Seungho

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I grabbed Jiyeon's hair from behind, letting my hand slide down as she turned herself around with big round eyes. I came to ask her to eat lunch with me since I just had an argument with my friends and I didn't want to argue no more.

She smiled yet I couldn't say the words I intended to say.

If only I have the courage to tell her. If only I told her about my feelings when I had the chance.

Not now, that I'm stuck here and confused. Not now, it's probably too late.

If I told her why I kissed her, if I was brave enough to say something about it, maybe I wouldn't even regret anything right now. Maybe I received a hug from her, or a real smile. Maybe this time, if I don't run away from my true feelings, I wouldn't have to marry someone I don't even love.

I used to love Sora, but she let me go long ago. I let her go. I never thought of coming back to her, not once. But it's different with Jiyeon. We started off as brothers and sisters. I've been watching her even when she didn't know me. I never showed her I actually had feelings for her.

"I didn't know you know how to draw," I looked at her drawing, startling her.

"How long have you been there?" Jiyeon turned her head to me; I sat beside her and seized her drawing without permission.

"Just now." I smiled. "This is cute. A boy and a girl taking a selfie together?"

She smiled wryly. "That's embarrassing." She took her drawing back. "I'm still not good enough. I'll show you my drawings when I get better at it, oppa."

I snickered. "That's already good enough."

"No, not really. It looks childish." She laughed.

"Jiyeon!" Someone called her. "Come over here for a second." Jiyeon nodded her head and peered behind me before going. I cast an eye on her drawing and I decided to stay until she comes back.

Taking another grab at her drawing, I took a pen from my pocket and wrote something behind it.

I wish I could tell you directly that you're the most amazing girl I've ever met.

But you know, when it's not meant to be seen, it finds a way not to be seen. She crumpled that piece of paper and threw it on the garbage, without even taking a look of what's behind it.

Since I couldn't get myself to say it using my mouth, I always try finding a different way that she'd feel I actually like her. And every time I find a way, something happens and she won't see it.

The rain just stopped when I stepped out of my dorm, but the road was still wet.

I was on my way to Jiyeon's dormitory. I called her earlier and asked if I could borrow her calculator. I felt really sorry for waking her up early in the morning, but she was my only chance so I could take my exam. I lost my own calculator.

My mind was wandering as I was walking with both my hands in my pocket. Shortly, I was close to her dormitory and she was already outside waiting for me.

I smiled and settled down in front of her.

"Here it is oppa." She smiled, passing her calculator to me.

"Thank you, baby girl..." I smiled and grabbed it.

"No problem, oppa. Well, I got to go back upstairs now. See you around." She smiled before turning away. Before heading there, I actually had so many thoughts of what to say when she's in front of me, but all I managed to say were the words 'Thank you baby girl.'

I returned her calculator three days later when I saw her walking around the school hallway and straight to the school bulletin. I followed her behind and surprised her again.

"Oppa!" She exclaimed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked while giving her back her belonging. "Thanks for this anyway."

She smiled wryly, "I think I'm lost. I don't know where to go."

"You should go home if you have no class anymore," I suggested.

"Yeah, how about you?"

"I-I still have to study in the library," I replied. "With my friends," and added.

"Oh, okay."

"I'll go ahead okay? Thanks again." I said and gaped at her calculator before leaving. I actually wrote something on her calculator. I wrote it using my friend's cheap green colored pen.

I like you.

I'm afraid she didn't see it. And if she ever did, she probably wouldn't understand it. Because I forgot that colored pen was too cheap and it could be removed easily especially when you have wet hands.

"Uhhm, so..." I started while taking secret glances at her calculator. Yuri was solving something using it when I happened to pass by and she asked me to sit with them. "What are you solving?" I asked, so they wouldn't notice I was trying to pop my eyes out so I could see clearly if what I wrote on that calculator was still there.

Well it was there, but the color was all over, no one would understand it.

"My grades," Yuri replied. I sighed in disappointment (that Jiyeon didn't see it) and looked at Jiyeon trying to sleep.

"Is Jiyeon sleeping? Why isn't she solving her grades?"

"I'm not asleep," she mumbled and added. "And Yuri has my calculator. I can't solve without it. I'm bad in math."

"Uhh... Let me solve yours." I recommended.

She glared at me. "No thanks, oppa. Provide privacy."

"Y-Yes, of course, baby girl." I chortled.

It's been weeks since I last talked to her. I was ashamed, because I kissed her and then one day, it's all over the social network that I'm engaged to my ex-girlfriend, Kang Sora. My college friends started it. Jiyeon's friends liked every post about me and Sora. So, she probably saw it too. How can I face her now? I can't even look at myself. I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of worrying and most especially I'm tired of Sora staying at my house as if we're already married. I'm tired of her getting close with my parents, and I'm tired of being wrong for not cooperating with their wants.

I sat on the balcony, my mind visualizing what if's. I was caught off guard when Sora sat beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I rolled my eyes.

"I can't sleep. You're not in the room. Not even sleeping on the sofa but here. How can I sleep if I see the bed's owner right here, in a cold weather?" She said, annoyed.

"How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone?" I scowled at her.

She blinked with sorrowful eyes. "Seungho-ah, why are you so angry at me?"

I groaned.

"Can't you just give me another chance?" She added and left when I gave her no reply.

I sighed, feeling sorry for her. My hand slowly curled into a fist.

After how many minutes of just closing my eyes and clearing my mind, I went back to my room where Sora would be sleeping. I turned the lights on and saw Sora sitting on the edge of my bed, half-. I was dismayed. Then she looked me in the eyes, slowly she slid her feet across the floor and wrapped her arms around me, engulfing me in a hug.

"I can't help it," she whispered. "I just want you to feel me... I don't like it when you're ignoring me." She moves closer. I could feel her , her desperation. I tried to push her away, but she was crying. "Don't leave me," she mumbled, staring at me with her tears starting to fall; which only made me angrier.

However, from that moment on, I was suddenly enticed by her. I crashed my lips into her and pressed her against the wall. I lost my mind.