Weeks after weeks,  my parents become attach to Kris. Well, who won’t, he got the looks and manners.  I still have doubts even though I accept his proposal. I feel insecure. Marriage is a big responsibility and I don’t want to take a risk. Why?

First, I have to leave the house. Leaving my Dad’s house means I have to leave my hideout. My room.  Everything inside my room are my bestfriend. The bed, the table and chair and also my laptop.  Not to forget, my closet, the only place I search for when I want to spill out my tears.

Second, my work room. I can’t leave those expensive brushes and canvas I bought with my own money.

Third,I will miss my parents. Like Dad always says, I’m his baby girl. Missing someone is my weakness. I would do anything to find the person I miss, including fighting my own fear.

Fourth, I don’t believe in myself. I don’t think I need to tell twice. I have no confidence in house chores or handling a relationship.

 Fifth, Kris is too nice. And dumb. It makes me wonder why he had to choose me. I have nothing that makes me a special human-being.  The reasons he told me months ago touched me but when I think about it back, it’s absurd. Well, it is to me.

 Sixth,  I’m not ready to love someone. I’m scared if I become too attach to him because once I love someone, I tend to be clingy and I might even annoyed him. He will hate me and leave me. I can’t handle myself if I lose someone I love.

"Hey,"

I look up and see Kris, walking towards me. I am in my Mom's garden and currently, talking to myself. 

"How are you?" asks Kris and he takes a sit beside me on the white bench. It is 10 pm right now. No wonder it is so cold and a bit creepy.

"Fine, I guess," I move further away from Kris and hug my arms due to the cold wind.

It's chilly.

Well, well, someone's not in the mood. Mind sharing with me?"

I shift my gaze towards him and stare into his dark brown orbs. He looks into mine and I change my gaze to the flowers' in the garden

"You know, sometimes, I feel so lonely. I mean, there's Mom, Dad and my siblings who I can talk to but I still feel lonely. Well, I think it's my fault because I don't share everything with them. Maybe because I'm scared they will jugde me and I know I can't deal with stuffs like that. And I do have a bestfriend. A super duper bestfriend who I adore so much but still, I don't share what's in my mind with her. It's not her fault but I think she will think that I'm a weird person,"

"What makes you think she will think you are a weirdo?" I look back at him and straighten up my back.

"Well, like most of girls, I do like makeup. I used to not like it and my bestfriend too, thinks it's a giddy girls' thingy. We used to judge people about makeup among us but now, it's different. I change, she changes. It feels so awkward when she is like ' Wow, you wear makeup. You're such a loser' when I ask her about makeup set that I have been dreaming to buy. I was sad and........I don't know. There are lots of other reasons and this is just a minor one. Not that important,"

Kris smiles and his lips. He plucks two leaves from a white rose plant beside him and slowly tearing it into small bits.

A habit, I wonder.

"To be honest, I don't know what to say because I know girls can be complicated. They don't even know what they want," he says in a mocking tone.

I narrow my eyes and he just laughs.

Way to go, Kris. Mocking about girls in front of a girl. 

"But what I know some of you are thinking too much. It's not your fault. It's nature, I guess. You think that you are doing so much for people that others forget about you. And for you, Kim Hana, you are just insecure and shy. You need to know your own strength and find your confidence. People who judge are just some bunch of idiots. They only know how to judge and that's it. They don't help and they don't care. The only think they are smart about is to look at others' behaviour and judge. They kill confidence,"

He sweeps the green bits off his pants and plucks a white rose.

"Hana, you just need someone you trust and someone to talk to. That's it," he says while plucking the white petals one by one.

I look down to my foot and my mind is a mess. Well, not as mess as before.

"And I think you just found that 'someone' ," I see his lips curve into a smile at the corner of my eyes.

I don't feel anything weird and just stare into nothing when I feel his gaze on me. I turn to look at him and raise an eyebrow. After a moment, then I start to figure out his words.

"Oh, it's you,' And he smiles again, enough to make me go crazy.

He's right. I trust him.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

updated!

sorry for the late update. i have been dealing with some problems and stress and all sort of things.

btw, thanks for waiting and I LOVEYOU GUYS SOOOOOO MUCH XOXO

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p/s ignore my grammar. im at it.

*currently loving EXO's Overdose, Run and I Like You