Tell Me Why  - Toheart

How late was too late?

***

“I met Kyungsoo Oppa.”

Jongin thought he heard wrong. He’s ironing his clothes at Bomi’s room while the girl looked through some recipes on the internet beside him, not even looking at Jongin when speaking. “Kyungsoo Hyung?” Jongin repeated, making sure.

“He came to the bakery. Apparently our bakery is getting famous around his campus so he decided to try it out.” Bomi clicked the mouse several times.

“… I see,” Jongin quickly pulled the iron from his shirt, he’s been putting it down for too long. “Is he doing well?”

“Hmm. Yes. I guess.”

“You didn’t talk with him?”

“… He’s in a hurry.”

Jongin wasn’t sure what to say. Or what to feel. He even didn’t know what to think.

“He gave me his number,” Bomi paused, focusing on the recipes she found. She bit her lips in concentration. “… And asked me to call him.”

“Are you going to?” Jongin couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“… I don’t know.” Bomi still didn’t look at him. “Do you think I should?” This time, Bomi turned her head, looking right at Jongin, and Jongin’s mind went blank.

Was there any reason to say no?

“If you want to,” Jongin commanded his body to move again, going back to the pile of clothes beside him. “I mean, it’s not like you’re in a bad term with him, right? And it’s been a long time since we met Kyungsoo Hyung.” There’s only a small hum from Bomi and Jongin glanced at the girl. Her expression remained the same; casual, passive. “… Do you still like him?”

Bomi tilted her head, smiling a little. “… It’s been three years, Seoul Boy.”

Jongin nodded shortly, and both of them went back to their own activities.

He didn’t comment on how Bomi never answered his question.

***

It took almost two weeks before Bomi texted Kyungsoo – and during that time, Kyungsoo never went to the bakery – but it only took ten minutes for Kyungsoo to reply. By the end of their conversation, Kyungsoo invited Bomi, and Jongin, after he knew Jongin was also in Seoul, to a dinner on Saturday’s night. Bomi asked Jongin about it, and since Jongin didn’t have anything to do that night, he agreed.

The restaurant Kyungsoo suggested was an ordinary Korean restaurant, but judging from how packed the place was when Jongin and Bomi entered, it seemed the place was quite well-known. Bomi’s steps were almost hesitant, and Jongin placed his hand on the small of Bomi’s back, assuring her and pushing her to keep on walking.

They immediately spotted Kyungsoo already seated in the corner, browsing through the menu in his hand.

It’s not hard to recognizing Kyungsoo even after the years. He didn’t look much different, only his jawline was more prominent now that he lost his baby-fat. His hairstyle was also more stylish, and he dyed his hair red – not the bright, hurting-eyes kind of red, it’s something along maroon or burgundy, whatever it was, it looked very good on him..

Kyungsoo looked up and saw them, his eyes went wider if that even possible, one side of his lips turned upward before he fully smiled. “Jongin!” he exclaimed, pulling Jongin into a friendly hug.

“Hyung,” Jongin returned the gesture, patting Kyungsoo’s back.

“You’re taller,” Kyungsoo said, frowning as if he disliked the fact. “And skinnier.”

“Really? I’ve been dancing a lot, so it must be because of that.”

Bomi was kept quiet all the time and Kyungsoo glanced at her. For a moment he looked like he wanted to greet her too, but changed his mind in the last second. “Come, sit down,” he pulled a chair for Bomi and smiled when Bomi said thanks in a small voice. “It’s on me, choose anything you like,” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin had a brief recollections of how this resembled their first meeting so much. The only thing that’s missing was a bratty Sehun.

The dinner went well, warm and nice, Kyungsoo was still the same likeable guy Jongin met at high school. He grew more confident, though, it showed with the way he talked and his gestures. They exchanged stories, updating each other what they had been doing for the past three years. Kyungsoo asked about Sehun and where he was now, and nodded contently when Jongin told him he’s in Busan as a soccer player. He also asked about Soojung and wondered out loud why Sehun and Soojung were not a couple. 

“What about you, Jongin?” Jongin raised his eyebrows, silently asking what Kyungsoo meant. “Your girlfriend, Jun…-Junhee? Cho Junhee?”

