Yixing knew pushing Kai and everyone else away was wrong. He knew he was potentially upsetting them, but he supposed it was the intended effect. If he did this, he figured people would eventually give up on befriending him. They might eventually leave him alone because people thought he didn't want the attention. But sometimes, it wasn't that he didn't want people to care, but he thought that he was the one being burdensome, so he pushed them away. Sometimes when he saw the reactions of the people he'd upset, he felt the pull of his heartstrings and for a split second, a feeling of regret. In many ways, he was; but he also wasn't trying to upset them. It was complicated.

'Ok Luhan, let's play hide and seek like we did at your house, I'll count to 50,' Yixing exclaimed, gesturing to Luhan to go and hide.

Luhan nodded enthusiastically as he turned to run in the opposite direction. Yixing didn't think. Moments later; only up to 27 ,Luhan ran back down the hallway to Yixing's bedroom. Yixing was still counting, and when Luhan burst into his room he couldn't help but look surprised. After all, the seeker seeks and the other is supposed to hide.

'Y-your dad s-says stay out of his bedroom,' whispered a terrified and trembling Luhan.
Yixing knew immediately he'd messed up by not telling him to avoid his dad's bedroom. Luhan figured it would have been the best hiding spot, since it was at the end of the house and he wouldn't be found hiding all the way down there. But there was a reason the Master bedroom was where it was.Yixing thought he'd imagined the shouting that came from the other end of the house, but chose to ignore it. He was used to it.

He tried to comfort a traumatised Luhan.

'But he shouted and threw a ch-chair at me,' Luhan sobbed quietly as he curled up into a ball, his head in his knees

'I'm sorry,' were the only words Yixing could utter, as the guilt consumed him.

The only reason Yixing felt as if he would hurt the ones around him, was because of his childhood surroundings. When you're younger you often don't understand what's going on around you, but Yixing grew up to believe perfectly well that he didn't belong anywhere. It was his lifestyle as a kid that taught him to keep a low profile and obey everyone. He learnt how to push people away because as a child, he was convinced that he was the problem. He was persuaded and told numerous times that he was the reason for everyone's misfortune and that he was a burden to everyone. When you're a child, growing up with this kind of mindset is not good for social development, and that's where his problems began.

If he were just that little bit older he could have convinced himself that he was his own person and he had h