*Mentions of suicide in this chapter, please be beware.

In distance I heard some doctors being very worried about me surviving, but I seriously didn't care about that. I was too tired to even try to care, instead I drifted on my mind's currents, reliving bits and pieces of my life.

I met Hana when I was six. I was the shy girl in kindergarten, and she was the bubbly, popular girl. But somehow we found each other, and since that day never separated, even when she puked all over my favorite toy. I retaliated by puking all over her dress, and that was how we became best friends forever.

My first kiss. I was so afraid I would do something wrong, but Hana assured me I could do it. My boyfriend at the time was 17, while I was 15. We were alone by the sea. Talking and enjoying the sounds of waves crashing. He leaned in and gently placed his lips on to mine. I followed Hana’s instructions, and opened my mouths slightly, letting his tongue dart in. I enjoyed the unusual feeling, as I felt my body heat up. When I finally came back home, I jumped on Hana’s bed, and talked for hours and hours about my first kiss, while she just laughed and hugged me.

My first attempt of suicide was the day after I woke up and realized that Hana’s death wasn’t just a dream. Because of my severe wounds the doctors gave me a morphine drip. I tried overdosing. Luckily, one young doctor found me on time, and after saving me talked to my parents telling them how I was “probably beyond repair”. At that time I thought he was right, but he was not. I still had some fight in me.

1 month into my hospital stay, a tall black man came into my room. He was well over 2 meters tall, but moved with a certain deadly elegance. I still remember his first words to me. “The deadliest things on Erath come in small and beautiful bottles. You seem to fit the second part, but can you be deadly too?”

2 weeks after that I went to Hana’s funeral. I cried, and couldn’t seem to stop. It didn’t help when I found out that her family thought that I was to blame for her death. That was how her mother, for whom I thought was like my second mom and who took care of me when I was sick and scared, grew to hate me. That night I slashed my wrists. That night was also the first time I met Josh, who burst into my bathroom and saved me. Without my parents even knowing he took me to my future boss, who bandaged me up, and introduced me to the crew. Among all the young men, there was a beautiful young girl, with thick black hair and green eyes. She looked at me and didn’t pity me. I knew we would get along instantly. Her name was Lilly.

I woke up to see a sleeping Ji, who was slumped on a very uncomfortable looking chair. He had his notebook, which was full of songs and drawings, open on his knees. He looked peaceful, yet sad in his dreams. I tried stretching but instantly regretted doing that as the seams on my stomach stretched, leaving me to gasp in pain. My movement woke up Ji, who immediately stood up and approached me, pushing me gently back, so I laid still.

“Don’t move silly. You are a bit bandaged up, but you’ll survive.” He said gently smiling.

“Do you have new bodyguards assigned to you? How long have I been out of it?” I said, suddenly remembering my duties and instantly starting to worry.

“I got assigned new ones, to be specific, 3 new ones to replace 1 you. And none of them are cute and y blondes. Just huge guys. I would prefer the girls.” He said, flashing me a very naughty grin. I was afraid that the Twilight scene with the heart monitors beeping would happen. I felt my face grow warm and silently asked God to help me not embarrass myself too much.

“And about the other question, you were in a coma for three days. The two men you shot down were never found, and the third one who died, had no ID on him. The police have no idea how or why. YG is keeping the media out of the loop. Your boss said that after your team is done with their job, they will come pick you up and take you back home. He says your job here is done. But wanna know what I think?” I nodded slowly, as he leaned down, coming closer and closer to my face, in particular my lips.

“I don’t care if you are my bodyguard or not, I want you to stay here. With me. And now that I’m officially not your client anymore I can do this without feeling guilty.” And with that he kissed me. It was one of those kisses you never forget. Deep and passionate. Hot and y, both of us barely breathing, as I slid my arms around his back, bringing him closer, not caring about my wounds. I didn’t care anymore if the heart monitors started doing back flips, I just knew I needed and wanted more.

We heard a very loud and awkward clearing of throat, no, throats and Ji was off of me in a flash. Catching my breath I turned my head a bit to the right, towards the doors, to see 3 doctors, 2 male and 1 female, all looking at us and all blushing.

“We, I mean, I would recommend that you don’t do all of that, I mean, y-yes, since you have bandages, and I….uhm…” I almost laughed at the very awkward doctor.

Both me and Ji nodded, signaling the good doctor that he can stop babbling, and after 30 minutes of information about all of my wounds (that weren’t even that bad) I was told I could go home in two days.

After Ji left the hospital because he had Inkigayo, I was left in my room to die out of boredom. Luckily Lilly called me and told me that their job would be done in a week or so, maybe a bit more. To me that meant more time with Ji. I wasn’t quite sure how things would work out between us when I go back home and resume doing my job with my crew. The doctors told me that I would be as good as new in 2 months, which meant I could keep doing my job…but did I want to? For the first time in my life, I had something to lose because of my job. Ji.

After some long thinking I decided that I would have to talk to Ji about that, and see if our relationship will even become that serious. And when I added into the equation that he was an idol with paparazzi and fans, it all added up to a big mess.

Ji and I would have to learn how to manage our jobs with our relationship, was my conclusion. I mean we could do it, right? Oh God…

Two days passed quickly, and before I knew it, Ji was opening the doors from his apartment, leading me in. It was so strange to not be his bodyguard anymore, now I was the pretty little thing he kissed in the elevator while the bodyguards awkwardly watched. Of course we didn’t have the full party that I witnessed, what with me still being a bit hurt and us not being drunk enough. Closing the doors behind me, I watched as Ji dropped my bags to the floor and turned around with a small smile.

“How are you feeling babe?”

“Okay. Why?” I asked suddenly curious to why he was approaching me with a devilish smile.

“Then I can ask you this officially: Danika Petrov, will you be my girlfriend?” I groaned with learning that he knew my full name and surname, but giggled at how sweet he was.

“Yes, yes I will Mr. Kwon.” I whispered as I put my arms around his neck, and brought him closer for a kiss. It was gentle, almost like butterfly kisses, and I loved how he knew how to be both rough and gentle.

The night went on, with Ji cooking me dinner (and it was actually good!), and then us snuggling on the couch. This, my relationship with Ji, felt right. He made me forget about all the traumatic events that happened during my short life. He made me live for the moment.

Finally deciding that it was time for sleep, Ji picked me up from the couch, almost like I was his bride, and started carrying me to his, now our, bedroom. While I was blushing and giggling like crazy, I noticed something with the corner of my eye. Beside the door, on the coffee table, was a pile of mail. Nothing unusual yet. But at the top of the pile was an envelope. And the envelope looked eerily familiar. Deep, in the most secluded and darkest parts of my mind, I knew that envelope and I had this growing feeling that the envelope was bad news. Very bad news.

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*Please comment! :)