“Choi Junhee,” Bomi corrected. She’s quieter than her usual self although she still participated in the conversation, and Jongin tried to talk on her behalf to make the table not end in an awkward silence. Jongin wished he had the ability to read Bomi at times like this – but whenever it involved Bomi’s feelings to Kyungsoo, Jongin seemed to lose the power.  

“Ah, Choi Junhee, right, I’m sorry, I don’t remember. Where is she now? Are you still dating her?” Kyungsoo poured more drink into Jongin’s glass and he received it with a small bow before answering.

“No, we already broke up before graduation.”

“Because you’re moving to Seoul?”

Jongin’s eyes automatically glanced to Bomi before he answered, “… Yes.” He sipped his drink slowly, feeling the sudden stillness that fell between Kyungsoo and Bomi.

Bomi excused herself to the bathroom after that, leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo alone. Kyungsoo was staring at his glass, and Jongin had a feeling he had a question to ask.

“Jongin.” There’s a pause, and Jongin could almost see the internal debate on Kyungsoo’s eyes. “… So… are you two together now?”

Jongin needed a moment to understand Kyungsoo’s question. “… Together…? You mean—Me and Bomi? No!” he quickly shook his head, complete with a waving hand. “It’s not like that, Hyung. We’re…- We’re friends.”

Friends.

Always had.

Weren’t they?

The truth felt strangely heavy on Jongin’s tongue.

Kyungsoo said nothing, still studying Jongin’s expression, and Jongin snapped out of his reverie. “Hyung, you know we’re not like that,” he said, desperate to make Kyungsoo, to make everyone, believed.

“… But she comes to Seoul with you.”

“It’s because she wants to, not because of me,” it’s getting tiring, convincing people that they’re friends. “I have a girlfriend,” finally Jongin said, “and Bomi—” he stopped himself, catching Kyungsoo’s steady expression wavered a little.

“She’s with someone?” the older asked carefully.

“… No,” Jongin picked up his chopstick that was forgotten for a moment, “… Not anymore. She just broke up.”

“… I see.” 

They ate in silence, Bomi’s still not returning from the bathroom.

“What about you, Hyung?”

“Hm?”

Jongin looked up to Kyungsoo. “Are you seeing someone?”

Kyungsoo’s answer made Jongin’s stomach drop for no apparent reason. “No,” Kyungsoo said, “I’m not seeing anyone.”

***

Like a missing puzzle piece, Do Kyungsoo fit back right into their life easily, almost as if he’s always belong there, like he never left in the first place.

He started slowly, careful around Bomi, coming to the bakery every now and then to buy bread or two. Some texts and a few calls. They went out again, with Naeun this time, watching a movie at the mall and ate dinner afterward. Kyungsoo had a car which he used to pick up Bomi after work. Then he took Bomi out on weekends, and Jongin was left with the cold food on the refrigerator that he heated up himself, working on his homework alone on his room.

When Jongin told Sehun about Kyungsoo, his best friend was silent for a long time, and Jongin thought he was being careless with Sehun’s feelings – did he still like Bomi? – but Sehun just sighed and said, “… What are you going to do now, Hyung?”

Nothing.

Jongin would do nothing because… was he supposed to do something?

Bomi was smiling again and Jongin had flashbacks of their high school days just by seeing the excitement on Bomi’s eyes. Suddenly she’s not a girl in her early twenties, struggling with work to live in the capital city, but she’s sixteen, with a fluttering heart just with a simple greeting from a senior she adored.

Jongin could tell it was Kyungsoo whose texting her just by the way Bomi’s mouth curled up a little in the corner when she read the text.

Jongin could tell it was Kyungsoo whose calling her just by the way Bomi’s voice softened when she picked up the phone.

Jongin could tell it was Kyungsoo who driving her home just by the way Bomi’s in a cheerful mood until the next morning.

And that’s all that mattered for Jongin.

Not the strange feeling in his heart that now just wouldn’t go away.

***

“Jongin,” one word and Jongin looked up from his meal, they were eating at their favorite Chinese restaurant and Bomi had been fidgeting in her seat since the beginning. Jongin didn’t ask, though, he simply waited until Bomi’s ready to tell him whatever it was that’s clouded her mind.

