Jiyeon

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I wish I could go back to the time when I first met you, and turn the other way.

I wish, I really wish I turned the other way. Then maybe I wouldn't see you, maybe I wouldn't feel this way.

Maybe, just maybe.

When I saw you that day, and you called my name. Maybe if I closed my ears, I wouldn't hear your voice. When you were there to teach me everything I needed to learn, maybe if I didn't listen and look, I wouldn't feel this way for you. Maybe if you never asked to eat dinner with me, just me and you together, maybe I wouldn't like you. Maybe if you weren't like a big brother to me, I wouldn't like you even more. Maybe if you were just a stranger, this wouldn't happen.

But it all happened now. I was kissed, and that man who kissed me just turned his back on me as if that kiss meant nothing. As if he kisses many girls regularly.

I wish I never met you.

"What? What are you doing there?" I asked Sooyoung who was on the phone, using L's.

"Well, Junki, Aya and I decided to go here and eat and we're inviting you together with L. Since he's serving us, we thought maybe he could join us!" She said excitedly.

"Oh come on. I'm in the market place right now. My mom asked me to buy fruits."

"So, what are you saying? You can't go here?"

"Well..."

"You better go. This might be our last date, okay? You're moving tomorrow and if you liked it there, you might never come back to us again. You might become liberated or you'll find a good job there and forget about us. So, please come here. I'll be expecting you. We'll be waiting. You heard that right? Okay bye." She ended the call without even listening to my reaction. How could she say I'm not coming back? This is where I truly belong. I just... I just have to leave with my family... And for me, it's the only way that I can finally find myself.

And it would be awkward if L is with my best friends. They might tease us together. It was even awkward seeing him talking with my parents, and now my friends? Who is this guy, really? Why does he act like he's my boyfriend or something? It's annoying me to the bones.

I placed my phone back to my purse and started looking for good fruits to put in the cart. I could do this slowly so they won’t have to wait for me. Then I laid apples in the cart, turned back to get noodles for myself. My cart nearly fell from my hand when I saw Seungho standing in front of me. Just staring at me like that. If I only had the right and if it wouldn't be too violent here in the market place, I could have punched him in the face so I could move on and finally live my life happily. But I just stood there, and smiled like usual. Like, I'm not hurt to see his face.

"Hey, good to see you around." I said, nodding my head a little.

"Me too," he said.

"Well, goodbye." I swallowed and continued walking, avoiding his gaze.

Well, I change my mind. I need to get out of here fast. I thought and went straight to the cashier.

Upon leaving the market, I made another wish. That he'd never show up in front of me like that again. If he shows up, he should at least let me know. Even if it was a coincidence, I don't like him just appearing and disappearing without permission. Jeez, he's making it harder for me.

I started wandering the streets while hugging the paper bag with the apples in it. Sooyoung has been calling me nonstop, I've been pretending not to hear it until I reached the restaurant and was approached by L who looks like he's been waiting for me outside all alone.

"So it took you so long to wander around," he smiled. "Your friends are waiting inside."

"Did they tell you to wait for me?" I asked.

"No, no," he shook his head. "I was worried so I went out. The manager's not around anyway so no one can scold me." He winked an eye.

"Oh I see, well, I should go in now." I started walking toward the door. 

"Yeah, you should..." He trailed off. "Good morning sir, welcome to Tteokgalbi resto!" He bowed at the man in a suit.

"Can I talk to you, Jiyeon?" The man spoke.

L was confused as he looked at me and the man whom he thought was a costumer. "You know this guy, Jiyeon?"

It was Seungho.

He followed me after all.

I couldn't say anything. Seungho talked instead. "It's important," he grabbed my wrist grimly.

"Ya! Let her go!" He tried pushing Seungho, but I stopped him.

"Stop it, L." I blurted. "He's my teacher. I'll just talk to him, okay? Go back inside, I'll be right there later." I smiled and removed Seungho's hand on me. "Oppa, what is it? You can always talk to me." L sighed in embarrassment and went back inside, leaving me with Seungho.

"We should talk in my car." He climbed into his car and waited for me to get in. I just shrugged and climbed inside beside him. I cleared my throat upon realizing the silent atmosphere between the two of us.

"I heard you're leaving tomorrow." He finally talked, sadly. I mean, what was he so sad about?

"Yeah," I spoke. "Who told you about that?"

"I bumped into Mika yesterday. I asked her about you and she told me that you'll be leaving tomorrow, for America." He looked at me. "Isn't that too far?"

"Yeah, of course it's not near." I replied sarcastically as I looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I chuckled playfully. "Seriously, oppa, why would I tell you? I mean, how am I supposed to tell you? I bet you won't even care, you're a busy man."

He fell silent. "Oh, right."

I sighed, half disappointed of his silly question.

"I just miss you. I like..." He added, but I cut in. Afraid to hear more and feel like it's only because he feels sorry for me.

I laughed again, halfheartedly. "Yeah yeah, sure. Oh by the way, congrats, you're engaged! Or getting engaged," my laugh was obviously fake. "And getting married. It's all over the news. You must be very in love with her. Soon, you'll be committed to her. To one girl. Just one girl..."

I suddenly felt the urge to tell him everything I want to, to stop this pain inside of me.

"You don't have to worry about me." I grinned. "I mean, I know you're not even worried about me. Sometimes you just act like you do because you feel like you have the duty to care, because I'm your little sister. I won’t worry about you anymore too, oppa. Don't worry about the kiss; it was nothing. I decided to ignore that, and forget about it. Besides, I've always thought of you just as a brother.” Now I wasn't telling the truth anymore. Maybe I just wanted to make him feel that he doesn't need to feel sorry for me and that he's not the only guy in this world, because he's only a brother and I never thought of him more than a brother (which is never true). "Oh and just a piece of advice. You should take care of her, don't let her feel down. Don't cheat on her," I looked at him. "I mean, I know you won’t. But just a reminder, because you're a man. Your friends are telling everyone that you think all girls are hot and you like almost every girl you meet, you should show them that you're not like that, oppa. You have to remember, that you're getting married soon." He looked away from me after a few seconds. I don't know why, don't know how to explain his expression. He twitched his lips and shook his head. He probably couldn't believe I'm not as crazy as he think I am over him.

"Just a question," he stammered. "Did you ever like me?"

"O-of course! I'm a fan of yours. You were like...a big brother to me." I wasn't looking at him anymore. Is he really testing me?

"That's...good," he said. "Are you...happy?"

"Y-Yes... Yes I am..." I replied in a shaky voice. I clasped my hands together, uncertain of my own answer. "I'm happy. I'm very happy..." Slowly, I said those lies, making it seem believable. My thoughts were echoing my lies over and over again. Am I really happy? Was it right for me to say lies? Or should I have told him what I truly feel? Would it even change a thing? Would it even stop the pain in my heart? Would he even leave her for me?