I stepped out of the hotel into the dark, starless night. I kept my gun by my side, just in case, but nothing prepared me for what I heard.

I heard silent screams in the nearby alleyway. Following the screams, I came closer and closer, till I finally could hear a voice begging for mercy. Hana’s voice.

She was crying, and I could hear that she was in a lot of pain, but she still kept on begging, but not for herself, she was begging her killer to spare me.

I dropped my gun to the ground, as hot tears streamed down my face.

“There, there, little flower, don’t make this too easy for me.” I heard him speak. He paused the recording he was playing, the recording of Hana’s death. His voice was still the same, cold, and hard, slicing through me, making me hurt on impossible levels. His voice represented my deepest fears and worst nightmares.

“W-what do you want?” I managed to whisper, but I knew he heard me.

“I like to see people suffering, and usually killing them and/or their family does it…but with you…just killing you wouldn’t be enough. Death doesn’t mean anything to you, of course I could kill your lover boy but that would be too easy. Instead I have something else on my mind.” Now I could see him, he stepped out of the shadows, a face mask covering his face. He was medium height and weight, but his eyes…his eyes held no emotion but greed, greed for pain and suffering.

I finally looked him into his eyes, and found strength in me, I had a mission, and if I couldn’t kill him, I would most certainly not let him hurt Ji.

I started inching closer to him, already having a plan in my head of how I should attack him. But before I could even throw the first punch, he spoke, freezing me in place.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, you see, that girl that you saw in your little toy’s apartment is a very good friend of mine. Just one your mistake, for an example you hitting me, will send your little boyfriend’s head rolling. Quite literally, actually.” He finished, chuckling slightly.

I took a sharp breath in, feeling helpless for the first time in years. I couldn’t even protect him now. I was useless.

“What do you want then?” I think he could hear the agony in my voice, because he happily laughed again.

“We will stage your death. Everybody, your family, crew, Kwon Jiyong, even the cashier at your local supermarket, will think that you are dead. I will let you, well no, I’ll make you watch your own funeral, and I will also let you watch your little boyfriend behind all those secret cameras, but they will never see or hear from you again. My end of the deal will be that I won’t touch, and by that I mean kill, any love ones you have.”

I stood there mortified, but at the same time relived.

“But what is in it for you?”

“Trust me, when you see your best friends forgetting about you, or your boyfriend moving on, and you feel the agony of being forgotten, then you will realize what is in it for me.”

“Okay.” I barely managed to say, between the tears that were threatening to spill again. Have you ever had that nightmare where everybody thinks that you don’t exist anymore? Or when you have to see your loved ones suffering? Well, it seemed that nightmare would become my reality.

The Flower Killer nodded and explained the technical stuff to me. He had it all organized, with giving me fake ID’s to organizing my way out of Russia. It was strange how I could have a normal, civilized conversation with the man who killed my best friend, and the conversation was about my death. Morbid.

In the end, we went back to my hotel room. There I packed all my stuff so I was ready to go. Then I cut deep into both of my arms, smearing the blood all over the hotel room. When I was done, it looked like a massacre happened. It was actually funny that I was helping in staging my own death.

Then I laid down, covered in blood, while The Flower Killer took pictures of me. I looked ghostly pale, covered in blood…I looked dead.

After bandaging up my arm, I was ready to leave, only the last touch remained. The flower Killer dropped a small envelope that contained the picture of me all bloody, with a note that said that I would scream in agony for my sins, and that my body would never be found. Lovely…that guy was just lovely, wasn’t he?

If I wasn’t sure that my heart was beating, even I would believe that I was dead.

My transportation was a black car that took me straight to a private airport, avoiding all cameras. From there, with what little I owned and could take with me, the plane flew me to Ireland. Yes, the Flower Killer decided that Ireland would be my future home. It took me almost 13 hours from Vladivostok to Dublin, and when I landed I both felt and looked quite dead.

The pilot gave me another envelope and left me alone, in the middle of ing nowhere. In the envelope there was a large sum of money, and a small letter in which my supposed killer explained how I was supposed to find an apartment and a job. The last thing was a passcode to the cameras that would let me see Ji.

I knew it was creepy that I was happy that I could watch him, but when I was stripped away from everything, Ji was the last thing that made me happy.

So in the end, I did what I was told. I found a job at a local library, so much different than what I was used to doing, but I couldn’t complain. It was peaceful and quiet, and even sometimes fun, and I loved books. My apartment was extremely small, but homey, filled with books, and I even had a fireplace, although it wasn’t as grand as the one that Ji had.

I went to the gym 6 days a week, and went to 2 martial arts classes and also had a punching bag in my apartment. Old habits died hard.

They found out about my ‘death’ 2 weeks after I left for Ireland. Sure, the bloody hotel room was found 2 hours after my plane took off, but for my crew to find out and then connect the dots, it took a bit longer. My funeral was held 3 days after that in the UK. That day, the Flower Killer, made me sit through a live recording of my family and crew crying. My sister fell on the floor sobbing, while her husband tried to keep her from falling completely apart.

For the first time in my life I saw Lilly crying, she was sobbing quietly, and I could see that she was blaming herself for my death. It killed me to see the people I loved suffer.

But probably the hardest, aside from seeing my mom and dad cry, was seeing Ji. He came to the funeral, along with the boys from Big Bang. He kept quiet, and at the back of the funeral, but I could see the agony in his eyes. And later on, when he came back to South Korea, I had to sit through 2 hours of him crying, and smashing things in his apartment. In the end Youngbae, and the boys had to come and forcefully calm him down so he didn’t hurt himself anymore than what he already had.

All the while I was watching that, the Flower Killer laughed at the agony me and my loved ones were going through.

But life had to keep going, and a month after, everybody started recovering from their loss, and I started slipping away from their minds.

And the worst thing?  Ji’s shoulder to cry on was that girl that worked for the Flower Killer. And I could see him slowly starting to fall for her. But I was still there, watching him, wanting to die, because I couldn’t stop him, protect him.

What was I supposed to do?! Die?

A/N I literally cried at some parts while I wrote this, loool I’m so pathetic. Anyways, I know this is a bit angsty, but I promise the next chapter will be better. Love you guys and please comment! :)