“What is it?” he asked gently, hoping it would give Bomi the courage to talk. But something on the way Bomi looked at him alarmed him. Jongin put down his chopsticks slowly. “… Is it about…,” he paused, “… Kyungsoo Hyung?”

Bomi bit her lower lips and nodded.

Jongin should know. “… What about him?” Again, Bomi just looked at him, hesitant, and Jongin felt something twisted on his insides – Kyungsoo’s answer from their first dinner came back to his mind. “… Did he confess to you?”

As Bomi nodded again, Jongin felt his heart stopped beating for a second. He should had knew, he should had predicted it.

“I don’t know what to do…,” Bomi said in a whisper.

Jongin also didn’t know what to say, but Bomi needed him to know, so he reached for his glass and finished it before he could look at Bomi again.

“… What’s the problem?”

“I—I just…,” it was rare for Bomi to look like this, small and lost, and Jongin remembered the way she fit in his embrace. “… I don’t want to feel— … Chanyeol.”

Even if she didn’t show it much, apparently Park Chanyeol still left a scar. And it’s not only about Chanyeol, it’s about the reason behind their fights; it’s about them.

“Bomi, you know Kyungsoo Hyung is not like that. I see the way he looks at you, even back then when we’re in high school, and I… I can tell he’s sincere about you. Also,” Jongin risked his private member getting chopped off here, “Even Sehun said he’s a great guy. Please don’t tell Sehun I told you that.”

At least this made Bomi chuckled.

Jongin stretched out his hand to hold Bomi’s hand across the table. He couldn’t remember when the last time he touched his best friend’s hand. He didn’t remember feeling this conscious about it either. “Kyungsoo Hyung is nothing like Chanyeol. He knows us, he’ll understand.”

Bomi’s eyes flickered to Jongin’s hand on top of hers before she looked back to Jongin. “What about you, Jongin?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper. Bomi’s gaze was familiar, but at the same time there’s something different about it, Jongin couldn’t figure it out. “… What do you think?”

With the question, they were back in Bomi’s room, sixteen and just finished their first year at high school. The snow was falling outside, Bomi wore a big, white hoodie to keep herself warm and as always, she commented about Jongin would never need a hot pack because his body temperature was higher than average. There’s a jar of cookie between them alongside of two cups of hot milk and suddenly Bomi told him that the senior she’s been talking about confessed to her.

Bomi, Jongin realized, had always ask for his opinion before she dated Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Jongin, on the other hand…

“… Are you happy?” he asked quietly, and they were back in Seoul, inside a small Chinese restaurant with delicious food they visit frequently.

Bomi nodded. It’s a small nod, but it’s a nod nevertheless, and it meant she’s happy. That’s all that ever matter for Jongin – back when they’re just teenagers, and now when they’re older.

“Then, as long as you’re happy…”

Bomi smiled, and she nodded again, before Jongin took his hand and they went back to eat even though Jongin couldn’t taste what he’s eating.

But Jongin only saw instead of looked, and he missed the way Bomi’s face fell at his answer, because Jongin was too busy at making himself believed his own words.

***

Sehun was coming to Seoul for a match, and Soojung arrived at Seoul the night before. Jongin and Bomi picked her up, and she stayed with Bomi. Jongin slightly wondered if Soojung ever hated Bomi because Sehun confessed to the girl. He asked Soojung about it when Bomi took a shower, leaving Jongin with Soojung on her living room, whether she felt comfortable around Bomi.

“Of course I am, is there any reason I shouldn’t—Ah,” Soojung caught the way Jongin looked hesitantly at her. “Sehun’s confession? Oppa, do you think I’m angry at Unnie?” she asked, looking quite offended that Jongin could even think like that. Jongin smiled awkwardly at her. “Unnie is not at fault. It’s because Oh Sehun is dumb, he thought it’s love, it’s not. Well not the love he thought, and I’m sure Unnie knows too.”

 “I… don’t understand.”

“Sister-complex,” Soojung stated firmly, as if she’s saying the obvious.  

“What?”

“When Bomi Unnie dated… uh, what’s the guy’s name?”

