Alternative 4 : Faking It

BGM : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93z9GO_qDrY

Previously :

“Because there’s no warmness left in here oppa.” She put her hand on her heart and closed her eyes.. at that point of time, he somehow knew she’s fighting through her surge of feelings and she doesn’t have any intentions to fill him in. Like always. He badly wanted to say to her.. the guy name that just walked out from her room.

Kim Jaejoong.

“Seohyun, when you need me. I’m around you know that?” She stayed silent.. but he went forward and tried to touch her.. She saw that from the mirror she was looking at but he withdrew his hand and walked away.

Kim Jaejoong. He still can’t understand his relation..

He was not part of SM family right? Speculation that he heard from the inside circle was she and him have something going on but nobody dare to fill him in. Then, is it the reason why Jaejoong went out from SM, is that why the partnership between SM and Jaejoong were cut off. The fight was so intense, out and in court better between the two name. KJ group and SM entertainment. KJ group practically owned everything including YG and JYP most probably his company he was under too, FNC. But it wasn’t made public. They were like a mysterious enigma,

A really scary presence, if SM is the string that control half of the entertainment. They were the other half that SM hasn’t succeed in controlling.

His train of thoughts were put to stop when he heard a scream from Seohyun’s room followed by a crying sound.

He panicked and dialed in Taeyeon’s number.

“Taeyeon..”

“Who is this?”

“Jung Yong Hwa.”

“It’s a bit weird for you to call.”

“It’s about Seohyun.. I’m effing worried.. I want so badly to op..” His sentence was cut down by Taeyeon’s

“WHERE ARE YOU?!” Taeyeon’s voice suddenly turned very worried.

“At the drama set.”

Beep………….

***

“Where is she?!” Taeyeon voice sounded like she’s blackmailing Yonghwa.

“Inside there.”

“Anyone knows about this.”

“I make sure everyone’s out.”

“Good. May I ask who’s the last one visiting her?” Sunny asked Yonghwa.

“Jaejoong sunbae.. Perhaps, I’m not sure. What’s his relation with Seohyun.. SERIOUSLY!?” Yonghwa asked frustratingly.

“Don’t tell anybody about Jaejoong and Seohyun. Keep that in mind.” Lee Soo Man once said to them.

“Oh sunbae!” Sunny seriously are about to puke saying his name being so respectful and friendly like that. “He’s the investor in this. It would be logical that he stopped by right. They were so close before.. I doubt sunbae would make her cry.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Why do we need your trust? Yonghwa.. we know our maknae. You really shouldn’t get involve. You guys are barely friends and this involve her personal life.”

“At least can I see how she’s doing?” Yonghwa asked Taeyeon.

“Taeyeon..” Sunny called seriously, shaking her head. “Don’t” The latter just smiled and answered “Of course you can. If that makes you feel at ease.” Taeyeon softly knock the door and opened the door only to see Seohyun reapplying her make up, humming to SNSD – Mr Mr.

I knew it, she’s going to be this way.

Taeyeon took a glance at Yonghwa.. that guy was frowning.

“This aren’t logical at all.” Yonghwa took a step forward approaching Seohyun.

“You are on the verge of breaking down before.. I seriously worried. What’s that and what’s now?”

“I’m preparing for my next scene.” She smiled at Yonghwa before continuing applying her makeup when Taeyeon came by her side.

“I’m going to wait outside.. and I demand for an explanation.” Yonghwa stormed off the room, to make some calls particularly Han Seung Ho sajangnim to know more about Jaejoong whereabouts.

“I feel bad for Yonghwa.” Taeyeon mumbled when Seohyun stood up and went outside, opening the door slightly. Peeking through the door, and she saw Yonghwa sitting on the floor talking with someone on the phone.

“Oppa?”

“Ne.” Yonghwa answered her enquiry .. “ I will see you, tomorrow sajangnim. Ne.”

“So, are you fine?” Yonghwa pats away the dust on his jeans.

“I’m fine really. Go..” Seohyun said without looking at Yonghwa eyes. “I won’t be at ease until you gone.”

“Do you hate me that much Seohyun?” She slightly nodded to his question.

I hate you for not showing up earlier.

***

 “Hyung? Noona? Why are all of you here?” Minho frowned at the crowded suddenly  ‘celebrity’ sightings that practically doesn’t have any involvement in this drama.

“The man that should not been name, stop by.” Sunny gloomily said.

“Aren’t that a Harry Potter quote?” Seohyun came from their back giggling, and the reaction from those three people standing there which is Minho, Sunny and Taeyeon were not pleasant but then Taeyeon pats the maknae and nodded.

“You still have some scenes left?” Seohyun nodded. “We will be going now Minho already came..” Taeyeon pulled Sunny’s hand and walked away when Seohyun grabbed her wrist.

“Later, I will drop by the dorm.”

“We know, Seohyun. We know.” Taeyeon smiled at her gently.

“You are not telling me what happened noona.” Minho ran, catching up with Taeyeon.

