guns? He is, isn't he?"

I nodded my head while looking down at the ground.

"Jiyeon-ah... Can't I?" I couldn't help my tears from falling. He was right.

I shook my head, I was sobbing. "I'm sorry..." I said slowly.

"No... I understand." He said and slowly tapped my shoulder twice... "You should go home," he added. Then he's gone. I was alone.