“Park Chanyeol?”

“That’s right, that guy,” Soojung nodded, “When Unnie dated her, Sehun wasn’t even hurt or jealous. He’s just pissed off that it’s not you, Oppa.”

“What do you mean—”

“It must be a sister-complex,” Soojung nodded, more to herself, “Because Bomi Unnie cares about that so much, he grows dependent on Unnie, and because he’s an idiot, he thinks it’s love. But his reaction when Bomi Unnie dated Park Chanyeol and when he told me you have a girlfriend is the same. He just doesn’t like it that he has to share Unnie’s and your attention with someone else. He only tolerates it when it’s the two of you that together, Unnie and you, Oppa.” 

Soojung was rambling and Jongin didn’t understand, but the last part of her speech, Jongin did. He opened his mouth to explain, “Soojung-ah—”

“AND,” the girl cut him off again, “Just to make it clear, I don’t like that , not even a bit, it doesn’t matter if he confessed to Unnie or to any girl, understand?” Soojung asked, scowling at Jongin. 

Jongin thought that Sehun’s attitude had rub off to Soojung.

***

They went to Sehun’s match, the three of them, with Kyungsoo and Naeun too. Sehun gave them free tickets, and they got nice seats that apparently reserved for family and friends of the players. Sehun was the team’s striker, they spotted him easily with his bright blond hair that contrasted with the field’s green grass and his team’s blue uniform.

It’s been too long since Jongin watched Sehun’s games, and he was overwhelmed by the feelings. He felt proud that the little Oh Sehun that always scowled at everything and everyone, following him and Bomi around, was now a grown up man – it’s debatable, but still. There’s no doubt that he stole a lot of girls’ heart when he’s successfully scored a goal for his team, his cold features broke into a wide smile when he ran around the field before his friends caught up with him and engulfed him in a group hug.

Bomi was in a same condition with Jongin, if not more, wiping her tears and muttering, “Why am I crying? Ah this is embarrassing.” Jongin smiled at her, hand almost reached out automatically to wipe Bomi’s tears away, but thankfully he stopped himself before he could do so. Because Naeun was sitting beside him, and Kyungsoo was sitting beside Bomi, and Jongin wouldn’t repeat the same stupid mistake over and over again.

He looked away, but still catching the way Kyungsoo chuckled and ruffled Bomi’s hair affectionately after he offered her his handkerchief for his girlfriend.

Jongin ended up thinking about Bomi’s happiness over and over again.

***

Sehun’s team won the match and they waited for him in the parking lot except for Soojung, saying that if she didn’t pick him up Sehun would take too long or something like that. Bomi giggled after she left, spilling Soojung’s secret that the girl baked a chocolate cake for Sehun last night. Sure enough, when the two came, the paper bag that Soojung carried before had move to Sehun’s hands.

“Noona!” of course Sehun greeted Bomi first, but then his eyes landed to Kyungsoo. “Hyung, it’s been a long time,” he bowed slightly to the other guy.

Kyungsoo looked at Bomi and Jongin first before he acknowledged Sehun. “Is this the same Oh Sehun that didn’t want to shake my hand on our first meet?” Kyungsoo stared in disbelief, quickly patting Sehun’s back.

“You did something like that?” Soojung raised her eyebrows, judging. “I guess you totally would, huh. As expected as a spoiled brat like you.”

Sehun scowled at her. “Shut up, no one ask your opinion.”

Naeun blinked at the two’s interaction and she tugged on Jongin’s sleeve, whispering to his ear, “Are they on a good term or bad term? I mean, Soojung comes to the game and bakes him cake…”

Jongin smiled, shrugging without really answering Naeun’s question, and that’s leaving Naeun glanced at them every now and then with curiosity.

They moved to a restaurant with Kyungsoo’s car, and even though Kyungsoo offered to pay, to everyone’s surprise Sehun refused and said he’s the one who would pay – as a thank you for them for coming to his game and to celebrate his winning.

“Sehunnie, are you sick?” Soojung placed her hand on Sehun’s forehead and an annoyed Sehun swatted her hand away. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“I take it back, I’ll pay for everyone except for you, pay your own meal, woman. And don’t call me Sehunnie, damn-it.”