“What more to tell? He came and mentally abused her and went. Then we came and then she’s like that. All smiley and being all weird.. blanking out sometimes. Boa unni also came for a while bringing along some make up artists  and she went it to pep talk her.”

“Who knows about her breakdown?”

“Yonghwa did. He was there.”

“He should never heard that, you are aware of that right noona?”

“I do.” She sighed. “But that  poor guy was always left out of the group.. he kept witnessing these kind of things go figure how long we can keep this from him.”

“Not long, but at least till the drama finished. To tell or not to tell is for Seohyunnie to decide.”

“She decides a no, Minho.” Sunny chimed in.

“1…2..3 Action.”

“Stop lying, I know you want this more so than I do.”

“Don’t be so arrogant sunbaenim.”

“You need this Yoo Rim.”

“I don’t”

“Then your little perfect image will be ruined.”

“Being with a bad boy like you will ruin my image more.”

“But if you got to get a bad boy like me to stick around than your image will go up.” Yonghwa did an adlibbing which never discussed beforehand with Seohyun, the assistant director tried to stop it but the director asked him to let them be. He wanted to see where they are going with this.

“Do you always take image into account?” Yoo Rim frowned annoyingly.

Seohyun ignored and didn’t even notice that adlibbing that Yonghwa was adding. She was like in a different world.

“I don’t. Get it right, you do. If I even care why do I bother destroying myself.”

“Because you are a stupid, dumb , JERK!”

“Let it out then, what more?”

“Shut up!”

“Why? are you going to cry now?” Seju asked mockingly.

“SHUT UP!” Yoorim shouted and closed her ears, Seju walked towards her and tried to touch her to comfort her but he stopped half way.

“CUT!”

“That was a really fantastic adlibbing! Keep it up.”

“Seohyun? Seohyun.. the shooting is finish?” Yonghwa tried to call for the still dazed Seohyun who was still closing her ears and eyes.

“Uh ne..ne.” She quickly get back to the reality and started to be all smiley and happy. Like she was overdosing on happy pills.

“Trying too hard will look fake too, Seohyun..”

“What are you saying oppa?”

“You are shaking.” Seohyun held her hands to stable herself.. to try to hide her shaking hand. Seju suddenly reminds her of Jaejoong.

The entire day, Yonghwa kept his eyes on Seohyun like always. His intense eyes are on her, not a mere seconds of her actions escape from his eyes.  From the moment that she stepped outside the door.. he were observing her. She tried to shrug it out but its too nerve wrecking. Did he managed to see her crack even for a second?

She can’t take it anymore those gazes of him that try to penetrate into her shield. He tried it once and almost succeeded but not this time. She’s getting stronger, Yonghwa was not supposed to be involved in the new plan and she planned for it to stay that way.

She moved her head, and face Yonghwa who was still looking at her. She smirks to the worrying gaze of Jung Yong Hwa.

‘What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger Seo Joohyun.’

“Hey..” Yonghwa softly said, putting down his scripts to the table beside him.

 “Ne. Uhm hello I guess.” Seohyun pulled the nearest chair to talk to Yonghwa.“So what do I owe the pleasure of this beautiful young lady…” Yonghwa grinned childishly.

“Oppa..” She softly uttered like the words that hang on the tip of her tongue are about to drop. “I’m sorry for making you worried.” Yonghwa gulped the lump on his throat.

 “But I don’t need your help. I’ve done better in managing myself before I met you and I plan to keep it that way. Thanks oppa, really for everything especially just now. But it just Jaejoong visiting me, nothing really.” Seohyun stood up and turned her head against Yonghwa.

 “Seo Joohyun I know you.. when you say you don’t need anybody. You need them, badly.

“Don’t. Because you don’t know me.” She started walking ignoring those eyes that observing them.. the two leads that seemed quite close but still far in terms of coming with their own middle ground.

“Stop lying.. you know very well what we have is not a lie and I tend to prove it to you. At least in the past. I might be confused now, but I saw a hint of the past you Joo Hyuy. I’m not trying to win you back or anything. I just want to show you how real the feelings are.. how RAW it is. And I’m going to protect you as a close oppa. As the guy that opened you up, I have that responsibility. This seems so familiar like in the past. I suspect the same person to be the cause.” Yonghwa leaned to her ears before moving to the next scene for his part.

“Awfully familiar.” Seohyun mumbled under her breath.

“Oppa.. I’m going to stop doing We Got Married.”

“Huh, why?”

“It’s clouding my judgement. In terms of everything. I don’t even know what’s fake or what’s real. I’m afraid this line will be awfully blur.”

“I think blurring out the line would be nice.”

“Oppa..” Seohyun said seriously. “We still have a long way to go. You have your band and I have my members.”

“You said that being in touch won’t harm?”

“I did. But I gave it some more thought and I believe it will be best if we sort out whatever leftover oppa. Sorry.. I don’t think I can do We Got Married anymore.”

“So after this we are strangers?”

“I hope we are not.”

“No ring after this.”

“No.”

“Damn it. Can we just get married?! Marry me?”

“Oppa.. we are not even together.”