“They’re still like this even after years?” Kyungsoo asked, puzzled, and Bomi laughed, confirming it.

Jongin felt like it’s high school all over again – except now it’s Naeun that sat beside him instead of Junhee. And since Kyungsoo graduated earlier, they didn’t hang out a lot with him before, so there were a lot of stories to share.

Every time, Bomi made sure Naeun was included in their conversation so she didn’t feel left out even though she’s from a different high school. She was even successful at making Naeun laughed, and Jongin was grateful for that.

Bomi was bright and lively, and it’s true she was always a ball of sunshine, but Jongin felt he hadn’t see Bomi as bright as this since… since she broke up with Kyungsoo.

They took Naeun home first and then Kyungsoo dropped them all at Jongin’s and Bomi’s apartment. The three of them walked ahead, giving some time for the couple to say goodbye. And Jongin didn’t mean to look but he saw it anyway – Kyungsoo had the driver’s window opened and Bomi leaned on to kiss him.

The feeling came back instantly all of the sudden, like an awful dessert to ending a super feast, like a bad news he forgotten all day long but then out of nowhere he remembered.

When Jongin looked away, he thought Sehun would stare at Bomi and Kyungsoo too, but no, Sehun was staring at him. The way Sehun stared at him was unsettling and he got reminded of how Sehun always looked at him like that – like he’s at fault and Sehun’s blaming him, for something that Jongin neither knew nor understood.

He smiled and ushered Sehun and Soojung into the building.

The four of them stayed up late, playing cards and just chatting at Bomi’s room, but finally after midnight Sehun said he’s sleepy and they called the night off.

Jongin gave his bed to the younger, since Sehun must be tired after his game. Sehun watched him while he prepared a make-shift bed with blankets on the floor.

“So, Naeun,” Sehun started.

“Naeun Noona,” Jongin corrected.

Sehun ignored him. “She kind of resembles Junhee, isn’t she?”

Jongin stopped moving for a split second. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Sehun nodded, lying on Jongin’s bed. “Both are quiet, and… hm, how to put it? Gentle? Anyway, they give out the same vibe.”

“I… didn’t notice.” He put down his spare pillow and lay down.

“I guess your type is the exact opposite of Bomi.”

Jongin never thought about it that way, so he said nothing.

“What about that dickhead?” Sehun asked again. “Bomi’s ex? What’s he like?”

“Chanyeol? I told you before. He’s… okay,” apart from hurting Bomi, but Jongin didn’t say that out loud. He didn’t want to bring up the reason why Chanyeol was angry at his best friend.

“Any resemblance with Kyungsoo Hyung?”

Jongin frowned a little, comparing the over-grown kid Chanyeol with the composed Kyungsoo. “No. He’s so tall. Always grinning. Can’t stop talking—”

“So he speaks well.”

“More than well.”    

“I guess Bomi’s type is the exact opposite of you too,” Sehun said lightly, and Jongin was also not aware of that. The younger turned his back on Jongin, yawning and not bothering to cover it up. “Good night, Hyung.”

Jongin slipped in under his spare blanket and ended up thinking about Sehun’s comment more than he should be.

***

Bomi and Kyungsoo came to watch Jongin’s and Naeun’s dance recital, the one that made them practice until late for months, and Jongin was chosen to be the main dancer for the closing act. It was a big deal, a great honor, reserved for the best students only, and Jongin wished his parents were there to see it but Bomi was more than enough.

After the recital, he reunited with Naeun backstage and took her to find Bomi.

“Naeun-ah!” when she found them, Bomi ran to Naeun and hugged her. “You’re so pretty tonight! And your dance earlier, waaah… Ah, this is your bouquet!” she handed Naeun a flower bouquet.

“Thank you, Bomi,” Naeun accepted the bouquet with a wide smile, still glowing with the adrenaline from performing.

Bomi turned to Jongin and he was ready to receive a hug, but she just handed him another flower bouquet, a bigger one than Naeun’s. Jongin retracted his arms quickly, clenching his fists on his side and beat himself inside for being careless.  

Bomi grinned at Jongin, and Jongin noticed just now her red eyes.

“She cried so hard after you were done,” Kyungsoo informed him, and Bomi pouted, smacking Kyungsoo’s arm for telling them her embarrassing moment.

“I just feel like a proud mother,” Bomi explained, still sulking at Kyungsoo.

“I need to find my uncle and his family,” Naeun said to Bomi and Kyungsoo, excusing herself, and the two nodded at her. “Jongin?”

“Huh?” Jongin was still staring at the card on his flower bouquet. “Oh, yeah.” He turned to look at Bomi and felt his throat clogging up. “… I’ll… see you later.”

Bomi just beamed at him, nodding her head.

Jongin followed Naeun and he met with her family but his mind was stayed with the words written on his card, now folded neatly on his pocket, engraved on his heart.

Seoul Boy,

You’re wonderful.

Your biggest fan, always

***

Soon Kyungsoo was graduating, and much like years ago when Jongin accompanied Bomi to Kyungsoo’s high school graduation, he did it again. Except now there’s no separation and Jongin was not left with the pieces of Bomi’s broken heart.

But when he went home alone, letting Bomi and Kyungsoo celebrate the occasion just the two of them, Jongin looked up to the winter sky and wondered why the empty space beside him made him feel incomplete.

It’s weird, because there’s should be nothing that Jongin could complain about.

He’s one of the best in the academy. He had a loving girlfriend, and Bomi was the happiest now that she’s with Kyungsoo. Bomi and Naeun got along well, often hanging out together even without Jongin. And Jongin renewed his friendship with Kyungsoo.

Everything was going so well, but still Jongin found himself thinking of the train rides he took with Bomi on his first year at high school, or the first months they had when they just moved to Seoul.

Those days seemed like forever away for Jongin now, almost surreal, and Jongin felt like he’s a lonely 14 years old transfer student again.

***

How late was too late?

Jongin knew there’s something different that day when Kyungsoo asked to meet, just the two of them, in a popular café downtown. Kyungsoo didn’t say the reason why he called to meet up until their orders came.

Jongin took a tentative sip of his tea, trying to figure out what Kyungsoo wanted to say to him.

“You know that I work at B company, right?” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin nodded. Kyungsoo got the offer right after he graduated, he was an intern on the company before and he must did it right because he got the offer to be an employee. It was a quite well-known company – as expected from Kyungsoo. “Well… Honestly,” Kyungsoo started, “I’ve been thinking about this a lot since before I graduated, and now that I already have a steady job…”

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo’s cup of coffee.

He had a guess... But he didn’t want to think about it.

“… I’m going to ask Bomi to be my wife.”

Oh.

It seemed like someone stopped the time and Jongin forgot everything.

He faintly heard Kyungsoo explained, “… not right away, of course, wait for her to...” but his voice sounded like it came from afar and Jongin could only stare at how Kyungsoo’s lips moved in slow motion in his eyes. Instead of Kyungsoo’s voice, however, Jongin heard Bomi, and he saw Bomi, and Bomi tilted her head at him, asking playfully “What would you do without me?”

Jongin felt numb, he probably should say something – should he? Was that a proper reaction? – but he couldn’t remember to do so.

He just couldn’t think at all.

Jongin didn’t know how long he had been spacing out, but when he came back to his senses, Kyungsoo was staring at him as if he’s been quiet for too long. He probably did.

He found himself asking, “… Why are you telling me this?” His voice was raw and Jongin barely kept it from cracking. Was he asking for Jongin’s opinion? Because Jongin had none.

Kyungsoo was calm, he always was, but his tone was firm and Jongin noticed how he set his jaw in determination. “Jongin, I’m not telling you this because I’m kind. But if Bomi becomes my wife, I want her to only think of me. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not giving you a chance. I’m doing it for myself.”

And when Kyungsoo looked at Jongin right at the eyes, Jongin felt stupid because everybody knew.

Everybody knew but Jongin.

04/08 This story hates me – it’s just getting longer and longer, this is supposed to be last chapter but since it’s too long… One more chapter I swear. Oh and almost every comment in the last chapter is about Kyungsoo, it makes me wonder if there’s anyone who roots for Jongin in this story? Thank you for reading!