“Seohyun at the very least if we can’t be all friendly after this, just know that at one time your heart belongs to me because I think I’m falling in love with you… I love you.”

“I love you too.. “ Seohyun said slowly. “If only we are to meet in a different circumstances..”

“If only.”

“Goodbye..”

“Goodbye.. and thank you oppa for everything.” Seohyun press the red button to end the call..

“Seohyun?” toot was all he could heard.. she ended the phone call. “I wish I could court you for real.”

I had predicted this end because she have no expression when I tell a light joke. Stupid, that I’m breaking down at the words “I’m sorry” What do I do? Your eyes that are letting go of our love, your arms that are cold even when I’m in it. I weakly break down at this cold love, everything I used to love is you. Seo Joo Hyun.

Is my heart that engraved only with your name change or faded?

I wish It did.

I’m not sure anymore.

A soft piano playing sounds was heard echoing throughout the hall, so Yoo Rim walked forward to see Se Ju playing the piano that she has stopped playing for years until it became the spider nest. She peeked in to hear more of his melodious voice.

“Oh wanna change to when we used to love..”

I wish I could remember what love is.. even if its for a short bit.

***

Yonghwa went back that night with beers as his bestfriend… Minhyuk who was the only one at the house saw how drunk his hyung is ran towards him to help him stand properly.

“Hyung..” Minhyuk said sadly. “Stop it if you can’t do.. Stop doing the drama you just going to see her every single day.. and it won’t help you to move on at all.”

“How can I move on when I don’t even have a proper closure Minhyuk ah?!” He half screamed.

“She gave you one. She said she’s going to stop.. then you should just stopped!”

“There’s someone.. I knew it there’s someone.”

“You know what hyung just say everything here.” Minhyuk gave his phone that he has been talking earlier to Yonghwa.

“I freaking pissed off .. She’s so FAKE! Those smiles, it was not hers… when she smiles genuinely.. it makes me feel warm in here not hurt. Seriously, at least she should just be genuine. But those last moment was filled with nothing but a mask. Who do she think I am, a person that she can just play and throw. No I will haunt her… I won’t leave her until she finally talk with those eyes that speak nothing but the truth. I don’t care if she’s going to say that she loves some other guy, she never loves me or whatever. Just a tinge of feeling of sincerity coming from her, I will go away like a real man.” The woman who heard the loud angry voice of Jung Yong Hwa, a tear fell gracefully from her cheek.

“I know you will be drunk.. don’t you know you got filming tomorrow too oppa.” Yonghwa gasped hearing the soothing voice that doesn’t actually say any sharps word to him for once after a while. He turned to Minhyuk.

“She was asking me to look for you because she said that you will not be in a good mood. Guess she’s right. She always is.”

“I will be sincere. Stop involving yourself with me. It’s tiring don’t you think? Let’s be professional and film this thing.”

“I didn’t beg you for love, I just wanted your true heart even on the day I saw you for the last time, you had no true feelings.  Don’t you ever love me Seohyun?”

“It would be a lie if I say I hadn’t, but those love is all that matters to make things work. From what I learned it’s far from that. And.. we keep hurting each other like it’s the easiest thing to do. It’s not helping that I’m not trying at all. My mind was and still is complicated.”

“I hate you.”

“Thank you, and my pleasure.”

“You are despicable.”

“I know that.” Seohyun spoke softly but her heart was bleeding with each of the words that he uttered.

“But I missed you.”

“I’m right here.”

“But you seem so far away.”

“I always are.”

“Come to think of it you do. But I thought that you are within my grasp before you widen your gap again.”

“It’s my habit.”

“I’m not going to stay nonchalant about everything.. and if you don’t stop saying sorry I might just attack your lips. You think I couldn’t do that?”

“You could… but I won’t let you.”

Because I might be shaken.

“If something happen if won’t ignore.”

“Suit yourself.”

“What the heck happened to you Seohyun?”

“I just called to wish you all the very best as the costar.. I hope the drama will be a hit.”

“It will be.”

“Goodbye oppa, and drink some hangover soup tomorrow.”

“Goodbye.” He was still drunk but he was sober enough to see that she didn’t end up the phone call yet. Only now that she actually has the decency to wait for him to stop his phone call. After all this years.

Such an ironic way.. that their truthful conversation was always through phone. Why do they always need a medium to communicate?

What a joke, they are.

He showed her everything he could… he bear his soul for her once it’s a wonder why he thinks that she will do the same when she build a wall that no one can climb over.

Author’s Note

Short update I know. Nothing much I know. But Yonghwa was making it clear how fake he feels she is acting in front of him. So yeah for starters might be good. Soon will be Jaejoong reason why he so obsessed with Seohyun at the first place. Seohyun point of view if you notice is quite limited because I purposely did so. I’m not trying to make her a bad person and all but well.. :) it’s going to be fun lol. Let just say she’s ‘that’ complicated. Let’s unravel it slowly shall we? And the bold words was from CNBLUE latest song plus with Urban Zakappa I hate you lyrics. I twisted some of the words.